


Degrees of Separation

by Loueze



Series: Degrees of Separation [1]
Category: Hunger Games (2012), Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Angst, Divorce, F/M, Family Drama, Separations, post natal depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-25
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2017-12-16 04:25:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 117,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/857763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loueze/pseuds/Loueze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern Day AU. Katniss and Peeta have been happily married for ten years, and have two young children. Peeta runs the family bakery, Katniss is a stay-at-home-Mom. What happens when everyday life throws them a few bumps along the way?  Will it pull them apart forever or make them closer?  Rated M for later material and adult subjects. (Banner by Ro Nordmann)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Breaking Point

" 

 

Katniss felt herself being pulled from sleep, the sound of Aran's urgent cries drawing her to lucidity. Groaning, she untangled herself from Peeta's arms, and forced herself to sit up, pushing back the covers and climbing out of their warm bed to go to her infant son.

He was having another bad night - it felt like every night for the last year had been a bad night. Peeta had already been up with him twice earlier in the night, and they were all suffering the effects of the constant nights of broken sleep.

She yawned as she lifted the crying baby from his crib, cuddling him close to her as she started to sway with him, hoping she could soothe him back to sleep before he woke Peeta too. But it was too late, she could hear Peeta stirring as he slowly got out of bed and came over to join her, placing his hands on her shoulders as he gently kissed the nape of her neck.

"Hey you," he said quietly as he slid his hands down her arms to encircle her waist, pulling her back against his chest and matching the swaying movements of her body with his own. "You shouldn't have gotten up Peeta," Katniss said quietly, "I've got him. You need your sleep too".

"I felt you getting out of bed, and I missed you" he replied. "The little guy is having another rough night, isn't he?"

"Aren't we all" she agreed. "This is the second time I've been up since the last time you were up with him" Katniss sighed deeply. "Nothing seems to settle him for long. I just don't know what else I can do for him. He's not hungry, he's not teething, he's not sick, he just likes to cry." Her voice sounded defeated and exhausted even to her own ears.

Peeta tightened his arms around her. "You should have woken me, I would have let you sleep. You have to look after him all day, and you looked so exhausted last night."

"Peeta, you got up twice already tonight, and you have to go to work today. I really don't want my husband having an accident with an oven at work or falling asleep behind the wheel because he is sleep deprived".

"I'm okay" he offered. "That won't happen. But I'm worried about you. You look so tired all the time."

"I'll manage." Katniss retorted shortly, "I can try to catch a nap myself later on if I can get him to go down for a nap".

"I'll tell you what," Peeta said. "It's almost time for me to get up for work anyway. It's not really worth my while going back to bed... unless you want to come join me?" he asked, pulling her closer and lifting his eyebrows suggestively, a smirk on his face.

She glared, side-eyeing him.

"Okay, I was just kidding!" He chuckled softly, letting go of her waist and backing up. "Give me five minutes to grab a quick shower, and then I'll bring him downstairs and give him some breakfast while you go back to bed".

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. I'll bring him back up to you when I have to leave. That way you both might manage another couple of hours sleep before Skye wakes up."

He bent his head to place another quick kiss to her neck before grabbing the clothes he had laid out on the dresser the night before, and heading into their bathroom. A few minutes later he emerged, his blond hair damp, but fully dressed.

"C'mere little guy," Peeta said, taking the baby from Katniss' arms. He bent over and pressed his lips gently to hers once more. "Go back to sleep. I'll see you when I get home tonight, okay? I love you."

"I love you, too." Katniss smiled, climbing back into bed and snuggling down into the pillows that smelled like Peeta. Instantly, she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

When she woke up again, the sun had fully risen and she could hear the sound of the baby happily gurgling and laughing for once. Peeta was gone and Aran was tucked into their bed beside her. She hadn't heard him bring the baby back upstairs or leave for work.

"Hey, little guy," she smiled at her son and tickled his tummy. He squealed back at her and chuckled, kicking his legs. She heard the sound of quiet footsteps, and then Skye's dark head and sleepy blue eyes came peeking around the open door of the bedroom, her favorite orange blanket clutched in her arms.

"Hi, Mama," she greeted, "can I come in?"

"Sure, come on in and join us," Katniss held her arms out to her. Skye padded over to the bed, and climbed in beside her mother. For a few minutes, Katniss enjoyed cuddling with her daughter.

The peaceful moments didn't last long though. Soon enough, Aran started to gripe again, and before he could work himself up into full tantrum mode, Katniss lifted him up and climbed out of bed.

"C'mon Skye, let's go downstairs and I'll get you some breakfast".

The three of them made their way downstairs to the kitchen, where, to Katniss' joy, she found a batch of freshly baked cheese buns in a basket on the kitchen table. Peeta must have baked them before going to work. Katniss could have kissed him at that moment.

Settling Aran into his high chair, she gave him his own bun to pull apart, while starting a pot of coffee and pouring cereal and milk for Skye.

"Can't I have a cheese bun too Mama?" Skye pouted. "Aran got one!"

"Have your cereal first, then you can have one" Katniss said, smiling over at her.

She grabbed a cheese bun for herself, poured a cup of black coffee, which she felt she badly needed to wake up, and joined the kids at the table. She bit into her cheese bun, savoring its flaky texture with pleasure, and sending up a silent prayer of thanks for her wonderful husband who always indulged her craving for cheese buns.

Aran was making a terrible mess pulling his bun apart, getting more on his face and on the floor then in his mouth, but Katniss didn't care about mess, as long as he wasn't crying. Smiling at the fun he was having, she snapped a photo of the messy baby on her phone, quickly texting it to Peeta, adding the message _"Thank you for the cheese buns. We love you"_.

 _"Love you back!"_ the return message flashed on her screen almost immediately, quickly followed by another _"Hope Aran has a better day today. I'll try to get home as early as I can"_.

Katniss put her phone down and continued sipping her coffee, hoping the caffeine would kick in soon and give her the boost she needed.

Unfortunately, it wasn't going to be a good day.

Before long, Aran's persistent crying started again, and continued on and off no matter what Katniss tried to do to distract him. She struggled to get a few household chores done while carrying him on her hip the whole time as he screamed every time she tried to put him down.

By midday he was exhausted, but he refused to give in to his own tiredness and go down for a nap. Eventually, when she could take no more Katniss him and Skye into their jackets, put Aran into his stroller, and headed for the local park. She hoped a walk in the fresh air would tire Aran out a little bit.

As she sat on a bench in the playground watching Skye play, she listened to the birds singing above her head and looked around at the different foliage of the trees and shrubbery surrounding her, and it all just reminded her of her woods back home. It was mid-summer, but soon the seasons would begin to change and the leaves would turn, changing from her favorite green to Peeta's favorite orange. All too soon, winter would come. Katniss hated winter. Thinking of the peace and quiet of the woods made her want to cry. With every passing day, she knew her emotions were overtaking her more and more, and she knew it was because she was feeling exhausted, worn out, and maybe a little down.

She had a difficult pregnancy and hard labor with Aran, and though she loved her little guy with all her heart, there was no question that he was a challenging baby. It felt like he had been born crying and hadn't really stopped ever since.

"Mama! Come push me on the swings!" Skye's voice called to her, distracting her from her thoughts.

Inwardly, Katniss groaned. Sitting on this park bench had been one of the first times she'd been off her feet all day. But she just couldn't deny her little girl, not when she was being so good, she deserved the chance to have some fun, too.

She settled Aran on her hip, as she pushed Skye on the swings. Hearing the little girl's squeals of joy made her smile.

"Higher, higher Mama!" she begged. Katniss smiled again and pushed the swing harder. Skye loved being outdoors, running and jumping and playing in the dirt or splashing in puddles. She took after Katniss in that way, and she took great pleasure in watching her little girl having fun.

Since Aran had been born, she felt guilty that she couldn't give Skye as much individual attention as she used too. It made her feel like she was somehow letting both her children down, failing Skye as her mother because Aran took up so much of her time and energy, and failing Aran, because she couldn't seem to find a way to soothe her younger child. It made her feel inadequate as a mother. Sometimes at her lowest points, she almost resented Aran, though she pushed those feelings away strongly whenever she felt them rising in her.

She was really trying to keep just how down she was feeling about everything hidden from Peeta, knowing that it would only upset him. If he knew, he would push himself to do more, when she knew he was already pushing himself to his limit as it was. He worked so hard and then he threw himself into helping with the kids from the minute he arrived home until he left for work again the next morning. He was always worried about how exhausted she was, but she was just as worried about him. Most nights, one of them ended up falling asleep on the sofa, so the other had to wake them before they dragged themselves upstairs to bed.

Deep down, she knew it was all getting too much for her, and that with every day and every week that went by she was feeling worse and worse and finding it harder to cope. She longed for a break, sometime away just to catch her breath and get away from her responsibilities and _God,_ _get some sleep._

Again, she thought about the woods behind her childhood home. _Her woods._ More than anything, she longed for the feeling of peace and tranquility she felt whenever she was out there, sitting high in a tree or hunting alongside her childhood friend, Gale. But she couldn't just drop everything and take off. It wasn't far, but even if Peeta could manage to get a few days away from the bakery, he didn't really enjoy the woods like she did. She couldn't expect Prim to mind the kids either, she was busy with her own job and Aran was just too much of a handful. She sighed. She could see no opportunity for a respite any time soon.

It was starting to turn cooler. "C'mon sweetie, it's time to go home!" she called to Skye, as she put Aran back into his stroller and turned to head home. She was hoping to surprise Peeta by having dinner cooked and waiting for him when he got home tonight, so he wouldn't end up taking over and cooking for them, like he did most nights. Maybe they might get a chance to spend a little extra time together tonight before one of them fell asleep first.

It was ironic that the second the stroller started moving Aran nodded off into a deep peaceful sleep. Katniss enjoyed the quiet. He slept all the way home, but no sooner had they got back into the house and Katniss had Skye's jacket off, he woke and started screaming again.

"Please Aran, please, stop crying, just give Mama a break for five minutes," she pleaded, her voice breaking, knowing if she didn't get a break from his constant crying soon, she was going to lose it. She could feel her nerves stretched to their limits. She just couldn't take this anymore.

She picked him up and juggled him on her hip, while picking up the phone and dialing a number. She hated asking for help more than anything, but she knew she really needed it this time.

"Hello?" said the warm voice of an older woman on the other end of the line as her call connected.

"Sae?" Katniss confirmed, trying to stop her voice from shaking. She could feel tears starting to well up, and she was shaking. "It's Katniss. Could I ask you for a favor?"

"Off course, anything Katniss," the older woman replied "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong really, but I ... um... would you mind watching the kids for me for an hour or two until Peeta gets home from work? I... I have to run an errand and I can't bring them with me."

"Sure I can. I'll be over in fifteen minutes, is that okay?"

Katniss let go of the breath she'd been holding in. She could last another fifteen minutes, "that would be great Sae, thanks. I really appreciate it." She responded, relieved.

Katniss put the phone down, taking a deep breath to steady her nerves. She knew she was doing the right thing for her sanity. She had to get away or she was going to explode. Today she had just hit the limit of her tolerance.

Making sure Skye was occupied watching a cartoon in the living room, she walked up the stairs to their bedroom, sitting Aran on the bed while she threw a few things into a bag. She'd only go for a night or two to catch up on some sleep. She'd call Peeta when she got there _. He'd understand._ At least, she hoped so. She shook her doubts off. Peeta knew her better than anyone else. He was always so empathetic and giving, there was no reason why he wouldn't understand her need to do this.

She went back downstairs and left her bag by the front door, just as she Sae tapped lightly on the back door before opening it and letting herself in.

"Katniss!" she called out, "I'm here".

"Aunt Sae!" Skye jumped up and ran to hug the older woman. "Hello sweetness!" Sae said, opening her arms to the little girl for a hug.

Sae looked over at Katniss, taking in her disheveled appearance, her puffy red eyes and the dark circles beneath them. "You look tired, girl, what have you been doing? Is this little man still keeping you up nights?"

"And days too, Sae," Katniss said. "Thanks for doing this. Peeta should be home by six at the latest," she smiled weakly.

"It's no trouble honey. You look like you could use a break. You get on now, and leave these two with me, we'll be fine until Peeta gets home".

Katniss smiled weakly again, and bent down to give Skye a hug.

"Where are you going Mama?" the little girl asked, her curious face looking up into Katniss'.

"I'm just going to visit a friend for a little while sweetie, I promise, I'll be back soon, okay?" she kissed her on the cheek and hugged her again. "Your Daddy will be home soon and he'll take care of you until I'm home."

She turned then, and picked Aran up, giving him a hug and a kiss, while brushing her hand through his soft blond curls and squeezing her eyes closed for a moment. "I'm sorry," she whispered to him in a voice so low that no one else could hear before handing him over to Sae. The guilt was overwhelming her, but she knew she had to get out of this house and away from all this stress for a little while.

"I'll see you soon Sae, thanks again." Katniss said, as she picked up her bag and her father's old hunting jacket, before heading out the front door. She didn't look back as she closed the door behind her, and threw her bag into the car. Climbing behind the wheel, she thought about Peeta again. She rested her head on the steering wheel for a moment. He was going to be so pissed with her, she hadn't even called him. But she would as soon as she got to where she was going. She'd explain and he'd understand. He always understood what she needed.

She pulled the car out of the driveway, and headed for the highway, pointing it in the direction of Gale's house in the woods.

* * *

Peeta yawned, glancing up at the clock as he wiped the flour from his hands on his apron. It was nearly finishing time. It had been a long day, and he was tired. The nights of broken sleep were catching up on him too. He'd been up even earlier than usual this morning, even though he was used to rising with the sun. He reached for his phone, checking for any new messages from Katniss. Scrolling through his phone, he smiled again at the picture of Aran's messy face as he demolished one of his cheese buns that morning.

He'd baked them early that morning, talking to Aran the whole time, telling him each step of the recipe as he went along. The little boy had gurgled and cooed back at him as he talked, and he smiled at the memory. It reminded him of quiet mornings he had spent with his father as a boy, learning his family's recipes, though his son was far too young to start picking up on those yet. But it helped keep him occupied while Peeta put off leaving for work as late as possible, so Katniss could sleep. When he couldn't delay leaving any later, he carried Aran, whose eyes were starting to get sleepy again back upstairs and tucked him into the bed beside his mother. Peeta knew Aran would sleep better tucked in beside Katniss, just like he did. He smiled softly as he looked down at his wife and his now sleeping son. With gentle fingertips, he stroked some stray hair back from Katniss' face, frowning at the dark circles that shadowed her eyes, even in sleep. He knew Katniss was finding things tough, but this situation couldn't last forever. Aran would grow out of this phase and sleep through the night, eventually, and things would get easier. He bent to kiss his sleeping wife one last time before he left, pressing his lips gently to her forehead. She stirred a little at his touch, mumbling his name in her sleep, but didn't wake.

He hoped today had been a better day. He was glad it was nearly the end of his day and he could head home soon. He typed out a quick text to Katniss _"How was today? I'm finishing soon, I can bring home takeout for dinner if you'd like?"_ before putting his phone back in his pocket, and starting his prep for the next morning.

When he was finished he checked his phone again, but there was no answer. She was probably occupied with the kids. He'd bring something home anyway, hopefully if they didn't have to cook they could get some extra time to relax together tonight.

"G'night Rye!" he called over his shoulder to his older brother, as he ducked out the back door. He heard him shouting goodnight back. He didn't want to be delayed talking tonight, he was anxious to get home to Katniss and the kids.

He stopped and picked up their food, then made the short journey home. The drive was only a few minutes to their house. He frowned as he pulled up outside. That was strange. There was no sign of Katniss' car in the driveway. Usually if she was planning to head out somewhere late in the day she would text him to let him know. Oh well. He could put the takeout in the oven to keep warm until she got home. No big deal.

He walked up the steps, keys in hand, but before he could unlock the door, it swung open and Skye came skipping towards him, a wide smile on her face.

"Daddy's home!" she sang out, as she launched herself at him, hugging his legs.

"Hey little girl!" he said surprised to see her, bending and swinging her up into his arms and planting a kiss on her cheek. She wrapped her arms around his neck and snuggled her cheek against his. "Where's your Mama?"

"Mama went out a little while ago. She said she'd be back soon. Aunt Sae is watching us".

"Oh, okay. How was your little brother today?"

"He cried a lot Daddy. All day. But Mama took us to the park, and I played on the swings!"

Peeta smiled down at his little girl, trying not to frown on hearing that Aran had cried all day again.

"That's great sweetie," he said, walking into the house, where he saw Sae sitting on the living room rug, playing with Aran.

Seeing Peeta, she waved from her position on floor, and Skye ran into the living room and plonked down on the rug beside them.

"Hi Sae," he called out smiling "thanks for watching the kids. I hope they were no trouble?"

"Nothing I couldn't handle Peeta," she said. "Katniss called me earlier and said she had some errands to run, I shouldn't expect she'll be long".

"I'm just going to put this food in the oven to keep warm, then I'll be right out and I can take over." Peeta said, making his way into the kitchen with the food. He turned from switching on the oven to see Sae, standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room.

"Peeta, I don't mean to pry," she said in a quiet voice that Skye wouldn't overhear, "but is everything okay with Katniss? She looked really upset and stressed when I came over earlier."

Peeta frowned. It worried him hearing that Katniss had looked upset. "I know she's exhausted Sae," he explained. "Aran still cries a lot, and he's been keeping us both up at night too. It hasn't been easy on her".

"Or on you either, I bet." Sae said. "That's probably all it is. Listen, you know if you need any help, I'm just next door okay? Tell Katniss if she needs to take a nap, I can watch the kids for an hour during the day, it's no trouble".

"Thanks Sae, I'll tell Katniss. I really appreciate the offer. I hope she'll take you up on it, but you know how she is".

Peeta walked her to the door, and thanked the older woman again as she left, before closing the door and going back into the house. He fished his phone from his pocket, still no text from Katniss. He frowned, dialing her number.

The phone rang a few times, before going to voicemail. "Hey Katniss," he said. "I'm at home. Just wondering where you are. Hope everything is okay. Call me when you get this. Love you," and he hung up.

He lifted Aran out of his play pen and called to Skye. Might as well feed the kids and get them ready for bed while he waited for her to come home, then maybe he and Katniss could have some time together. He smiled at the thought of snuggling up on the sofa with his wife.

He first started to feel a little anxious, when there was still no word from Katniss by the time the kids were fed, bathed, and ready for bed.

Skye didn't want to go to bed before Katniss came home, but she dozed off on the sofa waiting, cuddling her favorite orange blanket. Aran fell asleep in his arms, so he gently lifted him first and put him down in his crib, switching on the baby monitor so he would hear him if he woke, before carrying Skye upstairs to her room and tucking her into bed.

By now, Peeta found himself starting to get annoyed as well as anxious. Where the hell was Katniss? Surely she knew Skye would want her at bedtime? He checked his phone again, still no messages. She could have at least texted him to let him know she was okay. The food was ruined, so he took it out of the oven and threw it into the trash.

Quickly he texted Prim to ask her if Katniss was with her.

"Sorry, haven't seen her all week," came back the reply from Prim's phone, a few minutes later.

Next he texted Annie. Same reply. Katniss wasn't with her either.

Now Peeta could feel anxiety starting to rise within him, taking over from his earlier annoyance. If she wasn't with Prim or Annie, then where the hell was she? He began pacing the living room, trying to suppress his growing feeling of fear. What if she'd had an accident? Why wasn't she answering his calls?

He dialed her phone again, this time it went straight through to voicemail. He felt his heart rate starting to increase.

"Katniss please, call me when you get this," he pleaded. "Where are you? It's getting late and I'm getting really worried. I'm about to start calling hospitals".

He sat on the sofa, staring at his phone, willing the damn thing to ring. He thought back to when he last seen her, early that morning, fast asleep and warm as she lay in their bed, when he had kissed her and she mumbled his name in her sleep.

He paced for another hour, continually checking his phone before he finally thought of the woods. He stopped pacing suddenly. Sae had said Katniss looked upset and stressed, and for as long as he'd known her, whenever Katniss had felt really stressed, whether it was to do with college or just life in general, she would take off for the woods for a few days. _To Gale_. She hadn't always told him before she took off either, but that was before they had two young children to take care off. She hadn't done anything like that since before Skye was born and he'd almost forgotten about the feelings he'd always suspected she had deep down for Gale.

He shook his head. Surely she wouldn't up and leave now without talking to him, not when she knows how much the kids needed her, how much he needed her? She wouldn't leave him to cope with two upset children alone, would she?

He jumped up off the sofa and ran upstairs to their bedroom. Pulling open the door to their closet, he started searching through Katniss' side, looking for the one item he knew she would never leave behind if she had done what he thinks she has.

It didn't take long for his suspicion to be confirmed. Peeta sank down to the floor of the closet, running his hands through his hair before leaning his head back against the wall.

Her father's old leather hunting jacket was missing.

That told him all he needed to know. He knew now where she had most likely gone and to whom. Leaning forward, he tried to catch his breath and focus on what he should do next. He couldn't believe she would do this to him again, especially now, not without even talking to him first.

But she had. She had left him and their children behind to run off to the woods. To Gale.

But Peeta didn't get much time to think before he heard loud cries coming from Aran's crib. He pulled himself up off the floor and went to check on his son. From the sounds of things, it looked like they were both facing another rough night ahead of them.

"Shussshhh Aran," he said, his voice breaking slightly as he picked the little boy up and gently cradled him against his shoulder. "It's okay, I've got you. Daddy's here. And I'll never leave you".


	2. The Woods

" 

 

Katniss pulled the car into the driveway of the Hawthorne house, relieved to see there were lights on in the windows. She hadn't thought to call ahead and Gale was often away, his work as a forester and consultant in forest management taking him all over the country.

She ran up the steps to the front door and knocked briefly before using her key to unlock the door and let herself in. Knocking was only a formality, she had been best friends with Gale since she was eleven. He had given her a key to the house when they were still in high school. She didn't need an invitation to let herself into his home, the Hawthornes were like family.

"Gale?" she called out as she entered, "are you home?"

"Katniss?" she heard in reply, but the voice that greeted her definitely wasn't Gale's, it belonged to an older woman.

Katniss turned to see Hazelle coming towards her, a warm smile on her face and her arms open to welcome her. "We weren't expecting you! Is everything alright? " she said as she enveloped Katniss in a tight hug.

"Hazelle," Katniss responded, returning the hug and resting her cheek against Hazelle's shoulder, squeezing her eyes shut. She promptly burst into tears. She couldn't help it, the instant feeling of warmth and comfort she got from the other woman's motherly greeting broke some kind of dam inside her.

"Oh, my lord!" Hazelle said, pulling back and holding Katniss at arm's length to look at her. "Katniss Everdeen crying? Whatever has brought this on? Katniss, what's wrong, has something happened? Is it Peeta? The kids? Oh no, it's not Prim is it?" Hazelle's tone raised slightly, a hint of apprehension creeping into her voice.

"No, no, they're all fine Hazelle, honestly... " Katniss reassured her, "it's me, I just... um... I just need... I needed to escape for a little while," she said, forcing the words out between the sobs now threatening to overcome her. She took a few deep breaths to try and get her emotions back under control.

"Alright, come into the kitchen and sit down." Hazelle comforted. "Talk to me. You know we're always here for you Katniss."

"I know," Katniss said, mopping at her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt, attempting to dry her tears. She allowed the older woman to lead her by the hand into the cozy kitchen. "That's why I'm here," she continued wanly, forcing herself to smile through her tears.

"Sit." Hazelle said, pushing Katniss gently into a seat at the kitchen table before going over to the stove. She spooned something hot and steaming into a bowl and placed it in front of Katniss. "Now eat." She directed. "I bet you haven't eaten, and by the looks of you, you haven't been sleeping very well lately either," she said.

"No, not really," Katniss replied, looking down at the hearty bowl of stew Hazelle had placed in front of her. Her stomach growled at the mouth-watering aroma rising up from the bowl. Katniss realized she hadn't eaten anything since the cheese buns Peeta had left for breakfast that morning. _Peeta_. The thought of how he was going to react to what she had just done made her appetite disappear again and she wanted to push the bowl away.

But Hazelle was watching. So she dipped a spoon into the bowl and lifted it to her mouth, savoring the flavors of the tender meat, potatoes and vegetables in Hazelle's famous stew and allowing the warmth of the familiar comfort food to soothe her. It reminded her of many meals she had shared with the Hawthornes while growing up. Hazelle sat and watched quietly while Katniss ate. "Feel better?" she said, within minutes, Katniss finished a second helping.

"Yes." Katniss sighed, pushing the bowl away and rubbing her stomach. "I forgot to eat before I left and I didn't know how hungry I was."

"Do you feel like telling me what brought you up here tonight?" Hazelle asked. "It's been a few years since you just turned up out of the blue on the doorstep like this. Has something happened? Where are Peeta and the kids?"

"They're at home." Katniss said. "They're fine, honestly, everyone's okay Hazelle, it's really me who is... not so good. I just... I feel like I haven't been coping very well for a while and today it all got too much and I just needed to escape, you know?"

"Mhm." Hazelle said, nodding her head. "Sometimes everyday life can get a bit overwhelming for all of us. What does Peeta think?"

"I didn't exactly tell him I was coming up here before I left" Katniss admitted, lowering her eyes at the look that crossed Hazelle's face. She felt a blush creeping up her face.

"Oh Katniss, no, tell me you didn't?" Hazelle said. "Don't tell me you took off without telling him? Katniss, he's going to be so upset with you!"

"I know." Katniss nodded. "But I'll call him later and explain it to him".

"Well, just make sure you do that, and let him know you got here safe. He will be worried!"

"I couldn't help it Hazelle," Katniss pleaded, finally raising her head to meet the older woman's eyes. Her tone begged for understanding. She shook her head. "It was a snap decision and I didn't think ahead or plan anything. I just had to get out of that house, I had to get away from..." she stopped herself abruptly. She didn't want to admit what she was feeling out loud. That she had to get away from her own son. It felt wrong to even think it.

"Get away from what Katniss?" Hazelle asked gently, taking her hand, her eyes searching her face. " _Is_ it Peeta? Has something happened between the two of you, do you need time away from him? If it is, you can tell me. You know you can tell me anything."

"No!" Katniss almost shouted in her haste to deny there was anything wrong with their relationship. "It's not him…"

 _"Catnip?"_ Both women turned their heads sharply at the sound of a deep, masculine voice interrupting them. Her friend still moved on hunter's feet, and neither of them had heard him coming in.

"Gale!" Katniss cried as she got up from the table and went to hug her friend. "It's good to see you." She smiled, pressing her head into his chest and inhaling the familiar woodsy scent of the outdoors that clung to her friend's clothes.

"You too," he replied, hugging her back. "What brings you all the way up here?" There was surprised tone obvious in his voice. He released her from the hug and looked around. "Did you come alone?" he asked.

"Yeah, I came on my own, I'm just… um… taking a break for a couple of days. I need to catch up on some sleep, thought I'd come up here and maybe do some hunting, find a few high trees to climb. It all happened at the very last-minute, and it was either come visit you or go visit Haymitch, and Hazelle's a better cook then he is," she glanced over at Hazelle. She hoped her flimsy explanation for being there sounded believable to Gale.

"Well, it is good to see you." He said again, sitting down at the table and bending to remove his heavy work boots. "It's been too long. How's Peeta and the kids?"

"They're good" Katniss said, swallowing the lump starting to rise in her throat and forcing a fake smile on to her face.

"And everything else is okay?"

"Everything is fine Gale," she said looking over at Hazelle again, imploring with her eyes not to say anything that might make him think differently. Hazelle nodded almost imperceptibly at Katniss and got up to fetch Gale a bowl of stew from the stove. Katniss knew she understood, and that they could talk later. She could trust Hazelle to keep her confidence.

"Okay then, glad to hear it." Gale responded with a wide grin as he settled in to eat. "You picked a good time to visit. It's warm enough to swim in the lake, and there is plenty of game teeming around, if you're really want to do some hunting while you're here. I miss my old hunting partner. You're probably pretty rusty though, seeing as it's been years since you last picked up a bow," his tone was teasing her now as he flashed her another grin.

"I'm up for it" Katniss smiled. "And I bet I can still out shoot you Hawthorne," she replied, a challenge in her voice.

"Challenge accepted," he said with a wink, still grinning.

The rest of the evening was spent catching up with Gale and Hazelle, and there was no opportunity for Katniss and Hazelle to talk alone again. It was some time later when Katniss was settling into bed in the guest room, finally feeling calmed down enough to call Peeta, when she discovered that her phone battery must have died on the way to Gale's. She searched her bag for the charger, heaving a sigh of relief when she found it buried in the bottom, panicking for a moment that she might have forgotten to throw it in when she had left so hastily.

She plugged the phone in to charge and lay back on the soft pillows, closing her eyes and thinking about what to say to Peeta when she called him. She felt physically and emotionally exhausted. How was she going to make him understand how she was feeling without sounding like she was the most selfish person in the world for leaving him to pick up the pieces the way she did? She was so exhausted that she didn't even realize when her eyes fluttered closed and she drifted from consciousness.

* * *

Peeta lay in bed staring at the ceiling. He couldn't sleep. Despite his best efforts to soothe him, Aran had eventually cried himself to sleep. He had decided the best thing he could do was to lie down and try to get some rest himself for however long the baby slept.

He'd kept trying Katniss' phone all night, but all he was getting was her voicemail. For whatever reason, she wasn't answering. He thought about calling the cops, but surely if she had been involved in an accident someone would have been in touch with him by now? He felt physically sick at the terrifying thought of opening his door and finding cops standing there. Loosing Katniss somehow was the stuff his nightmares were made of. He tried to push those thoughts out of his mind.

So he lay there awake, going back and forth between worrying whether Katniss was okay, to feeling angry at her for pulling a stunt like this without talking to him first. If she was okay he just might kill her himself for terrifying him like this. Skye would be upset in the morning when her Mama wasn't home yet. How was he going to explain that to her?

He couldn't help but wonder what had happened differently yesterday that would cause Katniss to snap and run off like this. He thought back to the morning before, wondering if there where any signs he had missed, but he couldn't remember any. She had seemed okay when she went back to bed. Sure, she had looked tired and stressed, and there was no doubt Aran was wearing her out, but he thought she was coping pretty well. He was doing all he could to help, wasn't he? Why didn't she talk to him if things were so bad that she thought she had to run away?

There was a small voice of doubt in his head that made him question himself. Was he really pulling his weight at home? He felt under pressure at the bakery, too. His Dad relied on him more than ever now that he was practically retired. He hadn't told Katniss the full extent of Michael's worsening health. It would only upset her, and she had enough to deal with looking after the kids.

He sighed and looked down at the baby sleeping beside him and gently stroked the little boy's blond curls with his fingertips. If only Aran slept better and didn't cry as much. Katniss didn't really like it when he let the kids sleep in with them, claiming their bed should be their space, but Aran was still so small. If it gave him comfort, Peeta didn't mind, and it wouldn't be long now until he was walking and talking. Peeta had been secretly holding out hope that once Aran started doing those things he would tire out more easily and sleep better. Then life would get a little easier for them all, especially Katniss.

His mind went back to her again. He couldn't understand why she hadn't called him back or replied to any of his messages. She could have at least picked up the phone and let him know she was okay. There were only two places she would go - to Gale, or to Haymitch. While his instinct told him she would go to her _best friend_ first, he had already tried calling her Uncle Haymitch in case she had gone there. But there was no reply, which meant she probably wasn't there, or the old coot was passed out peacefully somewhere with his favorite bottle of liquor, not bothering to answer his phone.

He decided if he didn't hear from her in the morning he'd ask Prim to call the Hawthorne's place. Peeta wasn't going to call Gale himself, not with the way he was sure the other man still felt about his wife. He wasn't going to give Hawthorne an opportunity to gloat over her running away.

Shortly before 5am, he gave up on trying to get any sleep and went to take a shower. He'd have to call Rye or his Dad to open the bakery. There was no way he could do it with two small kids in tow and besides, he'd been awake for nearly 24 hours straight. He wasn't really fit for work, though he'd probably have to go in later if he could find someone to watch the kids.

This wasn't going to go down well. He dialed Rye's number and waited for him to pick up.

"Whoever you are, you better have a damn good reason for calling me this early in the morning," he heard as Rye's muffled, sleep-filled voice come across the line.

"Rye, it's me," Peeta said.

"Jesus Peeta, its 5am. Could you not have waited until I saw you at work?" Rye grumbled.

Peeta just sat back and said nothing for a minute, waiting for Rye's brain to kick in. Despite being a baker's son, Rye was not a morning person. He had never been good at rising early, even when they were kids growing up in a bakery.

"Wait, Peeta – is everything okay? What's wrong?"

 _There it is,_ he thought.

"Um, I'm going to need you to go open up the bakery this morning," he replied.

"What, why? Peeta, has something happened? Is it Dad?" Rye asked.

"No, Rye... its Katniss. She...she kind of took off last night and left me with the kids."

"Took off? What do you mean she took off?"

He could tell he had Rye's full attention now.

"Took off, as in I got home from work, she wasn't here, the kids were left with our neighbor and I haven't heard a damn word from her since." Peeta couldn't help the angry tone that crept into his voice.

"Fuck bro. Have you called the cops?"

"No. I think she has gone to Hawthorne's place, or maybe her Uncle's, but I'll find out for sure today."

 _One way or another_ he thought to himself.

"Okay. I'm sorry bro. Look, I'll open up today. Don't worry about that."

"I'll get there as soon as I can organize someone to watch the kids. Thanks Rye." he promised.

"Fucking 5am. You owe me."

* * *

It felt like only a few minutes had passed when Katniss opened her eyes again, but the room looked completely different. She raised her head from the pillow and blinked, feeling disoriented. Sunlight was streaming in through the open curtains at the window. Katniss could tell by the level of light in the room that the sun was fully risen and for the first time in over a year, it looked like she had slept a whole night through without waking once.

"Oh no!" she shot into an upright position when it dawned on her that she must have fallen asleep without calling Peeta first.

She grabbed her phone from the bedside table, anxiously powering it on and looked at the time. _8:12am_. When was the last time she had slept so late?

As soon as the phone switched on, it started to beep repeatedly with unread message notifications. She sat back down on the bed and opted to listen to the voice mail messages first. Her heart clenched in her chest when she heard the frantic tone in Peeta's voice. He had left five voice mails begging for her to call him, as well as multiple texts pleading with her to let him know that she was safe. There were also texts from Prim and Annie.

When she heard his panicked message telling her he was about to start calling hospitals, she let her head sink down to her chest as her eyes filled with tears. She groaned, and dropped the phone on the bed beside her. She had never felt so guilty about anything in her whole life. How could she have let herself fall asleep without calling him first?

She couldn't believe that she'd scared him so badly, and she knew she couldn't face calling him at that moment. Her heart sank even further when she imagined how she would feel if Peeta didn't come home from work and then didn't call to let her know he was safe.

Any apology she made would need to be sincere and heartfelt, but right now all she felt was ashamed and heartsick. She knew it was cowardly, but she took the easy way out. She picked up the phone again and quickly typed out a text.

Katniss: _"I'm so sorry I didn't call you last night. My battery died. But I'm okay and I'm safe. I just need to get some rest. I'm staying with Haymitch for a few days. Please don't worry. I'll be home soon. I love you."_

Peeta and Gale had never really been friends, and she was aware Peeta would be even more upset if he knew she had sought refuge at Gale's. She thought it was kindest to tell Peeta a little white lie and let him think she was staying with Haymitch. It will only be for a few days, she reasoned with herself, there was no point in upsetting Peeta any more than she already had. Within a minute of her pressing send on her text, her phone began to ring and Peeta's face flashed on the screen, but she let the call ring out. She just didn't know what to say to him. She didn't have the words. She wasn't ready to face him yet so she simply stared at his picture.

Another minute passed before another new text message alert popped up on her screen.

Peeta: _"Thank God you're okay. I've been up all night worrying. Please Katniss, pick up the phone, I need to talk to you. Tell me what's wrong and whatever it is, I promise, we'll fix it."_

She stared at his words. She knew the melancholy and utter exhaustion she was feeling weren't things that Peeta could fix. She sat on the bed, holding the phone, still looking at his handsome face on the screen. He must be so disappointed in her. A few minutes later, another text came through.

_Peeta: "Okay, I get it. I know you. You're not answering me because you need to figure out how you're feeling. Call me when you're ready to talk to me. I will come to you if you need me to. I love you, too, but you scared me. Be safe."_

She knew that despite his offer to come to her, he was hurt and angry with her now. He knew her so well. Why did she feel so frozen like this? She knew Peeta didn't deserve this from her.

Climbing out of bed, she headed for the shower and got dressed for a hike in the woods. She hoped that it might help her clear her head and figure out what she was feeling.

* * *

Katniss trekked her way silently through the woods, her bow in one hand and her quiver slung over her shoulder. She felt like she could actually breathe for the first time in months. She'd only been in the woods for a few days, but already she was feeling revived by a few nights of unbroken sleep and the peacefulness of her surroundings. She had missed this place and the way she used to be able to just take off and disappear miles into the woods where she could swim in the lake, or just find a tall tree to climb into and sit and think for hours.

It wasn't that she was a stranger to having responsibilities. After her father died and her mother disappeared into her own world, she had to take on most of the responsibility for raising her little sister. At the time, she shouldn't have had to shoulder that much responsibility when she was barely more than a child herself. She couldn't remember a time when someone else wasn't relying on her for something, and sometimes all she wanted was to throw off all her responsibilities for just a little while. With two small children to care for all day, that had become impossible.

She knew Gale would let her stay for as long as she needed to, like before, with no questions asked. They'd hunted together a couple of times since she arrived, and it felt good to silently move through the woods with her old friend – a time when speaking wasn't necessary. He had thrown her a few questioning looks, and she knew he was wondering what was really going on, but Gale wouldn't pressure her for explanations about why she was there. He knew when not to pry and just let her be.

If Katniss said she needed some time, then that was all he needed to know. If she wanted to talk, he would let her. They'd always been able to communicate almost wordlessly. Katniss wasn't good with words anyway, and this wasn't the first time she had arrived at his place without warning. Though it was the first time it had happened since her children had been born.

Hazelle was a different story. She wouldn't let Katniss off the hook so easily. Since her own mother had become ill, Hazelle had tried to be a kind of motherly presence in the lives of the Everdeen girls if they ever needed one. Two years earlier, Prim had married Hazelle's younger son Rory, and though Katniss wasn't formally related to her the way Prim now was, she knew Hazelle still considered her wellbeing as important as she would if she was one of her own children. So it was no surprise when earlier that morning Hazelle had captured her alone in the kitchen and brought up the subject of her unexpected visit again.

"How are things with Peeta?" Hazelle asked, pulling out a chair opposite Katniss and sitting two cups of coffee down on the table. Katniss got the message. Hazelle wanted to talk, and she was never one to mince her words.

"Fine," Katniss said with a sincere smile, picking up her cup and sipping her coffee. "He works very hard, and he helps with the kids. He's a great father. I love him more than ever when I see how good he is with them."

"It's true some women think that there's nothing sexier than a man holding a baby," Hazelle chuckled. "Especially if the man is making sure the baby's mother gets enough sleep."

"He tries to do just that," Katniss added, thinking back to the last morning she spent at home, when Peeta had sent her back to bed. "But it's hard on him too. He works such long hours at the bakery".

"So, you aren't having any problems in your marriage?" Hazelle asked, getting straight to the heart of the matter in her forthright way.

"No, we're very happy. Sometimes it's hard to find time to spend together, you know, just for the two of us." Katniss blushed slightly. "Sure, we have disagreements occasionally, like all couples, but mostly we agree, and when we don't we settle our differences quickly. He usually lets me win." Katniss grinned.

"He sounds like a great husband, you're a very lucky woman." Hazelle chuckled again and slapped her with the dish towel she was holding in her hand, a twinkle in her eye.

"He's the best." Katniss said quietly. She wondered silently if Gale had prompted Hazelle to ask these questions because he didn't want to ask them. But why would Gale go that far to get the answers?

"What about the kids? How are they doing?"

"They're doing well," Katniss lied, picking up her cup again and lowering her eyes to avoid Hazelle's gaze, not wanting to admit what a failure she felt she was as a mother. She certainly didn't want Hazelle to know she couldn't handle a cranky baby. Katniss could feel herself starting to squirm under the weight of the older woman's scrutiny. There was no fooling Hazelle Hawthorne.

"I'm glad to hear that," Hazelle said slowly, "because I know that going from one to two children in a home can be very difficult, Katniss. I remember what it was like. You know, Gale was a handful. He was very jealous of Rory."

"Yeah?" Katniss looked up.

"Oh, yes. He wanted me to 'take him back to the midwife.' Then he told me he didn't want any brothers or sisters."

"Wow, he sure didn't get what he wanted," Katniss added.

Hazelle raised her eyebrows, "He certainly didn't," she said. "Most of us don't know what we want, Katniss, even when we grow up."

Katniss thought about that for a minute, remembering a time when she believed she would never marry or have children of her own. But that was before she had met Peeta. When they first met, she had tried to resist her growing feelings for him, but it wasn't long before she had known she wanted him. But what had she wanted before then? She didn't know.

* * *

The first time she hiked all the way out to the lake, Katniss had been in the woods for a week. The day was so warm that she was sweating when she got there and the sunlight danced off the water, tempting her. Quickly, she stripped down to her underwear and waded in. She swam for a while, turning to float lazily on her back, before climbing out and lying on the bank to let the sun dry her off. She lay back on the grassy bank and let her thoughts turn to home, wondering what Peeta, Skye, and Aran were doing now. The guilt she felt for leaving them the way she had still weighed heavily on her, for Aran especially. He was just a baby.

Katniss had wanted both her babies, even though Peeta had to spend some time convincing her to try for Skye. When they found out she was pregnant the first time, Peeta had been ecstatic, but she'd been nervous and terrified that she didn't have what it took to be a good mother. Neither Katniss nor Peeta had great experiences with their own mothers growing up. Katniss knew what kind of mother she wanted to be, and it wasn't like either of theirs.

Right now she could feel all those old fears and insecurities creeping up on her again, but knew she had to fight them. She couldn't give up on herself. She sat up and pulled her knees up to her chest, staring out at the water, deep in thought. Since Aran had been born, she felt she hadn't been able to follow through on being the type of mother she wanted to be. That was an admission she wasn't ready to make to anyone else yet.

Thinking back, Katniss realized they'd had it easy with Skye. She'd been such a happy, content baby. She was sleeping through the night early on, hardly cried, and ate well. When they found out Katniss was pregnant again, it had been a surprise, but a happy one. She was not as nervous the second time around, though the pregnancy was more tiring.

It hadn't helped that Peeta's father had semi-retired shortly before Aran was born. Ever since, he had relied more and more on Peeta to manage the running of the bakery. Rye, Peeta's older brother worked there too, but Peeta was the talent that brought in the customers. His specialty breads, pastries and custom cakes were the bakery's biggest sellers.

Katniss let her thoughts drift to her son again. She had not expected to find things so much tougher with Aran. Looking after a small, cranky baby was much harder to do when you had a toddler who needed your constant attention at the same time, too. It had overwhelmed her, and it was that feeling that had brought her to her knees and to the woods.

Despite being the spitting image of his father, with his soft blond hair and beautiful smile, the similarities between Peeta and Aran were few. Aran had inherited Katniss' fiery temper and restless nature, along with her gray eyes. Skye, with her glossy dark hair and shining blue eyes, was more like Peeta, gentle and calm.

Katniss felt she owed it to her children to find a way to make herself strong for them again. To be the type of mother they deserved, not one who couldn't get through the day because one of them was having a bad day. She didn't want to turn into a mother like hers, one who totally forgot about her children's needs. She hadn't abandoned them. They would be perfectly safe with Peeta for now. She trusted him completely and she knew he would take the best care of them while she got stronger.

Sitting up, she pulled her phone from the pocket of her jeans, checking for a signal. She had to stop delaying the inevitable and call Peeta. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves and dialed him. The call had barely connected on the other end when it was picked up.

"Katniss?" she could hear the anxiety in his voice and tears pricked at the back of her eyes immediately. _She was doing this to him_. This is what she had tried to avoid facing.

"Hi Peeta," she greeted quietly. "I'm sorry I haven't called you."

"Oh God Katniss, baby, it's so good to hear your voice. Please tell me what's going on with you. You're scaring the hell out of me."

She could hear him exhale loudly, clearly relieved at finally being able to talk to her. He had called and texted her every day, but until now she had been unable to face answering his calls.

"I know, and I'm really sorry about just taking off like that. I'm sorry about everything. I didn't mean to scare you. I just need to get my head on straight. The day I left... Aran... I just couldn't cope anymore Peeta. I don't know how to explain it to you to make you understand, but I just couldn't..." she let her voice trail off.

"Katniss please, just come home. Don't stay away from us like this. Running away is not going to solve anything. I miss you, they miss you, and you should be home with us. I want to help, I really do but you need to come home so we can work this out." His tone was pleading.

"I'll be home soon okay?" she whispered. "I promise. I'm not giving up or walking away Peeta. I just need to rest up a little longer and get my strength back so I can be the mother they deserve. Then I'll come home okay? I promise."

"Katniss, you are already the mother they deserve, you're a great mother, what are you talking about?" his voice was shaky with emotion. "I'm really struggling without you."

Katniss closed her eyes. _Oh God_. She didn't need to hear that. It just piled more pressure on top of the guilt she was already carrying.

"I miss you, too. And I really am sorry Peeta, but I can't come home just yet. Just a few more days okay? Please. I need this. I didn't know how much I needed it until I got here." She hoped he understood.

Peeta sighed heavily on the other end of the phone. In her mind's eye she could see him running the fingers of his free hand through his hair then rubbing his forehead, the way he did when he was stressed. It made her want to run her fingers through his hair while she kissed away his worries. She missed him and she hated what she was doing to him. If only she had half his strength.

"I can hear the birds singing behind you Katniss," he said quietly. "Where are you now?"

"I'm sitting at the side of the lake I used to visit with my father. I've just been in swimming, and I spent the morning hiking in the woods."

"Swimming huh? Sounds nice," his voice sounded hurt. "Are you alone?" An awkward silence stretched out, as neither of them said anything for a minute.

"Yes," she replied, wondering what the point of that question was.

After another brief pause Peeta continued, his voice low and surprisingly gentle. "Look Katniss, I know it's been hard on you lately, and if a break is what you think you need, then maybe you should stay where you are for a few more days, just...don't stay away too long okay? I need you, too. The kids miss you. And we'll still need to talk when you come home."

"I know. I love you Peeta."

"I love you, too. Call me soon, okay?"

"I will...bye..." she cut the call off, dropped her head in her hands and let the tears flow, feeling even worse than she did before she called.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to my awesome beta Kismet4891 and my friend KnottedEnergy, for their patience and endless encouragement, and to Ro_Nordmann for the beautiful banners. :)


	3. The Rift

" 

 

Peeta was so tired. The kids were asleep and he had finished some essential chores and flung himself face down on the sofa, when his phone started buzzing. Groaning, he reached out a hand and fumbled for it. He really didn't want to talk to anyone, but it might be Katniss. Every time his phone rang, his heart jumped, hoping it was her calling to tell him she was coming home. He missed her so much.

Opening one eye, he glanced at the screen that revealed his caller was Finnick. He knew he should talk to him. Peeta had been so busy with work and the kids he'd barely spoken to his best friend in weeks and he'd blown off their regular poker game tonight. He'd been avoiding a lot of people lately, mostly trying to avoid having to explain Katniss' extended absence.

"Hey Finn," he greeted, trying his best not to sound like the last thing he wanted to do was engage in a conversation. What he really wanted to do was take a shower, go to bed, and sleep. Preferably wrapped around his wife, but that wasn't an option available to him tonight.

"Hey Peeta, I thought I'd check in with you, seeing as you blew us off tonight. You missed some quality beer and pizza. The game wasn't bad either," Finnick replied.

Peeta laughed, "what's wrong Finn, did Rye clean you out again?" He rolled over onto his back to get more comfortable.

"Yes. Yes he did, the bastard. Have I ever told you, he's not my favorite Mellark?" Finnick chuckled. "Speaking of whom, have you heard anything from the lovely Katniss about when she's coming home?"

"Haha. Yes, you've mentioned it several times. And no, I haven't heard from Katniss. Well, yes and no. We've talked a couple more times, but every time I ask her to come home she says she isn't ready yet," Peeta replied.

"That's something I wanted to talk to you about. Have you thought maybe you should go up to Haymitch's place and talk to her face-to-face Peet? Rye didn't say much to me about it, but it must be tough on you. How are you managing?"

"I'm coping so far, but yeah, it's not easy," Peeta responded. "Prim helps me out on her days off. She hasn't heard much from Katniss either, just a few texts to say she was okay. And yeah, I did think about going up to Haymitch's, but I'm not sure that would be such a good idea."

"Why do you think it wouldn't be a good idea?" Finnick asked.

"Because Katniss is stubborn and she doesn't like surprises. She'd think I was ambushing her. Besides, the only day I get off is Sunday, and I wouldn't want to bring the kids in case it didn't... go well." The last thing Peeta needed right now was for Skye to see Katniss and get even more upset if she didn't come home with them. He didn't want to do that to either of them.

"Yeah, I can see why it wouldn't be a great idea to bring the kids with you," Finnick paused for a moment, obviously thinking. Peeta wondered what the reason behind these questions were.

Before he could ask, Finnick continued, "How is the daycare place working out? I know Nick loved it." Nick was Finnick and Annie's six-year-old son.

"It's working out fine," Peeta answered. "Tell Annie thanks again for the recommendation. It was too much for Sae to take on two young kids all day at her age, so it came at the right time. Skye wasn't too happy about it at first, but she's adjusting," Peeta sighed.

"What was that sigh for Peet?" Finnick asked.

Peeta paused before answering, "I'm worried about Skye, Finn." He said, his voice dropping lower when he thought about his daughter. "She just keeps asking me when Katniss is coming home, and I have to tell her I don't know. She has started waking at night looking for her, too. Aran seems to be doing better though. I noticed he was looking for her a lot for the first week or two, but now, not so much."

"Jeez Peeta, that sounds rough. I'm sorry. I don't know how you're dealing with that. I wish there was more we could do to help. But that does bring me to that other reason why I called. So, Sunday is your next day off, right?" Finnick confirmed.

"Yep, it's the only day the bakery is closed. I have to work Saturday now to make up for not being available to open early during the week. I know Rye wasn't too happy about it at first, but he hasn't complained, even though I know he hates it. He gets that I have no choice." Peeta had been very grateful for Rye's silent support the last few weeks.

"Rye's a good guy. Even if he does cheat at cards," Finnick chuckled. "So, Annie cornered him tonight and grilled him for information. He didn't like it. Though I enjoyed watching his discomfort," Finnick laughed again. "Between us, we have come up with a plan you might go for. What would you say if I told you that Rye has agreed to cover for you on Saturday and Annie and I will take Skye and Aran. Then you can drive up to Haymitch's place and talk to Katniss. You could even stay overnight if you wanted, and come back on Sunday. We thought if you were to talk face-to-face, you two might be able to work out what's going on with her," Finnick paused, waiting for Peeta's response.

Peeta sat up, sucking in his breath as he considered Finnick's offer for a moment. "I'd say that's a great offer, and thank you Finn," he replied. "Though I don't want to push Katniss into coming home before she is ready. If I push her too soon, it could make things a lot worse. I have to trust her when she tells me she needs this time."

"You don't want to leave things as they are too long either Peeta. You miss her and want her to come home, right?" Finnick questioned.

"You have no idea." Peeta rolled his eyes. He would give anything to have her here snuggled up beside him right now, where she belonged.

"Then go talk to her dumbass! Katniss has had a month to rest and to think, and for once, I think... we all think, that you need to think of yourself as well Peet. You deserve to know what's going on."

Peeta considered this. "Okay," he agreed. He knew Finnick was right, and inwardly he was pleased to have a plan to do _something_ to break this stalemate, instead of sitting by the phone every night anxiously waiting for her to call him. "I'll go. If you're sure it won't be too much trouble?"

"It's no trouble, it's one weekend Peeta. Nick loves having Skye around to play with. And Aran will be fine too. Nick was a crier, remember? I hope you don't mind that we were talking about your situation, but we all think you need to go up there and bring Katniss home," Finnick reassured.

"I understand. You're good friends Finn," Peeta smiled.

"Yeah, yeah. Next time the beer and pizza is on you, Mellark."

* * *

It felt like forever for Saturday to arrive. Once Peeta had decided he was going to take up Finnick's offer, he was anxious to get moving and put the plan into action. After dropping the kids with the Odairs and getting their reassurances that they'd call him immediately if he needed to come home, he headed for Seam - the small town where Katniss had grown up. It was a couple of hours drive away, and he was hoping to get there by early afternoon.

All week Peeta had thought about calling Katniss and letting her know he was coming, but he knew if he did she'd tell him not to. He'd already offered to drive up there several times to talk, this time he was just going to show up and hope she didn't think it was an ambush. It was time Katniss stopped avoiding him and they dealt with this together.

He made good time and reached Seam shortly after noon. By the looks of it, Haymitch's house hadn't changed much since the last time he'd been there. It still had the same air of neglect and decay around it that it had since the first time Katniss had introduced them when they were first dating.

As Peeta pulled up, he looked for Katniss' car outside the house but it wasn't there at the moment. _Maybe that was a good thing_ , he thought. If she wasn't there now, hopefully Haymitch could fill him in on her state of mind before he saw her.

Peeta liked the old man, even if he was a hopeless alcoholic. Haymitch's title of uncle was honorary, he wasn't related to Katniss by blood but he had been close friends with Katniss' parents before the accident that killed her father. He was one of the few people Katniss considered family. Haymitch cared fiercely for Katniss, even though he hid it by pretending she irritated him, and that endeared him to Peeta.

He grabbed a box filled with fresh bread and a batch of Katniss' favorite cheese buns he'd baked that morning from the seat beside him. Smirking to himself, he thought maybe if she wouldn't come home for him, she might be tempted home by her favorite cheese buns.

He knocked loudly on the door, knowing that Haymitch was probably asleep. The old man liked to sleep during the day and stay up drinking at night. Something to do with having nightmares from his past.

"We don't want any!" he heard the old man yelling from somewhere inside the house.

"Haymitch, it's me, Peeta!" he called back as he pushed open the door and stepped inside. Inside the house was cool and quiet. He was immediately greeted by the stench of old liquor, spoiled food, and unwashed Haymitch. That surprised him. Usually Katniss harassed Haymitch into cleaning himself up when she was around.

"What are you doing here kid?" Haymitch appeared in the doorway to his living room, clutching a nearly empty bottle in one hand, and a knife in the other.

"Hello Haymitch, it's good to see you, too," Peeta replied sarcastically. "You can put the knife down. I come in peace and I brought baked goods. I actually came up to talk to Katniss. Do you ever answer your phone?"

"No, I don't. I hate those damn things. Unplugged it months ago. And what do you mean you're here to talk to Katniss?"

Peeta frowned. Haymitch looked puzzled.

"She and I need to sit down and talk. I'm hoping I convince her come home with me," he explained.

Haymitch squinted at him, his expression becoming more confused by the second, "Whoa, back up there for a second kid. Get Katniss to go home with you? Huh? Doesn't she already live with you?"

"Normally, yes!"

"Okay I'm confused, and I know I haven't had _that_ much to drink today. You'll need to explain what you're talking about. Have you managed to lose your wife somewhere? Because Katniss isn't here," Haymitch replied.

Peeta mouth dropped open and he stared at Haymitch. "What do you mean she's not here? Hasn't she been staying with you?"

"No, she hasn't. Peeta, I don't know what's going on, but I haven't seen Katniss in months."

Peeta stared at him again. His mind started swirling - panic, confusion, and hurt all tearing through him.

Haymitch took one look at the expression on Peeta's face and started shuffling towards his kitchen. "I can tell I'm going to need a drink for this," he said, raising his arm and beckoning Peeta to follow him.

Haymitch made his way into the kitchen, and gestured for Peeta to take a seat at the table. Pulling a fresh bottle of liquor from his cupboard, Haymitch rooted around until he found a couple of glasses by the sink. He held them up to the light and inspected them, "good enough," he mumbled to himself before sitting down opposite Peeta. He filled both glasses to the brim, and slid one across the table to Peeta, who sat with his head in his hands. He rummaged in the Mellark's bakery box Peeta had dropped on the table, and pulled out a cheese bun and started eating it.

"Now," Haymitch said as he chewed, finally turning his full attention to Peeta. "Start at the beginning and tell me what the hell the girl has done now."

Peeta lifted his head up and filled him in, telling him the whole tale of how he came home from work a month ago and found the kids with Sae, how he had realized Katniss was gone. He told him about the message she had sent saying that she was staying with Haymitch, the phone call a week later, and the times he had called her since, pleading with her to come home.

By the time he was finished, Haymitch was on his fourth drink. He slammed his glass down on the table, causing Peeta to jump.

"You know, Katniss may look like her Dad, but there is more of her mother in her then she likes to admit," Haymitch huffed, shaking his head. "The girl can be damn stupid sometimes. I'm sorry to disappoint you kid, but I haven't seen or heard from her in a couple of months. She must have gone to Hawthorne's place. She hasn't come around here."

"So she lied to me," Peeta said, picking up the glass Haymitch had set in front of him and throwing the contents down his throat. It burned going down, but not as much as the anger he felt starting to burn low in his belly.

Haymitch eyed him warily, "Looks like it. She probably didn't want to tell you. You've never really been comfortable with her and Hawthorne being friends, Peeta".

Peeta glowered back at him. It was rare for Haymitch to call him by his name, and Peeta took that as the old man telling him off.

"That's not a good enough reason to justify her lying to me Haymitch. But now I know why she refused my offers to come up here and talk before now. And for the record, I don't mind who Katniss is friends with. What bothers me about Hawthorne is I know, if given the chance, he would be _more_ than her friend. You know, as well as I do, that he has always wanted her. I don't trust him," Peeta admitted honestly.

Haymitch leaned forward in his seat, "You don't trust him, or you don't trust her?" He asked, "because it seems to me it don't matter what he wants, kid. What matters is what the girl wants - and that's always been you." He tipped his glass at Peeta, eyeing him over the rim, "Hell, she always swore, after what happened to her mother that she'd never get married or have kids. She turned that all upside down for you."

"So, now what do I do?" Peeta growled, resting his own empty glass back on the table, "Do I go over there and confront her?"

"You know as well as I do, pushing that damn stubborn girl will get you nowhere," Haymitch replied. "The harder you push her, the harder she will push back."

"I haven't pushed her at all!" Peeta snapped at him.

"That's always been part of your problem too, kid, you're too damn nice," Haymitch laughed, refilling his own glass again and reaching for another cheese bun.

"I have to at least see her before I go back home," Peeta said. His voice was quieter now, but Haymitch could detect the hurt and the fury hidden underneath the younger man's angry tone.

Peeta stood up from the table, pushing his chair back, and striding back through the house towards the door.

"Goddamn it," Haymitch swore softly to himself. He hauled himself up out of the chair and followed Peeta. The girl had really messed up this time. He had to stop Peeta from going over there while he was in his current frame of mind.

"Peeta!" Haymitch shouted after him, "Peeta, stop. Don't do this now. Calm down before you go over there and go off half cocked!"

But Peeta ignored him. He was already in the car and had the engine started. Haymitch hoped he wasn't making a huge mistake. "Don't do this kid!" He tried again.

Peeta rolled down the car window. "I'll be back when I've seen her," he said, "don't worry Haymitch, I won't do anything stupid."

He turned in the direction of the Hawthorne house. Seam was a small place and it wasn't far away. He'd only been to the Hawthorne home a couple of times with Katniss, but he was pretty sure he'd find it easily enough. He'd considered going on foot through the woods the way Katniss had shown him, but he might bump into her out there and he wanted to be prepared when he confronted her.

Once he was sure he had found the right house, he slowed down and parked the car outside on the road to gather himself. The house itself was partially hidden from his sight by tall trees which surrounded the property. He climbed out of the car and paced up and down a little, trying to figure out what was he going to say when he turned up at Gale Hawthorne's door. This was not how he had hoped this day would go. Then he heard it. A sound drifting towards him that captured his attention. The sound of laughter. Specifically, the sound of Katniss laughing. He'd recognize that sound anywhere.

Slowly, he walked as quietly as he could through the trees towards the house. He wasn't quiet on his feet like Katniss was, and he didn't want to be heard approaching. He felt weird, like he was stalking his own wife, but something made him want to see what was going on before he actually spoke to her. Through the trees, he could see Katniss sitting with Gale on the back porch of the house. His heart swelled at the sight of her. She looked beautiful, as she always did to him. Her hands were busy, cleaning some kind of game, while Gale was sitting beside her watching what she was doing. He bent down to say something to her which Peeta didn't catch, and she looked up and smiled widely at him, throwing her head back and laughing again at whatever he'd said. As he watched, Gale threw his arm casually across Katniss' shoulder and grinned widely back at her.

Peeta froze. He felt like an angry crowd of wasps were stinging him all over. It wasn't that Hawthorne had his arm around his wife that made him pause but the expression on Katniss' face... she looked so...happy. Relaxed and smiling, laughing with Gale like she hadn't a care in the world.

He tried to remember the last time he had seen her looking like that. It had been a long time - and Hawthorne had his hands on her. Peeta could feel anger and jealousy coiling in his stomach, but he also felt shame and sadness. For the first time in a long while, he felt gnawing self-doubt. Her life with him hadn't made her smile or laugh that way, at least not recently. Quickly, he turned and retreated, stumbling his way back through the trees to get to his car, no longer caring if he was heard.

He climbed inside, his heart beating erratically and his breath coming in gasps as he started the engine. He needed to get away from there. He headed back towards Haymitch's place, but halfway there he pulled over to the side of the road, resting his head on the steering wheel. He clenched his fists to stop himself from punching out the windshield. She had lied to him. She had told him a bold face lie and had kept up the charade for a whole month. She was smiling and laughing up at Gale fucking Hawthorne as if she hadn't a care in the world, or two kids and a husband at home that missed her.

The anger seethed in his stomach, making him feel like he was going to be sick. He took deep breaths to calm himself down. If she could lie to him so easily about where she was staying, and keep it up for a month, what else had she been lying to him about? And for how long?

What kind of fool was he? _Poor stupid lovesick Peeta_. Ever the understanding loving husband. He was a fool.

Like a voice from the grave, he could hear his mother's voice taunting him, _"You're a fool Peeta Mellark. You'll always be a fool, because you let that girl walk all over you. Mark my words, one day that piece of seam trash will break your heart."_

Peeta felt his face burning with shame. He had spent the last month patiently sitting by the phone waiting for Katniss to decide he and their children were worth coming home to. _Stupid Peeta_ , who had pleaded with her to come home and worried himself half out of his mind about how _she_ was feeling. All he'd been concerned about was how he could make things better for her, while he struggled to cope with running a business and caring for the two kids she had _abandoned._

Well, not any more. As of today, that Peeta was gone. He could feel angry tears rising in his eyes now, and he angrily swiped them away as he stiffened his spine. He couldn't break down now. He had two children at home that still needed him. He needed to get back to them.

He started the car again and drove the rest of the way back to Haymitch's and let himself in. Haymitch heard him coming through the door and sat up from where he was lying on the couch in the living room when Peeta found him.

"Well?" Haymitch asked raising his head," Did you see her?"

"Yes," Peeta said. "I saw her. She's fine. I'm not going to worry about that anymore," His voice was cold.

Haymitch raised an eyebrow, taking in the other man's icy, calm exterior. He'd never seen Peeta acting like this before, "So, what are you going to do now?" Haymitch asked slowly, not sure he really wanted to know.

"I'm going to go home, take care of my kids, and wait until Katniss decides she is ready to come home. Though I have a favor to ask you Haymitch. If you see her, please don't tell her you've seen me or spoken to me," Peeta asked. "I don't want her to know I was here."

"Wait, you went all the way over there, and you didn't speak to her?" Haymitch sputtered

"No, I didn't. I decided I'd do what you suggested and not push her," Peeta answered.

"But..."

"Just do this one thing for me please, Haymitch?" Peeta interrupted the older man. "I came up here because I needed to see her, and because I needed to know that she was okay. I saw what I needed to see. Now, I'm going to go home to my kids. Katniss will come home when she is ready."

"And what do I say if I see her in the meantime?" Haymitch asked.

Peeta shrugged. "Say nothing. I doubt you'll see her anyway, seeing as she is only a couple of miles down the road and hasn't visited you so far anyway. She obviously doesn't want you to know she is here either."

"Okay, if that's what you want kid. I'll say nothing," Haymitch agreed - but he didn't like it.

"Good. Then we have a deal."

"Are you sure you don't want to stay here tonight and go home in the morning?" Haymitch offered, "you're welcome to stay."

"Thanks for the offer," Peeta said. "But I'd rather get back home tonight. It's better that I go tonight." Peeta was afraid if he stayed and started drinking with Haymitch, he'd do something even more stupid. And, he felt stupid enough already.

But instead of letting Finnick and Annie know he was back earlier than expected, he went straight home. Well, almost straight home, he stopped off at a local liquor store first and picked up a bottle of his own.

Letting himself into his empty house, he headed straight for the sofa and uncapped the bottle, drinking straight from the neck. "Cheers Haymitch," he thought, as the first drink burned down his throat, followed by another.

He wondered how long Katniss had been so unhappy. He blamed himself. Haymitch had reminded him that she had never planned to get married or have kids, and maybe he'd been wrong to talk her into having kids, maybe he had prevented her from having the life she had really wanted. A life in the woods, probably with Hawthorne by her side. Maybe it had all been a mistake.

He took another drink. He might as well take advantage of having no kids home tonight, he thought. It looked like he was going to be alone with them for some time to come. Tomorrow, he'd have to be back on his best behavior. But tonight, he was getting drunk. If a life lived in the woods was what Katniss really wanted, what she needed to be happy, then he was going to give it to her. _If you love somebody, set them free, right?_

Soon, he was so numb he didn't feel the angry tears slipping down his face.

* * *

_One month later_

At breakfast that morning, as they were cleaning the kitchen, Hazelle asked Katniss again if she had given any thought to going home and taking her life back up again. She'd been hinting around the subject for several weeks now, but this time Hazelle wasn't pulling her punches.

With her hands on her hips, she faced her and said, "Katniss, you need to go home to your family and face your problems."

Katniss had never thought when she first arrived at Gale's place, that so much time would pass before she felt ready to go back home. She'd been away for two months now. The true depth of how physically and emotionally exhausted she had been, was really unknown to her until she arrived at Gale's house and promptly burst into tears on Hazelle's shoulder.

Katniss tried avoiding the older woman's gaze. She'd been doing that a lot lately, whenever she brought up Peeta and the kids.

"I know I have to go home Hazelle," she admitted. "I have no excuse for staying away any longer, I'm just putting off facing Peeta now. When I got here, I just needed to rest. I was so worn down, but I am feeling much stronger now."

Hazelle nodded, "I gathered as much. But the longer you stay away, the harder it's going to be to go back home," she said. "You have to face him. He loves you. And it's not that we don't love having you here, but I'm not gonna lie, your babies need their mother Katniss".

"I know," Katniss said quietly.

"When's the last time you talked to Peeta?" Hazelle asked.

Katniss hesitated, knowing that her answer would most likely be shocking in light of the fact she'd told Hazelle not so long ago that they were very happy together, "He stopped calling me a month ago," she admitted. That was playing on her mind. Why had he suddenly stopped calling? She feared his patience with her refusal to come home had finally run out.

Hazelle stopped midway between handing Katniss a dish to dry, her eyes wide.

"Oh Katniss," she breathed, shock registering on her usually calm countenance.

"It's my fault Hazelle. I waited a week to call him after I first got here, but he just kept pleading with me to come home. I wasn't ready. He called a few times after that, but it was the same thing, and I couldn't handle the pressure, so I stopped answering his calls. I just couldn't face how disappointed he was each time I told him I wasn't ready to come back. Then he just stopped calling."

"And you didn't think to call him yourself? Katniss!" Hazelle said firmly, "You can't let this go on too much longer. Even a patient man has limits."

Katniss nodded, knowing this was Hazelle's way of telling her it was time that she mended some fences. As soon as they finished cleaning up Katniss went to her room and grabbed her boots and her father's leather jacket. Fall had come early, and it was starting to get cooler out. She headed out and hiked deep into the woods, finally hoisting herself high up into the tallest tree she could find.

Her tailbone pushed uncomfortably against the rough bark of the oak tree limb where she was balanced. Katniss wondered if it possible to lose your ability to sit in trees, or was she simply getting older? Her body had certainly changed after having the children, and she struggled to get into trees more now than she ever had before. Maybe her physical center-of-gravity had changed along with the center of her emotional world when the children were born. She looked around her, remembering that day in the park at home when she had compared the trees there to these woods. The leaves were starting to turn orange, and it made her think of Peeta again.

Katniss' thoughts turned to what she was facing when she got home. She knew she had a lot of explaining to do and that Peeta was furious with her by now. His recent silence spoke volumes, and she couldn't deny he had every right to feel that way. She also didn't doubt that he loved her, and she knew she loved him back, but he just didn't understand why she hadn't gone straight home each time he'd pleaded with her too. Peeta had to understand that he couldn't fix what was wrong with her and make her into the mother she wanted to be. How could she make him understand? He would try to blame himself, and it wasn't his fault. It was hers. She hadn't really told him how she was feeling before, after all. He really was a wonderful husband and father, but it wasn't the same for him. At least he got to interact with other adults at work. There were days when the only other adult Katniss spoke to was Peeta.

Though Katniss still believed getting away had been the right thing for her, she knew she had gone the wrong way about it, leaving the way she had. She would have to work hard to make it up to Peeta and the kids when she got home.

Her decision was made. This would be her last hike into the woods before going home. She was leaving in the morning.

* * *

Throwing her bag and her father's jacket into the back of the car she turned to say goodbye to Hazelle and Gale.

"Don't be a stranger Catnip," Gale said coming forward and hugging her. "You know you're always welcome here. And I'll be up around your way more often now too, seeing as I'm going to consult for Undersee's Nursery on developing the forestry side of the business, so I'll see you more often."

"Thanks for letting me stay so long Gale," Katniss replied, returning his hug. "I really enjoyed our hunting trips. And least I proved that even after two kids, I'm still a better hunter than you are," she grinned.

He laughed as he released her. "I'll let you think that you are." He said. "But I'd better get going now or I'll be late for work, so you take care of yourself," he said placing a quick peck on her cheek, and climbing into his truck. He pulled away offering a small wave and a smile out the window.

Hazelle watched him go, "He misses you when he doesn't see you for a while, you know?" She said quietly to Katniss, "I hope you can visit more often."

"I hope so, too," Katniss said. She turned and grasped the other woman's hands, "Hazelle, I can't thank you enough for all you've done for me these past weeks."

"Hush girl, you're like one of my own. Anytime you need me, I'm here okay?" Hazelle responded warmly, "But, maybe next time you'll bring those sweet babies and that gorgeous man of yours with you, too. I have a craving for his cheese buns."

"Me too," Katniss laughed, as she hugged Hazelle warmly. "Take care Hazelle."

"You too honey, and let me know you got home safe, okay?"

"I will," and with that, Katniss climbed into the car and pulled away, leaving Hazelle waving on the porch behind her.

A few miles into the journey, as she gazed out the windshield at the road ahead of her. She was actually excited at the thoughts of getting home, of seeing Peeta and their kids again. Even though she had needed the time away, she had missed them all terribly. She missed Skye's giggles and shining blue eyes when she read her a story, or stroking her fingers through Aran's soft blond curls as she sang him to sleep. She wondered if he had grown much while she was away. Katniss was worried about how the kids would react when they saw her, would they ignore her at first? She couldn't blame them if they did, but she would make it up to them.

Katniss let her thoughts turn to Peeta. She couldn't measure how much she had missed him. His smile, the love in his blue eyes, and the comfort of his steady presence. The warmth and security she felt with his arms wrapped around her in the dark every night. She couldn't wait another day to hold him, and to feel his arms around her again.

Now that she was on her way home, she couldn't wait to get there. She increased the pressure on the gas pedal, anxious to finish the journey and start putting her life back together as quickly as possible.

When she had called Peeta the day before and told him she was coming home, his voice had sounded so different. Cool and distant. He didn't sound excited or happy that she was coming home, he just said he'd see her at their house that afternoon, and that they'd talk when she got there.

As she let herself in, Katniss noticed how quiet the house was. It was tidy and clean, Peeta had done a good job keeping on top of things while she was away. But, she knew he would. She smiled. He really was the best. She had half expected the children to be there with Sae, but he must have taken them to work with him today.

She went upstairs to their bedroom and left her bag on the bed, and put her father's hunting jacket back into its place in the closet. She walked over and picked up the silver framed photo of Peeta and her together on their wedding day that rested on the bedside table, and smiled as she ran her finger along the side of Peeta's smiling face. Engraved on the frame, was one word " _Always_." She put the photo back down, and went and washed up quickly in the bathroom, re-braided her hair, and just as she went back downstairs she heard Peeta coming in through the front door.

Their eyes connected, and for just a minute, Peeta stood and stared at her, his keys dangling from his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks to my fantastic beta, Kismet4891, and my friend KnottedEnergy, for their help and encouragement.


	4. The Break Up

" 

 

Katniss moved quickly across the room to where Peeta was standing frozen in the doorway, and wrapped her arms around his neck. Reaching up on her toes, she pressed her lips urgently against his, desperate for the feel of his lips against hers once more. For a brief moment, she felt his lips fuse with hers as he returned her kiss, but before she could move to further deepen the kiss she suddenly felt him pulling away from her.

"Hi," she greeted breathlessly, tilting her head back and looking deep into his blue eyes. They were swirling with emotions and darkened by something she couldn't quite identify.

"Hi," he said quietly, looking down into her grey ones. Katniss tightened her arms around him and pulled him closer, it felt so good to finally be able to touch him like this and feel his solid strength against her.

Peeta opened his mouth to speak, but quickly Katniss pressed her index finger gently to his lips, preventing him from saying anything.

"Before you say anything, I want to tell you I'm sorry that I've been away for so long Peeta. It's so good to be home, and I missed you so, so much," she admitted, closing her eyes and pressing her cheek against his broad chest. Slowly she breathed in the warm, familiar scents of vanilla and sugar that always seemed to cling to him from the bakery, and she smiled. She took comfort in the sound of his steady heartbeat and the tangible feeling of his strong chest beneath her cheek.

"We need to talk Katniss," Peeta asserted, his voice soft but cool, "there's a lot to talk about."

"I know," Katniss murmured back, her face still pressed to his chest. "But before we do that, just let me hold you for a minute longer, okay? I've missed you holding me so much."

Peeta raised his right hand bringing it to rest lightly between her shoulder blades, but he didn't make any attempt to pull her closer to him or to kiss her again. Instead, he moved his left hand up to disentangle hers from around his neck, taking her now free hands and leading her through into their living room.

 _Okay_ , Katniss thought, as she followed him. She could tell he wasn't ready yet to forgive her completely. But, she had anticipated that, they did need to talk and she knew she owed him an explanation. Once they were both seated on the sofa, he turned to face her.

"So," Peeta started, clearing his throat awkwardly, "you know we need to talk properly about what happened Katniss. But, let's get a few things out of the way first."

Katniss nodded, "Okay, but... before we start - I thought the kids would be here with Sae when I got home. Where are they now? I can't wait to see them, too."

"I had to organize daycare for them so I could work. That's where they are right now. I couldn't keep asking Sae or Prim to watch them while I worked. Prim is going to pick them up today, and she said she would watch them while we talked."

"Oh, okay. That sounds like a good idea," Katniss smiled at him hesitantly.

"I'll take you to them later on. But, I wanted to talk about what happened without them around. How are you feeling now? Do you feel better?" his voice was still cool and distant. There was an odd detachment to it. Katniss frowned slightly, trying to gauge what Peeta was thinking from his expression, but she was finding it difficult to read him. He wasn't meeting her eyes and when he did briefly look at her and it was like he was working hard at keeping his face purposely neutral.

Katniss had expected Peeta to be deeply upset, but this felt like an impenetrable wall. He was the most patient and loving man she knew and he was usually slow to anger, but when he was angry he could be formidable. She took a deep breath before answering his questions. Now was not the time for words to fail her.

"I feel so much better, Peeta, stronger, both physically and emotionally. You have no idea how much I needed to get away and...de-stress." She smiled tentatively at him again, hoping to see some signs of softening in his eyes.

"De-stress? " Peeta repeated, raising a hand to his face and rubbing his deeply furrowed brow. After a moment, he let his hand drop back down to rest on his thigh, and Katniss fought the urge to climb into his lap and caress the tension that remained on his brow away herself. But she held back, knowing that wasn't what Peeta needed from her right now. What he needed was an explanation, not physical displays of her affection.

"I knew things weren't exactly easy Katniss, but I had no idea that you were feeling so emotionally overwrought and stressed that you'd actually feel a need to run away from us. You never told me things were getting you down so much. I don't understand why you didn't tell me. Have I ever made you feel that I was unapproachable? I don't think I have." Peeta paused, but Katniss didn't answer him.

"You could have told me, and I would have tried to help you," Peeta said as he watched her with questioning eyes. Katniss could see the hurt and confusion clearly reflected in them, and she could tell by the pleading tone of his voice that he desperately needed answers. She didn't know if she had those answers for him, and again she had to fight the urge to reach out and comfort him. But there was that flicker of something else in his eyes too, something that made her hesitate.

Katniss thought carefully, searching for the best words to offer him, "I know now that I should have said something to you, Peeta, but at the time I just didn't want to burden you with my worries. I wasn't even sure what my worries _were_ exactly, and I couldn't _explain_ them because I didn't understand them myself. Even if I'd told you, you couldn't have fixed what I was going through. I had to figure it out on my own." She hesitated, not knowing whether to continue. Peeta was listening to her carefully, but his eyes had dropped to the floor. She waited for him to say something, _anything_ , but he stayed silent, obviously going over what she had said in his head.

"Can you explain them now?" he finally asked.

"I don't know" Katniss replied. "I can try. But, I want you to know it was never a case of you not being there for me or not helping me enough, Peeta. I don't want you to think that at all. What happened was nothing to do with you," she added softly. "I know you were already doing as much as you could, and I never expected more from you. I knew you had a lot of pressure on you, too - between your Dad and looking after the bakery. I guess I just didn't want to add to your worries when you came home from work. So, instead, I kept them to myself."

Peeta raised his eyes to meet hers again, "And how does coming home from work and finding my wife has run off fit in with your theory of not adding to my worries, Katniss? You have no idea what that did to me. How worried I was about you." Peeta shook his head as if in disgust and turned his face away. Katniss frowned at this action; it was as if he couldn't stand to look at her for more than a few seconds at a time. "You know, you and the kids have always been my first priority, my family is more important to me than anything," Peeta proudly stated, as if he felt he had to remind her.

"I know that Peeta...I just didn't think," she admitted, wringing her hands in her lap. "I'm sorry Peeta," shamed by the truth of his words, it came out as a pleading whisper.

Peeta crossed his arms tightly. "Right," he said, his tone suddenly scathing, causing Katniss to flinch. "You didn't think. Not about what you were doing and what it would do to me, not about how it would affect our kids. That night, the night you left, at first I thought maybe you'd just gone over to see Prim or Annie, and I wondered why you hadn't text me to let me know. But then it got later and later, so I put the kids to bed, and soon after that I figured out something was really wrong. I checked, and found your father's jacket was missing and that's when I realized what you had done."

Katniss leaned forward, trying to move closer to Peeta's side and reached out to lay her hand on his forearm. She wanted him to look at her, "Peeta, maybe I shouldn't have phrased it that way... you know I'm not good with words! It's not that I didn't think of you or care about your feelings. I'm sorry. I'm truly am." Katniss felt like the words were choking her, as she struggled to get them past her lips. "That day... I don't know how to explain it to you. That day, I just hit rock bottom. Aran had cried almost non-stop and I just couldn't take it anymore. I was so exhausted and I wasn't thinking straight. I truly wasn't. I am so sorry for doing that to you, and to them."

Peeta pulled away from her touch, as if the feeling of her skin against his burned, "I am supposed to be your husband, Katniss!" he growled. "You should have trusted me enough to tell me what was going on with you, long before it ever got to the point where you felt running away was your only option. If things were so bad that day, you could have called me, I would have come home. You could have at least called me that night to tell me you were okay. Why didn't you trust me? When did you _stop_ trusting me?"

"I do trust you Peeta, you know I do. I trust you more than anyone, and I explained why I didn't call that night..." Katniss stammered, shocked at the force of his questions.

"You trust me more than anyone?" Peeta scoffed, "Are you sure about that Katniss?" His voice dripped sarcasm, this was not the Peeta she was accustomed to. "Because it doesn't feel like that to me. You avoided me and stayed away for _two months_ , Katniss. Was it really necessary for you to stay away for so long?"

"I didn't know when I left that I would be gone for so long, Peeta. I just felt so overwhelmed when I left. Then, the longer I stayed away, the harder it was to come back."

"Well that's reassuring!" Peeta snapped. "Being told that we're so hard to come back to!"

"You know I don't mean it like that Peeta. I guess I was just afraid to face you. I don't feel good about what I did. But, I thought you wanted to talk, why are you trying to pick a fight with me? I'm doing my best to explain..." Katniss snapped back, her own voice starting to raise to match his. _Why was he being like this?_

Peeta ignored her question, "Answer me this," he said through clenched teeth. "Where did you really go when you first left Katniss? Or, do I even need to ask?"

His question hung heavy in the air between them.

Katniss inhaled sharply. _He knew._ He knew she'd lied about being at her Uncle Haymitch's place. The truth in his accusation caused her to immediately become defensive. "Does it really matter where I was Peeta?" she replied sharply. "You know I was in Seam. You knew I was going to come back, I told you on the phone I wasn't walking away or giving up. I just needed to get some space for a while. It just all got on top of me, you know? Keeping up with the house, two young children, it's been hard. Yeah, maybe I should have told you how much it was getting to me sooner, but you're gone from dawn until dusk most days, sometimes later…"

"That's not fair Katniss, I have to work, and you know that!" Peeta interrupted her, "I knew you were finding it difficult to cope with the kids sometimes, and I wish I could have been here more to help with them, but I always did what I could. You know how much I love them, and you. But yeah, I do have a lot of work responsibility on my shoulders, too."

They were glaring at each other now, both angry and breathing heavily. The tension in the room was building and Katniss didn't like where the conversation was heading - but she knew Peeta was far from finished. She could tell he had needed to get all of this off his chest for a long time, and maybe she deserved most of it.

"The truth is Katniss, I already knew where you were and who you were with before I asked you," Peeta revealed. "I already know you went straight to Gale's that night and were staying there all along, while you were _getting some space_ away from me, and our children. I just wondered whether you would volunteer the information yourself. But, you didn't! You're still hiding things from me. I can't believe you lied to me Katniss!"

Katniss felt her stomach flipping - his eyes were cutting through her now, and she finally recognized the emotion she had seen flickering deep within them earlier. _Fury_. Peeta was furious, and it was all directed at her.

"Peeta, I was going to tell you but..." she stuttered unsure how to continue. Peeta was acting so unlike himself, she didn't know how to respond, how to defend herself. She had always known he hated being lied to more than anything. _Why had she told him that stupid lie?_

"When were you going to tell me then, Katniss? Hmm?" he raised his eyebrows at her. "You had two months to tell me where you were hiding out. Please don't insult my intelligence any further by trying to make excuses for that. Do you want to know how I found out you were never at your Uncle Haymitch's place?" Peeta's voice rose, but maintained the eerie cool, he answered his own question, "I drove up there. A month after you left. Yeah. Imagine how pathetic I felt when I showed up on your Uncle's doorstep with a box of your favorite cheese buns. Imagine how ridiculous I felt looking for my wife, who had told me she would be there, only find out from Haymitch that he hadn't seen or heard from you in months." His eyes glinted angrily and his tone sent shivers through her.

Katniss reached for Peeta's hand, this time taking it in hers and not letting go when he tried to pull away. His fingers felt stiff in hers, when they used to fit so perfectly between her own, "Ok. Yes, I was staying at Gale's place the whole time. And if you really want to know, I didn't tell you because I thought it would upset you if I told you the truth. While I was there I spent most of my time alone in the woods, or with Hazelle. But, really Peeta?" Katniss could feel her own temper starting to rise, but she tried to contain it, "If you weren't so distrustful of Gale in the first place, then I wouldn't have had to lie about where I was staying. After all the time we've been together, I don't know why you're still so distrustful of him. You know there has never been anything between he and I. I love _you_. But I can never talk to you about him, or tell you anything about him because I know you get like _this_." She waved a hand at Peeta, as if to illustrate his irate state.

"I don't trust him around you" Peeta growled in response. "And don't bullshit me. The reason you never went to Haymitch's is because you know there is no way he'd have let you do what you did. He'd have told you to get your ass back home after the first week."

"I didn't want to bother Haymitch. He's an old man." Katniss responded, even though she knew Peeta was right. There was no way her uncle would have let her stay away from her family for two months. But she didn't want to think about that right now.

Still on the defensive, she added "I'm sick of your distrust of Gale. Honestly, it's getting old Peeta. Gale has never acted as anything more than a friend towards me, how many times do I have to tell you that? Or are you accusing me of something? Because if you are, just spit it out," Katniss barked. "I find it insulting that you think that I would have so little self-control - that all it would take is for Gale to make some kind of move on me for me to cheat on you."

"What I can't accept is that you made a conscious decision to _lie_ to me, Katniss. That alone, the fact that you lied, makes me doubt everything else you say. When did you start lying to me?" Peeta threw his hands up and dragged them through his hair, gripping at the roots. His frustration with her was clear. "I don't know what to believe anymore. You're saying all the right words, telling me you're sorry and you love me, but all I know is that when things get too much for you, you run straight to him, your so-called _best friend_ ," he stopped, and took a deep breath. Katniss could see he was making a visible effort to calm down before things got any further out of control.

After taking a moment to compose himself, Peeta started to speak again, his tone noticeably calmer. "I'm your husband Katniss, _I love you_. I think you do mean it when you say you love me, but I just don't _feel_ it. Your actions don't match your words." He locked his eyes with hers, " _I'm_ supposed to be your best friend. You're supposed to come to _me_ when you need comfort, lean on _me_ if things get too much for you. I wanted to be there for you. I'd give my life for you. But instead, you disappeared on me and turned to another man, someone you know I don't trust, and then you lied to me. How do you think that makes me feel? It hurts Katniss," he looked down at their still entwined hands, and pulled his away from hers.

Katniss gasped, his hurt was palpable and his words shocked her. She had expected things to be bad, but she was short sighted, she hadn't anticipated the depth of hurt her actions would inflict on Peeta. She tried to take his hand back, but he wouldn't let her. Instead she placed her hands on either side of his face, turning it and forcing him to meet her eyes.

"Peeta, look at me. No, _look at me_ ," she demanded as he tried to pull away. He raised his eyes to meet hers reluctantly. "Please, listen to me. Peeta, you have to understand that it's not _him_ I go to for comfort. You've never understood that. It's the woods. They're what comforts me, makes me feel safe, _the place_ , not Gale. Please, you've got to understand the difference!" Katniss pleaded.

"I think it's you that doesn't understand that the two are entwined, Katniss. You say the woods give you comfort and make you feel safe - do I not do those things for you anymore? You used to say the place you felt safest in the world, was in my arms." Peeta searched her eyes, as if looking for reassurance that he still mattered to her. In that moment, he looked so vulnerable that It shattered Katniss' heart.

"It still is Peeta," tears were beginning to fall down Katniss face as she watched him.

Peeta saw her tears falling, but he made no move to offer her any comfort. "I saw you, you know," he said darkly. "With Gale, when I was in Seam. After I talked to Haymitch I went to his house to find you, and I saw you laughing and smiling on the back porch with him. He threw his arm around you. You were obviously happy, looking like you didn't have a worry in the world. And I thought maybe that was the life you should have had. A life in Seam with him. That maybe you thought marrying me was a mistake."

"I'm sorry Peeta!" she shouted at him in frustration now, tears streaming down her face, "how many times can I say it? Whatever you saw between me and Gale you know there is nothing between us. There never has been. He is just my friend, I swear to you. _I love you._ I've never regretted marrying you, ever! How could you even think that?"

"The point is you seem to need him, or _the woods,_ more than you need me when you are having a crisis Katniss. It's what you've always done, run away _to him_ , when the going gets tough." He shook his head. "I'm not going to let you hurt me like this again, I don't think I could survive something like this again, and I am determined you are not going to hurt our children. And make no mistake, what you did hurt them, too. They missed you terribly Katniss." His tone was filled with contempt now, and she felt shame washing over her again at the thought of her children upset and missing her. "They are old enough to realize you were gone for a long time. Skye was so upset, constantly asking when you were coming home, she has regressed and started waking at night again, having bad dreams and won't go anywhere without her blanket. Aran just kept looking for you all the time. Please, explain to me how you could do that to them?"

Katniss looked deep down within herself to try and find the explanation he needed. "It's not like I abandoned them, Peeta. I knew they'd be okay with you. I knew you'd look after them, you're a much better parent then I will ever be... I'll make it up to them, and to you, I promise." Katniss looked at him with pleading eyes, "Please Peeta, you have to believe me. I want to make it up to you. I want to make it up to them. I'm sorry I lied to you. I swear I will never do anything like this to you again. I didn't think it would hurt you so badly."

"That's not an explanation though, Katniss." Peeta said, his voice firm. "I told you already I had to put the kids in full-time daycare. We had to rearrange the whole bakery schedule. Rye had to take over opening up in the mornings again, and I've had to go back to working weekends to make up. Do you know how many peoples' lives were impacted by what you did? And it all could have been avoided if you just _talked_ to me."

"All I can say is I'm sorry Peeta. How many times do you want me to say it? I had no idea when I left I would be away for so long. I didn't plan it that way. I honestly thought I'd only be gone for a couple of days," she whispered, her bottom lip trembling as she tried to keep her composure.

"So what made you come back now Katniss? Why now?" Peeta asked, "what changed?"

"Haven't you heard a single word I've said?" Katniss snapped back at him, "I love you Peeta. I missed you. I missed the kids, too. I came home because I finally felt strong enough to pick up the pieces of my life again and I want to be with my family. I want to be with you. I never intended to hurt anyone, but it seems I did.

"Yes, you did. Two months is a very long time for your son and your daughter to miss you, Katniss. Not to mention me. How did you think it would make me feel when you stayed away from us like this?" His eyes were blazing and his jaw was clenched angrily.

Katniss raised her hand to his face again, cupping his jaw in her hand, trying to smooth the anger from it, "I thought you'd be okay. I never thought you'd think that my going away was a reflection on how I feel about you or about our marriage. I just had to get my head back on straight. It's been a very rough year, with Aran and everything… but I can see now how selfish you think I've been."

As she studied him, Katniss noticed just how tired Peeta looked. His eyes were red rimmed and there were dark circles underneath. He looked thinner too, like he had lost weight, and there were lines on his face that hadn't been there before. She finally started to get an idea of what a massive toll her absence had taken on him. She had been selfish, and thoughtless, to leave him alone for so long.

"It's been a rough year for me, too, Katniss," Peeta interrupted her train of thought. "With my Dad retiring and Graham moving away. Rye and I are trying to run the bakery with just the two of us, when there used to be four. God knows, I tried to be there for you in every way I could, and I would have liked to have been able to rely on some support from my wife, too. But, you wouldn't even come home when I begged you to, when I told you how much I needed you. So much for us being _partners_."

Katniss chose to ignore that last jab, as she studied his face, "So, how can I make this up to you, Peeta? Tell me how can I fix things?" she asked quietly.

Peeta didn't answer her immediately. The longer he didn't answer, the more anxious Katniss became. Finally, he looked up and took a deep breath, his eyes searching her face, "That's just it Katniss." he said, a noticeable tremor in his voice. "I don't think I can forgive you this time. I don't understand how you could just leave me and the kids like that, and then stay away for so long. Especially when I begged for you to come home, and told you how much I needed you. I don't know if I can forgive you for avoiding me, and lying to me. I love you, but you've broken something between us."

Katniss swallowed the lump that appeared in her throat, Peeta's words and body language were making her extremely nervous. She'd never seen him act like this before, not in the whole of their twelve year relationship. "Peeta, I think you're over-reacting. I know I have a lot of making up to do, but it's not like I ran off and had an affair. Things aren't broken between us! I just needed some time away. Why is that so hard to understand?"

Peeta was silent for a moment, watching her, "You still don't get it, do you Katniss? Maybe you didn't have an affair, but when you feel things are so bad in our home that you have to retreat to another man's home to find the comfort and support you need, then something isn't right. I can't trust you anymore. Not with my kids, and not with my heart." Peeta stopped and stood up, moving to stare out the window into their back yard, with his back to her. It was if he needed to put physical distance between them. He raised his hand to rub the nape of his neck.

"I came to a decision while you were gone, Katniss. I think it's best for all concerned that you don't come back here to stay today. I've already spoken to Prim and told her a little of how I feel, and she says you can stay with her and Rory until we get everything sorted out."

"What do you mean, until we get everything sorted out? Get what sorted out?" Katniss asked, her voice climbing an octave in panic. Peeta was really scaring her now. He was insinuating some powerful things about the composition of their relationship. He sounded so ominous, like he wanted nothing to do with her. This cold, detached, angry man in front of her was not _her_ Peeta. It was like a stranger had stepped into his place and taken over his body. She didn't recognize the person standing with his back to her.

Peeta turned his head and met her gaze. The fury was gone, spent, and was replaced with so much raw pain, her heart clenched at what she saw in his beautiful blue eyes. _Had she really hurt him this much?_

Instead of saying anything else, he tore his eyes away from hers and walked across the room to pick something up off a small desk in the corner. Returning to where she sat, he tossed a buff colored envelope into her lap. She could see his hands were trembling.

"What is this?" Katniss asked, picking up the envelope, her voice shaking with anxiety.

"Open it," he replied simply. He turned away again, pushing his hands into his pockets and returned to stand gazing out the window into the back yard. His posture was totally closed off.

Slowly, Katniss opened the envelope and pulled out several sheets of paper. On top of the first sheet in bold typeface were the words _"Petition for Dissolution of Marriage"_ and her heart shattered in her chest. She couldn't breathe. It was as if all the air had been sucked out of the room, and she was suffocating.

A petition for divorce. Peeta wanted a divorce. Katniss felt lightheaded, as she suddenly saw her whole world crashing down around her.

"Peeta!" She gasped out when she finally caught her breath. She could feel her heart beating erratically in her chest. Jumping up from the sofa she ran to where Peeta stood, thrusting the papers forcefully against his chest, shaking her head at him. "No! No, no, no… Not this? I don't accept this Peeta! Please, I know I've made some huge mistakes and you have every right to be angry with me, but I came back to try and make everything better...I want to put things right! You can't really want this! Won't you at least give me a chance to try to do that? What about the children?"

Peeta laughed softly, but it wasn't a pleasant sound, "The children?" he repeated, "Did you think of the children two months ago, when you walked out of this house and left me to pick up the pieces and explain to them their mama was gone? No. You've already admitted you didn't. So, we'll work out a parenting plan, but the children will be staying right here, _with me_. This is their home, and this is where they belong. My lawyer has already advised me that given your tendency for disappearing for months on end and lying about your whereabouts, with no apparent concern for their wellbeing, that I should seek full custody."

"You've already consulted lawyers about custody?" Katniss could feel the room beginning to spin around her. She made her way back to the sofa and sat down heavily before her legs collapsed from under her. This time it was she who dropped her head into her hands. She was so confused. How had everything spiralled out of control so fast?

Katniss raised her head and tried to focus. "Please Peeta, if you feel this way, can't we at least try counseling or something before you give up? I don't believe you really want this, don't do this, please I love you! Don't give up on us." she made a choking sound, as the tears she'd been fighting to hold back began to roll down her face again. She wrapped her arms around herself, whispering, "Peeta, I want to try, don't you want to try?" She hesitated, scared to ask the question she feared the answer too most, "Don't you love me anymore?"

Peeta whirled around to face her, and she could see the anguish he was feeling written all over his face.

"I do love you, Katniss, but I can't go back to what we were. I can't constantly be on edge worrying when next I'm going to come home from work and find you've abandoned us. I can't live with the thought that maybe you're going to disappear on us again. On me again. Or that maybe next time you'll take my children with you. Better that you go now, and are gone for good." Katniss could hear Peeta's voice breaking with the force of his emotions behind his words. Each one felt like a dagger in her heart.

The enormity of what was happening hit her like a freight train. With sudden clarity, she knew that what she had done had convinced Peeta that she didn't want him. She had known on some level, that he would find some way to blame himself for her taking off that day, but she had never anticipated it would have this much of an effect on him. Katniss finally admitted to herself that she had acted selfishly. She could see now her biggest mistake had been taking his love for granted. For so long that she had just assumed that his love would always be hers. This was what Hazelle had been trying to warn her about. That _even the most patient man had his limits_. She had taken it for granted that when she came home, he would be waiting for her, the same kind, loving, and understanding man he had always been. She realized she had taken advantage of him, and now it looked like she was going to lose him. And it terrified her.

"I don't want to lose you Peeta," she whimpered. "You and our kids mean everything to me. Please, you have to believe me."

"You didn't even call me for a full week after you left Katniss!" Peeta finally exploded, tears she hadn't known he'd been holding back slipping down his cheeks. He stood with his hands clenched in fists at his sides. "How could you think so little of me, that you left me waiting a full week for a phone call?"

Katniss went to him then and tried to wrap her arms around him. She could not recall ever seeing Peeta cry like this before, the only time she'd seen him cry they'd been happy tears - on their wedding day and again on the days their children were born.

Peeta shook her off again. "I was frantic." He began to rant and prowl the room, pointing his finger at her face, "I remembered how you used to disappear to the woods before, when we were in college, but I never thought you would do it again now. That you would do that to our children, especially considering how you feel about how your own mother abandoned you." He sneered.

Katniss flinched, the full effect of Peeta's words hitting her like a punch in the stomach. "Don't you dare compare me to her!" she shouted back at him. I did not _abandon_ my children! I left them knowing they would be safe in the care of their father. Don't you dare compare what I did, to my mother leaving Prim and I to fend for ourselves!" In her mind, she would never accept what she did to her children was abandonment.

But Peeta was still ranting, as if he hadn't heard a word she'd said, his breathing loud and erratic. "All I got was one lousy text, then a phone call a week later saying _you_ were okay, and you'd be back when _you_ felt better. Do you realize that whenever we spoke, you never once asked me how the kids or I were coping in your absence? Not once! Is that an indication of how much you _cared_ , Katniss? Then you stopped answering my calls. You didn't reply to texts. I didn't know if you were really going to come back. You didn't even call to check how the kids were when _I_ stopped calling _you_ ," Peeta stopped to catch his breath, running his hands through his hair to try and calm himself down.

"Peeta..." Katniss tried to get a word in to defend herself but he held up his hand to stop her before she could get any further.

"No. I don't want to hear it." He cut off what she tried to say. "We're just going around in circles now. That day I went to Haymitch's to try to talk to you and I saw you sitting smiling and laughing with Hawthorne as if you hadn't a single care in the world was the final straw. It's the last time I'll let you walk away from me, and go to him."

Finally, Katniss had had enough too. "You may not want to hear it, but I'm going to say it Peeta. This has nothing to do with Gale," she threw at him. "He has only ever been a friend to me. That's all. I know what I did was wrong but we can try to work this out or you can throw it all away. I still love you and you say you love me. I want to work this out." She stared at him, desperately searching his face for any sign that she was getting through to him, but he was wearing that carefully composed mask again.

Taking a deep breath, Katniss made one last impassioned plea in an attempt to get through to him. "You promised me you'd stay with me, always, Peeta." She allowed her chin to drop to her chest as she tried to fight back the tears streaming down her face. "We took vows. For better or worse. Please... stay with me?" her voice broke on a sob as she the words.

" _I_ kept my promise, and my vows, Katniss" Peeta replied, his voice lower, but still firm, as if his mind was made up. "It was you who broke them when you didn't stay _for me_. We're done. I'm done. I want a divorce."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my wonderful Beta Kismet4891 and my friend KnottedEnergy who have encouraged me from the start to take this plotline where it wanted to go. :)


	5. The Aftershocks

" 

 

Katniss sat stiffly in the passenger seat of her car, as Peeta drove them to Prim and Rory's place. She pressed herself up against the passenger door, trying to keep as much distance between her and Peeta as possible. Her body turned away from him and her arms wrapped around herself as she struggled to focus. Though she felt physically numb from shock, her mind felt like it was in complete turmoil.

She couldn't believe this was real - that Peeta was so angry with her that he wanted to end their marriage. Over and over, the same question circled in her mind - how could this be happening? Katniss had known, even before she left the woods, she would be facing a difficult situation when she got home, but she'd thought she would be able to make Peeta understand. She thought she could explain what she'd been feeling, he'd listen and they would talk. She'd felt certain that it would all work out okay, and they'd get back to normal. After all, that's what had always happened before when she'd disappeared. It had never occurred to her that Peeta might think her leaving meant she didn't love him anymore. She had thoroughly underestimated how much her actions would hurt him, and it looked like her obliviousness was going to cost her everything. Fresh tears began to roll down her face again.

"Peeta please, won't you reconsider?" she whispered desperately, risking a sideways glance at his face as he pulled up outside Prim's house. Before leaving their house she had tried in vain to convince him to give them, and their marriage another chance. Eventually he had told her he didn't want to talk anymore and offered to drive her to Prim's to see the kids.

"I've told you, I don't think I can Katniss," he responded quietly. Katniss noticed that the anger had left his voice, and it had been replaced with sadness. He still wouldn't, or couldn't, look at her. "It's too much," Peeta explained. "I am sorry if this has come as a shock to you. I'm sorry that you're hurting now, but I'm hurting too. I have been since the day you left. More than I think you'll ever know."

"Does Prim know you are going to leave me?" she whispered, her voice shaking. His head snapped around sharply, his blue eyes blazing fiercely as they met hers. " _Me_ , leave _you_?" he barked, the anger in his voice quickly returning. "I think you're forgetting which one of us drove away and didn't come home for two months, Katniss. That wasn't me!"

Katniss shrunk back against the car door, away from the anger in his voice. She couldn't take any more of his anger tonight. "I'm sorry Peeta… it was an unfortunate choice of words… I...I only meant does she know you planned to end things? That you were going to file papers?"

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I haven't told anyone else about that yet. Prim knows I've been really upset. She helped me out with watching the kids on the weekends, but I didn't talk to anyone else about what I was going to do. I thought you should be the first to know. I only filed the papers a few days ago. Now that you're back you can expect to be served with a copy of them over the next few days."

"Is this really what you want, Peeta? Us to be over?" Katniss studied his face, hoping, searching for some sign of hope to cling on to.

Peeta didn't answer her immediately. "Do _you_ really know what you want, Katniss?" he answered eventually, "Because I don't think you do. You might thank me for this one day."

Katniss shook her head furiously, "No Peeta, I know I don't want this. I don't want us to be over. I never wanted this."

Peeta remained silent. After a minute, he shut off the car engine and turned to look over at her. Even in the dim light, he could see Katniss was visibly trembling, her face chalk white and strained, her eyes red and puffy from the tears she had cried. He watched as another tear rolled slowly down her face. Even after all that had happened, he felt a pull at his traitorous heart. It still hurt him to see her in so much distress. He sighed and pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and offered it to her. "Katniss, you have to dry your eyes and try to get yourself together if you want to see the kids," he said quietly. "We can't let them see us like this, and we are both going to have to try and find a way to get through this without it impacting them any more than it has already. I'll take your bags into the house and you can follow me when you're ready."

Without giving her an opportunity to say anything else, Peeta opened the car door and climbed out, popping the trunk to pull out her bags. He walked swiftly up the path to Prim's door, not waiting for her to follow him. Slowly Katniss tried to tidy her hair, then she wiped her eyes with his handkerchief. Suddenly her senses were assaulted with that scent again, _his scent_. Groaning, she buried her face in the soft material, as she tried to gather herself. She climbed out of the car and began to make her way slowly up the path to the house. Shefelt weak and lightheaded, her legs shook underneath her. Katniss wondered vaguely if she was in some kind of shock. She didn't want to reach Prim's door. She knew once she reached that door, then everything that had happened tonight would become real. Before she could process another thought, she saw her beautiful blonde sister, running down the path towards her, and the next thing she knew she was being gathered into her arms for a fierce hug. Peeta moved aside to let Prim embrace her sister.

"Finally, you came home!" Prim said, backing up and smiling at her. She pushed back, so she could look over her sister. "And it's about time, too. It's so good to see you Katniss. Come on. Let's go inside. You're trembling, are you cold?"

'"No, not really," Katniss said rubbing her palms up and down her arms. She hadn't realized she was shaking so badly. She clung to Prim, desperately needing to feel some human warmth.

"Well, come in and I'll make you some hot tea to warm you up. Peeta, you too," Prim turned to offer a small, but sad smile to Peeta who was standing slightly to one side, watching the sisters reunite.

Prim led the way into the house, keeping her arm wrapped firmly around Katniss' waist. Just outside the entrance to the living room, Prim stopped, turning to face Katniss.

"Rory is inside here with the kids," she said gently, "are you sure you're ready for this? Do you want to come through to the kitchen first and give yourself a moment before you see them?"

"No, Prim," Katniss shook her head firmly, and straightened her back. She lifted her chin and looked at her sister, "I want to see my babies. I've already been away from them for too long." From the corner of her eye, Katniss could see Peeta stiffen at what she'd said, but she ignored him. Maybe he didn't want her any more, but he was right about one thing, she had to be strong now and not let her kids see how upset she was.

Prim nodded. "Okay then," she said smiling.

But just as they were about to walk though the doorway, Peeta put his hand out and stepped up beside Katniss. "Let's go in together" he said. "We should try to look amicable for the kids' sake." Katniss threw him a look but walked through the entrance into the living room beside him, Prim following behind them.

At the first sight of her son in Rory's arms, his soft blond curls shining, Katniss' breath caught in her throat. He'd grown so much! Her eyes sought out and found Skye where she was lying on her belly on the floor, surrounded by crayons and brightly colored paper, singing softly to herself as she concentrated on her drawing. Skye looked up as her parents came through the doorway, her blue eyes locking on Katniss and widening in recognition at the sight of her standing beside her father.

"Mama!" she squealed excitedly, jumping to her feet - but then she hesitated as if she didn't know what to do next. Seeing the little girl's hesitation, Katniss slowly approached her instead, kneeling down a few feet from her and opening her arms in invitation. "Hi little girl," she said softly. "Can I at least get a hug?" she asked as Skye stood perfectly still, just looking at her, confusion and doubt clouding her blue eyes.

Skye looked up at Peeta, who gave her a reassuring smile and an almost imperceptible nod. Only then did the little girl move slowly into her mother's waiting arms. She let Katniss hug her.

"Where did you go to Mama?" she questioned in a tiny voice, pulling back from the embrace. There was a sulky pout to her bottom lip, which wobbled a little bit as she looked at Katniss with beseeching eyes. "You were gone for a very, very long time. Daddy and Aran were so sad, and so was I."

"Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry," Katniss answered her, pulling her daughter close to her and gently cradled her small body against her. She closed her eyes and pressed her cheek to the crown of Skye's head, savoring the feel of her daughter in her arms again. "I had to go away for a little while to get some rest, Skye. Mama was very tired," Katniss tried to explain.

"If you were tired, why didn't you go to bed early like you make me do when I'm tired?" Skye asked, wrapping her arms around Katniss neck and cuddling into her.

Katniss let a gentle laugh slip out at her daughter's simple logic, "Oh sweetie, I wish I could have done that, but this was a different kind of tired. It doesn't work that way. I'm so sorry I upset you and I promise I'm going to try and make it up to you now that I'm back, okay?"

"Will you make it up to Aran and Daddy, too?" Skye asked. "Aran cried really, really hard for you Mama. We didn't know where you had gone to."

"l hope so Skye, I really, really want to try and make it up to Aran and Daddy, too," Katniss swallowed hard, glancing over briefly at Peeta and noticing the expression on his face.

He was watching them closely, but with such anguish in his face that it made Katniss' stomach twist. Peeta's face had become very pale and Katniss could see unshed tears in his blue eyes. He turned his head away sharply when he noticed her looking at him. Or maybe he turned away because he didn't want Skye to see his reaction. She couldn't be sure and it wasn't like she could ask Peeta. Katniss released Skye from her hug, and stood up to approach Rory, who was holding her infant son in his arms. The little boy was watching her with his cool gray eyes, but not making a sound. Katniss was once again reminded how much Aran's personality was like her own.

"Hi little guy," she murmured in a gentle voice, holding her arms out towards the little boy. "Are you going to come say hello to your Mama?"

Aran continued to watch her, but his little face was unsure. Suddenly, he turned his head away from her, and let out a wail, hiding his face in Rory's shoulder. No matter how gently Katniss tried to coax him to come to her, he wouldn't even look at her. _Just like his father_ , she thought.

"Give him a few minutes," Prim said quietly, coming up behind Katniss and putting her arm around her again. "He'll come around, he is just making strange. Babies do it all the time."

"He won't even look at me Prim," Katniss' voice broke on the last syllable. Lowering her voice so only Prim could hear she added, "Peeta won't look at me either."

Prim glanced over at Peeta who was busying himself with admiring a picture Skye had drawn for him and trying to act normal. "It's been a rough day on you all, I think everyone's exhausted. I'll go make that tea. Skye, do you want to help pick out the cookies?"

Katniss knew it was a ploy on Prim's part to try and distract Skye away from the tension in the room, and she smiled at her sister gratefully.

But, Aran wasn't okay. A few minutes later, when Katniss tried again to coax him from Rory's arms he began to cry harder and started struggling. Rory sat him down gently, and excused himself to go help Prim in the kitchen. As Katniss watched Aran pulled himself to his feet and toddled straight over to Peeta on wobbly legs, holding his arms up to his father to pick him up.

Katniss gasped, her eyes widening and her hands flying to her mouth. "Oh my God! He's walking! Peeta, look, Aran's walking!" she couldn't help the proud smile that broke across her face and without thinking, she beamed at Peeta.

Peeta scooped the little boy up in his arms. "Yes, he started about two weeks ago," he said, a tremor in his voice. "It's a shame you weren't here to see his first steps. Anyway, I think it's best we should go soon." He turned away and began to pick up the rest of the kids' things.

"Wait!" Katniss pleaded softly, reaching out and placing her hand on Peeta's forearm in an attempt to stop him. "Please Peeta, wait. Just stay a little while longer. I've only just got here. Please, don't take them home yet."

Peeta looked down pointedly at the hand she had rested on his arm. Katniss withdrew it. "I think it's best if we do this slowly, Katniss, a little at a time, and you know their routine. It's getting late, it's nearly their bedtime and I have a lot to do when I get home," Peeta said, his voice now sounding hoarse.

"But what happens next Peeta?" Katniss asked, confused. "I don't want to stay here. I want to come home with you. I don't know what I'm supposed to do next."

"Please Katniss," Peeta lowered his voice and cradled Aran closer, "keep your voice down." He glanced around to check where Skye was, but she was still in the kitchen with Prim. "We shouldn't do this in front of the kids. I don't really know what is going to happen next either, I suppose we'll just have to figure it out as we go along. Right now, Rory is going to drive me and the kids home so I can leave your car here with you."

"You had this all planned out, didn't you?" Katniss spat out, crossing her arms across her chest and glaring at Peeta. "You knew that as soon as I walked in the door you were going to tell me what you'd decided and bring me here without even listening to anything I had to say first. You were never going to give me a chance to make things right, were you Peeta? So, that's it?" Katniss said, feeling panic rising and overtaking her. "You're just going to leave now? Walk out the door with _our_ kids, and I don't even know when I'm going to see you next?"

He glared at her, as he growled at her in an angry whisper. "It doesn't feel good, when someone walks away from you, does it Katniss? I begged you to talk to me every day for a month. I offered to be whatever you needed dozens of times. I reached out to you, but you chose to shut me out and ignore me, so don't complain now if I don't want to talk to you. You managed just fine without seeing any of us for another entire month after I stopped calling you. But you know what? It turns out there is a limit to my tolerance, too. So from now on, anything I do will be on _my_ terms and when _I'm_ ready. Kinda like what you do."

He turned his back on her abruptly and called to Skye, making his way towards the front door.

"Oh, are you going already?" Prim asked, coming out of the kitchen, Skye and Rory trailing behind her.

"Sorry Prim, but we've got to get home" Peeta said apologetically. "If Rory doesn't mind leaving now, I've got work tomorrow, and I need to get organized." Rory nodded and went to grab his keys.

"Skye, can you grab the rest of your things, please?" Peeta instructed, and the child went to pick up her little backpack and blanket.

"Is Mama not coming with us Daddy?" Skye asked, looking confused, her eyes moving back and forth between her parents. Katniss could tell that Skye could feel the tension between them, and she hated that.

She bent down to Skye, forcing a weak smile onto her face. "I'm going to be staying here with your Aunt Prim for a little while Skye, but I promise you that I'll see you soon, okay?" Katniss tried to sound reassuring, while at the same time trying not to break down in tears in front of her little girl. She cradled Skye's face gently between her palms and kissed her cheek tenderly. "You go home with your Daddy now. Go on, it'll be fine. I'll see you soon." Katniss smiled at her again. Skye reached up and kissed her on the cheek. "You promise Mama?" she asked, her eyes uncertain as they focused on Katniss' face, "Cross your heart?..."

"…and hope to die," Katniss responded as she hugged her tightly, before letting her go and gently pushing her towards her father.

Katniss started to tremble again as she watched Aran's face over Peeta's shoulder, as he walked away towards Rory's car. She never did get a chance to hold her baby boy and she didn't know when she would see him next. Skye looked back and waved, and Katniss smiled and waved back at her, but Peeta didn't look back once. She wanted to scream after him that she was sorry, that she'd do anything to make things right. Prim came to silently stand beside Katniss, wrapping her arms around her again allowing Katniss to lean into her for support.

Katniss stayed at the door, a smile plastered to her face in case Skye was watching, but as soon as Rory's car pulled away she felt her knees begin to buckle under her and she crumpled into Prim's arms, finally breaking down as sobs ripped through her.

"Oh Katniss, please don't cry," Prim sat on the step beside her and held her tight, trying to comfort her. "Things seem bad now but this will all blow over, you'll see. Peeta's just really angry right now. You really hurt him, but he'll forgive you. I know he will. He loves you too much. You should have seen how devastated he was when you were gone. Just give him some time."

"Prim..." Katniss sobbed clutching at her sister "…he won't even give me a chance to put things right..."

"He will, Katniss, just give him a little more time, at least you're home now..." Prim stroked Katniss' hair, trying to calm her down.

"No Prim, you don't understand," Katniss gulped as she tried to force the words out, "he's...he's already filed for a divorce. He showed me the divorce papers. He has even spoken to a lawyer about custody of the kids."

Prim's mouth fell open, a look of genuine shock blooming across her face. "He did what?" she stuttered. She pulled them both up off the ground and moved them back to the living room, still keeping her arms firmly around her sister.

Katniss nodded, and in between sobs tried to tell Prim what exactly had happened between them that afternoon at their house.

"I had just gotten home and we talked a bit, and at first Peeta asked me how I was. Then he asked me to explain what had happened. I tried, I really did, but I'm not good at explaining Prim, you know that. It seemed everything I tried to say, it came out wrong and I just made him angrier. I don't think he really wanted to give me a chance anyway. Prim, he says he doesn't want to try and fix this."

"Did he say he doesn't love you anymore?" Prim asked.

"No, he says he does, but he said he doesn't trust me with his heart anymore." Katniss sniffled. "He knew I was at Gale's all along and he basically told me that what I did hurt him too much this time. And then, then he just threw them in my lap. _Divorce papers._ He says I'll be served a copy soon. Oh God Prim, he was so cold and angry. What am I going to do? I can't lose him."

"Oh Katniss," Prim sighed, shaking her head. "This is one huge mess. I can't believe he went as far as filing for a divorce."

Katniss began sobbing again, and Prim pulled her close. "I... I don't know what to say Katniss. I mean, I knew he was hurting, but I had no idea he was going to do this. He didn't say anything to me about it."

"Did you talk to him much while I was gone Prim? Was it really that bad?" Katniss looked up at Prim. "Tell me the truth Prim."

Prim studied Katniss carefully, as if to measure how much more she thought Katniss could take hearing at this moment. "Yes, it was bad," she answered quietly after a few moments. "I'm not going to lie to you Katniss. For the first few days after you left, both kids were crying constantly, looking for you. I don't think Peeta got more than a couple of hours of sleep with Aran for that entire first week."

"I never wanted that to happen Prim. I tried to tell him I was sorry, but he wasn't interested."

"He's angry Katniss, what did you expect?" Prim replied.

Katniss thought about that for a moment. "I didn't expect him to hate me," she responded, her voice breaking on the words. "And I can't understand why Peeta thinks I don't love him anymore. God, Prim, I love that man more than my own life. Why does he think I don't love him? He practically accused me of cheating on him with Gale. I would never cheat on him Prim. Never."

Prim reached up to stroke Katniss' hair in an attempt to comfort her sister. "He was a mess Katniss," she admitted quietly. "He was frantic when you didn't call the night you left, he must have called every hospital within a hundred miles. He told me you said your battery died, but Katniss I have to ask, could you not have found another phone? The Hawthorne's do have one, you know?"

"I didn't want him to know I was at Gale's," Katniss sniffled.

"Yes, that's the other thing Katniss. I don't understand why you lied about that. Why didn't you just tell Peeta the truth about where you were staying? That was the tipping point, when he discovered you had lied about that, he was furious. That quiet, intense kind of furious. That was when he stopped talking to me about you. Before, he would ask me if I'd heard from you or spoken to you every time we talked."

"I didn't tell him because he has always hated it when I went to stay at Gale's before. He has this irrational fear that one day I will leave him for Gale. Peeta has always found it hard to believe me when I say I've never had those kind of feelings for Gale, that it's him I love. It's always been him."

"Well, to be honest Katniss, if that's how he really feels about Gale, I can see why he got so upset when he found out you lied about where you were. You _did_ run away and you went to Gale. Katniss, can't you see you fed right into his worst fear?"

"So this is all my fault? Do you think I deserve this?" Katniss snapped defensively at her sister. "Since when do you understand my husband better than I do?" Katniss sat up, pulling away from Prim.

"Honestly?" Prim tilted her head as she looked at her sister, "No, you don't deserve to lose everything because of this. But, you do have to accept a lot of the responsibility for this mess Katniss. I love you, but I'm not going to sugar coat it for you. You've messed up. Badly. "

Katniss sighed, dropping her head into her hands. "I know. I'm sorry Prim, I don't mean to get sharp with you. I know you're right. This is my fault. I have messed up. I just want a chance to fix things."

"It's okay. But there is nothing more you can do tonight," Prim smiled to let Katniss know she understood, and she was not angry with her. "You'll have to let Peeta calm down, and then maybe try talking to him again." Prim stood then, and picked up Katniss' bags from where Peeta had left them. "Come on. Let's put your things in the guest room, and then maybe you can have a bath and try to relax. Rory will be back soon and we can have something to eat."

Katniss nodded and followed Prim up the stairs and into a large, airy guest room. "You're welcome to stay as long as you need, Katniss. Whatever happens next, we're going to be here for you, okay?" Prim offered, "there are fresh towels in the bathroom, and if you need anything else just ask."

"Okay Prim, thank you. I think I'm just going to take a shower and maybe lie down for a little while, if that's okay with you. I don't really feel like eating. "

"Whatever you need, Katniss. When you're hungry just come down and join us when you're ready." Prim hugged her again, before closing the door quietly behind her.

Katniss stared around the room. Slowly, she unpacked her few things and moved towards the ensuite bathroom. She turned the shower spray to hot, and stripped off, standing under the stream of water as she allowed the bitter tears to flow freely down her face again, hoping Prim wouldn't hear her as she cried. God, she could do with Hazelle's comforting presence and some of her wise words right now. It was almost enough to make her want to get back in her car and go straight back to Seam, but she couldn't do that. Not this time.

She cried until the water ran cold and she was forced to climb out of the shower. Once she had toweled off and dressed, she re-braided her hair over her left shoulder, and laid down on the bed.

It smelled clean and fresh, but unfamiliar. She thought about Peeta, and what he was doing now, back in their home getting the kids ready for bed. Katniss admitted to herself that she was terrified. She could not imagine a life where Peeta no longer loved her and didn't want her to be a part of his life. Even while she was away, she had clung to that one unshakeable constant in her life, and that was knowing that Peeta loved her.

How was she meant to go on without him? The questions raced through her mind, and she suddenly felt a newfound empathy for how lost her mother must have felt after her father had died.

Impulsively, she picked up her phone and sent Peeta a text.

 _"I want to come home. I know I messed up, but you have to know that I love you. Always._ "

She waited, hoping against hope that he would he reply, but no response came. She never did make it back downstairs for dinner, instead she lay on the unfamiliar bed and cried herself to sleep, clutching the only thing that could comfort her in that moment, the handkerchief which held Peeta's scent.

* * *

"Are you okay man?" Rory asked quietly, glancing over at Peeta as he stared out the window of the car.

Peeta pulled himself out of his thoughts, and tried to throw some semblance of a smile towards the younger Hawthorne. Talking to Rory was kind of hard for him right now, given how much he reminded Peeta of his older brother. But he reminded himself that Rory was not Gale, and Peeta couldn't hold who his brother was against Rory.

"I will be," he said. _Keep telling yourself that Peeta_ , he thought. Maybe if he told himself often enough, he might start to believe it.

"You know Prim and I will do anything we can to help, right? You guys are too good together, you'll work it out." Rory kept his eyes on the road, but reached over and patted Peeta on the shoulder in what Peeta took as an attempt at a comforting gesture. He didn't have the strength right at that moment to correct the other man's assumption. Now that he had told Katniss he was divorcing her, everyone would find out soon enough. "Thanks" he said, smiling weakly as he returned to staring out the window.

After Rory had dropped them off and said goodnight, Peeta tried to focus on the tasks that needed his immediate attention. He could fall apart in private later, when the kids were taken care of. He was becoming an expert at it.

Aran was already dressed in his pajamas and had fallen asleep on the short drive home. Peeta just lifted him into his crib, tucking his blankets around him and pressing a kiss to his forehead. It hadn't escaped him that Aran had not wanted Katniss to hold him tonight, and despite everything that saddened him. No matter what the future held, he would always want the kids to have a good relationship with Katniss. He was worried about Skye, too. For a little chatterbox, she hadn't said a single word in the car ride home, just sat quietly with her blanket folded up against her cheek.

He went in to help her get ready for bed, leaning down to give her a kiss on the cheek as he helped her undo her braid and brush her hair.

"Daddy?" Skye looked up at him with sad eyes, as he was helping her into her pajamas. She sounded nervous and unsure, and he felt his heart constrict. Peeta couldn't bear to see his little girl upset. He knew she needed him to put on a brave face for her now.

"Yes, sweetie," he smiled gently at her and pulling her onto his lap, steeling himself for whatever question he knew she wanted to ask.

"Why didn't mama want to come home with us tonight?"

Peeta swallowed against the instant tightness in his throat. She looked so trusting staring up at him, with the same blue eyes as his own, and he felt a sudden sense of guilt that it was down to him that Katniss wasn't at home with them tonight. God knows, she had made it clear that she wanted to come home, but he wouldn't let her.

"She did want to sweetie, but sometimes mommies and daddies don't always get along well, and its best for everyone when that happens that they live apart for a little while." He reached up and began to stroke Skye's hair, but he couldn't help but compare it's softness to the way Katniss hair had felt between his fingers.

"For a little while, or for a long while Daddy?"

"Sometimes it can be for a long while."

"As long as forever?"

Peeta hesitated. He didn't know how to answer. He had known the time would come when he would be faced with some awkward questions, but now that time had arrived he didn't know whether to wait or tell her the truth?

"Sometimes," he replied, deciding it was better in the long term to stick as close to the truth as possible, rather build his little girl's hopes up, only for them to be crushed again later.

"I don't want Mama to stay with Aunt Prim forever, Daddy!" The little girl's blue eyes filled with tears and her lower lip started to quiver. "I want her to come home!" she wailed, clutching her precious orange blanket tightly to her chest.

Peeta felt his heart breaking like it was a physical pain. "I'm sorry baby," he said, pulling her into a hug and he rocked her against his chest gently. He squeezed his own eyes shut to force back the tears he felt welling up in them. He couldn't let Skye see him cry. He rested his lips on the crown of her head as he rocked back and forth whispering, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Skye clutched at his shirt with her tiny hands, her tears soaking into the material. "You won't go away too, will you Daddy?" he heard her muffled voice coming from the place where her face was buried against his chest.

"No baby, I promise, I won't go away. Not ever. I promise." He felt Skye nodding her head just a little bit.

"Can we go and see mama again soon?" she asked, raising her face to his. She looked frightened.

"Yes, we can go and see mama again soon, and you will see her lots and lots, I promise," he kissed the crown of her head, lying his cheek against it, and closing his eyes again, swearing to himself he would make sure he lived up to his promises. He would make sure Katniss lived up to them too.

"O-okay," Skye mumbled against his chest. Skye cried for a few more minutes before her tears started to taper off into sniffles, and finally he felt her grip on his shirt relax. Peeta moved his head to look down, to see the little girl had cried herself out and was fast asleep. He gently laid her down on her pillow and tucked the blankets up around her, making sure her favorite was tucked under her cheek, just the way she liked it.

Peeta felt a physical ache in his chest looking down at his tiny daughter. She was still so little. She shouldn't have to go through this. He stayed watching her and stroking her cheek for a few more minutes. For the first time since he had come home from Haymitch's a month before, he felt his resolve waiver.

What if he was doing the wrong thing in setting Katniss free?

He shook his head and got up slowly to go and check on Aran once more before going downstairs. Once there, he took up his now customary position lying flat out on the sofa. He felt exhausted and confused by the thoughts and emotions running through him.

Seeing Katniss standing there when he opened the door to their home today had nearly killed him. The way she had run to him and flung her arms around him, pressing her lips to his, it had taken every ounce of strength in his body not to wrap his arms around her, and deepen the kiss.

He had wanted to, so badly. The way she wrapped herself around him so tightly, gazing up at him with those breathtaking silver eyes full of what he used to believe was love, was nearly enough to undo all his resolve.

In that moment, all he had wanted to do was to sweep her up and take her to their bedroom and claim her as his own over and over again. To show her how much he still loved her and wanted her. To let her convince him she still loved him.

Through sheer force of will alone he had made himself pull away. He couldn't allow his mind to go to those places. It would only distract him from what he needed to do - let Katniss go.

Because no matter how many times she said it, he didn't believe she loved him the way he loved her anymore. If she ever had. He wanted to believe her, it would be so easy to just take her words at face value and work towards forgiving her, but he couldn't ignore her actions.

For the last month he had waited patiently, deliberately not calling, waiting to see if Katniss cared enough to call him to find out how he was coping, or at least to check on their children _. Because that's what you do when you love someone, right?_ But the call had never come. If only she had called.

With every evening that the kids' bedtime passed without a call from her asking to talk to Skye, or to check on Aran, another piece of his heart had shattered. Every night that he sat alone trying to watch TV or even trying to sleep in their bed without her cuddled up beside him, just increased how lonely and unloved he felt.

The truth was, he didn't know how things were going to work out in the future. In theory, he knew they would have to work out finances and who would live where, and how to share parenting their children for the next 17 years at least. But worst of all, Peeta didn't know how he was going to cope with spending the rest of his life having to be around Katniss, without being _with_ her. Without being able to hold her, or kiss her, or make love to her.

Suddenly, a memory of his mother's angry face flashed in his mind. Peeta remembered his 5 year old self, flinching as she shouted in his face how useless he was. He remembered how rejected he had felt when he, or his brothers, would try to gain her attention or do something to please her, and she would yell at them that they were _stressing her out_.

Peeta had learned from a young age, not to bother his mother for attention or for hugs. It used to be a relief when she would go visit her sister or his grandmother, and it was just him and his father and his brothers in the bakery. Those were the best weekends.

Peeta felt his resolve harden. The memory of that rejection served to remind him that he couldn't allow his children to grow up in a home filled with tension caused by an unhappy parent. Not while there was breath in his body.

Pushing away those disturbing memories, his mind turned once again to Katniss. He remembered how broken she had looked when he had handed her the envelope with the piece of paper that was the beginning of the end for them. It had killed him to do that to her. But she would thank him, years from now. He had to believe that.

His phone beeped with an incoming text message

Katniss: " _I want to come home. I know I messed up, but you have to know that I love you. Always._ "

"Damn you Katniss!" he gasped out loud, flinging the phone away from him angrily. He couldn't handle any more. Damn her for sending that message now! Did she still think he was some kind of fool that she could just yank his chain and he'd come to heel like an obedient dog? Why couldn't she have sent him a message like that a month ago, when he was desperate for some sign from her that she actually _cared_ about him? Now, it was too little, too late.

Peeta rested his head in his hands and allowed the tears he'd been fighting all day to fall. He didn't know if they were from stress or sadness, but in his heart of hearts, even broken as it was, he knew he didn't want their marriage to be over. What he really wanted was for everything to go back to the way it used to be. He wished he could go back to believing Katniss was in love with him, the way he was with her, back to the way it had been before she had broken his heart and shattered his trust by walking out on their family and lying to him.

Peeta heard Aran moving around and beginning to whimper on the monitor, and dragged himself up the stairs and into the bedroom before the little boy could wake up fully. Two months may have passed but Aran's sleeping pattern had only improved a little. He still woke several times most nights, and on those nights, it was easier to just lift him into bed beside him to sleep, even though Peeta now hated sleeping in the bed he used to share with Katniss. After the first two weeks, he had given in and washed the sheets and their bed no longer held any hint of her scent. Most nights, he now slept in one of the guest rooms, it held fewer memories. He should probably move Aran's crib in there, they had planned for it to be their son's room eventually anyway.

He didn't bother messing around, he just lifted the little boy up, and laid down beside him. Within a few minutes, Aran settled back to sleep, seemingly unbothered by the events of the day. Peeta lay awake, turning everything over and over in his mind until eventually he fell into a fitful sleep, worn out and emotionally exhausted, without even noticing the tears that streaked his own face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as ever to my wonderful beta Kismet4891 and my friend and advisor KnottedEnergy. I am on tumblr if anyone has any questions - Louezem - and I sometimes do "six sentence sunday" sneak peaks. :)


	6. Reactions

" 

 

The aroma of fresh coffee brewing roused Katniss from her restless sleep. She had tossed and turned all night again, and welcomed the excuse to get out of bed. She climbed out and made her way towards the kitchen, and found Prim standing at the stove cooking eggs. The sun had barely started to rise outside. Winter was already starting to close in, and the mornings were getting darker and colder.

"Good morning," she greeted Prim as she poured herself a large cup of black coffee from the pot on the counter.

"Morning," Prim replied, eyeing her sister up and down, noting the dark circles under her eyes. "How did you sleep?"

"Better, last night," Katniss lied. The truth was she hadn't slept properly since she came back and she was exhausted. Whenever she closed her eyes she was tormented by dreams of Peeta walking away from her.

"Any nightmares?" Prim asked.

"No more than usual," Katniss replied, blowing into her coffee cup to cool it. She could feel Prim's eyes watching her carefully as she sipped her coffee, trying to keep her face neutral. There was nothing to gain in her sister worrying about her any more than she already was.

"There are cheese buns, if you'd like," Prim offered "or there's eggs and toast ready..."

"Definitely not cheese buns," Katniss grimaced. "They might choke me. Where's Rory?"

"He's already gone to work. He has a double shift today," Prim replied, carrying two plates of scrambled eggs and toast to the table and setting one down in front of Katniss.

"So, are you going to try and talk to Peeta today?" Prim asked as they ate.

"Yes, though I don't know what good it will do me. He hasn't returned any of my calls since I got back, and I don't really want to confront him at the bakery, or at home in front of the kids."

"He's probably just licking his wounds. Give him some time," Prim answered.

"I want to see the kids Prim," Katniss frowned, putting down her fork. "I'm starting to get worried that if he goes through with the divorce he might try to make it difficult for me to see them."

Prim stopped chewing and put her coffee cup down heavily on the table. "He wouldn't do that, would he?" She looked stunned at the idea, "Not Peeta, he's not that guy."

"How can I be sure what guy he is anymore, Prim?" Katniss shrugged, meeting Prim's concerned eyes. This was a fear she couldn't hide, it was written clearly across her face. "I never would have thought that the Peeta I know would have reacted the way he did when I came home. But, he's changed, and it's not his fault. It's my fault. It's all my fault," she pushed her eggs and toast away, what little appetite she had disappearing.

"I'll talk to him," Prim reached out and covered Katniss' hand with her own. "That won't happen. He can't keep the kids away from you. You're their mother."

"No, I don't want you to do that Prim," Katniss shook her head. "I'll try to talk to him again today, and we'll see what happens. I'll give him another few days, then I'll go by the house or the bakery if I have too. Like you say, he is probably just cooling down. It's only been a couple of days since I got back."

"He shouldn't start playing games though Katniss," Prim answered. "That's not right either..."

She was cut off by the insistent ringing of the doorbell startling them both.

"Who could that be?" Prim wondered out loud, glancing up at the clock hanging on the kitchen wall and getting up from the table to go answer the door, "It's barely past 7am."

Katniss stayed at the table sipping her coffee until she heard a deep male voice asking, " _Are you Katniss Mellark_?" in an official sounding tone.

She put her cup down and followed Prim to the door, where a tall, smartly dressed man stood with a buff envelope in his hand. An envelope just like the one Peeta had tossed at her the day she got home. She sucked in a breath.

"I'm Katniss Mellark," she identified herself, her voice shaking slightly with nerves.

The man proffered the envelope towards her, and she automatically reached out and took it from him.

"You've been served," the man said, before nodding briefly, and turning and walking briskly away.

"Well, I guess it's official" Katniss turned and offered a sad smile at Prim, as she felt tears pricking the back of her eyes for what felt like the thousandth time that week. She forced them back. She was so sick of crying.

"He's going through with it."

* * *

Peeta was keeping himself busy in the store front, constantly wiping down the counter, re-stocking the shelves and wrapping orders. It was late morning, and it had been four days since Katniss had come home from Seam.

He would have preferred the relative quiet of working in the kitchen today, but talking to the steady stream of customers that came through the bakery door helped to distract him. It stopped him from dwelling too much on what was going on in his own life. It also made it easier to avoid talking to Rye and his Dad. They had both been asking about what had happened since Katniss came home. He knew they were just concerned, but he still hadn't figured out how he was going to break the news of the divorce to them.

Peeta had deliberately avoided speaking to Katniss since he had left her behind at Prim's house and walked away. He never replied to the text message she sent that night, and he hadn't returned any of the calls she had made to him since then either. He told himself he was doing it to give himself time to process everything, but underneath, he knew he was being petty - he was punishing her by not returning her calls. On some level he wanted her to feel just a little bit of what he had felt when she had shut him out.

But, he knew he couldn't continue shutting her out forever. It would only make matters worse, and it wasn't fair on the kids. They would have to talk eventually. He sighed out loud and made up his mind that he would call her when he got home from work and arrange for her and the kids to spend some time together. Skye wanted to see her mother and had asked him every day since she came home when she could go see her again. He really wanted things to go better with Aran the next time he saw Katniss, too. He had seen what Aran's rejection of Katniss had done to her, and even though she had brought it on herself, the heartbroken look on her face when it happened had killed him. Regardless of what was happening between them, he knew he couldn't deny his children time with their mother.

Peeta's lawyer, a very efficient man by the name of Seneca Crane, had called him earlier to confirm that Katniss had accepted service of the divorce papers at Prim's house, and that everything had gone smoothly. Their separation was on the way to becoming official. Even though he had known it was going to happen, he had been expecting the call for days - he couldn't ignore the hollow ache in his chest he got from knowing that the legal wheels that would end their marriage had begun to turn. He had half wondered if Katniss would try to refuse service, if she'd try to fight him. When he had started the proceedings he had been so angry, but now that Katniss was back and it was suddenly all so real, all he could feel was sadness and confusion. He didn't know how to feel about that. Being angry at her was easier.

He glanced up as the bell over the door chimed again, but before he could say anything, an angry voice rang out loudly, " _What the hell Mellark_?" startling both him and his customers.

Stunned, Peeta watched as a very angry looking Primrose Hawthorne came bearing down on him. She stopped on the other side of the counter facing him, hands on her hips, one booted foot tapping the floor. She practically had steam coming out of her ears.

"So it's true, you're really going to divorce my sister?" she challenged him, pinning him in place with her furious stare. For once, Peeta could see the similarities between Prim and Katniss very plainly. There was fire in Prim's blue eyes.

"Um… Prim, can we talk about this in private, please?" Peeta asked, conscious of the curious looks of the customers he had been serving. He gestured towards the door to the kitchen, indicating that Prim should go through. "I'll follow you when I'm done here."

"Fine," Prim tossed her blonde hair back over her shoulder and marched across the store, pushing her way through the door marked "Employees Only".

"Sorry about that," Peeta smiled nervously at his customers, hurrying to complete their purchases before ushering them out the door and locking it behind them. He flipped the sign to closed.

He took a couple of deep breaths to steady himself, ran his hands through his hair, and headed towards the kitchen. It looked like it was all about to hit the fan.

* * *

"Primrose, how nice to see you!" Rye looked up from where he was frosting a tray of cupcakes and grinned cheekily, wiping his hands on his apron.

"You too, Rye," Prim replied, smiling back "but this isn't a social visit. I'm here to knock some sense into my brother-in-law's thick skull, would you care to assist?"

"Why, what's going on?" Rye asked, the smile on his face quickly changing to a concerned frown, "is everything okay? He hasn't been very talkative since Katniss got back."

"You mean he hasn't told you yet?" Prim replied.

"Told us what?" Michael Mellark joined them, the sound of Prim's voice drawing him out of the small office at the back where he worked on the books.

"That I'm divorcing Katniss." Peeta's voice came from where he stood in the doorway to the kitchen. "She was served with the papers this morning."

"At my house" Prim added.

All three pairs of eyes turned towards Peeta - Prim's angry, Rye's shocked, and Michael's sad.

"Fuck." Rye's words came out stunned, "what does that mean, exactly?"

"It means we've separated," Peeta answered him.

"Oh, son," Michael said, sitting down heavily on a chair by the prep table and rubbing his face with his hands. "How did it come to this?" he looked up sadly at Peeta.

"Look, I really don't want to talk about it." Peeta said firmly, looking between his brother and his father and then back at Prim. "I've made my decision, and I'm not going to go back on it. Prim, I understand that you're upset, but this should really remain between Katniss and me."

"The hell it should," Prim challenged him again. "We're a family. This doesn't just affect my sister, it affects my niece and nephew too." She took a step towards him. "Peeta, you know she loves you. Why are you really doing this?" she pleaded.

"I'm sure Katniss has told you why. You know what she did, Prim. You were there, you saw what it did to me these last few months." Peeta responded, his tone bitter. While he didn't expect Prim to take his side, he had thought she understood how betrayed he felt.

"Yeah, I know what she did, and she told me about your fight when she got back. But Peeta, I think it's crazy that you are giving up so easily. And I'm here to tell you that I think it's really shitty that you're not prepared to give your marriage another chance before you give up on it," Prim shook her head, and folded her arms across her chest, her disapproval clear.

"You don't understand Prim, there was more to my decision than just Katniss leaving..." Peeta stuttered, dropping his gaze from hers. He had not expected to be attacked by Prim. He could feel himself getting angrier. Why should he be the one defending himself?

Rye and Michael watched dumbfounded, as Prim continued her angry tirade against Peeta.

"You're damn right I don't understand it Peeta. You've got twelve years of history and two kids together. Yes, Katniss fucked up. But you can work it out. Or you could at least _try_ to. What Katniss did to you was wrong, and I've told her that to her face, but this is wrong too."

"What is there to work out Prim?" Peeta snapped angrily. "Katniss left me. She shut me out. From where I'm standing it's pretty clear who is at fault here," he growled.

"Is that why you haven't been answering any of her calls since she came back Peeta? Are you punishing her now? Playing games with her?"

Peeta winced at Prim's accusation, knowing deep down that punishing her was exactly what he had been doing for the last few days.

"If you start making my niece and nephew pieces in some game you're playing with Katniss, then you are not the guy I thought you were," Prim turned away in disgust.

Peeta's head snapped up. "Enough Prim, okay? Back off," he hissed, struggling to keep his voice calm. "I know, I should have answered her calls, but I'm still trying to process all that has happened this week too, so give me a goddamn break, alright?" He reached up and began running his hands through his hair over and over again, a sure sign he was reaching the end of his tether.

Michael recognized the signs that things were getting out of hand and stood up, walking over to stand between Peeta and Prim, placing his hands gently on Peeta's shoulders.

"Okay, enough" he said firmly in a quiet tone. "You need to calm down son," he said to Peeta and turned to look at Prim, "you too Primrose. Whatever has happened, you two yelling at each other is not going to help anyone."

"I'm sorry," Prim exhaled loudly, pushing her hair back off her red face and wiping at her eyes. "I didn't mean to start yelling. I'm just upset. "

Peeta, seeing how distressed Prim looked, felt his anger deflate. This girl was like his baby sister and he was yelling at her. "I'm sorry, too," he said roughly.

"Peeta, you should have told us what was happening," Michael stated, disappointment in his voice. "Your brothers and I want to help, but I'm confused. What's this about the kids? Why hasn't Katniss seen them? I thought she was back home with you?" Michael asked.

Peeta shook his head. "Katniss is staying with Prim. I asked her not to come back to the house when she came home. The kids are still with me," he said in a low voice, trying not looking at his father. Strangely, he felt ashamed admitting this to Michael, yet resentful at the same time. His father had never given up on his mother, no matter how bad it got sometimes living with her. Secretly, there were times when Peeta had wished he had.

"You mean, you wouldn't _let_ her stay with you when she came back home," Prim snapped.

Peeta saw the looks of genuine shock on both Michael and Rye's faces at this revelation. He hadn't told them until now that he wouldn't let Katniss come home.

"Is that true, Peeta?" Michael was clearly struggling to believe that Peeta had refused to allow Katniss come home.

"Yes, it is," he replied.

"Katniss really wants to see the kids Peeta," Prim spoke up, softly this time. She fastened her gaze on his face. "She wants to see you too," she added.

"I don't know if I'm ready to see her again, Prim," Peeta answered honestly. "I don't know how to do this either."

"Okay. Then how about I collect the kids and take them to my house for the day on Saturday, like we were doing while Katniss was away? It will give Katniss a chance to spend some time with them," Prim suggested.

Peeta looked over at her, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. "Did she send you here to ask me that?"

"No she didn't," Prim scoffed. "She doesn't even know I'm here talking to you. In fact, she specifically asked me not to. She wanted to try talking to you again herself. I'm going to catch hell from her when she finds out, but I came anyway because I care about my sister, and I care about you and I care about my niece and nephew too," Prim responded. "Unless Katniss seeing the kids _is_ going to be a problem for you?"

"No, of course it's not, Prim," Peeta shook his head quickly in denial. "I've no intention of making it difficult for Katniss and the kids to spend time together. In fact, I was going to call her tonight to try and figure something out. I want them to see each other as much as they want, Prim. I mean that. I hope we'll be able to share custody equally. Of course they can go over on Saturday."

"Good. I'm glad you feel that way. Thank you." Prim replied. An uncomfortable silence started to descend over the kitchen. Rye was staring into space looking uncomfortable and Michael just looked sad. Prim looked at her watch and fixed the strap of her purse over her shoulder.

"Look, I'd better go. I have to get back to work," she said. I'll see you when we come for the kids on Saturday Peeta. We'll come at the usual time, okay?"

"Okay," Peeta nodded. Prim smiled goodbye at Rye and Michael and headed towards the store front, snatching a cupcake off the tray on her way out.

"Huh!" Rye smirked at Peeta, a thoughtful look on his face.

"What Rye?" Peeta snapped, rolling his eyes at his older brother.

"Nothing!" Rye put his hands up in a defensive gesture, turning back to his task. "Just, who'd have thought that someone who looks as sweet and angelic as Prim Hawthorne had such spunk? Damn, she's a little spitfire!"

Peeta glowered at him angrily as he hurriedly pushed his way back through to the store front, following Prim, hoping he would catch her before she left.

"Prim, hold up!" he called after her.

Prim was still trying to figure out how to unlock the deadbolt on the front door when Peeta caught up with her. She turned around, a questioning look in her eye. "Did you forget something Peeta?" she asked.

Peeta hesitated, not sure what way Prim would take it, if he asked what he wanted to ask. He wasn't even sure he _should_ ask. Everything was different now. He dropped his eyes to the floor.

"Peeta, what is it?" Prim prompted. "Spit it out. You obviously have something on your mind."

"Is she... is she doing okay?" the question came out as a whisper, as he raised his eyes slowly to meet Prim's.

Prim tilted her head as she looked at him, her eyes softening a little.

"How do you think she is doing, Peeta?" she answered quietly. "She came home to throw herself on your mercy and in one fell swoop you validated all the reasons she ever had for not believing in love and marriage before she ever met you. She is trying to hide it from me, but I know my sister. She's barely hanging on."

Peeta looked down at his feet again. He knew that before they met, Katniss had never wanted to marry or have children. Her mother's deterioration into mental illness and eventual institutionalization after her father's death had affected her deeply. Not long after they first met, she had told him that she believed loving someone as deeply as her mother and father had loved each other was too risky, that it inevitably ended badly, leaving someone devastated and alone. It had taken him months to convince her to take a chance on dating him, a year to convince her that he loved her, and another year before she could say it back to him. He remembered the first time she'd said the words, he sworn he would never let her go...

...

_It was very early in the morning on Christmas Eve and they lay wrapped around each other in Katniss' bed, naked and blissfully satiated from their lovemaking. In a few hours, they were leaving to drive home for the holidays. Katniss was going home to spend the break with her family and the Hawthornes in Seam, while Peeta was heading home to his parents' bakery. It would only be a couple of days before they would see each other again, but neither was looking forward to being separated from the other, even for a short time._

_"I wish we could just stay here and hibernate for the holidays," Peeta had groaned. "I'd much rather stay here with you and eat junk food and watch old movies in bed, than make polite conversation with my mother's friends, while she throws Delly Cartwright at me."_

_"I know, me too," Katniss replied snuggling closer to him and rubbing small circles on his bicep in a soothing gesture, "but it's only for a few days. I'd stay here, but I can't leave Prim alone with Haymitch. He'd forget to feed her. She spends most of her time at Hazelle's anyway. At least we're guaranteed a good meal at the Hawthorne's. Hazelle makes an impressive turkey."_

_"Hmm, where Gale will no doubt be drooling all over you," Peeta huffed. He had only met Katniss' best friend a couple of times, and he didn't like the possessive way Gale watched Katniss when she wasn't looking._

_"Don't be like that," Katniss murmured, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. "I'm not jealous of your mother throwing Delly Cartwright at you. I know you're mine. And you should know by now that I'm yours, too."_

_"Delly is not interested in me like that, we've been friends since we were kids. It would be weird, like hooking up with my sister," Peeta shuddered at the thought._

_Katniss smiled. "And it's the same for Gale and me. We're just friends Peeta, like you and Delly."_

_Peeta looked down at her, "Are you sure he feels that way too, Katniss?" his blue eyes searching hers._

_Katniss raised herself up on her elbow and looked into his eyes. "Yes, I'm sure," she stated firmly. "Gale and I are close, I won't deny that, he has helped me get through some tough times in my life. But even if he did have those kind of feelings for me, you have nothing to worry about Peeta. I'm here with you, aren't I?"_

_"Well, I don't have much competition here," he says, only half joking, reaching up to cradle her face with his hand, stroking her cheek gently with his thumb._

_"You don't have much competition, anywhere," she answered as she leaned in and captured his mouth with hers, stroking the seam of his lips gently with her tongue, seeking entrance._

_Peeta granted it, tangling his hands in her hair and kissing her back fiercely. He knew he could trust her. He had no reason to doubt her. It was Gale he was suspicious off. The way he looked at Katniss was anything but brotherly, and it made him uncomfortable. Katniss just wasn't paying attention._

_"Do you want me to give you your present now or in the morning?" Katniss asked softly, breaking their kiss and moving to nibble at his jawline and slowly let her hands wander across the broad expanse of his chest._

_"You mean that last time wasn't it?" Peeta smirked at her, shifting and pulling her on top of him, wrapping his arms tightly around her, lowering his head to suck gently at the soft skin behind her ear, he knew that drove her wild._

_"No it wasn't... cheeky," she laughed breathlessly, pulling away and sitting up, straddling him. "Come on. Let's go and open our presents now," she grinned at him._

_"What, now? Are you serious?" Peeta replied, letting his hands wander from her thighs to her hips and up to her ribs, his thumbs just brushing the curve of her breasts, "but it's cold out there!"_

_"Oh c'mon Mellark!" she winked at him, "I promise I'll keep you warm. Where's your Christmas spirit?"_

_"It was just getting ready for round two..." he raised an eyebrow suggestively, letting his eyes roam her naked form with open appreciation._

_She smirked as she jumped off him and out of bed, pulling on his discarded sweatshirt and boxers and throwing his sweatpants at him, despite his protests._

_"Time for that later. C'mon, it'll be fun. Didn't you ever sneak downstairs in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve to open your presents when you were a kid? I could never wait until Christmas morning."_

_"You're crazy Everdeen, you know that?" he laughed at her, giving in and sitting up to pull on his sweatpants. He loved seeing her happy and playful like this. It was a side of herself she rarely showed to anyone but him, and he loved indulging her._

_"And you love it Mellark," she reached up to tease his lips with hers again._

_"I do," he had agreed, stopping to wrap his arms around her waist and deepen the kiss._

_Laughing she swatted him away and grabbed his hand, tugging him behind her towards the living room of the small apartment she shared with her roommate, Annie._

_Kneeling down in front of the small Christmas tree, Katniss flicked on the lights, and pulled a medium sized package out from the small pile of wrapped parcels piled underneath it._

_"Here," she handed the gift to Peeta, "this is for you. Merry Christmas, Peeta."_

_Peeta smiled at the sight of the gift, sloppily wrapped in bright Christmas paper, with a large lopsided bow on top._

_"What's this?" he asked, lifting it to his ear and shaking it._

_"Open it and see, dumbass!" she replied, beaming at him like an excited child._

_Carefully, Peeta began to slowly unwrap the present, trying not to rip the paper. He knew it would drive her mad._

_"Oh just rip it!" Katniss cried impatiently._

_Peeta grinned as he tore at the paper, ripping it all off in one go. Inside was a highly polished dark wooden box, with a brass catch. On the lid, was a small brass plate, engraved with his initials, 'P.M.'. Peeta was quiet as he ran his finger over the engraving, admiring the craftsmanship of the box, before opening the catch and lifting the lid to discover a beautiful set of the finest paint brushes, everything an aspiring artist could hope for._

_"Katniss," he raised his eyes to hers, exhaling slowly, "this is absolutely beautiful. It's the best gift anyone has ever given me. Thank you."_

_"It's mahogany. I saw it and I just knew you'd love it," Katniss shrugged, sitting back on her heels, a pleased smile on her lips._

_Peeta put his gift carefully to one side and pulled her onto his lap. "I do love it. And I love you," he declared, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead against hers. This was where she would normally say something like 'I'm crazy about you' or 'you mean so much to me'._

_He wasn't expecting her to say it in return. He thought she wasn't ready yet. He was patient, he could wait for the words. Katniss showed him she loved him all the time by her actions. For now, it was enough that she was here with him._

_So, it came as a total shock when he heard her whisper the words "I love you too, Peeta," back to him._

_Peeta froze, his eyes flying open. He stared into her molten silver eyes, as she smiled knowingly up at him._

_"What did you say?" he gasped, feeling his heart begin to race in his chest. Surely he had misheard her?_

_"I said, I love you, too, Peeta" Katniss reached for him and wrapped one hand around the back of his neck, the other burying itself in his curls._

_"Say it again," he pleaded, searching her eyes for any sign of hesitation or doubt in their depths._

_"I love you, Peeta Mellark," she laughed softly, confidently returning his gaze as she said it, pulling him down to meet his lips with hers. "I do," she repeated against his lips. "I love you. Do you believe me now?"_

_Peeta shuddered as he felt his heart expanding, filling with joy. A massive grin broke out on his face. She was everything he had ever wanted, he'd known it the first time he'd seen her, and now she was saying she loved him too._

_"I take it back. That's the best gift you could ever give me," he said, pulling her tightly against him. "Now I'll never let you go," he whispered as he captured her lips with his again and again, pouring everything he was feeling into his kisses._

_"Hmm, didn't you say something about round two...?" Katniss murmured into his ear, when they eventually came up for air._

_"I thought you wanted to open your presents first?" he asked "You haven't opened yours yet..."_

_"I've changed my mind," she leaned in closer to him, "I think I want to unwrap you first..." Peeta didn't argue as he swung her up into his arms and carried her back to her bedroom, the rest of their gifts lying forgotten until morning..._

_..._

"She's coping, Peeta," Prim's voice jerked him back to reality. He nodded, twisting his hands together in front of him. "That's good I suppose," he said gruffly, diverting his eyes, the sudden pain of his memories crashing into him. He turned away so Prim wouldn't see.

He jumped a little when he felt Prim's arms coming around him, pulling him into a hug. Despite himself, he felt himself relax slightly, accepting the comfort. He hadn't felt so desperately in need of someone to physically hug him since he was a child.

"I meant it when I said I care about you both, you know?" Prim sounded like she was about to cry. "I grew up watching the two of you in love. You two set the standards for me and Rory. It kills me to see you tear each other apart like this."

"I know," he replied quietly. "I'm sorry."

"I'd better go. I'll see you Saturday, Peeta," Prim repeated, releasing him from her hug and pulling herself away, wiping her eyes as she did so.

Peeta was too choked up to saying anything else, so he just nodded and unlocked the door to allow Prim to pass through it, closing it softly behind her.

He stood alone in the storefront, watching Prim as she climbed into her car and drove away. As he flipped the sign on the door back to 'open', he heard the sound of his father's heavy footsteps on the wooden floor behind him. He exhaled a shaky breath.

"I'm really not in the mood for explaining myself, Dad" he said in a tired voice, without turning around.

"I'm not going to ask you to explain anything Peeta, I just want to ask you one question." Michael spoke quietly, and Peeta could feel his father's eyes watching him intently. "Are you sure you're doing this for the right reasons, son?"

Peeta sighed out loud, letting his head roll back and closing his eyes, as he let Michael's question sink in. Was he sure? After a few seconds, he turned his head to meet his father's gaze. "Dad, I feel like I don't know Katniss anymore. She must have been unhappy for so long to do what she did, but she never told me. I don't know how she could turn her back on us like that. That's all there is," he shrugged, but deep down, Peeta knew there had to be more to it than that.

Michael nodded. "I understand that's how you feel now Peeta, and I don't want to pry between a man and his wife, but Katniss is like a daughter to me. Those kids... my grandkids, they mean everything to me. They are like a second chance, I get to spoil them and do things right with them, that I did wrong with you boys, growing up," he smiled gently at Peeta.

"Trust me Dad, I'm trying my best to avoid making the same mistakes you made," Peeta snapped back, the words coming out much more harshly then he meant to say them. He regretted them the moment they were out of his mouth. He saw Michael stiffen, visibly hurt by his words.

"Dad...I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" Peeta started to stutter an apology, when Michael put his hand up to stop him.

"No, don't apologize. I probably deserve that. Peeta, I know I made mistakes, and you boys bore the brunt of that, I should have protected you better. But Katniss is nothing like your mother. I just don't want to see you making a mistake you will regret afterwards. Just, please - be sure. Before you do anything permanent."

"It's too late Dad. What can you do when trust is broken?" The raw pain he heard in Peeta's voice nearly broke Michael. He took another step towards Peeta.

"It's never too late if you love each other son, never. Where there is love, there is hope..." he trailed off as the bell over the door rang, interrupting them. Peeta was never so glad to see customers in his life.

"Um, I'd better get back to work," he gestured awkwardly to the customers.

Michael nodded, "Do you want me to take over out here for a while, so you can take a break?" he offered.

"No, I'll be okay. Work distracts me," Peeta shook his head.

"Alright. We can talk more later, if you want son. You know where I am. Anytime. You hear me?"

"Sure Dad," Peeta nodded, his anger gone. "Thanks." He felt ashamed of the way he had lashed out at his father and at Prim. He was doing that a lot, with everyone lately.

Michael patted Peeta's shoulder reassuringly, before making his way back through to the office.

When he next got a quiet moment, Peeta couldn't help but let what Michael had said about love and hope go through his mind. He knew he still loved Katniss. Was he doing the right thing? All those years ago, he'd sworn he'd never let her go and now he was doing exactly that. Everyone, including Prim, seemed to think he was making a mistake, giving up to easily, judging Katniss too harshly.

Well, maybe this crisis would prove once and for all, whether she really wanted to be with him or not. For a second, Peeta allowed himself to feel a glimmer of hope. If she truly loved him and wanted to be with him, the way everyone else seemed to believe she did, she wouldn't give up fighting for them after the first try, right? Maybe if he opened the door back up a crack, she would try to walk through it.

Before he could overthink it, he took out his phone and dialled Katniss' number. He listened as it connected, ringing once, twice, three times before going to voicemail. He wondered what she was doing that she couldn't pick up the call.

"Hey Katniss, it's me," he began, trying to keep his tone level and even. "I'm sorry I haven't picked up your calls. I was still, um, upset, but I've calmed down a lot now. Prim came by today and we talked a bit, and I think it would be great for you and the kids to spend Saturday together. Um... I know you were served with the papers this morning, too. I guess there are still things we need to talk about, so... call me when you're ready to talk, okay? I lo...bye."

* * *

It had taken Katniss over an hour to reassure Prim that she was going to be okay, and convince her to go to work after she had taken service of the divorce papers that morning.

"I'll be fine Prim, you're already late for work," she argued, trying to keep her voice calm and not break down in front of her sister again. It was hard trying to keep a lid on her emotions around Prim. She had been fighting all week to control the sudden crying jags that hit her randomly, so she wouldn't upset her sister. Right now, if Prim went to work she could just let it out and get it over with.

"I don't see how you can be fine, Katniss. He's divorcing you! I can't believe he's going through with this, it just isn't fair," Prim fumed, pacing up and down the kitchen, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

Katniss looked down at the table, biting her lip. "He seems determined not to give me another chance," she replied, "he must have been unhappy with me for a lot longer than I realized," her voice barely above a whisper.

Prim stopped pacing and turned towards her. "That's not true," she said, looking up into Katniss' eyes, "Don't believe that. Anyone could see how crazy he was... _is_... about you by the way he looks at you."

"Well, he's not looking at me like that now. Go to work Prim. There is nothing you can do by sticking around here today," Katniss said tiredly.

"Are you sure? I mean, I can call in, get someone to cover for me if you want me to stick around?"

"No, Prim," Katniss shook her head firmly. She got up and went to her sister kissing her on the cheek. "I love you, but I could do with some time on my own to think. You go to work. I promise I'm not going to have any more meltdowns," she tried to smile reassuringly.

"Okay. But promise me you'll call me if you need anything, okay?" Prim still looked unsure, but she stood up and picked up her bag and keys.

"I promise," Katniss answered pushing Prim towards the door. "See you tonight, little duck,"

"Not so little anymore," Prim smirked at her. "I know," Katniss smiled. "When did _you_ turn into the big sister?"

With Prim finally gone, Katniss went back to the kitchen. She was restless. She was not used to having nothing to do. She got up and washed up their breakfast dishes, and went and straightened her room. At home, she'd had the kids to look after and even during the time she had spent at Gale's, she'd kept busy by going out to hunt straight after breakfast every morning.

Since she came back home, she had nothing to fill her days. Nothing to do, but sit, and think about Peeta and the kids and dwell on the mess she'd made of her life.

Steeling herself to stay strong, she sat back at the kitchen table and opened the buff envelope containing the divorce petition. Reading carefully through the papers, she noticed the date – Peeta had filed exactly sixty days after she had left for the woods.

Tears began to build behind her eyes again, as she read the words " _irretrievable breakdown of the marriage_ " on the page before her. Was that true? Was it irretrievable? Given the way Peeta had torn into her on the day she returned, it certainly seemed he felt that way.

She wiped her eyes. _No_. She couldn't afford to let her emotions overtake her again. She needed to start getting organized. If this was the way things were going to be, there were things she needed to take care off. It was time for her to let her survival instinct kick in.

Katniss poured herself another cup of coffee, and moved into the living room to the desk where Prim kept her laptop. Opening it, she made a mental note to remind herself to get her own from Peeta's house... _when did she start thinking of their house as Peeta's?_... as soon as she could. She did a search for lawyers in the area. The papers said she had twenty days to respond to the petition, she might as well get started. There was no point in delaying , she had to deal with this. The sooner the better.

Finding the number of a local lawyer whose name she recognized, she called and made an appointment to see him later that morning.

Next, she pulled up a local rental property listing site. Katniss knew she couldn't stay with Prim forever, and if she wanted joint custody, she would need a place big enough for her and the kids to live. Wherever it was, it wouldn't be as big as _Peeta's_ house, but she could always move again later. Browsing through the listings, she found a couple of promising looking options and she noted the leasing agent's number down to call later.

Finding work would be her next goal. Like Gale, Katniss had qualifications in forest management and horticulture, but there wasn't much call for that type of work in a small town. She decided she would talk to Gale. He had plenty of contacts and might know of something in their field locally, but she might have to consider a change in career, at least temporarily. The employment options available in a small town were limited. She hadn't worked full-time since Skye was born, and had given up completely when Aran came along, but she was never afraid of hard work. She'd do anything. The kids were already in daycare, organized by Peeta, and Skye would be starting school soon. It wasn't what they'd wanted for the kids, they'd agreed that Katniss would be a stay at home Mom until both kids started school before she went back to work, but things were different now.

Katniss made a few more calls, to the Hawthorne's and Haymitch, letting them know she was okay. Hazelle was very shocked, but sympathised and told Katniss to fight her corner, reassuring her that she'd get Gale to call her back as soon as possible.

Haymitch yelled at her and told her she was a damn fool for lying to her husband and fucking up her life. She slammed the phone down on him when he told her she didn't deserve Peeta. Katniss knew it was true, but she didn't need him to rub salt in her wounds.

Glancing up at the clock, she noted the time, less than an hour until she had her appointment with the lawyer. Going to her room, she looked through the limited selection of clothes she had with her. None of them were really suitable for meeting with a lawyer, but they would have to do, until she could get some more of her stuff from _Peeta's_ house.

She took a quick shower, winding her hair into its usual braid and dressing in a pair of narrow black jeans and a cream shirt, teamed with black flats which was the best she could come up with without raiding Prim's closet.

Grabbing her keys and bag, she retrieved the buff envelope she had left on the kitchen table and got into her car, heading towards town. For the first time since she got back, she felt like she had some purpose. It was time for Katniss _Everdeen_ to take back control of her life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to my lovely beta Kismet4891 for her advice and her stellar beta work! I'm on tumblr as Louezem. :) - I've now uploaded everything that was on FFnet here on AO3. For future chapters, I will update simultaneously. :)


	7. Lines Drawn

" 

 

Katniss decided against parking directly outside the lawyer's office, instead choosing to park a couple of hundred yards away. It wouldn't do to give the town busybodies more to gossip about, she was sure her absence over the last two months had given them more than enough to talk about already. It wouldn't take long for news of her and Peeta's impending divorce to get around town. She wanted to avoid that for as long as possible.

She walked quickly towards the smart red brick building that housed the lawyer's office, hoping to avoid meeting anyone she knew. She couldn't help slowing her pace to glance across the square at the Mellark bakery, where she knew Peeta would be hard at work. The sight of the cheery blue and white awnings outside the bakery and the distinctive "Mellarks" sign, painted in Peeta's own hand, made her chest ache and she felt an almost physical pull towards the bakery.

Any other time, she wouldn't have thought twice about calling in to have lunch with Peeta or share a cup of coffee with his Dad, but now she didn't know if she would ever be welcome inside those doors again.

Katniss pushed those thoughts away as she arrived at the lawyer's office and pressed a bell requesting entrance. The door buzzed. She entered the cool outer office, glad to get of the street and away from prying eyes.

"Good morning," she was greeted by a pretty girl sitting behind a mahogany and glass desk. She had a friendly smile, revealing dimples in her plump cheeks.

"Good morning. I'm Katniss Mellark, I have an appointment with Mr. Heavensbee?" she responded.

"Ah yes, Mrs. Mellark, we've been expecting you. My name is Fulvia, I'm Mr. Heavensbee's assistant. Please, have a seat and I'll let him know you've arrived. Mr. Heavensbee will be with you shortly."

"Thank you," Katniss tried to smile in return, as she sat down in a comfortable looking chair by the window. Fulvia smiled and turned back to her computer screen.

She looked around her curiously at the luxuriously appointed office. Though she had passed by this place hundreds of times, she'd never seen inside before. The walls were painted in a soothing shade of green, which somehow reminded her of water. But even surrounded by the comfort of dark wood furnishings, polished glass, and a quiet atmosphere of privacy she couldn't assume a peaceful persona. Katniss' fingers tapped nervously against the arms of the chair as she waited. She wondered how many others had sat in this chair before her, not knowing what to expect or how their lives would change when they walked through these doors.

Barely five minutes had passed before she heard a low buzz and Fulvia picked up her phone, murmuring a few words discreetly. She approached Katniss, with a smile "Mr. Heavensbee can see you now," she said, and led Katniss down a short corridor to an imposing office, gesturing for Katniss to enter.

As she entered, an older man with broad shoulders and greying hair came striding towards her, his hand held out to welcome her.

"Good morning Mrs. Mellark, I'm Plutarch Heavensbee, I'm pleased to meet you," he introduced himself, clasping her hand warmly and leading her towards a meeting area in the middle of the room. There was a huge desk in one corner which stood in front of the windows, overlooking the square. Katniss could see the blue awnings of the bakery through the windows.

"Good morning," she replied nervously, fiddling with her purse and the envelope containing the folder of papers she had received that morning.

"Before we begin, can we get you anything? Tea, coffee, maybe some water?" the older man offered.

"Water would be great, thanks," Katniss replied, realizing her throat was suddenly parched. Plutarch nodded, and Fulvia swiftly produced a bottle of chilled water and a glass, and placed them in front of her, before leaving and closing the door softly behind her.

"Please, Mrs. Mellark, have a seat and tell me what I can do for you today," Plutarch asked, settling himself down in the chair opposite hers.

"Um, I was served these papers this morning," Katniss handed over the envelope containing the papers. "They're from my husband. He wants to divorce me."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that my dear," Plutarch's voice became instantly sympathetic. He took a pair of spectacles from his breast pocket, and put them on as he began the leaf through the documents, briefly studying each one individually. Finally he put them aside on the low table in front of him, and returned his attention to Katniss again.

"Katniss...may I call you Katniss?" he inquired, and she nodded briefly. "Getting divorced is a very difficult time in anyone's life, but if you allow me to represent you, I can assure you I will do everything I can to make this transition as smooth as possible for you. Can you give me some more background information on what has happened between you and your husband?"

Quickly, Katniss gave him a run-down of everything that had happened in the previous couple of months, as the lawyer listened attentively, his elbows resting on his knees and his fingers steepled in front of him, as he focused on her.

"Can you tell me what happens next?" Katniss queried. "I really don't know what to expect."

"From what you've just told me, this breakdown of your marriage was sudden and unexpected on your behalf. You haven't mentioned whether you and your husband have tried marriage counseling to resolve your differences. I strongly suggest that you attempt that first, before proceeding."

Katniss shook her head. "I pleaded with Peeta, my husband, to consider it but he didn't want to try counseling," she said quietly. "He was adamant about that. He filed before I came home."

"I see," Plutarch replied. He sat up straighter, suddenly very businesslike.

"Well, if that's the case, the first order of business is to prepare a response to your husband's petition. You can try to contest the divorce, but he can claim that you deserted him by leaving home for several months. Contesting the divorce will merely delay the inevitable in this case."

"What's the inevitable?" Katniss asked.

"You would be legally separated, but the final decree of divorce would be delayed for a year. After that time, it would still be granted, whether you objected or not."

The lawyer looked up from the paper he was studying and pushed his glasses up a little higher on the bridge of his nose. He scrutinized Katniss carefully.

"Unless, you are hoping that delaying the matter will make your husband reconsider?" he suggested softly, watching her from over the rim of his glasses.

Katniss didn't answer immediately. She could feel a twinge of pain in her throat, and reached for the water in front of her. It was tempting to believe Peeta could change his mind...could still love her...could want to be a family again.

The lawyer closed the folder, and sat back in his chair. "Mrs. Mellark, if you have any doubts, you can have some time to decide how to proceed. We still have some time before we must respond," he assured her.

Tears pricked Katniss' eyes. Crying in front of a stranger unnerved her further, and she looked down.

"No," she mumbled, shaking her head, contemplating what kind of torture it would be to live that way for a year, not knowing where they stood. "I don't want to drag this out, and I don't want to live in a limbo in the hope that maybe Peeta will change his mind and decide he wants to be with me again." Looking up again she met the lawyer's gaze squarely. "He made his feelings towards me very clear last time we spoke." She cleared her throat, lifted her chin, and spoke decisively. "I just want to get this over with. I don't want anything except joint custody of our children."

"But we might be able to get more than that for you..."

"No!" Katniss almost shouted, before taking a deep breath and composing herself. "I'm sorry. No. I don't want anything that is Peeta's. The house was his grandparents', he inherited it before we married. I don't want anything that has touched him, us! Just get me out of this marriage so I can...so I can...can..."

Katniss becomes too choked up to speak.

"Move on?" Plutarch's tone was kind, as he offered her a box of tissues.

Katniss nods, accepting the tissue, but wonders if she ever could move on from Peeta and her life with him. But she knows she has to. His rejection of her was so final, so incredibly devastating.

Vaguely, she hears her cell phone ringing in her purse. Once, twice, three times, before it goes silent again. She curses inwardly for not remembering to turn it to silent before the meeting began. It was probably Prim, checking up on her. She would worry about it later.

"Just tell Peeta and his lawyer that I'm not contesting the divorce Mr. Heavensbee. Please."

"As you wish my dear. I will start drafting the necessary responses and proceed based on how you've instructed me today. However, if you should change your mind about answering the petition so quickly or trying to obtain more of the marital resources then please let me know. Fulvia will take all your personal details and I'll let you know if there is anything else I need. You and your husband will have to go through mediation together, that is mandatory, but if you are determined not to contest the divorce and terms can be agreed mutually, it will be quite straightforward."

"Good. Do that. Thank you, Mr. Heavensbee," Katniss nodded wearily. Suddenly she felt exhausted.

"Please, call me Plutarch," he replied kindly, standing to indicate their consultation was over and leading her towards the door. He stopped on the threshold and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I want you to know this is an arena I'm very familiar with, Katniss. I promise you're in good hands. I'll be in touch very soon."

* * *

She crossed the street to the small landscaped garden in the middle of the town square, needing to sit down and think for a minute. Finding a seat on a bench in a secluded area, she let her eyes close as she waited for her anxiety to subside. She had always loved this little patch of green space in the middle of town. She and Peeta had often sat out here to share lunch when the weather was fine, as it was today.

Remembering the missed call she had while in the lawyer's office, and pulled her phone from her bag. Maybe Prim wanted to meet up for lunch.

But instead of the expected missed call from Prim, another name lit up her phone screen. " _1 missed call from Peeta_." She felt her stomach flip. So far, he hadn't responded to her calls asking to see the kids again, so why now? Stomach churning with nerves, she listened to the message he'd left.

 _"Hey Katniss, it's me."_ She closed her eyes, as the sound of his voice washed over her. Like she wouldn't know that voice anywhere. She heard it in her sleep every night. _"I'm sorry I haven't picked up your calls. I was still, um, upset, but I've calmed down a lot now. Prim came by today and we talked a bit, and I think it would be great for you and the kids to spend Saturday together. Um... I know you were served with the papers this morning, too. I guess there are still things we need to talk about, so... call me when you're ready to talk, okay? I lo...bye."_

She let out a sigh of relief. At least she would get to see the kids soon. And he didn't sound angry. That was good. But, she wondered what he wanted to talk about now that the papers were served. Did he want to talk about the kids? Splitting assets? Or did he want to just want to humiliate her some more? Remind her how she'd let them all down. Wasn't it enough that he was divorcing her and had dumped her on her sister's doorstep?

Feeling suddenly angry at his presumption that they could talk now that _he_ had calmed down, she tossed her phone back into her bag. After all he'd thrown in her face when she came home, if he had something new to say, maybe he should say it to her lawyer.

Once the initial shock of her homecoming had worn off, and the more she thought about it, the angrier and more hurt she felt that he'd started them down this legal path before really talking to her about what had happened. With renewed resolve, she stood up, straightening her back and squaring her shoulders. Anything new he wished to talk about, he could raise in mediation. According to Plutarch, that's what it was for. Once she got to see her kids that was all she was going to worry about.

Looking over at the bakery, she could see movement inside. For a brief moment, she saw a blond head standing by the window. She turned and walked quickly out of the garden. She didn't know if that head belonged to Peeta or Rye, but she knew she wasn't prepared to see Peeta right now.

And she needed to talk to Prim.

* * *

"So, I have a confession to make. I talked to Peeta today," Prim speaks up as they were preparing dinner.

Katniss looked up from vegetables she was chopping. "I know. Peeta left me a message."

"Oh, he called you? That's great!" Prim beamed. "But why didn't you pick up the call?"

"I was, uh... busy at the time. Where did you see Peeta, Prim? Did you bump into him while you were in town?" Katniss asked.

"No, I called by the bakery to see him on my break."

Katniss put down the chopping knife and turned to face her sister, a scowl crossing her face. "Why did you go to the bakery when I asked you not to Prim?"

"Because you are too stubborn to do it yourself and he is being an ass," Prim replied bluntly. "Someone has to break the stalemate between you and get you talking again."

"There are professionals for that. They're called mediators. I wish you hadn't done that Prim. What did you think it would achieve?"

Prim returned her gaze steadily, not intimidated by Katniss' scowling face at all. "It did achieve something Katniss," she pointed out. "Peeta agreed that you will have the kids on Saturday and we can bring them over here so you can spend the whole day with them."

"So, that was your idea, not his? He probably thinks I sent you over there to plead my case for me." Katniss' scowl deepened as she picked up the knife and began to vigorously hack at the vegetables again.

"No, he doesn't!" Prim burst out, sounding exasperated. "He said he was going to call you tonight about setting something up with them anyway. I just... beat him to it." She watched as Katniss attacked the carrots as if they were going to fight back. "You know, the sooner you two sort out this mess, the better, and things can go back to normal."

"Prim, that's not going to happen!" Katniss snapped back. "I'm not going to fight him on this divorce, if that's what you were expecting. I'm not going to crawl to him to take me back. Don't you think I have been humiliated enough, being dumped on my little sister's doorstep and served with divorce papers? If a divorce is what he wants, then he can have it. "

"How do you know it _is_ what he really wants Katniss? All I'm saying is, why don't you try suggesting counseling, something..." Prim threw up her hands in frustration.

"I already _did_ all that Prim!" Katniss squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand. She could feel a headache coming on. "I spent hours pleading with him for another chance the night I came home. I begged him to go to counseling. But he had already made the decision for us. He had _filed._ So can you stop for a second and imagine how much that hurts _me_? Knowing that he had made up his mind about us before he even saw me? I'm not going to beg him on my knees to change his mind."

"So what are you going to do then?" Prim glowered at her. "Are you just going to let this happen?"

"I've already done it. I handed the whole thing over to a lawyer today. He is preparing the necessary reply to the divorce petition, and I'll sign whatever I have to sign. I'm not contesting it. We have to do mediation as a formality, but the only thing I want from Peeta now is shared custody. The lawyer said it should be pretty straightforward. I don't want anything else from him. I just want this over with."

"So, you're really going to give up on Peeta? Just like that?" Prim's tone left Katniss in no doubt that her sister did not approve of her decisions.

Katniss held up a shaky hand. "Prim, I made a mistake when I left, and I made a bigger one when I stayed away, but my reasons for going had nothing to do with Peeta. I never, for one second, gave up on him. He gave up on us. So you can lay the blame for _giving up_ at his feet. The rest is out of my control."

"It's so _not_ out of your control. Talk to him again Katniss! Jesus, the two of you are as bad as each other," Prim huffed in frustration.

"Why, what did he say about me?" Katniss head snapped up. "Did he tell you what a bad mother I am, how I abandoned my children? How I was just as bad as Mom? Did he tell you how much he hates me now?"

"No he did not!" Prim retorted. "And he doesn't hate you. You're just angry and hurt at him, and he is angry and hurt at you, so god damn it Katniss stop being so stubborn! Fight for him! Why does it feel like the only one who is fighting to save you two, is me?"

"Then stop Prim, okay? I appreciate what you're trying to do, but stop! It's not your fight!" Katniss shouted.

Prim stared at her in disbelief, for a moment. "Then what about your future?" she asked. "I just want what's best for you."

"I'm going to go back to work. I have a good degree. I supported you and me on my own before Prim, and I can support myself and my children now. I'll find a job, and a house to rent and that's as far as I've thought ahead for now. I have enough put by to tide me over for a few months, maybe a year if I'm careful. I'm going to try to rebuild my life."

"Without Peeta?"

"Without Peeta. Prim, this divorce was his choice, not mine." Katniss' tone changed to pleading. She needed her sister to understand.

"Fine," Prim threw down the dishcloth she was holding and walked away. "I'm done arguing with you. You can self-destruct on your own. I'm going to take a shower."

Katniss let out a weary sigh. "Prim..." she called after her. The last person she wanted to fight with was her little sister, but before she could take a step to follow her and apologize, the door opened and Rory appeared.

"Hey Katniss," he smiled easily at his sister-in-law. "Hi Rory," she replied, trying to smile in return.

"Hey Catnip," another voice said over his shoulder. Gale appeared behind his brother, smiling warmly at her. "I came as soon as I got your message."

* * *

Dinner passed uneventfully. Prim and Katniss both saying little, avoiding talking to each other and not mentioning the subject of Prim's visit to the bakery. Gale and Rory talked about work and sports, keeping the conversation going. As soon as dinner was finished, Gale grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge and invited Katniss out to the back yard to share them with him.

Settling himself down on the back steps, Gale studied her profile silently. Katniss waited for him to speak first, sipping from her beer, and trying not to feel the intensity of his eyes on her.

"Catnip, is it true? Mellark is divorcing you?" Gale eventually spoke up.

"Never one to beat around the bush, are you Gale?" Katniss laughed mirthlessly.

"Nope." Gale took a swig out of his beer.

Katniss lifted her own beer to her lips and took a long drink before answering him. "Yes, it's true. I suppose Hazelle told you?"

Gale nodded. "Why is he doing that Catnip? I don't understand. You never mentioned anything about you two having relationship problems. I mean, I wondered if something was going on when you stayed at my place for so long last time, but you never said anything…"

Katniss shook her head. "I didn't think we were having relationship problems Gale. That wasn't the reason why I turned up on your doorstep. But Peeta must have thought something was wrong. I don't know. He never said anything to me before I left to make me think he was unhappy, but he had already made his mind up that we were over by the time I got back." She lifted her bottle to her lips again. It felt good to confide in her friend.

"And what about you? Is this what you want? A divorce?" Gale watched her reaction carefully.

"It wasn't," Katniss shrugged. "Now, I don't know. I'm confused. I didn't recognize the man I came home to Gale. I know I hurt him, and I should never have lied to him, but I'm hurt that he filed for the divorce before I even got home. I didn't get a say in the decision. I never thought he would do something like that, I thought he would at least hear me out."

"Wait, let me get this straight," Gale stared at her. "When you arrived at my place you didn't tell him first?"

Katniss shook her head again, looking down at the ground. Hazelle had obviously not told Gale everything.

"Damn," Gale exclaimed. "So what else did you lie to him about?"

"Um, well... I wasn't honest with him about who I was staying with. I told him I was staying with Haymitch," she mumbled.

Gale sputtered, and stared at her, his eyes displaying disbelief.

"You mean, for the two whole months you stayed at my house, Peeta thought you were at Haymitch's?"

"Just the first month. He knew the second month. Apparently he came up to Seam to talk to me." Katniss kept her eyes downcast, embarrassed to confess her lies to her friend.

"No wonder he's so pissed," Gale muttered, rolling his eyes at her. "Jesus Katniss..."

"You think I don't know that?" she bit back, feeling her cheeks starting to flush with embarrassment. "I don't need another person telling me how badly I've fucked up Gale. I think that's been well and truly established."

"What else is there?" Gale asked firmly.

"What do you mean, what else is there?" she glared at him.

"There is something else you're not telling me. I can tell. C'mon spill. What is it?"

"Gale..." Katniss mumbled, running her finger around the rim of the bottle. She avoided meeting his eyes. The last thing she wanted to do was tell Gale how Peeta had felt about their friendship all these years.

" _Katniss_..." Gale prompted. Katniss huffed, irritated. He used her real name. She knew that meant there was no way he was going to let this go. There really was no way of avoiding it.

Stalling, she raised her beer to her lips and drained the bottle. Briefly, she considered lying to her friend, but lying had gotten her into enough trouble already. It had helped her lose Peeta. She didn't want to lose Gale too.

"Peeta thinks you have feelings for me." she blurted out. "He thinks I don't really love him, and that I might have feelings for you. He has this idea that I'd be happier living in Seam. With you. "

Gale went perfectly still. Out of the corner of her eye, Katniss saw him swallow slowly, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down in his throat his only visible reaction, as he sat silently, absorbing this latest information.

"And what do you think?" he eventually asked, his voice sounding strangely strained. He avoided looking at her as he picked at the label on his beer bottle with his fingernail.

"What?" Katniss stuttered, her eyes widening. "I think he has his head up his ass! That's what I think! He's crazy if the thinks I don't love him, or would ever cheat on him!"

Gale shifted in his seat beside her. He leant forward, letting his shoulders droop slightly as he looked out over the garden, apparently deep in his own thoughts. After a moment, he shook his head as if trying to regain his focus, and he turned to look at her. Katniss noticed his eyes looked troubled.

"Maybe I should go talk to him. Put him straight that nothing like that has ever gone on between us," he said softly.

"Gale, no, don't. Please don't." Katniss shook her head vigorously, reaching out and placing her hand on his forearm. "I've already told him that. It won't help. The situation between Peeta and I is tense enough as it is – I don't need anything, or anyone, else making things more complicated at the moment. Please don't talk to him. I told Prim to stay out of it earlier, too."

"Ah. I wondered what the frostiness was between you two at dinner," Gale smiled. "But seriously, what if Peeta really does believe there is something going on, between us?" he said, the smile fading from his face again as he became serious. "That's wrong Catnip. He shouldn't accuse you of cheating when we've never done anything wrong."

"He didn't actually accuse me of cheating Gale. Not outright. But he did see us together."

"What do you mean he saw us together?" Gale looked confused.

"He came up to Seam to talk to me about a month after I left and he saw us talking and laughing together outside your house. That's when he figured out I'd been lying to him and he went back home and stopped calling me." Katniss confessed.

Gale shook his head and sighed. "God, what a mess," he muttered. "But it should have been easy enough to straighten out. Didn't you just explain, tell him the truth?"

"I tried to, but then he said he couldn't trust me, because I had already lied to him. There was some other stuff too, about me and him, and the kids." Katniss felt the sting of tears in her eyes again, when she remembered how hurt Peeta had looked that night.

Gale didn't push her on that. "Do you still love him?" he finally asked quietly, his eyes fixed on her face.

"I'll always love him," Katniss answered instantly, her voice flat. "That's about the only thing I'm sure of right now."

Gale nodded, as if confirming something to himself. He let out a deep breath. "Okay. Well, if there is anything I can do to help you know you only have to ask." He picked up his beer again.

Katniss hesitated. There was something Gale could help her with, it was the reason she'd called him. But her pride made her hate asking for favors, even from him. It went against her nature to feel indebted to anyone. But she really didn't see where she had much choice.

"Spit it out Catnip. I know you've something else on your mind," Gale said, eying her sideways as he took a swig from his bottle.

Katniss scowled. Nothing got past him, so she might as well just get it over with. "I'm going to need a job, Gale. Do you know of any openings I would be qualified for? I would love to get back into forest management again, but I'd prefer not to have to travel, because of the kids. I know it's a lot to ask..."

"No, it's not." Gale shook his head. "I don't know of any openings locally at the moment, but I can ask around. And I can put you in touch with Madge over at the Nursery just outside of town. She might have something. It may not be full-time, but its work you'd like, though you're probably over-qualified..."

"Madge, as in Madge Undersee? I thought her Dad ran the Nursery." Katniss interrupted him.

"He did, but he retired and she took over running the business last year," Gale smiled. "I've been working with her for a few weeks now. I did tell you about that last time I saw you."

"I remember. That would be great Gale. I don't care what kind of work it is, once I'm working outdoors, I'll do it. I couldn't bear to be locked up in an office or a store."

"I'll text you her number. Talk to her. I think if she can help, she will. And if you need anything, let me know Katniss, okay?" he nudged her shoulder gently.

"Okay," she nodded. She felt better. Talking to Gale had helped. She shivered slightly in the cool evening air, noticing that it was nearly dark.

Gale drained his beer and stood up, brushing off his pants as he did so. "C'mon, it's getting chilly out here. We better go inside." He reached out a hand to help her up. "We wouldn't want anyone to think we are misbehaving out here."

"Gale!" Katniss exclaimed loudly, slapping him across the leg.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist it," he said, grinning wickedly as he pulled her up. Unexpectedly, he pulled her into a hug.

"You know, he's a damn fool if he lets you go Catnip," he said softly, kissing the crown of her head. "But you'll make it. You're one of the strongest people I know. You can do this."

* * *

Peeta paced nervously while waiting for Katniss and Prim to arrive. He and Katniss still hadn't spoken directly, but Prim had texted him to say she would be coming along when they came to pick the kids up.

His morning had started badly. Skye was so over excited at the thought of spending the day with Katniss that she had spilled a full bowl of oatmeal down her dress and all over the floor. Before Peeta had a chance to clean it up, Aran had slipped in the mess and landed hard on his behind, wailing loudly. It took Peeta a while to calm the little boy down, then he had to change both kids into clean clothes. Skye was currently making her way through a replacement bowl of oatmeal.

He felt frazzled and on his last nerve, and it wasn't even 9am yet.

He kept one eye on the kids, and the other anxiously on the window, feeling his heart start to accelerate the second he saw Katniss' car turn the corner at the end of the street. Nervously, he wiped his damp palms on his thighs to dry them as they pulled up outside, and she and Prim climbed out of the car. This was the first time he'd had a chance to look at her unobserved since he'd left her at Prim's over a week ago.

Peeta watched her as she walked slowly up the path, swallowing the sudden tightness in his throat as he drank in the sight of her. She was still so beautiful, but she looked thinner, and the dark circles were still there under her eyes. He could tell with once glance that she wasn't eating or sleeping right. He recognized the same signs on his own face in the mirror every morning – he wasn't sleeping well either, and it wasn't just because of Aran keeping him up nights.

Before they could knock he moved and opened the door. "Hi," he said quietly as he came face-to-face with Katniss. He searched her face once again before his blue eyes locked with her gray ones.

"Hi," she replied evenly, though he could sense the tension radiating from her. "Can I come in?" she asked.

Peeta startled, realizing he had been standing blocking the doorway, while they were sizing each other up. "Oh, sure, um, sorry…" he moved aside, opening the door wider and gesturing for Katniss and Prim to come inside. "The kids are in the kitchen, finishing breakfast. They'll be ready in just a few minutes."

"Thank you," Katniss breathed as she stepped through the door into her former home, closely followed by Prim. They stood awkwardly grouped just inside the front door, none of them quite knowing what to do next.

"I'll go check on the kids," Prim said eying them both and taking the initiative as she slipped past Peeta and into the kitchen, giving Peeta and Katniss some privacy.

"So," Peeta spoke first, rubbing at the back of his neck with one hand before shoving his hands into his pockets. "How have you been?"

"I'm okay," Katniss replied calmly, though her eyes flitted away from his. She didn't seem inclined to say anything else.

"Um, I put some things in a backpack for you that you might need. Skye's blanket, Aran's sippy cup. There are diapers and wipes and a change of clothes for each of them..."

"Peeta, you don't need to fuss. I'm sure we will manage just fine," Katniss said, her tone overly polite and restrained. Peeta could tell she was holding herself firmly in check. "They are my kids, too. I do know how to take care of them. You don't have to worry about them while they're with me."

"Right, I know, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply..." Peeta ran his hands through his hair and huffed loudly. "This is awkward."

"Yes, it is." Katniss agreed. Again, she didn't seem inclined to say anything else. It was plain she didn't want to talk.

"So, you received the papers then?" Peeta asked hesitantly. For some reason, he really needed to see her reaction. "I did call you to see if you wanted to talk about them."

"I got your message," Katniss replied, coldly this time, yet her eyes flashed fire. "I think it's for the best if we just confine ourselves to talking about the kids for now, don't you? Anything else can be dealt with through the lawyers."

"You've hired a lawyer?" he asked, looking up quickly.

"Yes. Isn't that what you're supposed to do when you're served with divorce papers?" she seemed puzzled by his question.

"Yes, I suppose it is," Peeta responded looking down to hide the surprised expression that he was sure crossed his face. He didn't know why he was surprised. He just hadn't expected that she would move so quickly. He fell silent as he pondered how that made him feel.

"There is something I wanted to ask you," Katniss said before the silence got too awkward. "I would like to collect some of my winter clothes and some other personal stuff, like my Dad's plant book. The weather is already turning colder, and I will need my heavier things soon."

"Um, sure." Peeta agreed, though suddenly the thought of her doing so cut through him. "We can arrange that. When did you want to come over?"

"That's what I wanted to ask to you about. I'd rather come by for my things when you're not here, Peeta. I think it would be easier if I get them while you're at work and the kids are at daycare. I think it would be easier for all of us that way. Do you agree?" she raised an eyebrow, waiting for his reply.

"Okay," Peeta agreed, though he felt like he had just been punched in the stomach. This all seemed so unreal. Were they really standing in their hallway discussing Katniss removing her things from the home they had made together? It occurred to him that he really should have seen this coming. Of course she would want her stuff. But where was she going to live? He suddenly felt a wave of panic as he realized that he had no idea where she would go or what she was planning to do next.

"I won't take anything that isn't mine Peeta, you don't need to worry about that," her voice cut into his thoughts. She obviously took his prolonged silence as concern.

"I'm not worried about that," he replied, slightly annoyed. "I haven't changed the locks or anything Katniss, you still have a set of keys. You can come by whenever you want to get whatever you need."

"Thank you," Katniss nodded slightly. She stood self-consciously, one hand clutching the strap of her purse, the other fiddling with the end of her braid.

Peeta raised his eyes to search hers again, seeking some trace of emotion that he could read, anything that would tell him what she was really thinking and feeling, but there was nothing. Her features were impassively blank and her eyes were unreadable.

Peeta frowned. He could tell all her defensive walls were up, and they were just as impenetrable as they ever were. Her impassive expression reminded him of how she had been when they had first met. Back then, she had always kept her emotions carefully closed off from everyone. It had taken him a long time to get her to let those defenses down and to let him in, and now it looked like they were back in place again and stronger than ever. It was like speaking to stranger. He couldn't read her, and he didn't like it.

"Katniss..." he took a sudden step towards her, one hand reaching towards her... but she hastily stepped back, away from him.

"Don't," she flinched. "Please don't touch me." Her eyes flashed a warning and he pulled his hand back immediately.

 _"Mama!"_ at just that moment, Skye came flying out the kitchen door, a big smile on her face as she ran and wrapped her arms around Katniss legs. "You came!"

"Hey little girl!" Peeta watched as Katniss immediately forced her face into a cheerful smile as she swooped Skye up in her arms, closing her eyes as she rested her cheek against the crown of their daughter's head. "I'm so happy to see you!" she told her. "Are you looking forward to spending the day with me and your Aunt Prim?"

"I sure am!" Skye answered, her voice excited. "Can we go to the park? I want to play on the swings!"

"Sure, we can do that," Katniss smiled at her again, this time Peeta could tell by the way it lit up her face that it was genuine.

Prim came out of the kitchen, carrying Aran in her arms.

"Hi little guy!" Katniss spoke softly, reaching out to graze his cheek gently with her fingertips. She didn't attempt to coax him from Prim's arms, she just gave him some space as Aran watched her with his big gray eyes. The little boy seemed more relaxed than last time, and didn't flinch or cry at her touch. Peeta let out a deep breath. That was a good sign, at least.

"We're going to be just fine, aren't we?" Katniss murmured, her eyes softening as she watched her son.

But the soft look was gone again when she turned to look at Peeta. "I'll bring them back straight after dinner," she said, the coolness also returning to her voice.

He nodded, finding it hard to speak past the tightness in his throat. "Okay. Have a good day." He bent at the waist to give Skye a hug and pressed a kiss to the crown of Aran's head. "I'll see you then. Call if you need anything."

Katniss nodded, making her way towards the door. She looked like she couldn't wait to escape his presence and their house.

"It'll be okay," Prim whispered to him, as she passed by him following Katniss with Aran in her arms. "Don't worry."

He smiled weakly at her as he shut the door behind them, then turned to lean his back against it. That was horrible. _So horrible_. How were they going to do that every week from now on?

He closed his eyes, pressing the heels of his hands against them but all he could see was the way Katniss had smiled at Skye and how she had touched Aran's face so tenderly with her fingertips. It reminded him of how she used to enjoy trailing her fingertips down his jaw, usually following their path with her lips.

Peeta suddenly didn't feel like going to work today, but he knew he had no choice, and he'd only regret it if he didn't go in anyway. He needed the distraction and routine work gave him. Shaking himself, he forced himself away from the door and back into the kitchen. He quickly washed up the breakfast dishes, leaving them to drain beside the sink. Glancing at the clock, he grabbed his keys and wallet, locked the house and climbed into his truck, making the short drive into town while trying not to think about Katniss, or her lips, or what had just happened.

Just as he pulled into his parking space outside the bakery, his felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Pulling it out and glanced at the caller display. " _Seneca Crane_ " flashed on the screen.

"Damn it," he swore under his breath. He was already late opening up, and this was going to delay him further. Could his day get any worse?

"Good morning Mr. Mellark," he heard the smooth tones of his lawyer as he answered the call.

"Yes, Mr. Crane, good morning." Peeta replied, thinking of the irony of that statement, considering how crappy his morning had been so far. "And please, it's Peeta. Mr. Mellark is my father," he said.

"Peeta," the lawyer acknowledged. "I'm calling to give you an update on how matters are proceeding. Is now a good time to talk?"

"Sure," Peeta replied. Now was as good a time as any. Better to take the call now, then try to return it later in the bakery where he had no privacy from either customers or his family.

"I've been contacted by my colleague, Mr. Plutarch Heavensbee, in relation to your petition. He advised me he will be representing your wife, Katniss, in these proceedings."

"Oh," Peeta replied, not knowing what else to say. He knew Plutarch by sight and by reputation, his offices were based on the other side of the town square.

"I have some other news, and it's good Peeta," the lawyer continued.

"Really? And that would be…?" he prompted. For the life of him, he couldn't think of anything positive about this situation.

"Mr. Heavensbee has confirmed that his client has instructed him to proceed on the basis that she will not contest the divorce in any way. The only thing your wife has requested is shared custody of the minors, which you have already indicated to me you are prepared to agree to. She will not be seeking any part of the marital resources or property. I'm happy to tell you that once mandatory mediation is completed it should be a very quick process to have your divorce finalized."

Peeta's stomach dropped as he processed Seneca's words and the full meaning behind them.

Katniss wasn't going to fight the divorce. She wanted nothing from him. Not only that, she told him this morning she wanted to take her stuff out of the house. Katniss must really want out of this marriage much more then he suspected.

"So, if Katniss has agreed to everything, what is the next step, Mr. Crane?" he asked, his voice coming out rough as he fought to control his emotions.

"We'll set a date for mediation. Mr. Heavensbee and I are both confident it will be fairly straightforward. Unless mediation brings up any major differences between you and your wife in relation to the minors, everything should go smoothly. If terms can be agreed in mediation, then there may not be a need for a court hearing. This could all be behind you in a few short weeks, Peeta." The lawyer sounded almost jubilant to be delivering him this news.

"Weeks?" Peeta repeated, his eyes widening in shock. Twelve years to build, and only a few short weeks _to put it all_ _behind him_.

He rubbed his forehead, trying to ward off the tension headache he knew was going to blind him later. He couldn't hear any more right now, it was too much. "Thank you for calling me, Mr. Crane," he said quickly, "I'm sorry, but I have to go. You'll let me know when you have a date for the mediation?"

"Of course, Peeta. I'll speak to you soon," the lawyer said, and disconnected the call.

Peeta closed his eyes and slumped down in the front seat of his truck, still gripping his phone in his hand as he tried to process his thoughts racing through his head. He felt an overwhelming sadness settle over him. So that was it. This was his answer. Rather than fighting for him, Katniss was agreeing to ending their marriage, with no conditions. She didn't even want half of what technically, she could take from him.

He sat for a few more minutes, before finally forcing himself out of his truck to go and open the bakery. As he unlocked the door, he glanced to his left, and caught sight of something that made a rush of fury pour through his veins. Just a hundred yards away, strolling out of Starbucks, cup of coffee in one hand, was a tall, dark-haired man with olive skin and gray eyes. Peeta stared, not believing what he was seeing. Gale Hawthorne was back in town. What the hell was Gale doing back here? Why now? This couldn't be a coincidence. Peeta kept watching as Gale climbed into a green truck. He felt his hands clenching into fists as for a brief moment, as he fought with an impulse to march up the street and confront him, but instead he pushed his way into the bakery, slamming the door behind him.

His day just got a whole lot worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So finally, here it is - sorry for the delay in this chapter folks. I'd like to thank my friend KnottedEnergy and my beta Kismet4891 for their infinite patience and hand holding when I was having some massive freak outs over this story in the last two weeks! I can't tell you how much I appreciate you both. Banner by the wonderful Ro_Nordmann.
> 
> Hope you enjoy, and I hope the next chapter does not take as long! - Questions are welcome - I'm on tumblr - Louezem.


	8. Making Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all those who have read and reviewed and stuck with this story so far. Special thanks also goes to three special ladies for their help with this chapter, KnottedEnergy, Court81981 and Kismet4891.
> 
> I have a confession, this chapter was originally double this length, but I decided to divide it into two separate chapters, so you won't be as long waiting for the next update. That means Chapter 9 is already written, and will be uploaded once I have a headstart on Chapter 10. :)

" 

 

"Well, that went better than I thought it would." Prim said in a purposefully upbeat tone, passing a bottle of water to Katniss as they sat on a park bench watching Skye and Aran happily digging around in the sandbox.

They had just spent an hour pushing the kids on the swings and visiting the duck pond, and they both needed five minutes to sit and catch their breath. It was their first opportunity to talk out of Skye's earshot since they had left Peeta's.

"Yeah," Katniss responded quietly, "I guess so." Truthfully, she was struggling to keep the smile plastered on her face in front of her children when what she really wanted to do was run back to her room at Prim's and bury her face in her pillow and cry. But she wasn't going to allow any negative emotion to show on her face in front of her kids on their first day with her since she came home. She didn't want anything to spoil their time together. But she couldn't stop letting her mind drift back to thinking how awkward things were with Peeta that morning.

Prim narrowed her eyes in concern. "Katniss... are you okay?"

"Mhm." Katniss nodded and tried to give Prim a weak smile. Prim sighed, reaching over and covering one of Katniss' hands, rubbing it affectionately with her own. "I know this morning with Peeta... that must have been horrible for both of you, but the first time was going to be the worst. It'll get easier" she said reassuringly.

"I hope so," Katniss croaked, barely able to speak as she tried to control the onslaught of emotions welling up inside her. Constantly trying to disguise how sad and confused she was really feeling was becoming exhausting. She tried to force a smile again for Prim's sake, then turned her head to look over at where the children were playing, blissfully unaware of the anguish their mother was feeling.

Being with them again felt so good, yet it was so bittersweet. Katniss' heart ached as she watched them play, thinking about how it would be for them from now on, spending their time divided between two homes and two parents. So much had changed. The last time they had come to the park was the day she had run away, and even though it was not really all that long ago, her children had grown so much and there were so many little things that were different about them.

Katniss could see Skye was as protective of her little brother as ever, probably even more so, as she happily chatted away to him non-stop while he sat beside her playing. But the biggest change she could see was in Aran. Now that he was walking, he followed his big sister everywhere. How had she never noticed the way he watched Skye's every move before?

Katniss was surprised at how effortlessly she had slipped right back into what Peeta used to teasingly call her "mama mode." When they had first arrived at the park Katniss had tried to carry Aran, but he had cried and struggled to be put down. Skye had promptly informed her that ' _Aran likes to walk now_...' and she was right. He wasn't rejecting her again; he was just exerting himself to let Katniss know that he did not want to be in the stroller or carried. He was quite happy to hold tight onto Katniss' hand as he toddled all the way from the car to the playground under his own steam. In just a few short months, her baby son had grown into a little boy who was so much more independent already.

"I came here the day I left, Prim. Did I tell you that?" Katniss suddenly blurted out.

"No," Prim replied. "You haven't really spoken about anything that happened that day."

"I was so stressed out I can barely remember it. But, I remember sitting here, on this very bench, and feeling like I was losing my mind. I scared myself, Prim. I haven't told anyone else that, I didn't even tell Hazelle..." She let it all come out in a gush.

Prim lowered the bottle of water she was drinking from and studied Katniss carefully. "Do you feel like you want to talk about it now?" she offered.

Katniss nodded slowly. She needed to talk to someone about all that was going through her head. "I didn't think I was being a good mother, especially to Aran, Prim," she began hesitantly. "I was struggling so much, and I was afraid I was going to let something terrible happen to him," she admitted, keeping her eyes on her son and avoiding her sister's gaze.

Prim blinked in surprise. "Like what, Katniss? What would possibly have happened to him?"

"I don't know," she whispered.

"Yes, you do, Katniss." Prim urged her gently to continue. "What was it? Do you still feel that way now?"

"No, not now," Katniss shook her head. "At the time, I...I was afraid I'd let him get hurt somehow. Drop him maybe? I nearly let him roll off the bed a few times. He cried so much, and I was so tired, and I knew I wasn't able to watch him properly. And Peeta would've never forgiven me if I had let something happen to either of them."

"But that's ridiculous, Katniss. You've never dropped a baby, and you've always taken good care of your kids. Why were you being so hard on yourself?"

"I know it seems irrational now, but all I know is I got so upset, all I wanted to do was sleep. I thought if I could just get some sleep, it would all be okay. When I sat here that day, all I could think about was that Aran and Skye would be safer with Peeta than with me while I went away for a rest."

Katniss kept her eyes trained on her children as they played, trying to fight back the guilt she felt for having ever left them.

"Everything changed when Aran was born, Prim. Skye was such an easy baby, and I thought it would be the same when Aran was born. I thought it would be _easier_ , because I'd done it all before. But it wasn't. He was so different. Having two was so much harder than I expected it to be and I feel so guilty because I couldn't cope. Other mothers can manage two kids Prim, why couldn't I?" Katniss looked at Prim, desperation in her eyes.

"Did you tell Peeta you felt that way?" Prim asked gently.

Katniss shook her head again. "No, not at the time. I tried to tell him some of it when I came home, but I should have known he would never understand. Peeta is so gentle, and he's so patient with the kids. He never would have snapped like I did. He's not as selfish as me. Plus, he got to leave the house for part of every day and didn't know what it was like to be at home all the time with them like I was. But when I said that to him, he thought I was attacking him for working and not helping with the kids enough."

Prim sat, momentarily speechless.

"Katniss, you weren't being selfish for needing some rest. If only you had told someone, Peeta, or me... not run away to Seam." Prim put her hands up to her own face, her soft blue eyes troubled. "I'm your sister, how could I not have seen what was going on with you? How could _Peeta_ not have seen how stressed out you were?"

Katniss shrugged. "I didn't see it myself Prim, not until it was too late." She let out a small laugh, but there was no humor in it. "We both know how good I am at hiding what I'm feeling. And it's not fair to blame Peeta for not seeing it either, he was just as sleep deprived as I was. I just snapped first. Then I left and made things a whole lot worse, because I left him to cope on his own. And now it's too late, because it took me so long to work everything out."

"But, is it really too late, Katniss? Don't you think if you talked to Peeta, told him what you're telling me now, he might understand?"

"That's the worse part, Prim." Katniss wiped her eyes quickly with the corner of her sleeve. "I can't take that risk now. Don't you see? He already told me that he doesn't trust me with the kids. Suppose I told him now how afraid I was that one of them would get hurt, and that I had doubts that I could look after them properly? He might try to take Aran and Skye away from me forever if I do," she shook her head vigorously. "No, at least this way, he will agree to sharing custody with me. Before, maybe I could have told him. Maybe if I'd talked to him that first few days I was gone then he would have known that my leaving had nothing to do with my feelings for him."

"Oh, Katniss," Prim shook her head slightly. "I don't know what to say. I had no idea you were going through all that."

Katniss stared down at her hands. "It hurts too that Peeta thinks I would leave for Gale or something like that. I didn't," she whispered. "I can't help but feel like I failed him as his wife if he doesn't know that in his heart. I had to make sure my babies were safe, even from me, and I knew they would be safe with him. I never meant to hurt Peeta, but I couldn't talk to him. I was afraid he'd see me for what I am...a terrible mother. A terrible wife, a terrible person..." Tears began to leak from her eyes. She swiped angrily at them again.

"Katniss." Prim grabbed her hand again, squeezing it between her own. "Sweetie, you need to calm down. You are not any of those things..."

"But he's divorcing me Prim... and it's my fault. I've broken up our family because I was so selfish. I let them all down."

"He's divorcing you because he's _hurt_ , Katniss." Prim said fiercely.

"I know, and I never meant for that to happen either. I just wasn't thinking straight. It all seems so irrational now. I don't expect you to understand either. I can barely understand it myself."

"Katniss." Prim's voice was firm. "I'm sorry... I love you, but I think you're still not thinking straight. I really think you need to see somebody about all this stress. What you've gone through, what you're _still_ going through can be too much on a person's body. I've never seen you like this. Please. You can't deal with this by yourself."

Katniss shook her head. "I'll be okay Prim. I don't need a doctor. I just need to get back on my feet. You're helping. Gale helped. Being with my kids again really helps," she smiled weakly. "They're all I have left."

"I still want you to see a doctor, Katniss. Please." Prim pleaded. She hesitated before continuing. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I want you to think of Mom. Maybe if she got some real help sooner, we wouldn't have lost her. Please, Katniss! Don't do it for me, or for Peeta, do it for their sake," she said, nodding her head towards the children.

Katniss sucked in a sharp breath. Prim bringing up their mother hurt, but she was the one person who could get away with saying something like that to her. Katniss knew Prim would never use their mom to hurt her. For her to say something like that, she must be really worried. "I promise I'll think about it Prim, okay?" she agreed, looking up at her sister.

"Okay," Prim exhaled, and reached over and hugged her, relief showing in her gentle blue eyes. "That's a start. But, don't ever let things get you so far down again without coming to me okay? I'm pissed at you. You have always been there for me, Katniss, all the time I was growing up; let me be here for you when you need it."

Katniss nodded and hugged her sister back, resting her cheek against Prim's. "I'll try, I promise," she breathed.

"Good," Prim smiled, and released her. "Speaking of Gale, what did you and he talk about last night anyway?" Prim asked curiously.

"He just asked what had happened. He wanted to go and talk to Peeta, defend me, but I told him not to. Gale is the last person Peeta would talk to. It'd only make things worse. Then we talked about work. He is going to talk to Madge Undersee who runs the nursery outside town about a possible job."

"I know that place, it's nice. I think going back to work would be good for you."

"Prim, there is one other thing I wanted to tell you." Katniss looked at her sister hesitantly. "I'm going to start looking at places to live. Somewhere big enough for me and the kids, so that I can have them stay overnight."

"I understand," Prim replied. "Though you know there is no rush, you're welcome to stay with me and Rory for as long as you need?"

"I know, but I need to plan for the future. If Peeta and I are to share custody, I need somewhere the kids can be with me too. I don't want there to be anything that could stand in the way of my being with them again. We have to go through mediation soon. I'll have to show the court that my kids are my first priority now. Finding a way to be on better terms with Peeta is going to take a lot more time. "

"Okay," Prim smiled reassuringly. "I can help you look, if you like."

"I'd love that, and thank you, Prim, for everything," Katniss said, reaching out and hugging her sister again, managing a small, but real smile this time. "But maybe it's time we got these kids back to the house and fed them some lunch, hmm? They must be getting hungry, and it's nearoioilly Aran's nap time."

"See? You're back in mama mode already!" Prim laughed as she got up and began to gather their things together.

* * *

The rest of the day flew by. They had lunch then Aran went down for a nap on the sofa, surrounded by pillows, while Katniss spent some one-on-one time with Skye.

The little girl drew a picture of them all at the duck pond, Katniss, Prim, and Aran were all there, only in the background she drew an extra stick figure - a taller one with yellow scribbles for hair and blue dots eyes. Katniss felt her chest tighten at the inclusion of that extra figure, so plainly meant to be Peeta, in her daughter's drawing.

"It's for auntie Prim's fridge, Mama!" Skye declared, waving the picture at her with a big beaming grin all over her face. Katniss couldn't help grinning back and ruffling her daughter's hair affectionately. She was so blessed that this happy, smiling little girl seemed to be adjusting so well to all the upheaval in their lives at the moment.

"That's right where it's going," Katniss grinned as she stuck the bright picture up on the fridge door.

"Maybe next time Daddy will come to the park to feed the ducks with us," Skye continued in a conversational tone. "Daddy always has lots of stale bread for the ducks to eat."

Katniss discreetly let that slide by without answering. She knew she had to avoid making any promises, when it was possible she and Peeta would never take the kids to the park together again.  Even thinking that made her feel upset, but she pushed it away and tried to focus on just enjoying her time with her daughter.

After dinner, Katniss reluctantly began to gather the kids' things, knowing she was delaying the unavoidable.

"I suppose I should take them home now," she said to Prim. "Peeta will be expecting them back."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Prim offered, glancing up from the sofa where she was sitting reading a storybook to Aran.

"No." Katniss declined her offer with a slight shake of her head. "We'll have to get used to doing this, and you won't always be around to hold my hand. I guess we might as well get used to it, if this is how we mean to continue."

"I'm glad today was a good day," Prim smiled. "Or at least a better one."

Katniss smiled and nodded a little in return. She was feeling pretty good about the day; it had gone better than she expected, and they'd all had a good time. The kids seemed happy and relaxed, and there had been no major meltdowns that she couldn't cope with. It made her feel like she might actually become the kind of mother she thought her kids deserved, given the chance.

She piled the kids into the car and made the short drive to Peeta's house, singing along to a Disney CD with Skye while Aran kicked his legs and clapped his hands, bobbing up and down in time with the music. Katniss couldn't help the smile that crossed her face at the sight.

As she pulled up outside the house, Peeta appeared almost instantly at the front door. She realized he must have been watching out for them, waiting for them to return.

"Hi." She gave a small wave in his direction as she got out of the car and moved to release Aran from his car seat. Skye unbuckled herself, and jumped out of the car, running up the steps to hug her father's legs. "Hi Daddy!" she squealed enthusiastically. "We had a great time today! We went to the park and I colored a picture, and Mama put it up on auntie Prim's fridge!"

"That's great sweetie," he smiled down at the little girl warmly. "I'm glad you had fun." He flicked his eyes to look at Katniss briefly.

"So, how did it go with Aran?" he asked, his tone notably cooler. Katniss noticed he never bothered returning her greeting, and it didn't look like he was going to invite her inside this time.

"It went well," she replied, frowning slightly. She could tell by the expression on Peeta's face that he was not in a good mood. "We went to the park, and then back to Prim's. Aran was fine; he ate well, and then went down for his nap without a problem and Skye and I spent some time..."

"Well, that's good, and thanks for dropping them back so promptly," Peeta said, cutting her short, as he reached out and pulled Aran from her arms.

Katniss didn't resist and let him take Aran from her, surprised at Peeta's open hostility. What was eating him? That morning he had at least tried to be amicable, but cold and distant Peeta was definitely back tonight.

She bit her lip and looked at him thoughtfully, wondering whether now was the best time. "Peeta, there was actually something I wanted to talk to you about, if you have a minute... the day care centre..." she began nervously.

"Do you mind if we don't talk about this tonight, Katniss?" Peeta cut across her again, abruptly. "I'd really like to get the kids inside and ready for bed. I have plans for tonight."

"Oh. Um...okay," she stammered, feeling extremely uncomfortable. She wondered for a second what kind of plans he had. Peeta had never liked to make plans for a Saturday night; it was always his favorite night for them to spend time together as he didn't have work the next day. "Then just let me say goodnight to the kids, and I'll be out of your way..."

She crouched down to give Skye a hug. The little girl threw her arms around Katniss' neck and hugged her tightly. "I did have fun today, Mama," Skye whispered in her ear. "I want you to come back soon."

"I had fun too, and I promise I'll see you soon, little girl," she whispered back, placing a soft kiss on the crown of her daughter's silky head. "I love you."

She straightened and stepped closer to Peeta, catching that familiar warm scent of vanilla and sugar which clung to him. She tried not to inhale deeply as she placed a soft kiss on Aran's cheek. "Sleep well, little guy," she said as she ran her finger through her son's blond curls for a second before stepping back again.

She looked away quickly so Peeta wouldn't catch the look she was sure was reflected in her eyes. She hated this. Her heart felt like it was being torn in two, leaving them here. She wanted to go inside and help Peeta put the kids to bed, then snuggle with him on the sofa for the evening. Sleep with his arms around her tonight. More than anything, she wanted to be back at home, with her family.

"Goodnight Katniss," Peeta said curtly as he backed inside the house, holding the door firmly in his grip as he balanced Aran on one hip.

"Goodnight Pe..," Katniss began to respond but before she could finish getting the words out of her mouth, the door was shut firmly in her face. She blinked, staring at the closed door in shock, her face beginning to redden and anger flaring deep in her belly. Spinning on her heel, she stomped back to her car. Well, if this was how he wanted things to be, then okay. So be it. There would be plenty of nights when she could tuck the kids in bed when she had her own place. _Better get on that tonight, Katniss_ , she thought as she drove away, fighting the urge to give in to the grief in her heart and run for the comfort of Seam again.

* * *

Peeta closed the door firmly behind him and exhaled loudly in relief. He had barely managed to keep it together while Katniss said goodbye to the kids. The whole time, he had fought the burning impulse to ask her what the hell Gale Hawthorne was doing back in town. But, thankfully, she was gone now and he could breathe again.

He turned to see Rye leaning against the living in the door frame of the living room, arms crossed, watching him. He'd come over to watch the wrestling and share a few beers with him.

"Uh, Peeta, what the fuck was that?" Rye asked.

"Don't swear in front of the kids, Rye," Peeta growled.

"Sorry." Rye apologized, not sounding in the least bit apologetic. "Let me rephrase that. What the _heck_ was that?" he gestured with one hand towards the door.

"What was what?" Peeta snapped back.

"You were just a complete asshole to Katniss."

"No, I wasn't!" Peeta denied angrily.

"Yes, you were." Rye eyed him, a disappointed look on his face. "Did you really just make her say goodnight to your kids while standing on your doorstep so the neighbourhood could watch? And then close the door in her face? Seriously? Nice, bro. Real nice."

Peeta fumed as Rye stalked back into the living room, shaking his head disapprovingly. He hadn't thought of it like that. It never occurred to him that the neighbours could be watching, speculating about what was going on between him and Katniss. It hadn't been his intention to humiliate her; he just wasn't in the mood to try and make small talk with her, not when he knew Gale Hawthorne was in town and was most likely hanging out with Katniss at his brother Rory's house tonight.

"Damn it!" he swore out loud to himself, annoyed at himself for his own lack of forethought.

"Don't swear in front of your kids, Peeta!" Rye yelled from the living room.

Peeta bit his tongue to stop himself from retaliating and saying something the kids really _shouldn't_ hear.

Instead, he ushered them upstairs and starting getting them ready for bed. It didn't take long to get them bathed and into fresh pajamas. He could tell by their sleepy eyes and deep yawns that they must have had a good day with Katniss. Both of them were exhausted, and fell asleep as soon as they were tucked in. Even Aran didn't need to be coaxed into falling asleep immediately.

As he quietly closed the door of Skye's room, Peeta couldn't help but feel resentful that he had missed out on whatever fun they had today. He had felt it building all day as he wondered what they were doing. Saturday had always been their day to spend together as a family, and trips to the park usually involved Aran riding high on his shoulders while Skye skipped ahead of them. But instead, he had spent the day working in a hot bakery while the kids went with Katniss. He supposed he should be grateful that things went well, but he couldn't deny that he missed her. He missed their family.

Once he deposited the laundry in the basket and tidied up the bathroom, he headed back downstairs and flopped on the opposite end of the sofa to Rye.

"Kids asleep?" Rye queried, handing Peeta a beer and cracking one open for himself.

"Yup," Peeta replied, accepting it gratefully and propping his feet up on the coffee table.

"They have a good day with Katniss?" he asked, grabbing a handful of popcorn from a bowl on the table and threw it into his mouth, chewing noisily.

"I think so, they were sure tired out anyway," Peeta answered, taking a sip for his beer and wondering what all these questions were leading up to. Rye wasn't usually the type to ask a lot of questions.

Rye cleared his throat nervously. "So, this divorce, it looks like it's actually going to happen, huh?" he asked suddenly.

Peeta eyed his brother, surprised. When he did talk, Rye was even less likely to bring up anything more serious than sports as conversation. Especially not when there was a wrestling match on TV.

"Yeah, it's happening," Peeta confirmed. "We have mediation first, and once that's done, the final papers can be signed. Once they're lodged with the court, it's final."

"And you can't just stop it? Call a halt to the whole thing?"

"Why would I do that, Rye?" Peeta furrowed his brow, confused.

"Because it seems to me that you're in a no-win situation, no matter what the outcome is." Rye shrugged. "You're miserable bro, and I can see you're missing her. Why not give Katniss a chance to see can she fix this before you let her go?"

Peeta stared at Rye, his mouth open. Where was this coming from?

"It's not that easy, Rye. It's complicated," he sputtered.

"Maybe you're making it more complicated than it needs to be. It just seems like a shame to me. I've never seen a relationship like the two of you had."

Peeta's bottom lip raised little as his eyes narrowed at his brother. "You've never seen a relationship up close at all, Rye."

Rye sighed. Though a low blow, the statement was true. Rye had little experience in long-term relationships with women.

"Well, that's not by choice," Rye retaliated. They both sipped their beers for a few minutes in silence.

Peeta felt bad. He knew he should crack a joke or something to break the silence, but it just didn't seem right somehow. "So what kind of relationship did you think we had, Rye?" Peeta finally asked.

"A good one. You two always seemed pretty solid to me. You seemed like a team. Together. "

"And what about this whole running away thing? This thing she has for Gale Hawthorne?"

"What thing she has for Gale Hawthorne?" Rye flicked his eyes away from the television screen to look at him. "I thought they were just friends from way back? Grew up together?"

"They are. At least, that's what she says. But I have my doubts about that," Peeta mumbled.

"Do you think she has cheated on you?" Rye sat up straighter, focusing all his attention on Peeta.

"No," Peeta admitted. "But this thing she has of disappearing to Seam when times get rough... why would she do that? When she had me?" His voice cracked slightly on the last word and he looked away.

Rye studied his younger brother silently.

"Peeta..." he spoke hesitantly. "Could it be that it is something to do with the place, not the person, like she says? She had a rough childhood right? Maybe when she says the place is special to her, it is just that? A kind of refuge? "

Peeta stared at Rye, stunned. Was he actually _defending_ Katniss for leaving home?

"I don't think I understand what you're trying to say Rye," he growled, trying not to get angry.

Rye huffed loudly, and threw his eyes up at the ceiling while he thought. He was obviously struggling to find the right words. "I suppose what I'm trying to say is did you ever stop to consider that maybe her going to Seam had nothing to do with some feelings you think Katniss _might_ have for some other guy? That those are _your_ insecurities talking?"

"What do you mean?" Peeta demanded, feeling himself starting to get angry despite himself. He glared at Rye. "What insecurities?"

"Oh come on Peeta, you know what I'm talking about," Rye muttered, looking down at the beer can in his hand.

"No, Rye, I actually don't. Enlighten me," Peeta hissed.

"Peeta, we grew up listening to Mom telling us that we were worthless. We grew up with her beating the shit out of one or the other of us on a daily basis, and Dad standing by and letting it happen," Rye snapped.

"What has that got to do with what is happening between me and Katniss now?" He wasn't sure he was comfortable at all with this turn in the conversation. The past was in the past, and he'd prefer to leave it there. They didn't talk about it. Their mother was dead, even if he still heard her voice in his head belittling him every day.

"What I am saying is, if you are doing this, divorcing Katniss, because you think you have to protect your kids from her, then I _get_ that. But Katniss is _not_ Mom, Peeta, and you are definitely not Dad." Rye said, looking at Peeta with an intensity he rarely showed,

Peeta shuffled uncomfortably in his seat. Because without knowing it, Rye had just laid his worst fear out in front of him. That Katniss would hurt their kids, and he would be like his Dad, making only feeble attempts to stop her reckless behavior.

Could what happened in his past really be that much a factor in their divorce though?

"What happened when we were growing up never seemed to bother you that much Rye," Peeta said defensively.

"Yeah right!" Rye laughed sarcastically. "It never affected me. That's why I'm 35 years old, and still living with my Dad. Don't you think that's a little odd? I might not have a problem finding women to sleep with me Peeta, but I've never had a relationship with a woman that lasted more than a month." He raised his beer to his lips and took a deep draw.

Peeta looked at his brother, shocked by this revelation. "I didn't know you felt like that. I always thought you were happy playing the field and living with Dad." Now he really felt like crap for his earlier swipe at Rye's bachelor status.

"Yeah, well, it was fun, when I was in my twenties. But it gets old." Rye lifted his beer to lips, taking a deep swig, then wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Especially when you look at a woman in a bar and struggle to remember whether or not you've already slept with her before offering to buy her a drink," he said in a defeated tone.

"Jesus, Rye!" Peeta coughed, choking on his own beer. He felt his heart ache for his brother, a sensation he didn't usually have for easy-going Rye. Not in many years anyway. Not since they were kids or at least when their mother was alive.

"Oh don't look so shocked, I'm just being honest with you. You don't know how lucky you were when you met Katniss. I'd love to find a girl, settle down, maybe pop out a few babies of my own instead of spoiling yours. It won't be long until I'm forty, but somehow, I don't see it being on the cards for me."

"Why not? If you feel like that why don't you get out there and find someone to settle down with, bro..." Peeta asked.

"Like I told you, we're not all that lucky Peeta. It's not that easy," Rye eyed him. "Why do you think I'm encouraging you to give Katniss another chance?"

"How do I know that Katniss won't leave us again, Rye? I couldn't take it if I opened myself up and then she left again." Peeta said angrily.

"I suppose you don't know that for sure. Look, Peeta I'm not saying what Katniss did, running off like that was right, but turning your back on her is no guarantee that you won't get hurt again anyway. She did come back for you. How happy do you think you're going to be on your own? All I'm sayin' is, it's not that easy to find someone to spend your life with. You might not be so lucky again."

"Staying together for the sake of the kids is not a good enough reason to be together either, Rye. That's what Mom and Dad did and look at the disaster that turned out to be. I don't want that for my kids." Peeta recognized how bitter the words coming out of his mouth sounded.

"I know you don't, Peeta, but would it really be like that?" Rye raised his hand in submission at the look on Peeta's face. "You're the best judge of that, it's your marriage. I'm just calling it like I see it. I don't want you to make a huge mistake and regret it later."

"That's what everyone keeps saying." Peeta grumbled.

"Maybe because we care."

"Jeez, Rye, when did you get so in touch with your feelings?"

"Hey, I can be deep sometimes!" Rye chuckled. "But maybe it's the effect of this crappy beer you like. Jeez, what's wrong with domestic?" He crushed his beer can and fired it at Peeta.

Peeta ducked and grinned, feeling the tension between them slipping away.

"Can we just watch the match now, Rye?"

"Sure. I need a bathroom break anyway," Rye said, climbing of the sofa and stretching, letting out a loud belch as he did so. "You can order the pizza. No onions."

Peeta groaned. "You know I like onions!"

 _So much for having a quiet night with no heavy conversations_ , he thought.

* * *

Katniss slipped inside the house and closed the door behind her quietly, not wanting to disturb Prim and Rory who were most likely watching a movie in the living room.

She was exhausted, confused and more than a little pissed off. On the drive back to Prim's, she wracked her brain trying to think of possible reasons for the change in Peeta's mood, but decided that whatever had happened during his day to cause his sullenness with her this evening, it was nothing to do with her, and he had no business taking it out on her.

She made her way upstairs to her room, stripping of her clothes and headed for the shower. Stepping under the stream of warm water always made her feel calmer and helped her to think.

Once she had towelled off and re-dressed in a clean tank and a pair of pajama bottoms, she went back downstairs to the kitchen, putting the kettle on for hot tea.

"Prim, can I borrow your laptop?" she called into the living room.

"Sure, just don't read my tumblr page!" Prim yelled back.

"Like I really care about your fangirling..." Katniss muttered to herself and rolled her eyes. Sipping her tea, she pulled up the bookmarked pages of the rental properties she had shortlisted the other day. She shot of a quick email to the realtor, asking for an appointment to view three of the properties listed, as soon as possible.

Prim padded into the kitchen, looking like a teenager in her pink pajamas with her hair braided down her back. "Hi, we didn't hear you come in. How'd it go dropping the kids off?" she plopped down in the seat opposite Katniss.

"Peeta was being an ass," Katniss mumbled darkly, not raising her eyes from the computer screen.

"What happened?" Prim looked surprised. "He was okay this morning."

"I've no idea." Katniss replied, trying not to look bothered, even though the change in Peeta's attitude had made her really uneasy. "He made it clear he couldn't wait to get rid of me, but not before telling me he had plans for the evening."

Somewhere in the back of her mind was a niggling fear. What if the plans he mentioned were with another woman? Was he moving on from them already? She shoved those thoughts away as her phone beeped that she had a new text.

 _Gale: Talked to Madge. She says you should call over to the nursery to meet her on Monday am. Back in Seam. I'll be back in town in a few weeks. Hang in there, Catnip_ _**.** _

Katniss smiled. That was progress, at least.

"Who was that?" Prim asked nosily.

"Just Gale," Katniss smiled. "He says I'm to go see Madge Undersee on Monday about a possible job, and I've just emailed a realtor to make an appointment to look at some houses to rent.

"Wow, Katniss, you're really not letting the grass grow under your feet are you?" Prim commented. "Have you seen anything you like?"

Katniss spun the laptop around, showing Prim a picture of a neat little house on Victor's Lane.

"It's small, but I think this is the one I like best," she mused. "The rent is reasonable. Plus it's close to you, a short drive to Peeta's and I could walk to the nursery, if this job works out... "

"You really believe you and Peeta will never get back together, don't you?" Prim asked suddenly, her eyes sad as they searched Katniss' face.

Katniss froze at how the directness of the question hit her. "He hasn't given me any sign that he has changed his mind about anything," Katniss placed a hand on her stomach, hoping it would stop it churning. "If I stop and let myself focus on me and Peeta, I will fall apart and never be able to put myself back together again. I can't afford to think like that right now Prim." She looked up, her eyes growing steely. "I have my kids. I can't let them down again. Someday when they find out what happened they might be able to forgive me for leaving them, even if Peeta can't."

She rose from her seat and went to rinse her cup in the sink. "I think I'll just go to bed now Prim, I'm tired. You go spend some time with your own husband," she smiled kindly, before heading for the stairs.

"Are you going to be okay?" Prim asked.

"I don't really have a choice, do I?"

* * *

Monday morning came and Katniss was up with the sunrise. She showered and dressed, and had breakfast, wondering how early was too early to show up at the nursery. She waited until 9am before driving over to the large sprawling property on the edge of town.

She decided to take a discreet walk around to see what the place was like before seeking out Madge. Wandering through the greenhouses that held every kind of flowering plant, shrub, herbs and fruit trees was like entering a Garden of Eden to her. It made her feel calm. Smiling, she made her way to the main building, looking around for signs to direct her to the office.

"Can I help you?" a very pretty blonde woman approached her. She was about Katniss' age, with shining blue eyes and a kind smile.

"I'm looking for Madge Undersee, the manager?" Katniss replied.

"Oh, hello, you must be Katniss!" The blonde's warm friendly smile made Katniss feel at ease immediately, and she returned her smile. "Gale has told me a lot about you. I'm Madge. C'mon into the office and we'll talk." She beckoned Katniss into a small office and offered her a seat.

"I brought you a copy of my résumé, and my qualifications," Katniss offered, taking her paperwork from her bag.

"Thanks," Madge took them from her. "I'll read over them later, but Gale has already told me your qualifications, and honestly, you're over-qualified for this job, Katniss. How do you feel about that?"

"I'd be happy to get an opportunity to work somewhere that's not a store or an office. I like being outdoors and around nature and natural things. I took a walk around. Your set-up is very impressive."

"Well, thank you." Madge smiled again. "I've expanded some since I took over, and I have a staff member going on extended maternity leave at the end of next week, and I'm happy to have you, if you're happy to step in?"

"Just like that?" Katniss blurted out, a look of shock crossing her face. "I've got the job?" Then she bit on her lip to stop herself from saying something that might make Madge change her mind.

"Just like that." Madge laughed easily. "Gale's recommendation is good enough for me. He's been wonderful working with me on developing us into a tree nursery as well as a plant nursery. Having someone with your qualifications on site to talk to customers will be a real bonus, so I'm delighted to have you."

"That's great, Madge! Thank you."

"When can you start?"

They discussed a few more details, the pay and the hours, and set a date for Katniss to start work.

"Now that the formalities are out of the way, tell me a little more about you Katniss. You and Gale, how did you meet? Did you meet in college?" Madge's voice was curious.

"No, we met as kids, our parents were friends and we grew up together. We've been best friends since we were kids, and my sister is married to his brother."

"Oh I see! So you're like... family?"

Katniss nodded.

"Well, I hope we can be friends too, Katniss. I think you're going to work out great here."

Katniss thought so too. Now if the house she liked worked out the way she hoped it would, she had the foundations for rebuilding some sort of a normal life.

 

 


	9. Closing Doors

" 

 

Peeta took his seat at the large conference table, nervously smoothing down the end of his tie as he looked around anxiously, waiting for Katniss and her lawyer to appear. He hadn't been inside the small Panem County courthouse since he and Katniss had been there together ten years earlier to apply for their marriage licence. And now they were here to dissolve their marriage.

"There is no need to be nervous," Seneca reassured Peeta, speaking quietly as he shuffled a few papers and meticulously straightened the legal pad in front of him. "We've discussed this and we're prepared for every eventuality. Unless your wife tries to spring some surprise on us today, this should all go smoothly."

"I hope so," Peeta said quietly looking down at the table. "I don't want to drag this out." His stomach was churning already and he wanted to run from the room.

"Plutarch assured me your wife feels the same way. Just try to relax, Peeta. Stick to answering anything you're asked, don't get emotional, and if you're not sure about anything, you can ask to consult with me privately. We were lucky that Portia was available to mediate. She is one of the best."

Peeta nodded, wishing he could take off his tie and loosen his collar. He felt like he was suffocating. He glanced up at the clock on the wall,  _9:55am_. Where was Katniss? They were scheduled to start at 10:00am, sharp.

The door behind them opened, and Peeta jerked his head around to see a smartly dressed man with gray hair and a polite smile on his face enter the room. Katniss followed behind him.

Her eyes nervously scanned the room, quickly finding him, and their gazes locked together for a split second, blue on gray, before each of them looked away.

Polite  _good mornings_  were murmured all around, as the two lawyers shook hands and greeted each other. Katniss chose a seat on the opposite side of the table, facing Seneca. Her eyes flitted around the room, resting anywhere but on Peeta.

Peeta couldn't help but sneak looks at Katniss across the table, as she spoke quietly with her lawyer. Her hair was down and she was wearing a forest green dress, a color that he had always liked on her, but she looked pale and nervous. He suspected she had worn her hair down so she could hide her face behind it. Underneath her light makeup, he could still see the slight purple smudges beneath her eyes, evidence that she was not sleeping well, but she looked better than she had the last time she had dropped off the kids.

He reached for the glass of water in front of him and took a deep swallow. He had to remember his purpose for being here: to set Katniss free to live the kind of life she wanted and to protect his children from growing up trapped in a home between two unhappy parents. He was doing what he thought was best for them all.

The door opened again and a very tall, slender woman with a commanding presence swept into the room. She was dressed in a very fashion forward outfit of teal silk, with bright blond hair and dark eyes. She was not what Peeta had expected at all.

"Good morning everyone," she greeted them, smiling broadly. She stepped around the table to shake both Peeta and Katniss' hands as she made her way to the top of the table, nodding at Plutarch and Seneca. "Counsel. Mr. and Mrs. Mellark. I'm Portia DuPont. I'm here to help mediate your divorce settlement today." She settled herself in a seat at the head of the table.

"Now, if everyone is ready, we can get started." Portia said, smiling politely across the table and gesturing for everyone else to sit too. "I'll begin. Mr. and Mrs. Mellark, I have read your respective statements, and your individual parenting plans, and I am happy to say there is very little that I can see that really needs to be discussed in much more detail here. We can go through them point by point, but it seems you both agree on all the major matters and in relation to your children, including custody, visitation, education and health matters.

She turned her focus towards Katniss. "I do have a question for you, Mrs. Mellark, in relation to the support of your children. It seems you have been a full time stay-at-home parent for several years now, how do you intend to support your children going forward?"

Seneca raised a finger to draw Portia's attention. "Mr. Mellark has offered to pay full support until such time as Mrs. Mellark is in a position to share costs," he interjected. "We also suggest dividing the children as tax exemptions."

"Mr. Mellark's full support won't be necessary," Katniss spoke up, addressing Portia. "I have recently secured employment, and I have also signed a lease and paid first and last month's rent on a house on Victor's Lane, not too far from Peet... from Mr. Mellark's home."

Peeta looked up, surprised. This was news to him. It had only been a few weeks, and Katniss had already managed to find a job  _and_  a house?

"That's excellent," the mediator smiled at Katniss, and noted something down on a legal pad in front of her. "And, just to clarify, how do you propose to coordinate working with sharing physical custody of the children?"

"The children are already settled in a day care facility arranged by Mr. Mellark while I was... away," Katniss replied, speaking quietly. "I hoped we could agree to continue with that arrangement now that I'll be working, too. My ideal would be to share free time and weekends with the children equally. I will pay half of the day care costs, of course, as well as half of all other child-related costs. " Katniss turned her gaze to Peeta.

"Mr. Mellark, is this acceptable to you?" Portia smiled at Peeta, and waited expectantly. Seneca nudged him under the table.

"Yes," he said, speaking slowly. "Though my offer of full support still stands. I want Katniss and the children to have everything they need, for however long they need it." He returned his gaze to rest on Katniss, across the table from him.

"They will have everything they need Peeta," she answered him, meeting his gaze and holding it steadily. He watched as she tilted her chin slightly, unknown to herself. He recognized that determined look. "I can provide for them too, and I don't want to be a financial burden on you anymore than I have been," she finished.

"You've never been a burden..." He shook his head in denial, but Katniss looked away abruptly.

"That's agreed then?" the mediator said, scribbling more notes on her legal pad. "Let's move on..."

And so the meeting progressed. Peeta sat numbly as one by one, they went through all the minute details of dismantling their lives. Division of assets, debts, taxes. Katniss was good to her word and stubbornly refused to consider seeking any part of the house or any other assets, except for her car, which they had bought together years before. The only thing she conceded was for Peeta to continue the building of the college fund they had set up for the kids, until such time as she could contribute to it too.

"I have one final question for you, Mrs. Mellark, and that's in relation to your name. Do you intend to revert to your maiden name, on dissolution of the marriage?" Portia asked, pen poised in mid-air to note her answer.

Peeta sucked in his breath as he waited for Katniss to respond. Seneca had warned him this question would come up, and that it was her decision alone to make. As the lawyer had promised, everything else had been settled easily enough. They had always discussed major decisions and made them jointly when they were together.

But this was something that had never come up between them. He knew he had never anticipated being in this situation. The only time the subject of Katniss' name had ever come up before had been when they were getting married, when she had told him she wanted nothing more than to take his name, and be known as Katniss Mellark, his wife. His mind wandered back to that day...

* * *

_Together they ran hand-in-hand up the steps of Panem County Courthouse, entering through the large imposing doors, and looking around for a sign that would direct them to the County Clerk's office._

_"This way," Peeta pulled her with him, as he turned right and headed down a long corridor. "Third door on the left," he muttered to himself._

_"This is exciting," Katniss whispered loudly to him as she walked quickly by his side, clasping his hand tightly in between both of hers._

_Peeta smiled indulgently at her, enjoying her obvious happiness. "It's almost as exciting as the moment when you actually agreed to marry me." He leaned closer to kiss her swiftly. "This just brings us one step closer to the moment when I will actually be able to call you my wife."_

_"It's only two weeks to the wedding, Peeta, you don't have that long to wait," Katniss laughed easily. "And then I'll be able to call you my husband." She smiled up at him contentedly._

_"It can't come soon enough for me," he murmured, pecking her on the lips again. "Now come on, let's find this clerk, so we can apply for this licence! I have to go back to the bakery later. I have a wedding cake design to work on, and you know Mother won't let me work on it during business hours."_

_"I know," Katniss pouted. "Are you really not going to let me see it until the wedding?"_

_"Nope," Peeta smirked, "it's unlucky for the bride to see the cake before the wedding."_

_"No it's not! It's unlucky for the groom to see the bride before the wedding!" Katniss retorted. "You made that up. There are no rules about cakes!"_

_"New rule," Peeta grinned. "Ah, here we are..."_

_Pushing through the door, they entered a small brightly lit office._

_"We're here to apply for a marriage license, please." Katniss addressed the well-dressed young man behind the counter before Peeta could get the words out._

_"Oh, congratulations!" the young man smiled kindly. He turned to select a few sheets of paper from a filing cabinet behind him, pushing them across the counter at Katniss and Peeta, and gestured behind them. "There is a seating area behind you. If you would like to fill these in, I can process your license today if you have the appropriate ID with you."_

_"Thank you," Peeta and Katniss said in unison. Together they sat and Peeta began to fill out the necessary details for them both._

_"Um, Katniss..." Peeta looked up after a few minutes, a slightly worried look crossing his face._

_"What's wrong Peeta?" Katniss asked as she took in his concerned expression._

_"It's just... the form, it asks... if you want to change your name. It just occurred to me that we never talked about that, and I don't know how you feel about it..." He raised his eyes to hers._

_"Tick the option that says yes," Katniss replied simply, smiling shyly at him._

_Peeta's eyes widened as his face broke out into a huge grin. "Really? Are you sure? I mean...um... I know a lot of women like to keep their own name now, and if that's what you want, I'm fine with that, I don't expect you to take mine. Or, if you wanted to hyphenate our names, that's fine too, whatever you want is fine..." he stammered._

_"Peeta," Katniss started laughing gently at him, laying a reassuring hand on his arm and squeezing it gently. "Give me the form."_

_She took the pen from his hand. With a flourish, she marked the "yes" box beside the name change question and put pen down. Reaching over, she cradled Peeta's face in her hands. He couldn't help but lean into her touch. "Peeta, I want to take your name when I become your wife. It just feels right. I want the world to know that I'm yours," she said softly, looking deep into his blue eyes._

_"I love you," he responded, his eyes burning into hers._

_"I love you, too," she replied, pulling him closer to her for a gentle kiss. He met her halfway._

_"Ahem..." they heard the young man behind the counter discreetly clearing his throat._

_Peeta chuckled, and pulled back from Katniss and glanced over his shoulder. Katniss pushed the form back across to him._

_"Finish the damn form so we can get our license and get out of here," she smirked, giving him a purposeful look. "You have to go back to the bakery later, and I have other plans for us this evening."_

_"Oh really?" he asked, eyebrow raised._

_"Yes really," she smiled back._

* * *

"Yes," Katniss' clear response shook him out of his reverie. "I wish to revert to my maiden name, Everdeen."

Peeta closed his eyes at the unexpected wave of sadness that came over him. If he had ever harboured any doubts about whether he was doing the right thing, Katniss had just wiped them out. It was clear by how fast she was reorganizing her life and how prepared she was coming to this meeting that she must have been thinking about leaving him for a long time. Giving up his name was just the final twist of the knife.

"Peeta?" He heard his name being spoken quietly and jerked his eyes open, blinking to see Seneca Crane watching him with a concerned look.

"I'm sorry," Peeta straightened in his seat, his hands flying to smooth his tie. "I must have just... zoned out there for a minute." Looking around the table he noticed Katniss watching him, a strange look on her face. He looked away quickly.

"It's okay. Portia is just winding everything up now anyway," the lawyer said, motioning to the mediator at the front of the room. She appeared to be going through some final papers and making notes for herself.

Finally she looked up with a small smile, and addressed the room, shuffling her papers together. "Well, Mr. and Mrs. Mellark, I think that we have covered everything, and as all parties have reached agreement, I see no necessity for a court hearing in your case. The final paperwork dissolving your marriage can now be prepared, and once signed by you both and lodged with the court, your divorce will be final. Thank you both for your cooperation today, and I wish you both all the very best in the future."

Closing the file in front of her, she stood and swept out of the room in much the same fashion as she arrived, pausing only to shake hands with them again as she left.

Breaking the awkward silence left in the wake of Portia's departure, Peeta stood abruptly and left the room first, briefly nodding a goodbye to Katniss and her lawyer in passing. He didn't trust his voice at that moment, and just wanted to get out of the suffocating atmosphere of that room as quickly as possible. Seneca followed behind him, stopping in the corridor outside to shake his hand. "We'll talk soon Peeta," the lawyer said. "I'll co-ordinate the final papers with Plutarch and get them to you as soon as possible. That all went exceptionally smoothly; it's rare for both parties to agree so readily."

Peeta shook his lawyer's hand, again without saying a word, and he headed for the main exit. He loosened his tie as he made his way towards the heavy doors, eager to get outside and into the fresh air. He tried to avoid letting his gaze wander around him. He didn't want to see where Katniss was or what she was doing.

" _Peeta!"_  He startled a little at the sound of her voice calling him. He looked around to see her a few feet behind him, looking slightly flushed. She had obviously rushed to catch up with him. He couldn't help the way his eyes flitted over her, taking in every detail from her dark hair tumbling over her shoulders in waves to the fit of her dress and the dressy black heels encasing her feet. He'd always loved her in heels.

"Can I  _please_  talk to you for a minute?" she asked, her eyes wide and a little apprehensive. He felt a little guilty when he realized why she suddenly seemed nervous of approaching him. It was because of the way he had brushed her off at his house. Or maybe it was just the atmosphere of the courthouse getting to her, too.

"Okay," he replied, running his hand through his hair and sighing inwardly. He really just wanted to get as far away from this building as possible, get home and get out of his damn suit and tie, but he knew he couldn't keep blowing her off forever. He'd have to talk to her sometime. "But I have to get back to the bakery soon. What did you want to talk about?"

"Um, I was hoping we could arrange a day for you to introduce me to the people at the day care centre." She bit her lip nervously. "Now that I'm going to be working too, I'll need to know the routine, who the owner is..." Katniss let her voice trail off, looking at him cautiously.

"Oh, sure, of course," Peeta agreed quickly. "We can do that." He looked at her, wondering if he should risk asking her a few questions himself. "Congratulations on getting everything sorted out so quickly," he said, hoping it didn't come out sounding as bitter as he felt. He was still taking it one day at a time, but the speed with which Katniss was adjusting to their new situation was making him dizzy. "Can I ask where you're going to be working?"

"Madge Undersee gave me a job working at her family's garden nursery, just outside of town," Katniss replied. "I start the week after next. I was lucky, one of her employees is taking a few months off to have a baby, so the timing was perfect, and it's the kind of work I like."

"Good, no, that's good, I mean it's great... I'm happy for you." Peeta tried to smile and look encouraging. It actually was a good fit for Katniss. "And you'll let me know your full address?" he continued. "You know, the kids may need some time to build up to spending overnights at your place, they've never spent any time away from, um, home... before." Peeta waited anxiously for her response to that, expecting her to argue. He didn't want to insult Katniss deliberately, but he hated the idea of the kids not being at home,  _in their home_ , every night.

"I do understand that," Katniss agreed readily. "But, they will have two homes from now on Peeta. One with you, and one with me. I know it will take the kids some time to adjust, but the sooner we begin, the easier it will be. For all of us. The house I've rented is on Victor's Lane, number 12, I'm moving in next week so I can get everything organized before I start work."

"Do you need any help moving in?" Peeta offered immediately, without even thinking how strange that might be, to offer to help his soon-to-be ex-wife move into her new home.

Katniss immediately shook her head. "Thank you, but no—I won't really have that much stuff to move in, and I'm sure Rory or Gale can help me with any heavy lifting. But, I do appreciate the offer, Peeta." Her voice turned cool, and Peeta knew that was his cue to back off, his help wasn't wanted. "You're welcome to come see the house with the kids when I have settled in though? I think it would really help them," she offered.

He felt his hackles raising at her casual mention of Gale's name.  _Goddamn Gale,_  he thought. Always Gale, not him, when she needed anything. But he forced himself to keep his expression neutral. Again he found himself wondering if Hawthorne was still hanging around town.

"Fine," he said, his tone matching hers. "I'll do that. And I'll call you to set up a day soon when we can go to see the day care owner together."

"Thank you," Katniss answered, "I guess I'll see you on Saturday then." She gave him one last long look, as if she wanted to say something else, but instead she nodded and turned to walk towards the main exit, not looking back. Peeta watched her exit and couldn't help but admire her perfectly straight back, the gentle sway of her hips, and her shapely calves as she walked away.

"Damn it," he groaned inwardly, tearing his eyes away from her. Would the day ever come when he ever be able to look at her without wanting her? He hoped so.

* * *

Peeta leaned against the back door frame, sipping a cup of coffee, as he watched the sun sinking below the horizon. He had always loved watching the sun setting, but doing it alone just made him feel deeply lonely. Sitting on the back steps watching the sun going down was something he and Katniss used to share, quietly talking about their day after they put their kids to bed. He shivered in the chilly evening air. The temperature had dropped noticeably in the last few weeks, and the dark nights were closing in earlier and earlier as winter really set in.

A couple of days earlier he had come home to discover that Katniss must have come by while he was at work, like she'd said she would, because all her clothes, books and most of her other personal items were gone. The only notable thing she'd left behind was a heavy, silver framed portrait of them on their wedding day that rested untouched on the bedside table. Katniss had especially loved that portrait; Peeta had given it to her as a gift, and it felt particularly cruel that she had left it behind. In a moment of sheer anger at her, he had lashed out and swiped it of the table onto the floor, cracking the glass. Then he picked it up and stared at it. They had been so happy that day, the camera capturing that moment in time perfectly. Her head was tilted up towards him, her gray eyes full of hope while his blue ones looked back at her brimming with adoration, clear for anyone to see as he held her close to him. They'd been so sure they were for 'always', just like the word he'd had specially engraved on the frame.

Good to her word, she hadn't touched anything else, but it had still come as a wrench to walk into their closet and find her side of it completely empty. She'd even removed anything personal from their bathroom. After his emotional outburst, he felt weirdly numb and removed from everything that was happening.

It shouldn't have come as such a shock. Katniss had asked him permission to come by for her things while he wasn't there, and he knew she was moving into her new place. It made sense that she would want her stuff, so she could settle in. He should have expected this.

So far he had avoided calling her like he'd promised he would to arrange introducing her to the staff at the day care centre. He realized he was just delaying the inevitable, because once he did so Katniss would be able to collect the kids from there, and that would be just one more step away from him. He finished his coffee and turned his back on the sunset. For once, he could find no joy in it. Darkness just meant another night lying in their... _his_  bed alone and missing her.

Peeta knew the moment was coming when he would have to start to let go and let the kids spend more time with her. He was still struggling with the idea that in the very near future, his kids would be spending so much time away from him. He knew it was the right thing to do for them, but he didn't know how he was going to fill his time when he didn't have the kids to go home to in the evenings. He could always take up painting again, he supposed. Or hang out with Finn and Rye.

Speaking of Finn, other than a few text messages, he hadn't spoken to him in a few weeks, though he hadn't really been in the mood for company. He resolved to make more of an effort to keep in touch with his friends. Finn and Annie had been devastated at the news of their friends' divorce, and though Finn had texted and called Peeta they hadn't really spent any time together lately. He wondered if Annie had been staying in touch with Katniss.

A couple of weeks had passed since their mediation session and other weekends had come and gone in between, with the kids spending their Saturdays with Katniss. Since that first horrible weekend, she just picked up the kids in the morning and dropped them off in the evening and was gone again, with minimum discussion. Though he never left her on the doorstep again, Katniss didn't try to force any more conversation on him then was absolutely necessary. She didn't try to tell him how they had spent their days together. In fairness, he knew that was his fault. Anytime she had tried to hold a conversation with him, he had shut her down, and he knew any chance of fixing that would have to come from him.

Every time Skye came home from spending time with Katniss, he found himself listening carefully, waiting for her to mention Gale's name, but it never came up. Skye filled him in with little bits of news of what they did together, and it tugged at his heart. "Mama can't bake cheese buns like you can Daddy!" she declared one day, and Peeta had to smile. Cooking was never Katniss' strong point, though he supposed she'd have to learn now that she'd be living alone, most of the time. God, he hoped she was eating right.

It was then that the realization that Katniss was living  _alone_  had finally hit him, and the thought of it terrified him. What if someone broke in? Or worse—what if something happened when she was there alone with the kids, and he wasn't there to protect them? He tried to suppress the anxiety that welled up in him at these thoughts, he knew he had to let it go. Katniss didn't need him to protect her. Despite whatever had happened to make her leave, he knew that Katniss was a strong, capable woman. She had practically raised Prim alone.

A sudden memory of something his mother had said years ago came into his mind. "S _he's a survivor, that one_ ," she had sneered at him,  _"How long do you think a woman like that is going to stay with you, Peeta?"_  The harshness of the memory made him flinch. " _She's not our kind. Seam trash, that's all she is. She should go back to where she came from and you should find a nice girl like Delly to marry."_

Peeta shuddered at the mental image of his mother's sneering face as she belittled him. Is this what Rye had been talking about? That his mother's insidious voice had planted doubts in his head about Katniss wanting to be with him, even before they had been married?

The final blow had come the morning before, when Seneca had couriered him the final divorce papers with instructions for him to sign them and return them to him. He had stared at them for an hour, before scrawling his signature across the bottom and sealing them back in their envelope, dropping it off at his lawyer's office on his way to the bakery. The only thing left now was for Katniss to sign them. Twelve years of being with her, two kids together, and it would all be over, with just a couple of signatures on the end of a piece of paper.

He sighed as he rinsed out his cup at the kitchen sink and went into the living room for his phone. He couldn't put this off any longer. He dialled Katniss' number and waited as the call connected.

"Hello Peeta," she answered on the third ring. She sounded mildly surprised to hear from him.

"Hi," he returned her greeting. "Um, I was calling about the day care centre. If it suits you, I can meet you there tomorrow afternoon and introduce you to the owner."

"That's fine. I'm not working tomorrow. What time will I meet you?"

"I can take a break after the lunchtime rush. Say 3pm?" He'd forgotten that Katniss was working now, too.

"I'll see you there." Katniss agreed, and disconnected the call.

That was it. He looked down at the phone in his hand and felt sad that this was what they were reduced too, talking only in brief sentences about things to do with the kids. He knew virtually nothing about her new house or her new job. He really would need to make more of an effort to be civil to Katniss when she tried to hold a conversation with him.

At quarter to three the next afternoon he pulled off his apron and went to wash his hands and tidy himself up. He grabbed a bag and filled it with a selection of cookies and pastries before shrugging on a jacket and walking the couple of blocks to the day care centre to meet Katniss.

As he approached, he could see her car parked outside. The windows were down despite the cool temperature and he could hear her singing along softly to the radio, completely unaware of his presence.

He paused to listen for a minute, allowing the beautiful clear notes of her voice to wash over him. He closed his eyes, suddenly feeling a pricking behind them. He hadn't heard her voice like that in so long, not since the last time he'd listened to her singing their son to sleep, before any of this turmoil had happened and pulled them so far apart.

He took a deep breath and stepped up to the car, clearing his throat noisily so Katniss would notice him. She jumped, startled to see him suddenly appear beside her door.

"Oh, you're here," she said, a faint blush creeping up her cheeks. Katniss always got embarrassed when anyone overheard her singing. She never used to be self-conscious singing around him though. It was just another reminder of how much distance was between them now.

"I just got here," he replied, not wanting her to know he'd been listening to her singing. "Shall we?" He opened the car door for her and gestured towards the entrance to the day care centre.

"Yes." Katniss got out of the car and locked it, following behind him. "Before we go in, I wanted to ask what made you choose this place Peeta?" she asked.

"Annie recommended it, and Finnick said Nick loved it here," he said, a defensive tone creeping into his voice.

"Oh, Nick went here? That's reassuring to know. If Annie recommended it, it must be the best," Katniss commented.

"I was kind of limited in my options at the time," Peeta snapped shortly, irritated by her remarks. Who was she to question the choices he had made in her absence? But he regretted his words as soon as they came out of his mouth when he saw her lower her eyes, but not quick enough for him to miss the hurt that flashed through them. His implied accusation had obviously hit its intended target, but she didn't retaliate. Whatever he thought, Peeta knew she genuinely only wanted the best care for their kids.

He held the door to the building open for her, allowing Katniss to enter the reception area ahead of him. "Thank you," she said quietly, and he couldn't help but hold his breath when he caught the faint scent of her citrus shampoo as she brushed past him.

"Hi Peeta!" He gave a genuine smile as they were greeted by a very striking red-haired woman with porcelain skin and twinkling green eyes. As she walked towards them he found himself wondering if Lavinia could be related to Finnick somehow.

"Hi, Lavinia," he returned her greeting warmly. "Thanks for meeting us at such short notice, I know you're busy."

"It's not a problem!" Lavinia waved a dismissive hand in the air; her green eyes sparkling. "I'm always happy to talk with parents."

"I brought some cookies and pastries for the break room," he said, proffering the blue and white Mellarks' Bakery bag that he had brought with him.

"Why thank you!" Lavinia grinned, taking the bag from him and peeking inside. "Mmm, cheese buns! These are my favorite, you're so kind, always spoiling us. These always go down a treat!"

Katniss stood quietly to one side, one eyebrow arched inquisitively at the friendly banter between Peeta and the stunning red-head. Clearing her throat, she looked at Peeta expectantly.

"Lavinia, we came down here today because I wanted you to meet my... um...my..." Peeta's voice trailed off into an awkward pause. What did he say?  _My soon-to-be ex-wife? The mother of my kids? My ex?_  What were they now exactly?

"I'm Katniss Mellark," Katniss said, stepping forward with a smile to introduce herself, holding her right hand out to Lavinia. She glanced sideways at him. "I'm Peeta's wife."

"I'm Lavinia Bass, I'm the owner of this facility. I'm very happy to finally meet you!" Lavinia smiled warmly and took Katniss' hand. "Peeta told me you were away, but I'm delighted to finally show you around. Skye and Aran are great kids, you must be really proud of them," she gushed.

"I am," Katniss smiled back, and Peeta could see she was warming up to Lavinia's friendly personality immediately. He breathed a tiny sigh of relief.

"They've settled in great here, and...

Peeta let his thoughts drift off as the two women got acquainted. He studied Katniss, as she chatted to Lavinia. He was confused by how she had introduced herself. In mediation, she'd announced that she was reverting back to her maiden name. So why did she introduce herself as his wife, when in a very short time, she no longer would be? What could that mean?

He glanced down at her left hand. He could see the glint of gold on her finger. She was still wearing her wedding band. He hadn't taken his own off yet; the thought of actually removing it hurt too much, and technically, until Katniss signed the papers too, they were still married.

"Peeta?" he heard his name being mentioned.

"Sorry, what?" he muttered, obviously having missed something aimed at him while he was lost in his own thoughts. He had to stop doing that. He turned to Lavinia.

"I was just going to give Katniss the grand tour, show her the various rooms and introduce her to Skye and Aran's carers. Would you like to come along?" Lavinia queried, a knowing smile on her face.

"Sure," he nodded, trailing after the two women, as they continued talking. The tour didn't take long. Skye was really excited to see them, waving frantically when she saw them entering her room together, and dragging Katniss over to meet Rue, the girl who was in charge of her room. They chatted happily for a few minutes, only managing to make their escape when Peeta promised Skye he would be waiting outside to pick her up after work.

"Will Mama be waiting too, Daddy?" she asked excitedly, her eyes darting back and forth between her parents. Again, Katniss stepped in and took the situation in hand immediately. "No, not today sweetie," she answered, "but maybe some other time, I can come pick you up instead of Daddy, would you like that?" She glanced up at Peeta, as if seeking his permission and he nodded, grateful that she had diffused the awkward situation.

They didn't stay long after that, not wanting to disturb anyone, so they left together, after thanking Lavinia kindly for the tour.

"It was my pleasure," Lavinia smiled happily as she left them at reception. "It was good to meet you at last, Katniss, and I hope to see you here again soon. Peeta, thanks again for the goodies!" She waved as she left them at the door and disappeared back into the building.

Peeta walked Katniss back to her car in silence. He wanted to say something about bringing the kids over to her new place, but with such a gulf between them he didn't know how to start that conversation.

"It seems like a great place Peeta, you chose well" Katniss said quietly. "The kids look really happy there, and Lavinia is great."

"She is, and I'm glad you liked it," he replied. He rubbed a hand through his hair. "Look, Katniss, I'm sorry I took a dig at you earlier. I know you only want the safest place for the kids," he began.

"I do," she said. "And I hope you didn't think I was questioning your choices. Thank you for taking such good care of them while I wasn't ... able to," she whispered.

Peeta stiffened in shock, his eyes widening. He hadn't expected her to say something like that. He swallowed the lump that rose in his throat and rubbed his hand against the back of his neck. He decided to take the opening she had offered him. "Do you think, maybe next time you come over for the kids, we could have a cup of coffee or something? Maybe talk about some stuff?" he asked hesitantly.

"I'd like that," she offered him a tiny smile. It was the first genuine smile he'd gotten from her in months. "I think we need to clear the air. I want us to be able to talk to each other, Peeta..." She paused as her phone began to ring in the background. She frowned at the distraction and pulled it from her jeans' pocket.

"Sorry, just one second Peeta..." she said, grimacing at the display. "I have to take this... Hi," she answered the call. Peeta walked a few feet away to give her some privacy, but he could still hear her side of the conversation.

"Mhm. Oh. Okay." She turned suddenly and looked straight at him. "Yes, I'll come by tomorrow morning. Thanks for letting me know. Bye."

"Everything okay?" he asked as she disconnected the call. For a long moment, she didn't answer him, she just kept lookng down at the phone clutched in her hand.

When she did finally look up at him again, her gray eyes were glassy. "That was my lawyer," she said quietly. "He's received the final divorce papers from yours. He says they're ready for me to sign."

"Oh." Peeta dropped his gaze from hers, and took a step back, shoving his hands deep into his jacket pockets. He felt extremely uncomfortable. He hadn't expected to actually be in her company when she got this news.

"So I take it this means you've already signed them then?" she asked in a small voice.

"Yes," he nodded his head briefly, "I signed them yesterday." Peeta could feel his chest tightening. He continued to keep his gaze downcast, there was no way he could bring himself to look her in the eyes at that moment.

Katniss twisted her body sharply away from him and exhaled a deep shuddering breath, nodding her head as if confirming some inner thought to herself. "Okay," she whispered, and then she inhaled sharply, seeming to gather herself. "Okay, well, I'd better go. I guess I'll see you on Saturday to pick up the kids." Peeta risked raising his eyes to take a glance at her. Her face had lost all color and she looked visibly shaken and upset.

She quickly unlocked her car and climbed in. Peeta stood helplessly, his mind racing as he watched her turned the key in the ignition. He felt a strong urge to say something,  _anything_ , but he didn't know what it was. For once words failed him. But he just knew he had to say  _something_ before she just drove away.

"Katniss..!" he called out to her, his voice hoarse.

She rolled down the window and looked at him mutely. Her eyes looked like pools of silver in her pale face, shining with tears he could tell she was forcing herself to hold back.

"I...I am sorry," he stuttered. "I'm sorry that it turned out like this."

"So am I," she answered sadly, and without another word, she drove away.

Peeta felt his own vision blurring as he watched the red tail lights of her car disappear.

* * *

He was working in the back of the bakery two days later when the call he was dreading finally came.

"Peeta, this is Seneca," the smooth tones of his lawyer came down the line.

"Mr. Crane," he said gruffly.

"I can confirm that I received the final papers signed by your former wife, from Mr. Heavensbee's office yesterday and everything was in order..."

Peeta felt his pulse beginning to accelerate. The lawyer had said  _former_  wife.

"And?" He prompted the lawyer to finish his sentence.

"... and they were lodged with the court this morning," the lawyer concluded.

"So that means..." Peeta rasped out.

"What it means, Peeta, is that as of midday today, your divorce is final. Congratulations."

"T-t-th-thank you?" Peeta mumbled shakily after a long pause. He didn't know what else to say. What was the appropriate thing to say in these circumstances? It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room, and he couldn't catch his breath.

"Glad to be of service, Peeta," the lawyer replied. "And may I say that you are both to be commended that it all went so smoothly. It's unusual for divorces to be finalized with such civility and lack of acrimony. Some couples really can make a divorce feel like a fight to the death. I'll call you soon about my final fees."

"Sure," Peeta replied, and he hung up the call. His whole world was tilting. Feeling suddenly light-headed, he sank into a chair beside the prep table and put his head between his knees. He stayed there dazed, until the smell of burning bread brought him back to his senses.

He jumped up and ran to grab the loaves from the oven, pulling the tray out with his bare hands in his haste, burning himself and dropping the tray, spilling the bread all over the floor.

The crash, along with a sound that came from this throat that was raw and painful, was enough to bring Michael and Rye running to his side.

"What is it, what's happened son?" Michael asked in alarm.

Rye walked over slowly, a step at a time, afraid to ask. He eyed the burnt bread on the floor, but knew by the look on Peeta's face that this wasn't about a few loaves of ruined bread.

"What's wrong, Peeta? Are the kids okay?" His voice cracked a little. Rye was so worried for them all. "Is Katniss okay?"

"It's over," Peeta said, letting out a shuddering breath. "I just got a phone call. Katniss and I are officially divorced."

"I..." Rye hesitated, taking in the devastated look on his brother's face, before adding gently, "I thought that's what you wanted."

"Yeah. Me too," Peeta answered sadly.

"Do you think she's okay? I mean, if you're this upset..."

Michael pressed his finger against his mouth to signal his older son to be quiet for now.

"She'll survive without me," Peeta told his brother. "We already know that."

"And you'll survive this too, Peeta," Rye said, wrapping Peeta in a brief one armed hug.

The bell rang. Another customer. Michael made his way over to Peeta, stepping carefully over the burnt loaves while Rye ran to the front.

"Damn, be right back, bro," Rye told Peeta.

"When they're gone, lock the door behind them, Rye," Michael called after him, pulling Peeta's hands away from his chest to look at them. "I'm closing the bakery for today. None of us need to work anymore today."

Michael looked into his son's face. "We need to take care of these before they blister" he said, indicating Peeta's burnt hands. Slowly he steered Peeta towards the sink and ran the faucet, adjusting the temperature before pushing his hands under the flow of cool water and going to fetch the first aid kit.

Peeta hissed in pain. "It hurts Dad," he whispered brokenly.

"I know it does, son," Michael answered, placing his hand on his son's shoulder and squeezing it reassuringly. "And it's going to hurt for some time to come. But even the worst kind of pain stops, and all wounds heal in time, I promise you that."

Peeta met Michael's knowing eyes and could see his own pain reflected in them. He remembered that this had always been his father's way of trying to give comfort when his sons were suffering. He treated their physical wounds and offered them soothing words.

But, by the look in Michael's eyes and the tone of his voice Peeta knew that this time, his father wasn't referring to the burns on his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we have reached the "End of Part 1". For all those who feel like killing me now or abandoning this story completely - I can't say I blame you, but I will say this. This story has a way to go yet. Remember that Everlark went through 2 Arenas, a hi-jacking, a war, and the loss of friends and beloved family members, they were still able to find their way back to each other. "The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again."
> 
> Thanks as always, to my great friends KnottedEnergy, Kismet4891 and Court81981 for all their help, encouragement and advice with this chapter. I'd also like to thank all those who have strongly encouraged me not to shy away from where this plot bunny wanted to go, (you know who you are).


	10. A New Path

" 

 

Katniss woke slowly, stretching languidly as she listened, expecting to hear cries from one of the kids. But whatever had woken her up had stopped now, and everything was quiet, except for the gentle breathing of the man sleeping soundly on his stomach beside her.  Shifting onto her side, she watched him as he slept, his face buried in his pillow and his arm thrown across her waist.   It was still dark outside, the only light in the room coming from the luminous dial of the alarm clock beside their bed.   

“Peeta...” she whispered, scooting closer to him, seeking out his warmth in the darkness. Though she was an early riser, it was rare that she woke before him or that one of them wasn’t woken by the kids.  She was going to make the most of it.  Smiling softly, she nuzzled his ear with her nose before gently sucking his earlobe into her mouth and biting down gently, something that always made him shiver. “Peeta...” she whispered again, close to his ear.

“Mmmm...” The contented sound rumbled up from deep in Peeta’s chest as he shifted in his sleep, his tongue peeking out of his mouth to wet his lips as he nestled his head more firmly against his pillow.  At the same time his arm instinctively tightened around her, drawing her in closer to him.  She smiled again, moving to nibble on the delicate skin behind his ear.

“Peeta, wake up...” she hummed, brushing her lips deliberately against his skin with each word so he would feel the vibration from her voice.  Finally he began to stir slowly against her.

 “Katniss?” Peeta answered sleepily, shifting from his stomach onto his back, pulling her half on top of him and winding both arms around her as his blue eyes blinked open slowly.  “Are you okay?” he asked, his voice heavy with sleep.

“I’m fine...” she replied, throwing one leg across his hips and taking the opportunity to press a hungry kiss to his open mouth, sweeping her tongue inside to seek his.  He responded immediately, a low groan escaping from him as he cradled the back of her head with one hand and leaned into her kiss.  Her soft moans joined his as he captured her tongue between his lips and began sucking on it gently while his free hand slipped down from its place on her waist to cup her ass, urging her hips against his.  

She could feel his already hardening length pressing firmly against her inner thigh as she finally came up for air, pulling her lips away from his.  He didn’t resist as she gently pressed both her hands against his chest, urging him to lie flat on his back while she moved over him, pressing nipping kisses across his throat and collarbone, followed by soothing licks.  He watched her with darkened eyes as she took her time admiring his strong shoulders and broad chest, running her fingers through the light sprinkling of golden hair on his chest, grinning at how his skin pebbled as she grazed it with her fingertips. 

“I love it when you sleep without a shirt,” she murmured, smiling up at him. 

“See something you like?” he smirked at her, moving both hands to knead her ass, rocking her against his growing erection, but knowing she wanted to take the lead in whatever was going to happen next.

“See something I love,” she replied, raising her eyes to lock on his as she began dropping more open-mouthed kisses down his breastbone, before moving to one side to lick his small nipple with the tip of her tongue, taking it into her mouth, sucking on it softly.   His eyes darkened further as he tried to pull her back up to him again, but she pushed his hands away.

“No, let me...” she whispered, bending her head to lavish attention to his other nipple as she allowed her hands to continue their slow exploration, wandering a path down his stomach to his boxer briefs.  He moaned softly as she broke away again to bring her hand up to her mouth, and she licked her palm slowly before slipping it underneath the waistband to take his shaft in her hand.  He was fully erect and ready.  Under her other hand, she could feel his heartbeat accelerating in response to her touch. 

“Mmm, Peeta, you’re already so hard for me,” she purred as she grasped him at the base and squeezed gently, feeling him throbbing beneath her fingers.   She began to touch him with slow, firm strokes, swirling her thumb around his tip to gather the moisture there, spreading it up and down his shaft, just the way he liked her to.   Even after all these years together, knowing the effect she still had on him always managed to take her breath away, leaving her wet and aching for him.

“Fuck, Katniss, that feels so good,” he hissed through clenched teeth, fully awake now, his hips bucking to meet her strokes. “What’s gotten into you this morning?”

“You, hopefully...” she chuckled softly, looking up and locking eyes with him again.  “I’ve missed you.  I’ve missed us.”  She bent her head to lavish kisses on his stomach.

“God, Katniss!” he panted as her hand began to move faster, “I’ve missed you…us… too,” he leaned up and reached for her again, this time winding his fingers through her hair so she couldn’t escape him as he tugged her down against his chest and melded his lips to hers, groaning into her mouth as she continued her steady rhythm up and down his shaft.

“I want to watch you come for me, Peeta,” she pleaded into his mouth, grinding herself against his thigh, trying to find some relief for her own throbbing clit.

“I want you to come with me,” he gasped, moving his hand down between her thighs and pushing her panties aside, as he continued punishing her lips with bruising kisses. 

They moaned together when he slid his fingers between her folds, gathering the evidence of her arousal on his fingers and slowly pushing first one finger inside her, then another.

“Fuck, you’re so wet Katniss” he grunted, tightening his hold on her hair and pulling her head back to allow him access to the column of her throat.  He sucked gently on her pulse point, and Katniss felt her own heart rate accelerate. 

“I woke up wet; I was dreaming about doing this to you...” Katniss mewled softly, shifting her legs to allow them to open wider for him.  “It’s been so long...” she gasped, as he started to pump his fingers in and out of her, matching his rhythm to the one she was using on him, stroke for stroke.

“I know,” he murmured against her skin, lowering his head to capture her nipple in his mouth, teasing the hardened bud with his teeth before soothing it with his tongue.

“Oh God, Peeta...” she gasped, thrusting her hips up against his hand, feeling the familiar heat start to coil within her belly.  She met each of thrust of his fingers with a stroke of her own, their bodies working perfectly in sync to find their release.

Peeta’s thumb found her clit, pressing down on the tiny bundle of nerves and causing waves of pleasure to crash over her.

“Peeta, please...” she cried out, writhing harder against him, “I’m so close...

“Me too,” he panted against her breast, working his thumb in tight circles and curling his fingers inside her. “Come for me, Katniss” he demanded, drawing her nipple back into his mouth again in a way that she felt right to her core.

“ _Peeetaa!!”_ she cried out, rocking against him furiously as she felt her walls begin to flutter around his fingers...

 

_BEEP BEEP BEEP... BEEP BEEP BEEP... BEEP BEEP BEEP..._

 

Katniss snapped upright with a gasp, her chest heaving, and sweat pouring down her sides.   _“Peeta?”_  she called out his name, but was met by only the silence of her cold, dark bedroom.  Dazed, she looked around frantically and slammed her hand against the annoying alarm clock, sending it flying off the bedside table.  Throwing her head back against the pillows, she groaned loudly, clutching the covers to her chest as she fought to regain control of her ragged breathing.  It was all just a dream.   _A goddamn dream._   

Her whole body was shaking, aching for the release that had been so close.  She grabbed the pillow from the other side of the bed and squeezed it against her face as she suppressed the need to scream aloud in frustration.  It was agonising how much her body missed him.  She'd had sex dreams about him before, but this time it had felt so  _real._

As her pulse finally began to slow down, she sank back further against the mattress.   Pulling the covers up over her head, she curled her knees up to her chest and lay still, wishing she could just stay under the covers all day and sleep.   But she had to collect the kids in a few hours.  If it were any other weekend, no one would notice if she didn’t bother getting out of bed.  No one would care if she showered or ate. Well, except maybe Prim.

Living by herself was a much more difficult adjustment than she had expected.   Even in college, she had roomed with Annie, though in reality she hadn’t seen her that much.   By the end of their junior year, Annie was spending most of her time with Finnick, and Peeta usually stayed with her.  The four of them used to joke all the time about how they should just swap room-mates and be done with it.   They even talked about renting a house together for a while.

She really should call Annie.  They had lost touch over the last few months, and it wasn’t Annie’s fault that she had disappeared and then withdrawn into herself.  Though she liked her new job and her co-workers were great, there were too many empty hours in her life that used to be filled by Peeta and their children.  She was lonely for the company of people who really knew her.

It wasn’t just the intimate part of her life with Peeta that she missed, but all their other little physical and family moments too.  Like how neither of them would ever leave the house without seeking the other out for a kiss, or how they would smile at each other when Aran reached another milestone.

Of the two of them, Peeta was the indulgent parent.  He was terrible at laying down boundaries for Skye when she needed them, and he would struggle not to laugh when her antics got her into trouble.   It fell to Katniss to be the parent who had to keep a poker face and give Skye boundaries while scowling and rolling her eyes at Peeta. 

She missed the kids too, and it hurt her to know that they seemed to have adjusted to living without her just fine.  Her eyes drifted to the framed picture of Skye and Aran that she had placed on her bedside table. They had been spending lots of days with her the last few weeks, but even Skye had finally given up asking her mother when she was going to come home with them.  And though she’d been living in Victor’s Lane a few weeks now, she and Peeta still hadn’t talked about when the kids could start staying overnight with her.  Every time the subject had come up, even in mediation, she had felt his reluctance and distrust. She hated that she had too, but she knew she would have to be the one to raise the subject again. 

She sighed and turned over, wondering if there was any point in trying to get back to sleep for a few more hours.  Despite working herself to the point of exhaustion at her new job and leaving it as late as possible to reluctantly go back to her new but lonely home every evening, restful sleep still didn’t come easily.  Everything about this house felt unfamiliar and wrong and different. 

When she lay down, she couldn’t seem to get her brain to switch off.  Her anxieties began to overwhelm her, and she couldn’t stop the endless thoughts that ran through her mind.  When she did fall asleep, it was usually to succumb to dreams of Peeta or she would wake, imagining she could hear Aran crying. 

But, ever since the day in the park when Prim had raised the subject of her seeing a doctor, the old nightmares of long, white hospital corridors had begun again—and with them, all the long suppressed memories of their mother and how Lily had disappeared into her grief when she lost her husband.

The nightmare of the day Lily had finally been admitted to the hospital was one Katniss had struggled to keep at bay for years, and with the help of Peeta’s arms around her, had mostly succeeded in doing so.

But now it was all coming back to her in vivid color.   How scared she had been, standing clutching Hazelle’s hand as Lily was wheeled away from them down that seemingly endless hallway with the flickering fluorescent light overhead, the same one she was now seeing regularly again in her nightmares.

Haymitch had come later to collect her and Prim, promising her that everything would be okay, that Lily would be fine and she’d get better and come back home in a few weeks to take care of them the way she used too  _after she had some rest_.   But it never happened.  Since then, Katniss hated hospitals, avoiding them at all costs, even opting to give birth at home.  It was one of the few things she and Peeta had ever argued about: he had wanted her to deliver in the local hospital, while she wanted to be at home where she felt safe.

And it frightened Katniss how much better she now understood what had happened to Lily.

Katniss let out a soft whimper and buried her face into the covers as she wrapped her arms around herself.  Maybe if she closed her eyes tightly enough and squeezed hard enough, she could pretend for a few seconds they were Peeta’s arms around her.   Maybe it would trick the nightmares into going away again.  But the room was too quiet, too cold.  The comforting sound of Peeta’s breathing as he slept was missing.

She shivered slightly as a waft of cool air drifted across her face. Turning towards the window, she watched as the curtains moved in the slight draft that came through the open bottom.  Katniss still forgot that she didn’t have to keep it open at night now if she didn’t want to.  Peeta had always been the one who insisted on sleeping with an open window, even in the depths of winter.  It seemed the habit was a hard one to break.

She couldn’t help but smile sadly, even as her eyes began to water, when she thought of how Peeta used to laugh and drag her into his arms when she’d complain of the open window, assuring her that he’d always keep her warm.   It became an unspoken thing between them that when Katniss complained she was cold that what she really wanted was for him to wrap his arms around her.  She never had been good at just coming out and telling him what she wanted, so he’d grin knowingly and drag the covers up over their heads, wrapping himself tightly around her and creating a warm and safe cocoon for them under the covers.  She felt like nothing scary could ever touch her when his arms were holding her.  It made her feel safe, like nothing else had been able to since her father used to tuck her up in bed.  

The sky was beginning to brighten, and Katniss knew there would be no more sleep for her that night.   She sniffed and wiped at her eyes, forcing herself to sit up and climb out of the bed.  It was just as well.  The longer she lay there, the more she could feel herself being sucked down into a dark place.   That dark place terrified her. 

Was it the same place her mother had gotten lost?

Heading for the bathroom, she stripped off her sweat-soaked night clothes, dumping them into the hamper and climbing into the shower.  Adjusting the temperature to just below scalding, she let the hot water and the fresh scent of her lemon scented shampoo begin to revive her.  

Peeta always loved the scent of this shampoo, and the familiar aroma made her thoughts drift back to when they used to shower together.  How he would wind his fingers through her wet hair, massaging the shampoo through it, and she would spend way too much time lathering up his back and shoulders with soap simply because she loved the feel of his muscles, wet and slippery under her hands.   Usually shared showers ended in them writhing together against the wall, her legs around his waist as he pounded into her...

 _“Stop it, Katniss!”_  she berated herself out loud, pressing the heels of her hands tightly against her closed eyes until she could see colors.   _“Just accept that he doesn’t want you anymore!”_   She shook her head to clear it of the intrusive memories she couldn’t seem to keep under control, awake or asleep.  Angrily, she rinsed off and climbed out of the stall.  She wished she could stop tormenting herself with these thoughts of him.

Stomping back into the bedroom, her mood worsening every minute, she threw on some clean clothes and tidied the room, before heading down to the kitchen and putting on a pot of strong coffee.

Today was going to be challenging enough.  If she was to get through this day, she had to keep up the pretence that every time they did this exchange that it didn’t chip away another piece of her soul.

 

 

 

* * *

A couple of hours later, Katniss parked outside her former home and sat for a moment looking up at the house.  With its blue front door, painted in the same shade as the Mellark’s bakery boxes, it still looked exactly the same as it had the day she had left for Seam.  But everything else had changed.  

She had been dreading this moment. This would be the first time they would see each other since that afternoon outside the daycare centre.  

For one brief moment, she’d felt a spark of hope that Peeta’s attitude towards her was softening, but that hope was immediately snuffed out when her lawyer’s call had interrupted them, and Peeta confirmed that he had already committed his signature to the final papers, dissolving his commitment to her.  Was there any real hint of regret in his voice when he told her?  She couldn’t remember.

All she could remember was the pain that had lanced through her at that moment when she was forced to finally accept that it was too late, that Peeta was never going to have a change of heart about the divorce.  He obviously didn’t believe what they’d had was worth saving. 

Katniss had driven away from the daycare centre in a daze, finding herself outside Prim’s house without even knowing how she got there.  Rory had found her sobbing in her car and had brought her inside, where she had broken down and cried in her sister’s arms for hours.  Prim had cried with her, devastated for her sister and deeply shocked that Peeta had actually gone through with it.   The next day, the sisters went to Plutarch’s office together, and Prim held Katniss’ hand while she had shakily added her signature to Peeta’s on the final papers. 

In the few days that had passed since, Katniss hadn’t cried again, even though it terrified her that she was now officially Katniss Everdeen, divorced mother of two.  When she thought of herself in those terms, it made her feel anxious, knowing she no longer had the shelter or security of Peeta to rely on.  But she knew she would have to try and keep going.  When dark thoughts of the likelihood of her own mother’s history repeating itself began to frighten her, she forced herself to think of Hazelle instead.   Hazelle, the warm motherly woman who had opened her heart and her home to include two abandoned girls,  even after she was widowed and left with four kids of her own to raise.

Pulling herself from her thoughts, Katniss counted to ten, and opened the car door.  Locking the car behind her, she walked calmly up to the front door of her former home and rang the bell.  She could hear running footsteps inside, then Skye pulled the door open, a toothy grin on her face.  

The welcome behind that innocent grin pulled at Katniss’ heart and broke it all over again.  For a fraction of a second, she wondered if their daughter knew what had happened between her parents this week—what, if anything, Peeta had told her about what was going on.  She hoped when Skye was older that she would still remember a time when her parents were together and happy, but Aran was too young.  He’d never remember them all being together as a family.

“Hi, Mama!” Skye greeted Katniss warmly, wrapping her arms around her legs and hugging her tightly.

“Hey little girl!”  Katniss blinked and returned her daughter’s hug, bending to kiss the crown of her head, slightly puzzled as she looked around for any sign of Peeta.  They never let Skye answer the door by herself.  “Where’s your Daddy?”

“Daddy’s inside.  I saw you sitting outside through the window, and he let me open the door ‘cause of his hands,” Skye answered.  “He said to tell you to come in. He’s in the kitchen.”

“What’s wrong with Daddy’s hands?” Katniss frowned, following Skye into the house.

As soon as she walked into the kitchen, Katniss saw Peeta sitting at the table feeding Aran, helping the little boy spoon oatmeal into his mouth.   As he lifted the spoon, Katniss saw the bandages wrapped around Peeta’s hands.

“My God, Peeta, what happened?”  Katniss gasped in shock.  Without thinking, she dropped her bag and keys on the counter and crossed the room in purposeful strides.  “Are you okay?”  She grabbed his arms and pulled his hands towards her, looking from them up at him, concern and panic in her grey eyes.

She saw confusion flashing across his face before he pulled his hands away and dropped them to his sides.  “It’s just some minor burns,” he mumbled. “It’s nothing serious.”

“Nothing serious? Peeta, tell me what happened. How are you managing work and the kids with injured hands?  You should have called me...” Katniss blurted out.

Peeta’s face darkened immediately.  “Why would I call you?” he scoffed.  “Thank you, Katniss, but I think I can manage fine without you.  As I said, it was a minor accident with some hot trays.  Nothing for you to concern yourself with.”  As if to prove his point, he picked up the spoon to start feeding Aran again.

Katniss recoiled as if she’d been slapped.  Of course he didn’t need her or her concern any more.  “I’m sorry,” she said, color rushing to her face and she dropped her eyes to the floor. “I know you can manage, I didn’t mean... I just... I... never mind.”

Embarrassed almost as much by her reddened face as her frantic outburst, she turned and walked back across the kitchen, picking up her bag and tossing the strap over her shoulder.  “Are the kids nearly ready to go?” she asked quietly.

“Yes, we’re nearly finished here,” Peeta nodded, standing up and wiping Aran’s face and hands gently with a washcloth and lifting him from his high-chair.  “I’ll just go change him.  If you’d like, you can go help Skye with her things.”

Katniss, glad of the excuse to escape the kitchen, made her way into the living room and helped Skye with her coat and boots, hoping her daughter didn’t notice the flushed color of her face.   Peeta appeared a few minutes later, Aran in his arms. 

“Do you need me to bring them home at any particular time tonight?” She glanced over to see Peeta was watching her, a look she couldn’t decipher on his face.

“No, any time after dinner will be fine.” 

“Okay,” Katniss said, reaching out to take her son from him.  Briefly, her hands brushed his arms again, and she felt an electric jolt pass through her.   She backed away quickly, hoping Peeta didn’t notice her reaction, and moved past him into the hall, just wanting to escape the unbearable tension. 

“Wait, Katniss...” Peeta took a step towards her.  He exhaled loudly and pushed his hands into his pockets, even though she noticed he couldn’t help wincing as he did so. 

“This hasn’t gotten off to a great start, has it?” he laughed nervously. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that in the kitchen.  I’m sorry.” He raised his eyes slowly to find hers, waiting for her reaction.

“I’m sorry too, Peeta,” Katniss met his gaze with a sad smile of her own.   “I didn’t mean to imply you couldn’t cope.”

“I just didn’t want this... today... to start off on a bad note,” he stuttered, clearly struggling to find the right words to express whatever it was he wanted to say.

Katniss frowned slightly.  The Peeta she knew never struggled with expressing himself.  She waited.

“I wanted to ask how you were with... everything.  Now that, you know, everything’s... final.”

Katniss just looked at him for a moment, surprised by the question.  “If you want me to be honest, Peeta, I don’t know how I am,” she finally replied, deliberately keeping her voice low, as she was conscious that Skye was close by.  “I’m just taking it one day at a time. That’s all I can deal with right now.”

Peeta nodded slowly, his eyes searching her face again.  “But, you’re coping with everything okay, I mean, managing the kids... Aran... when they’re with you?” he queried.

Katniss felt a slight stab of irritation at the question, her face reddening slightly again.   _Ah_.  Now she understood the motivation behind his questions.  He was concerned she wouldn’t be able to cope with the kids.   _Silly her_ , for thinking for even one second that he might actually be asking how she was coping with the aftermath of the divorce.  

“We’re getting on fine,” she answered, a little shortly.  “It’s like how it used to be.”

Peeta flinched a little, and instantly she regretted her poor choice of words.  But it was too late to take them back.  No, it would never be exactly like how it used to be, but she was doing the best she could.  So instead, she lifted her chin and looked him in the eye and ploughed ahead.

“Maybe next time, we can have that cup of coffee, okay?  We need to talk about when the kids will begin staying for overnights with me.  I don’t want to put it off forever, Peeta. ”

“Okay,” Peeta agreed.  “We’ll do that.”

“I hope your hands heal soon,” Katniss gave him one last look as she turned to leave.  “I’ll see you tonight.”

“See you tonight,” he murmured as she closed the door behind them.

 

 

 

* * *

Peeta watched from behind the curtain as Katniss efficiently piled the kids into her car, smiling down at Skye’s happy chatter all the while.  He couldn’t help but notice the openness of her smile as she looked down at their little girl—it went all the way to her eyes and lit up her face, making her grey eyes sparkle.   God, how he missed that smile.  

She was as light on her feet as ever, her movements quick and supple as she leaned in, buckling Aran into his car seat, unknowingly giving him a great view of her shapely rear end and slim legs, clad in figure-hugging dark jeans and calf-length boots. 

He clenched his jaw and tore himself away from the window.  He still couldn’t bear to watch her driving away.  Every time she closed the door behind her, he had to fight the urge to wrench it open and go after her and drag her back, beg her to stay, to talk to him, anything, just... not to leave.  But he no longer had any right to think like that, and she’d probably laugh at him anyway.

Despite everything that had happened that week, she had looked better today.  There was still evidence of shadows beneath her eyes, but her voice sounded stronger.   She seemed more like  _his_  Katniss, the woman he loved, and not the distant unreadable shell that she’d been for the last few months.   Was that because she was finally free of him?

 _Months._ Peeta’s eyebrows furrowed together as he tried to remember the last time he’d seen her smile so brightly. _‘Was it even before she’d left?  When had the change in her really happened?’_ he wondered quietly to himself. 

He thought back to the look he’d seen in her eyes when she saw his bandaged hands... what was that?  Fear, panic, concern?  For  _him_?   How did he know what he saw in her eyes was real?   He shook his head in exasperation.  Twelve years later, and she still managed to confuse him.  A few months ago, she had walked out the door and hadn’t cared enough to pick up a phone and call him, yet today she was frantic at the thought of him being hurt.  Peeta hoped she didn’t realize just how much feeling the touch of her hands on his skin had unsettled him.

 _‘Stop, Peeta,_ ’ he told himself again. ‘ _Don’t try to read too much into it_.’  She wasn’t _his_  Katniss, and she didn’t really care about him anymore.

He eased his hands out of his pockets and made his way upstairs to the bathroom, carefully changing the dressings on his burns, and popping two painkillers into this mouth when he was finished.  He’d attempted to hide how much they hurt while he was trying to feed Aran; his pride wouldn’t let him let Katniss see that he could’ve actually used her help.   Thank God for Sae.   His elderly neighbour had been a godsend these last few days, helping out with bathing and dressing the kids and turning up on the doorstep with meals prepared that he just had to heat, so he didn’t have to use his hands too much.

Looking in the mirror, he stared at his own reflection.   He was only 32, but he felt like he’d aged ten years in the last six months.  Katniss was not the only one with visible shadows under her eyes.

His phone buzzed, and he pulled it from his pocket, looking at the incoming call.

“Good morning!”  Finnick’s cheerful voice echoed through the speakerphone.   “Are you ready?  I’m picking you up in fifteen minutes.”

“Finn, do you really think me going fishing with you is a good idea?   My hands are hurt and I can’t swim.  Is it even safe to have me out on a fishing boat?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe, princess,” Finnick replied snarkily.   “No way I’m letting you bail on me, Mellark, we haven’t caught up in months.  This is the first Saturday you’ve had off since...since...” Finnick’s voice tapered off.

Since the Saturday Finnick had insisted that Peeta go to Seam to talk to Katniss.

“Alright, alright, if you’re sure.” Peeta couldn’t help but laugh a little.  

“I’m sure.”  He could almost feel Finnick’s infectious grin through the screen.   “Besides, you don’t have to actually do anything except keep me company, if your hands hurt too much.  I just have to stop off and pick up some snacks on the way.  See you shortly.”

Peeta hung up and went to change into some warmer clothes and a waterproof jacket.   It would be cold out on the water, but a few hours spent in the company of his friend sounded like exactly what he needed to take his mind of things.  It had to be better than sitting in front of Netflix all day, wondering what his kids were doing with Katniss and waiting for them to come home. 

 

 

 

* * *

The drive out to the lake was short and before he knew it, Peeta found himself relaxing as he listened to Finnick talking.  His friend was always easy company to be in. 

The day was cold but bright as Finnick steered his small walkaround out towards the middle of the lake.  They stuck to talking about sports and current affairs, safe and familiar topics that made Peeta feel like for a few hours he could distract himself from his problems.  He was glad he had forced himself to make the effort to catch up with his friend.  It had been too long since he had done something just for himself. 

It occurred to Peeta that if they had more help at the bakery he could do things like this more often.  Maybe it was time to look into hiring some extra help, now that things were more settled.   But he wasn’t going to worry about that today.  

Once they were safely anchored, Finnick threw himself down in the seat beside Peeta and cast his line into the water.  “So tell me Peeta, how are you  _really_  doing?” Finnick asked, settling himself in to watch his line.  Peeta smiled a little; he had been expecting that question all day, knowing that at some point during this trip Finnick would bring up the subject of his break up, especially since he hadn’t brought Nick with them.

He looked up from watching his own line and decided not to lie to his friend. “Some days are better than others, Finn.  But they’re all hard.”

Finnick nodded, “I can’t pretend to really understand what you’re going through, Peeta.  I mean, I’ve had breakups with girlfriends in the past that were unpleasant enough, but I can’t imagine what it would be like if Annie and I...” he swallowed deeply, and Peeta knew Finnick could not even comprehend the idea of living his life without Annie beside him.

“You know, I thought you were avoiding me because of the divorce,” Peeta said quietly.

“I was,” Finnick confirmed. 

“You were?” Peeta looked at him, confusion on his face.  “Why?”

Finnick returned his gaze, remorse written all over his face.  “Why?  Because I’m a shitty friend.  And I feel I’m partly responsible for what happened between you guys.  And I’m really sorry man.”

“But, what makes you think that Finn?  It’s not your fault what happened between Katniss and me.” Peeta studied his friend carefully.

“No, I know that, it’s just... maybe if I hadn’t pushed you into going to Seam to see Katniss that day, things would have worked out differently, that’s all.” Finnick looked away, fiddling with his fishing line, guilt now joining remorse in shadowing his handsome features.

“Finn,” Peeta began, “I don’t want you to put any blame on yourself.  I honestly don’t think it would’ve made any difference.  Katniss still lied to me for an entire month about where she was.  We talked a few times the first month she was away, and she had plenty of opportunities to tell me.  She chose not to.  Who knows if she ever would have?”

“Yeah, I know  _that_ , but... it’s not that Peeta,” Finnick tilted his head to the side, squinting against the sunlight as he looked out over the water.  It was clear he was debating with himself about something.

“Whatever is on your mind, just spit it out, Finn.”  Peeta said.  “Be straight with me.”

“It was the way you reacted when you came back,” Finnick replied.  “When you got home from Seam, it was like you just... shut down.  You shut everyone out.  I can’t help but think that maybe if you hadn’t seen Katniss with Gale that day, then you would have been open to listening to her explanations when she did come back.  Then you could have talked and found out what was really going on with her, instead of filing for a divorce as quickly as you could.  Maybe you two could have worked it out.  I feel really bad that I might have had some part to play in that.”

Peeta sat frozen in place, stunned into silence by Finnick’s words.  He could feel his stomach churning as the familiar feeling of self-doubt began to come over him.  What if Finnick was right?  Every single one of his friends and family seemed to have hinted at the same thing to him at one point or another.  That he had moved too hastily, that he hadn’t really listened to Katniss or given her a chance to explain herself.  

“I  _was_  open to listening to her when she came home, Finn,” he stated defensively, not knowing why he suddenly felt the need to defend himself. 

“Were you really?” Finnick nailed him with a sharp look.  “Did you ever really find out why she left?”

“Does it really matter now?” Peeta shifted his eyes away from Finnick’s piercing stare, and it was his turn to study the water.  “No matter why she left, it was clear that she didn’t want  _me_  to help her resolve her problems.  And it’s too late now to change anything.”

“I suppose it is,” Finnick agreed sadly.  “I just feel so sorry for you both.”

“Has Annie been in touch with her at all?” Peeta asked.  Despite himself, he wondered if Katniss had at least kept in touch with their old friends.

“No,” Finnick shook his head.  “Annie tried to reach out to her a few times, but Katniss didn’t call back.  I suppose she was shutting everyone out too. ”

“I’m sorry if you think I shut you out, Finn.  But can we drop the subject for today?” Peeta asked wearily.  “I really just want to try and forget about it all for a while.”

“Sure,” Finnick agreed.  “Just, don’t shut me out again, okay?  I want to be here for you.”

Peeta nodded.

 

 

 

* * *

Eventually, when they had more fish than either of them could eat or freeze for the next month, they decided to head back to shore.  Finnick’s phone beeped as he was loading a cooler full of fresh fish into the back of his truck along with his fishing tackle.   He pulled it out of his pocket. 

“It’s from Rye,” Finnick said, reading the message.  “He’s closed the bakery early, wants to know if we’re hungry.  He’s at the Diner in town.  Do you need to get home, or do you have time to grab something to eat first, Peeta?” 

The closer they had gotten to shore, the lower Peeta had felt his mood dropping as reality crashed back in.  Going home meant spending another Saturday night alone on the sofa in front of the TV with only the sounds of Aran’s breathing on the baby monitor for company.

“Yeah, I can go for something to eat.  Katniss isn’t bringing the kids home until after dinner so …” he agreed.

“Great, let’s head over there then,” Finnick slammed the tailgate on his truck and hopped in the front seat.  “I’m starving.  I feel like something sweet.”

A few minutes later they entered the restaurant and looked around for Rye.  It wasn’t too crowded this early in the evening, mostly families, and they soon spotted him sitting in a booth in the back, stuffing a huge burger into his mouth.

He waved them over. “Have a good day?” he asked between bites.

“Yeah, it was good.” Peeta replied, shuffling into a seat opposite his brother and grabbing a menu of the table.  “Why’d you close early?  Dad won’t be happy.”

“I won’t tell him if you don’t.” Rye grunted.  “Besides, it was slow today, and I couldn’t be in the kitchen and out front at the same time.  We really need to look into hiring some more help, Peeta, especially now that your domestic situation is...um... settled.”

“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing today.” Peeta agreed.  “I’ll talk to Dad about it.  Though things should be easier when Katniss starts taking the kids overnight.  I’ll be able to do some early mornings again.”

“That would be great,” Rye grinned.  “I’ll finally get to sleep in again.  I miss my beauty sleep.”

“Yeah, you need it. “ Finnick smirked.  “You look like shit.”

“Ha ha, smartass.” Rye flipped Finnick off.  “I’d like to see you look this pretty if you had to get up at 4am every morning.”

Finnick chuckled and turned his attention back to Peeta. “How do you feel about the kids being away overnight? That’s gotta be tough.”

“I don’t feel great about it,” Peeta answered honestly, “I just keep telling myself it’s the right thing to do for them in the long term.  Katniss and I still have to share the job of raising these kids.  I tried to ask her today how she was managing, and how she was getting on with the kids, and she said she was okay.  No,” he corrected himself, “what she actually said was  _‘it’s like it always was’_.”

“Ouch,” Finnick winced. 

Peeta nodded.  “Yeah, I think she was kind of offended by the question, too.”  It hadn’t been his intention to offend her, but he’d seen the flash in her eyes when he’d asked.

Peeta pushed the menu away, suddenly not in the mood to eat.  “I think I’ll just have tea,” he gave his order to the smiling waitress.

“I think it’s great that Katniss will be taking the kids overnight,” Finnick continued once he’d placed his order for coffee and pie.  “At least it’ll give you a break.”

“Yeah, and when you have a weekend free you can come out with me.  It’ll be fun.”  Rye added.

“I appreciate the offer Rye, thanks, but I don’t think bar hopping or clubbing is really my scene.” Peeta rolled his eyes at his brother.

“Why not?  You’re single and reasonably presentable looking, the ladies will love you.”  Rye waggled his eyebrow suggestively, a cheeky grin on his face.  “Speaking of which, there’s a very cute redhead over in the corner booth whose been eye fucking you ever since you sat down.” Rye flicked his eyes towards the opposite corner of the room.

Peeta angled his head discreetly over his shoulder, not believing for one second that there was anyone watching  _him_.  Finnick, maybe.  His friend got a lot of attention no matter where he went.  But sure enough, over in the far corner of the restaurant he spied Lavinia, seated with some friends.  She noticed him looking and raised her hand to give him a brief wave.  He gave her a small smile in return.

“Oh, that’s just Lavinia,” he said dismissively, turning back around. 

“What?”  Rye barked in surprise.  “You  _know_  her?”

“Yes, I know her,” Peeta hissed.  “Lower your voice, Rye.  She is the owner of the daycare centre the kids go to.  It’s no big deal.”

“Well, she’s heading this way,” Rye laughed, shoving his hand in his pocket and throwing a small, blue box across the table at him. “Here tiger, you might need these.”

“God, Rye!”  Peeta gasped, hastily grabbing the box that landed in his lap and shoving it into his pocket before Lavinia noticed it, wincing at the pain in his hand as he did so.  “Do you always have to be such an asshole?”   He felt like he was back in high school when Cato Burns was trying to set him up with Clove Harper.  Rye just smirked at him.

“Hi, Peeta,” Lavinia stopped at the table and flashed her friendly smile. “Nice to see you.  I just wanted to stop by and say how great it was to finally meet your wife last week.  I hope she liked the tour of the centre?”

“Ex-wife,” Rye snorted from across the table.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Lavinia’s eyes widened as she looked from Peeta to Rye, and back to Peeta, her cheeks beginning to flush with pink.  “My mistake, I thought... I mean, she introduced herself as ....” she stuttered awkwardly.

Peeta cringed internally and glared at Rye across the table.  “It’s okay, Lavinia,” he brushed it off, “there’s no need to apologize.  Our divorce was very recent.  We’re both still adjusting to it.” He smiled to reassure her. “And yes, Katniss did like the centre.  She was very impressed with it, thanks again for the tour.”

“You’re welcome.  I’m glad to hear she was happy, but I’m so sorry to hear about your divorce.  You seemed like a lovely couple.” Lavinia patted his arm in a comforting gesture.

“Thanks,” Peeta acknowledged her sympathy with a nod of his head.  He turned, moving his arm away and waving across the table at Rye.  “That idiot over there with the big mouth is my brother, Rye, and I’m sure you already know Finn?”

“Yes,” Lavinia smiled warmly, recovering from her earlier embarrassment.  “Hi, Finn, it’s good to see you again.  How is Annie?  Is Nick enjoying elementary school?”

“They’re both great, and he loves it, he is doing really well Lavinia, thanks,” Finnick smiled kindly.  “It’s good to see you again.”

“Tell them both I said hi, and it’s nice to meet you, Rye.”  Lavinia glanced cautiously over at Peeta’s brother again.  Her green eyes travelled between the two blue-eyed blonds.  “It’s easy to tell that you two are brothers.”

“I’m the fun one,” Rye winked roguishly and gave her his most charming smile. “It’s very nice to meet you too.  Lavinia, is it?” 

“Um, yes...” Lavinia’s face began to flush again at Rye’s shameless flirting.  “Well, I just thought I’d say hello.  Peeta, I’m sure I’ll see you around the daycare centre soon. ”

“Sure, I’ll bring some more pastries for the staff room next time I’m dropping the kids off.” Peeta smiled.

“You’re going to ruin my figure with all those pastries, but, I won’t say no to a Mellark’s pastry!”  Lavinia laughed.

“I bet you won’t,” Rye mumbled under his breath again.   Peeta kicked him under the table.

“Okay, I’d better get back to my friends.   It was nice talking to you, Peeta, and you, Finn, and it was nice meeting you Rye.”

“The pleasure was  _all_  mine,” Rye smiled again.

Lavinia gave a small wave and turned, walking away quickly, back towards her friends.

Peeta watched until she was safely out of earshot, then turned to his brother.

 “ _Seriously_ , Rye?” Peeta snapped as Finnick burst out laughing.  “Do you have to be so juvenile?”

“What?” Rye smirked, “She’s cute!  I think she likes you.  And you know what they say about redheads,” he winked suggestively.

“She was just being friendly,” Peeta muttered uncomfortably.  “She thought I was... married.” The word caught in his throat.

“Uh huh,” Rye laughed knowingly.  “Well, now she knows that you’re not!”

Peeta flinched visibly.  It was the first time he’d heard it said out loud.  He was not married any more.  Somehow hearing it said out loud made it feel real in a way it hadn’t before.

“C’mon little brother, do you think she came over here to meet  _me_?” Rye chuckled, shaking his head, oblivious to the look on Peeta’s face.

“How do you know she  _didn’t_  come over here to meet you, Rye?” Finnick butted in.

“I doubt it.” Rye laughed.  “Anyway, Peeta, do you know if she is single?”

“How should I know?” Peeta growled, aghast at the question.

“She’s not wearing a wedding ring.  Maybe you should find out,” Rye suggested.  “And maybe you should take yours off.”

Peeta banged his half empty mug on the table.  “Did you really just say that to me?” he looked at Rye in disbelief, his eyes widened in shock. 

“Don’t look at me like that.  I’m serious.  You’ve been in a foul mood for months now, bro.  A little female company might improve your mood a bit,” Rye grumbled. 

“Rye, I am seriously not looking for any kind of... entanglements… right now,” Peeta shook his head, shocked that Rye would even raise the subject of him seeking female company... or his wedding ring.   Under the table, he twisted the plain gold band nervously on his finger. It honestly hadn’t occurred to him that he should remove it until Rye mentioned it.

“Who said anything about getting entangled?” Rye snorted.  “Unless you mean in the purely physical sense.  It might make you a bit more pleasant to be around. “

Peeta fixed him with an angry glare.

“Hey now guys, come on,” Finnick interjected, sensing that Peeta was getting upset and putting his hand on his shoulder.  “Rye, don’t be a dick.  It’s too soon to be talking like that.  When Peeta feels ready to, um, seek some female company, I’m sure he will.”

“Thanks, Finn,” Peeta said quietly, still glaring at his brother.   Any last traces of his good mood earlier had now disappeared.

“Sorry, Peeta.  I don’t mean to piss you off.” Rye said, his tone no longer teasing.  “I’d just meant I’d like to see you blow of some steam and have a little fun.  You’re completely stressed out, man.  All you’ve been doing for months is working and looking after the kids.  It’s not healthy.”

“That’s kind of my life now, Rye.” Peeta retorted.  “I’m never going to be the guy who can just go out and hook up with some stranger for the night.  I’m not like you.”

“Yeah well, all work and no play makes Peeta a pain in my ass.  And hey, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.” It was Rye’s turn to frown, obviously stung a little by the bluntness of Peeta’s words.  

Peeta sighed, and tried to run a hand through his hair, wincing again at his bandaged palm.  “Look, Rye. I didn’t mean to sound like I was judging you, okay?  I’m not. But that’s just not me.  I could never go out and hook up with some random stranger...”  He rubbed the ring on his finger again.  “Sex has to mean something for me,” he added quietly.

“Oh, come on – are you seriously telling me you never had a one-night stand before you met Katniss?”  Rye laughed incredulously.   “As I recall, you were pretty popular with the ladies in high school.”

“I didn’t say I’d never had a one-night stand.  Sure, I had a few before I met Katniss.  That’s how I know I don’t like them.   But once I met her I was never interested in anyone else.”  Peeta’s voice trailed off, and he looked down into his now cold tea.

Rye watched Peeta, his expression turning serious as he finally recognised the rawness of the emotions flitting across his brother’s face.  He glanced over at Finnick, who nodded in encouragement, as if he knew instinctively that Peeta needed to talk about this stuff.

”You’ve never even looked at another woman since you met her, have you,” Rye asked, quietly, his tone implying that it wasn’t really a question.

“No,” Peeta replied, still not looking up from his tea.  “Katniss is...was... it for me.  I can’t even think of being with anyone else, not yet anyway.  Maybe not ever.”  He stood up suddenly from his seat and threw a few bills on the table.  “I’m gonna head home.  Katniss will be bringing the kids home soon.”

“Wait, I’ll give you a ride,” Finnick hastily pushed his half eaten pie away and jumped up from his seat.

“No, finish your food, Finn.” Peeta waved at him to sit back down.  “I kind of feel like walking.  Rye, I’ll see you at work on Monday.”

“Are you going to be okay, Peeta?”  Finnick asked, concern lacing his voice.

“Yeah, I think so.” He smiled sadly.  “Tell Annie I said hi, and give Nick a hug for me.  And thanks, I had a good day today, Finn.  I’ll be okay.  I’ll call you soon.”

As he walked out of the restaurant, he could hear Finnick telling Rye what an insensitive idiot he was.

 

 

 

* * *

When he got home, the first thing Peeta did was head upstairs to shower and change into his sweats.  He was exhausted from the rollercoaster emotions of the day, and just wanted to put it behind him.

As he kicked off his jeans, the small, blue box Rye had thrown at him fell out of his pocket and landed by his feet on the floor.  “Damn you, Rye” he cursed his brother, opening the drawer of the bedside table and throwing the box inside.  He sat down on the edge of the bed and rested his forehead gently on his bandaged palms, massaging his temples with the pads of his fingers in the hopes of relieving some of the stress he felt building up there. 

He was so pissed at Rye right now, and not just for embarrassing him in front of Lavinia. He knew his brother meant well, but how could he expect Peeta to even begin to think of being with anyone other than Katniss?

A memory of her, cradled in his arms, both of them naked and satiated as they drifted off to sleep after making love flashed into his head.  He couldn’t picture himself ever being with anyone else like that.  He doubted he could ever feel as close to anyone else or trusting anyone else that much ever again.

Despite how much she had hurt him, he knew he still loved Katniss.  Their marriage may be over, but his feelings for her were as strong as ever.  The best he could hope for was that some day, he would be able to move past the hell he was in now and find some kind of peace.

But Rye was right about one thing.  It was time to take his wedding ring off.  Biting back the sob that rose in his throat, he slowly twisted the band Katniss had placed on his finger all those years ago over his knuckle, and pulled it from his finger.  He sat, his shoulders slumped as he felt hot tears burning behind his eyes, as he read the inscription on the inside.   “ _You and Me.  Always, K._ ”   His finger felt naked, the pale strip of flesh on his finger where his ring had been standing out in stark contrast to the rest of his fingers.

Angrily, he tossed the ring into the bedside table and slammed the drawer shut, curling himself up in a ball on his side of the bed.  Katniss would be here soon.  If the tears were going to come, it was better to get them out of the way before the kids arrived home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for keeping you all waiting so long for this update, some real life family stuff got in the way. I also wanted to thank all of you who have shown support for this story. 
> 
> I hope not to keep you waiting as long for the next chapter, as this one was, admittedly, mostly filler! Many thanks as always to my wonderful support team, KnottedEnergy, Kismet4891 and Court81981 for their patience, and for sharing their skills in helping me turn this into something readable, and to Sponsormusings for reassuring me about the smut! I can be found on tumblr - louezem


	11. Rock Bottom

" 

 

Katniss slammed the door behind her and jumped into her car, her irritation level rising the higher the sun climbed in the sky. After yet another restless night, when she did finally manage to fall asleep, she slept right through the alarm and hadn't enough time to shower or have breakfast before work. It was a bad start to her week.

As she passed through town, she paused at the sight of the Starbucks and decided to stop for coffee. To hell with it, she thought, because she was late anyway, what difference would a few more minutes make? While caffeine might not improve her mood any, it would benefit no one if she  _didn't_  get her caffeine fix before work.

As she waited for her order, she glanced down the street towards the bakery, wondering if the reason for her restless night was at work yet. There was no sign of Peeta's truck, but he might be parked out back. She looked away. He probably wasn't there. As far as she knew, Rye was still taking care of the early morning openings. She chewed on the ragged end of her fingernail, as she considered the risk of bumping into Peeta if she went in for some cheese buns.

Katniss hadn't set foot inside the bakery since they had split, but lately Peeta's body wasn't the only thing of his she was craving. She knew Michael or Rye would be okay with her dropping by, but would Peeta? They still weren't exactly on good terms. In the end, she decided against it, grabbing a muffin to go with her coffee instead. Peeta had been oddly withdrawn when she had brought the kids back to him on Saturday night, and though he had tried to act normal, the redness of his eyes had not escaped her. Maybe it was too soon for her to start casually dropping by the bakery.

Back in the car, she headed out of town, unconsciously driving a little faster than she usually did. Just after she turned off the main road, she saw flashing red and blue lights in her mirror, and the driver of the police car indicating for her to pull over.

"Dammit!" she muttered to herself, wondering what she had done to get pulled over, as she watched the officer approach her drivers' side window.

"Morning, Darius... I mean, Officer Miller," she greeted the officer, trying to force her face into a friendly smile as she rolled down her window. "Is something wrong?"

Everyone in town knew Darius Miller. He'd been a member of the local police force for as long as Katniss had lived in town, and he was known for being a reasonable guy. She must have done something wrong for him to pull her over.

"Good morning, Mrs Mellark," Darius gave her a courteous smile, his brown eyes friendly as he leaned down to talk to her through the open window. "Did you notice you ran the stop sign back there?"

"Oh. No, I didn't notice, I'm sorry. I'm late for work, and I guess I wasn't paying enough attention," Katniss explained, biting on her lip. Shit. She could really do without getting a ticket.

"That's how accidents happen, Mrs. Mellark. Licence and registration please," Darius requested.

"It's just not my day," Katniss huffed, rifling through her purse for her licence and handing over the paperwork and the licence. "And it's Ms Everdeen, now."

"Why Everdeen?" Darius questioned, looking back at her with a confused look on his face. He glanced down at the driver's licence she had given him. "Your licence says 'Katniss Mellark', but oh, wait...there's another problem."

"What other problem?" Katniss grew flustered.

"Did you know your licence has expired?"

"What? No! Shit, it has? I didn't realize," Katniss groaned and rubbed at her forehead. This morning was just going from bad to worse.

"Yeah, it's out of date by over a year." Darius added, almost apologetically.

Katniss grimaced. Dammit. How could she not have noticed for a whole year that her driving licence had expired?.

"I'm sorry, Officer Miller, things have just been a little crazy lately. I was out of town for a while, and when I came back I moved into a new house and... um... I'm using my maiden name again," Katniss felt her face redden and she looked away. She hated having to explain her name change. "Peeta and I got divorced."

"Oh.  _Oh,_  um, I'm sorry to hear that," Darius said, a look of understanding dawning on his face. He pushed his hat back, scratching his head. "Just when I was hoping you were going to try and get out of a ticket by bribing me with some fresh donuts from Mellark's," he chuckled, but it sounded a little uncomfortable.

He sobered immediately, his expression changing at seeing the scowl that crossed Katniss face. "Sorry, too soon? Was it recent?" he asked, his tone apologetic.

"Was what recent?" Katniss asked, squinting up at him.

"Your divorce."

"Oh. It was final about a month ago now."

Darius gave her a thoughtful look and exhaled loudly, tapping her licence against his fingertips, as if he was making his mind up about something. "Look... Katniss?" his voice was kind as he slipped into using her first name. "I've been there, and I've known you and Peeta for years, so I'm going to give you a break _. Just this once_." He glanced back over his shoulder as if he expected to see someone watching and lowered his voice. "I could get in a lot of trouble for this, but I can tell you've been under a lot of stress. Do yourself a favor. Get to the DMV and get your licence renewed straight away. Even if it wasn't expired, you're supposed to replace it within ten days of a legal name change."

"I will, and thanks, Officer Miller, I owe you one," Katniss replied gratefully, heaving a sigh of relief that he wasn't going to ticket her.

"It's Darius," he winked and flashed his friendly smile again. Katniss gave him a small smile in return. It felt nice to have someone give her a break. She didn't feel like she'd had many of those lately.

"Okay. Well, you're lucky it was me and not Officer Thread who pulled you over this time. He'd probably have impounded your vehicle."

"I'll get it sorted out straight away, thanks again... Darius." Katniss smiled.

He nodded and stood back, away from the window. "Drive safely now," he said and lifted one hand as he waved her off.

 

* * *

 

When Katniss finally made it to work, a quick glance at her phone told her she was nearly an hour late.

"Dammit," she cursed under her breath. She hoped Madge would not be too annoyed at her tardiness. She really needed this job.

She almost broke into a run as she made her way from the parking lot to the small staff room where she usually took her breaks. In her haste, she didn't look left or right as she headed straight to her locker to put away her purse.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when she turned around and noticed Madge sitting at the table, a cup of coffee in front of her.

"Madge!" she gasped. "I didn't see you there."

"Well, you looked like you were in an almighty hurry!" Madge smiled at her, looking amused. "Good morning, Katniss."

Katniss was relieved to see she didn't look angry.

"I'm so sorry I'm late, Madge, this morning was one of those mornings where everything that could go wrong did go wrong…"

Madge tilted her head as she took in Katniss' red face and flustered appearance. "It's alright, Katniss, these things happen to us all sometimes. You look stressed out. Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah," Katniss exhaled. "I overslept, and then I nearly got a ticket for running a stop sign on the way here."

"Sounds like a rough morning. Do you want to sit down and catch your breath for a minute?" Madge pointed to the seat opposite her.

Katniss didn't want to be rude and refuse, so she dropped into the seat. "That's not all," she continued. "When I gave my licence to the cop, it was expired. Now I have to find some way to get to the DMV and renew it."

"Look, Katniss – it's okay." Madge reached across and patted her hand kindly. "Maybe I can help you out. I have some things I need to take care of this morning, but if you want to take this afternoon off and go sort out your licence, it's not a problem."

Katniss studied Madge hesitantly. She didn't want to seem like she was taking advantage when she'd already been late today. But it would be a good idea to sort her licence out straight away.

"Are you sure, Madge? It wouldn't put you out?"

"Not at all. I have a meeting with Gale here this afternoon anyway, so I'll be here, and Johanna is around too. If you need some time off, today would be a good day to take it. You shouldn't drive on an expired licence, and I know you need your car to pick up your kids and stuff. Go do what you need to do."

"Thank you. I'll make it up to you." Katniss smiled gratefully.

Madge got up and went to rinse her cup at the sink. "No problem. I'd better get back to the office and get started on my books. And Katniss…" Madge winked at her. "Next time just send me a text if you're delayed, okay? Don't run any more stop signs."

"I won't," Katniss grinned. That was the second act of kindness she'd been shown today. Maybe her day was looking up. Following Madge, she made her way out to the greenhouses, flying through her routine tasks in record time.

Lunchtime came quickly, and she headed back to the staff room to grab her stuff. Pulling her phone from her pocket, she quickly searched for the local DMV office and looked up what she needed to renew her licence.

_State law requires any application for a driver's license to include proof of the applicant's full legal name…_

"Proof of full legal name…" she mumbled to herself in dismay. Her passport named her as Mellark, so that wouldn't do, now that she was Everdeen again. Glancing back at the screen she scrolled further:

_Acceptable documents for the purpose of providing this information include a passport or birth certificate…_

"Birth certificate…" her brows furrowed, and she rubbed her forehead in frustration. Where the hell was her birth certificate? She'd have to find it. It was the only piece of ID she could think of that was in her maiden name. She didn't recall seeing it when she unpacked the things that Prim had brought over from Peeta's house. Flicking over to her message screen, she fired a quick text to Prim, asking if she remembered packing it.

 _"No, I only emptied the closet. Are u ok?"_ came her sister's reply a few minutes later.

 _"Yeh, I just need it for something. I'll work it out."_ Katniss texted back _._

_"Ok. See u for dinner tonight? Gale will be here too. :)"_

_"See u then."_

Katniss slipped her phone back into her pocket with a groan. She now had a new dilemma. Peeta had always been the one to take care of all these kind of things; she was only beginning to appreciate how much she had relied on him for all the small things he did. Her birth certificate was still in Peeta's house, and she needed it now, but he'd be at work. Should she call him? She knew exactly where it was, and it would only take a second to retrieve it.

He'd be pissed though, if she dragged him away from the bakery in the middle of his day to meet her at his house. She recalled the strange mood he'd been in the last time she'd dropped of the kids. He didn't seem disposed towards doing her any favors at the moment.

There was another option. She still had her key, and she could use it to let herself in, grab what she needed and go… couldn't she? There was no need to bother Peeta at all. He wouldn't even know she'd been there.

 _But was it the right thing to do?_  The twinge in her conscience told her probably not, but it was definitely the easiest option.

 

* * *

 

Katniss held her breath as she pushed open the door to the bedroom she used to share with Peeta. Stepping across the threshold, she paused to take in the familiar décor. At first glance, it looked like nothing had changed since the last time she had been in this room.

The soft blue shade of the walls soothed her instantly, as it always had, and the same familiar hand-stitched quilt that had been a wedding gift from Hazelle still covered the bed. As she looked around, Katniss couldn't help but smile sadly, remembering when they had first moved into the house as newlyweds and they had bickered for weeks over what color to paint their room. Peeta had wanted soft orange, his favorite color, while she favored green. Peeta had eventually suggested blue as a compromise, and Katniss had given in to him, never admitting that it was an easy compromise for her – she loved the color blue because it reminded her of Peeta's eyes.

She moved slowly across the room towards the bed, stroking the material of the quilt with her fingertips. The urge to lie down for just a minute and bury her face in the pillows, to breath in Peeta's familiar scent, was strong. ' _Focus, Katniss,'_  she told herself, taking in another shuddering breath.

Instead, she reached for the drawer of the bedside table. As she leaned across, she noticed the silver-framed portrait of them taken on their wedding day was no longer resting in its place on top of the bedside table where it had always stood. She looked around the room, but she couldn't see it anywhere. Peeta must have put it away out of sight. Her shoulders sagged a little. It made sense he would not leave such a sentimental item on display, when they were no longer together. The portrait had been a gift from Peeta to her, a candid shot of them together, him with his arms wrapped around her, gazing down at her as she smiled back up at him, the mutual adoration in their eyes clear for all to see. They had looked so blissfully happy, so… together. She loved that photo.

Katniss pulled open the drawer of the bedside table, half hoping she might find the portrait inside, but it wasn't there. She would have liked to have had it, and she should have remembered to tell Prim to take it when her sister had packed up her things. But, even if she could locate it now, she wouldn't feel comfortable taking it with her. What if he noticed it was gone?

Reaching in towards the back, she quickly found the envelope containing her birth certificate and passport. She breathed a sigh of relief. At least they were still there. She could now get her license renewed without having to go to all the trouble of getting a new copy of her birth certificate. But just as she was about to close the drawer again, something else caught her eye.

Katniss shifted through the remaining items in the drawer.

_Oh God._

Katniss blinked and looked again. The glint that had caught her eye had come from Peeta's wedding band. It looked like it had been thrown carelessly into the drawer loose, without its box. Tenderly, she picked it up and touched the cool metal against her lips. When had Peeta taken his ring off?

But as she went to put the ring back where she found it, she froze in shock, her eyes drawn to a small, powder blue box resting at the bottom of the drawer, half hidden by the other contents surrounding it.

 _Condoms_.

Katniss recognized the distinctive packaging immediately, her head beginning to swim at what this discovery implied. There could only be one reason why did Peeta would have condoms in their – his – bedside table, wasn't there?

They had only used condoms briefly while they were in college— never once in the all the years since they had been married. With trembling hands, Katniss carefully lifted the packet from the drawer. The plastic shrink wrap was gone, and the box had been opened. On the side, it indicated that the pack should contain twelve condoms. Katniss counted quickly. There were two missing.

Feeling even more light-headed, she sat down heavily on the bed and closed her eyes, fighting against the dizziness now threatening to overcome her. They'd only been divorced a month. Did an opened box of condoms by the bed really mean Peeta was already sleeping with other people? Katniss tried to fight back the nausea induced by the thought of Peeta touching another woman. Had the hands that once touched her so lovingly torn open this box in a moment of passion with someone else?

Even thinking of any other man but Peeta touching her made Katniss feel ill. How could he be with other women already? She swallowed tightly, crushing the box in her fist as she pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes and tried to control her ragged breathing. She supposed she should have known this was a possibility, even an inevitability, but she hadn't been prepared for it to happen so soon. She wasn't ready to deal with this.

"Katniss?"

Her eyes jerked open at the sound of Peeta's voice. She stared at him blankly as he stood in the doorway, eyeing her suspiciously.

"Katniss," he repeated. "What are you doing here?"

Katniss shook herself out of her daze. "I was looking for my birth certificate. I… I need it for something, and Prim overlooked it, when she packed my things. What are you doing home in the middle of the day?"

"I'm  _home_  because I have an appointment this afternoon, and I needed to change," Peeta answered her, putting heavy emphasis on the word "home." He strode across the room towards the closet. "You should have called me first, Katniss. Do you think you can walk into this house and look through my bedroom without even asking me?" His voice was steady, but there was an angry edge to his tone. "We're not together anymore, Katniss. You don't get to do that."

"You told me that if I ever needed anything I should use my key," she muttered as she looked down again at the crushed blue box in her hand.

"That was when we were still married, Katniss. The rules have changed."

"So I see." She dropped the packet of condoms onto the bed between them and glared at him. "What are these, Peeta?" she asked softly.

Peeta's eyes widened slightly as he glanced down briefly at the condom box lying on the bed, taking in one of its foil-wrapped contents that had fallen on the floor before he looked up and returned Katniss' gaze. She watched as a flash of something that looked like shame passed through his eyes, before it quickly morphed into his now usual mask of indifference, and he looked away again. Katniss had become very familiar with that look over the last few months. It was the face he wore to shut her out. But for once, she didn't care. Shakily, she stood up from the bed and stalked towards him, her shaking hands clenched at her sides.

 _All this time,_  she thought, the betrayal she couldn't help but feel beginning to make her blood simmer. All this time she had been barely keeping it together, lying awake night after night beating herself up for the mistakes she had made, for hurting him, grieving for what she had broken, and  _he was_   _already sleeping with other people_?

"I think you know what they are," Peeta answered as if it were no big deal. He turned away and began picking clean clothes out of the closet.

Katniss watched his movements, the way he was avoiding her stare. "We've been divorced for a month, Peeta, and it's been years since we used condoms. Just one month, and you're already sleeping with other people?" she tried to sound calm, as she swiped at her eyes with the corner of her sleeve. "Did you even wait for the divorce to be final?" her voice breaking on a barely repressed sob.

Peeta spun on his heel to face her. "Now wait a minute, before you start accusing…"

"Am I so easily replaceable to you?" she interrupted him, wrapping her arms around herself to stop herself from shaking. "How long did you wait for my body heat to cool from my side of the bed before you began inviting others in to take my place?" She looked up at him then, her eyes stinging as she blinked back the angry tears that filled them. She wouldn't let them fall. Not in front of him.

"It's not what you think, Katniss," he finally met her gaze, but she couldn't decipher the look she saw there. He almost looked like he was surprised that she was saying these things to him.

"Well, what is it like then?" she pushed, her voice beginning to rise. She could feel herself becoming more hysterical. She wanted to punch him, to claw at his face, to beat her fists against his chest and make him feel the pain she was feeling.

"Tell me!" she burst out. "Explain to me how this could be possible, because I know  _I'm_ still grieving the loss of everything I thought we had." She picked up the box of condoms by the very corner of the box and flung them at him, watching as it bounced off his chest and landed on the floor. "Is this why you found it so easy to shut me out? Why you stopped trying to touch me after Aran was born?" Her eyes bore into his. "Is this why you were so quick to divorce me?"

Peeta clenched his jaw and raised his arm, leaning heavily on the door frame of the closet. "What do you want from me, Katniss?" he growled, his eyes darkened. If his tone was any indication, then his frustration with her was quickly morphing into anger. "Even if any of that were true, we're divorced now. I haven't done anything wrong. And I am free to explore new relationships, if I want to…"

Undeterred, Katniss pointed her finger at him, cutting him off while she voiced her accusations. "In our bed, Peeta? In the same bed where  _we_  shared so much? With our kids in the house? How could you?" her voice broke again as she looked at him, hurt and disgust evident on her face.

"Don't be such a bitch, Katniss," Peeta snapped back. "I wouldn't bring someone home where my kids are. Give me some credit. And in case you've forgotten, it's not  _our_  bed anymore, it's mine, and only mine. You're the one who left it, remember?" He raised an eyebrow as if daring her to try accusing him again.

"But you have been with someone else already, haven't you?" she whispered.

She searched his face for some reassurance that it wasn't true, but she found nothing in his cold eyes or clenched jaw to reassure her. But if Peeta believed their bed really was only his now, she certainly seemed to have snatched it back from him for a moment. Katniss wondered if he would be able to bring a woman into this bed comfortably again after such an awkward encounter. Perhaps not, or at least, not for a while anyway.

Katniss watched as Peeta let out a long exhale and then took a deep breath in, clearly trying to keep himself calm. "I don't have to answer that… I don't owe you any explanations," he responded, his tone dripping with bitterness as he watched her from his defensive position in the doorway. "But, how dare you suggest I would sleep with anyone else while we were still married."

Katniss let out a short sarcastic laugh. "What, like you've never accused me of the same thing? It's not a very nice feeling, is it, Peeta?" She knew by his reply that her words had struck a chord with him, and he was getting angrier by the second. Yet Katniss could tell he was still holding himself back and for some reason, she wanted to provoke him—to evoke some kind of emotion from him, not this cold indifference he'd been hiding behind for months.

His eyes snapped up and locked on hers at the sound of her laughter.

"I have never accused you of sleeping with anyone," his voice was low, though there was a guilty edge to it.

Katniss laughed again. "No, maybe not in so many words, Peeta, but you implied it heavily, more than once. Don't deny that."

"Well, have you?" he threw back. "Do you expect me to believe that you haven't been with someone else? If not before the divorce, then after? Or is it just coincidence that Gale happens to visit town regularly now? So, tell me, when he visits does  _your friend_  still stay overnight in his brother's house, or does he stay at yours?"

Katniss' body stiffened from head to toe in rage, her fists clenching, but she smiled coldly. "How many times have I told you, Gale has only  _ever_  been a platonic friend to me. Since we were kids, all he has ever done was try to support me through the difficult times in my life. That was part of what went wrong between us, Peeta, you never did trust me when it came to Gale!" she was yelling now.

Now it was Peeta's turn to laugh sarcastically. "With good reason. He wants you, Katniss. He must be so delighted that I'm finally out of the way. Now he can give you all the support you want."

Katniss shook her head in disbelief and moved towards the bedroom door. "I've had enough. I give up, Peeta. You can believe what you want. The Hawthornes, including Gale, are part of my family, and I know  _they'll_  never give up on me. I'm done defending my friendship with Gale to you. I don't have to anymore." Peeta darted quickly across the room towards the door, blocking her path. She wanted to squeeze her way past him, but she backed away, not wanting to touch him.

"You're forgetting you're the one who left me first, Katniss," Peeta seethed. Katniss could tell by his eyes, so dark now that they were almost black, that she had succeeded in forcing his mask to slip— he was completely furious. He pointed his own finger to his chest angrily. " _I_  was supposed to be your family. Supporting you was supposed to be  _my_  job. You took something that was supposed to be mine and you gave it to him."

Katniss took a step towards him, and tilted her chin defiantly. "I didn't give him anything that was yours, Peeta. I was always yours. You always had my heart, and I never wanted a divorce." Her eyes glittered as they bored into his. "Just so you know, I've never been unfaithful to you, and I have never broken my vows to you. I never did that. I would have done anything you needed me to do, to make everything up to you when I came home but you wouldn't let me try. Yes, I'm to blame for messing us up, but it was you who  _gave_ us up."

"How can you say that?" Peeta raked his hand through his hair, tugging at the roots, a sure sign that he was close to losing his temper. "How can you say you never broke your vows when you deserted us, Katniss! You left your  _kids_  behind! I was left behind to try and clean up your mess and comfort two babies who didn't know where their mother had disappeared to!" Peeta shouted.

"And you've been punishing me for that mistake over and over since the day I came home!" Katniss screamed back. "No matter how many times I wanted to try to talk you didn't want to listen… when will you have punished me enough, Peeta? Wasn't divorcing me punishment enough?" Katniss bit her trembling lip and turned away from his accusing eyes, visibly shaking. She couldn't take much more of this.

Peeta suddenly deflated when he saw her shaking. He dropped his hands to his sides, breathing heavily. "We're just going around in circles here," he muttered. "But seeing as we are here, just be honest with me." He stepped closer, placing his hands on her shoulders and turning her to face him. "Answer one question for me. Be honest. What is it that  _he_  gives you that I couldn't, Katniss?" The pain in his eyes as they searched hers was obvious for even Katniss to see.

A broken sound escaped Katniss's lips, half laugh, half sob, as she shook her head in disbelief at his question. He still thought this was about Gale.

"Nothing," she answered, looking right into his eyes. "Does that answer your question Peeta? There is _nothing_  Gale gives me that you can't.  _There never was._  Though, there are lots of things you've given me that he couldn't have. The one thing you still fail to understand in all that's happened, Peeta, is that my leaving that day had  _nothing_  to do with either you or Gale, or my feelings for either of you. It was about my feelings about  _myself_."

"Katniss…"

"No, Peeta!" Katniss jerked his hand from her shoulder, unable to bear the frisson of electricity that travelled through her at his touch. "I've answered your question. So now I get to ask one in return. Now that we're over and you're free to find someone who can love you better than you seem to think I do…"

"Katniss…"

"Let me finish for once!" she barked at him, "if you doubted my feelings for you so much, doubted me enough to think that I'd cheat on you, why did you ever marry me?"

"I can't believe you have to ask me that," Peeta stared at her. "I married you because I loved you, Katniss, I don't think I ever gave you any reason to doubt me. And I did believe you loved me once…"

Katniss noticed but was not surprised by his use of the past tense.

"…but I'm older and wiser now. Maybe I could have forgiven you for running away and leaving me behind, but I won't forgive you for doing that to the kids. I won't let you put them through what your mother put you through. I will always put them first, before either of us."

"Don't you dare…" Katniss wheeled on him, "…don't you dare bring my mother into this. If you want to start bringing up our mothers, let's look at yours. How much is she to blame for the fact that you've never completely trusted me? How many times did she ask you not to marry me, whisper poison in your ear and tell you I wasn't good enough for you? When did you start believing her?"

"That's not true." Peeta stuttered, but Katniss ignored him.

"It is true! If it wasn't, you would have known there was no need for you to feel so threatened by Gale. Did you ever wonder how your distrust felt to me, Peeta?" She gulped. "It made me feel like  _how_  I loved you wasn't good enough for you."

They stared at each other in silence, stony gray eyes meeting icy blue, both struggling to control their emotions. Peeta was the one to finally break eye contact.

"I think we're done here," he said, his tone low and hard. "This is getting us nowhere. I have some place to be, and I need to shower. If you found what you were looking for, you can let yourself out. Leave your keys before you go, please."

As he paused in the doorway to the bathroom, he looked back over his shoulder at her, piercing her with his eyes one last time. "In future, call me before coming over here, in case it's not a good time. You never know. I might have company."

Katniss flinched at the venom behind his words as he slammed the bathroom door closed. With trembling fingers, she grabbed the envelope she had come for and forced herself to leave the bedroom. She hated letting him have the last word, but she needed to get away from him. As she descended the stairs, she tore her housekeys from her keyring, flinging them into the bowl on the hall table.

"Fuck you, Peeta..." she whispered to herself as she slammed the front door behind her, a few angry tears escaping and flowing down her face.  _No,_  she told herself sternly as she brushed them away.  _Enough. No more_. She refused to shed any more tears for Peeta Mellark.

* * *

Peeta dropped the frosting bag on the table, cursing under his breath as he began to remove the delicate pink flowers from the cake he'd been decorating for the last half-hour. He was pretty sure the customer had not ordered pink flowers on a birthday cake meant for a five-year-old boy. He couldn't concentrate, and he was beginning to mess up the orders. Leaning his elbows on the table top, he rested his pounding head in his hands. It felt like he had a permanent headache these days.

He closed his eyes and tried to re-focus his mind. But, no matter how much he attempted to distract himself with the intricate work, his thoughts kept going back to a few days earlier, replaying the ugly scene that had unfolded when he'd found Katniss sitting in his bedroom over and over again. He hadn't been able to erase the hateful words they had thrown at each other from his head ever since. How did he let things escalate between them so quickly?

After he'd shut the bathroom door, he'd waited until he heard Katniss slam her way out of the house before he'd slumped down to the floor, balling his hands, only recently healed from the burns they had sustained, into tight fists in his hair. Eventually, he let a few of his own frustrated sobs escape, shaking as adrenaline continued to course through his veins. When he finally regained control of himself and opened his eyes, he caught his own reflection in the mirror. What he saw shocked him. His face was pale and angry, his eyes dark and red-rimmed. Pulling himself to his feet, he fought the impulse to pound his fists against the wall until they bled.

When he'd first spied Katniss in their bedroom, her back towards him, his first thought was to sneak up behind her and capture her in his arms. He wanted to sweep her hair aside so he could lay kisses on the base of her neck and across her shoulders and then pull her down on the bed beside him, like he once would have done. For one sweet, pain-free moment, he'd actually forgotten they weren't together anymore. He was halfway across the room when reality had come rushing back to him.

Their bedroom had always been their sanctuary from the outside world, and finding her there, sitting on their bed like she had never left just brought the enormity of all that he'd lost crashing down on him again. The pain was swiftly followed by the bitter swell of resentment, as he remembered that she had no right to even be in the house without his permission. What was she even doing there?

Even though he was angry at her intrusion, Peeta knew his Achilles heel was his inability to see Katniss suffering any kind of distress. So when she had thrown the box of condoms on the bed, the contents spilling out onto the quilt, and asked him had he been with someone else, he had to fight the instinct to go to her, to reassure her and explain that he wasn't ready for that, he hadn't even thought about it. That she was still the only woman he wanted.

He had recognized the depth of hurt and betrayal in her beautiful gray eyes, saw the glistening of the unshed tears he knew she would never let him see fall. For the first time, he thought maybe it was possible her pain was as deep as his own. Or maybe she was just angry. But knowing that he was responsible for putting that look in her eyes had cut him deeply. However, the second she had implied that maybe he'd cheated on her, he'd felt his temper flare. How dare  _she_  accuse  _him_  of being unfaithful?

He sighed out loud. He should have just been honest. Why didn't he just admit the truth from the start?

 _'Because you were being stubborn, asshole. She hurt you and you wanted her to hurt her back.'_ He grimaced at the thought. That wasn't the guy he was. It wasn't the guy he wanted to be, but he couldn't seem to help himself lately.

Peeta knew that the evidence looked bad. Katniss had probably seen his wedding ring loose in the drawer too, along with that damn box of condoms Rye had given him. He hadn't even known it was open. Deep down, he couldn't really blame her for jumping to the conclusions she had, because he knew if it had been the other way around, he would have thought the same thing.

But now he couldn't get her accusations out of his mind.

_"Is this why you found it so easy to shut me out? Why you stopped trying to touch me after Aran was born? … Is this why you were so quick to divorce me?"_

Those words would be burned in his memory forever. It crushed him to think that Katniss could think so little of him, that she'd believe he would sleep with anyone else while still married to her. She knew he hated cheaters—he'd told her how humiliated he'd felt when he'd discovered his high school sweetheart had cheated on him with one of his best friends. And she knewhow he felt about casual hook ups. They'd dated for nearly six months before they'd been together for the first time. How could she possibly believe his attitudes could have changed so much?

' _Because you didn't deny it. You let her believe you were with someone else. You wanted her to think someone else could want you.'_

He shook his head. Did she know the effect her poisonous words would have on him? She had fired each one with a deadly accurate aim. Now he was left filled with doubt, questioning everything that had happened between them over the last year.

Had he not been as good a husband as he thought? Even before their latest fight, this was something that had been playing on his mind. He'd spent a lot of lonely evenings dwelling on everything that had happened, and when he thought back he realised just how little time they'd had devoted to each other in the last year.

For the first time in their relationship, they had let their sex life dwindle to the point where it was nearly non-existent. Most nights they were both been too exhausted to do anything but sleep. He didn't really mind. He did miss sex, but loved the closeness of just sleeping in each other's arms.

When it did happen, it was usually initiated by Katniss, moments together hastily snatched when both kids were asleep. Knowing how tired she was, he'd been hesitant to initiate sex more frequently, because he didn't want her to feel pressured by his needs. He'd thought they would get back to normal when Aran slept better. But now he regretted not talking to her about it. Katniss had felt a little self-conscious about the changes to her body after having two children, and he'd reassured her she was just as beautiful to him as she always was, if not more, but could she have mistaken his hesitancy for a lack of interest? Every day he told her he loved her, but did she know how much he still desired her? Now he wasn't so sure she did.

Peeta admitted to himself that he was scared of what she would do now. If the ugly scene in his bedroom made Katniss truly believe he was moving on to other people, would it push her into doing the same? A shiver went through him as he contemplated the possibility. Katniss could be impulsive when she was angry, and there was no doubt she was furious when she slammed out of the house. He'd found her keys, with his, flung into the round bowl that sat beside the front door. She had thrown them hard enough to crack the glass.

He could never bring another woman into their marriage bed. It was too full of memories of her, of them together, for him to ever consider that, and it killed him that she would ever believe he could.

Why did he have to let his stupid pride get in the way? When she'd flung the condoms at him, she had asked him a straight question, and now he regretted not giving her a straight answer. He'd seen her searching his face in that hope that her assumption was wrong. Would this be the thing that finally pushed her right into the arms of another man? Into Gale's waiting arms?

He hurriedly tried to push away the thought of any other man's hands on Katniss. Another man kissing her, winding his hands into her dark hair- but he wasn't picturing just any man's hands. It was  _Gale's hands._  Just thinking about it made him feel like he was suffocating.

 _'You're not her husband, she's not yours anymore,'_  he repeated to himself over and over, counting each breath in and each one out in an attempt to quell his anxiety. He'd told her that he had the right to explore new relationships, so he had to accept that so did she. But it was so hard. He might be a single man again, he didn't feel like one. The bond he felt to her was too strong, he felt like he still belonged to her.  _That she still belonged to him_.

Peeta thought about what she had said about her vows. Did she really feel that way? She had said it with such conviction. Her reaction to finding condoms in his bedroom left him in no doubt that she still felt possessive over him. For some reason, that gave him a strange flicker of hope, deep in his belly. Hope for what, he didn't know.

Distracted, he rubbed his thumb against the empty place on his ring finger where his wedding band used to rest. Their marriage may be dissolved on paper, but it did not feel dissolved in his heart. He didn't know if it ever would be...

There were things he felt guilty about too. He should never have brought Katniss's mother into their argument. What had happened to Lily Everdeen was not her fault, and it was low of him to use that against Katniss.

However, there was some truth to what she had said about his mother. Evelyn had never wanted him to marry Katniss, and right up to the morning of their wedding, had tried to talk him out of it...

...

_Evelyn came through the door of Peeta's suite, where he and Rye were getting ready for the biggest day of Peeta's life. Peeta was glad of Rye's company as his brother's jokes and merciless teasing distracted him, and helped to calm his nerves._

_"Rye, could you excuse us, please?" Evelyn ordered her older son with a look that left them in no doubt that it wasn't a request. "I wish to speak to Peeta. Alone." Peeta stiffened immediately. He noted she was still dressed in the clothes he'd seen her wearing at the breakfast buffet that morning, not her "mother of the groom" dress._

_"Rye, you should go check in with Dad and Graham, and make sure you haven't lost the rings yet," Peeta exchanged a knowing look with his brother, and nodded reassuringly. Rye left, closing the door tightly behind him, as Peeta steeled himself for whatever it was his mother was about to say. He knew whatever it was, it was too much to hope that it would be complimentary or her wishing him well, on his wedding day._

_"Mom, aren't you going to get dressed? The wedding starts in half an hour," he asked her calmly, hoping she hadn't decided to refuse to attend the ceremony._

_"So you still haven't come to your senses? " Evelyn sneered, wringing her hands in front of her and staring at him with open contempt in her icy blue eyes. "You are really going to go through with this?"_

_"Yes, Mom, I am. I love Katniss and she loves me." Peeta asserted. "Why can't you be happy for me that I've found someone so special?" It hurt that his mother could not be happy for him._

_"Because she is not special. You could do so much better, Peeta." Evelyn began to pace up and down the room, stopping by the open fireplace and running her finger along the mantel, checking for dust. "I can't even believe I had to come to this wretched place and stay in that disgusting motel room just to attend this ridiculous wedding."_

_"Hazelle offered to let you could stay with her, Mom…"_

_"I don't want to spend any more time with these people, Peeta. What's required for the wedding is more than enough."_

_Evelyn swatted the air with her hand as if to dismiss everybody who meant anything to Katniss. Then she took a step towards Peeta and clutched his arm, her grip vice-like as she dug her sharply filed nails into his skin through his shirt. Peeta tried not to flinch. Best not to let her see._

_"Heaven knows with your limitations, you need the right kind of woman beside you if you are to make any kind of success of yourself. It's bad enough that you went against my wishes and studied Art in college, but I didn't raise my sons to embarrass me by marrying Seam trash. Stop this wedding now, Peeta, before it's too late. It'll be much worse once you're married, and she'll be able to truly take from you then… take everything you have, which may not be much, but…"_

_"No! She won't!" Peeta interrupted, jerking his arm away. He was unable to listen to any more venom about his fiancée from his mother. Katniss was the only woman who had ever shown him love for any length of time. He couldn't imagine hoping for anything more in his wife. "Katniss is not like that!"_

_"You're a fool, Peeta. You could have married Delilah Cartwright. Or Clove Harper," Peeta's mother pointed out. "Both are nice, respectable girls from decent families, not some, some... urchin, from a backwoods town who goes out to kill her own food. Ugh." Evelyn shuddered in revulsion. "Haven't they heard of stores here? What's next? Will there be squirrel carcasses on the back steps of the bakery?"_

_"Mom, stop it, that's enough! I've told you before. Even if I never met Katniss, Delly is my best friend. That's all. We were never going to be anything more than that. And Clove, ... Clove cheated on me! How could you want me to be with someone like her?"_

_Evelyn shook her head, again waving her hand in the air dismissively. "A minor indiscretion when you were both teenagers. It could have worked out. You were just too stupid to forgive her. These things happen when you're young."_

_"I caught her having sex with another guy in his car at our senior prom, Mom! That is not what I call a minor indiscretion!" Peeta bit his lip, feeling himself beginning to shake. He didn't need this from Evelyn today. Today was supposed to be the best day of his life; he was marrying the woman he loved and his mother was determined to taint it for him._

_"Stupid boy. Love—" Evelyn practically spat the word "is not the only thing that matters when considering the basis for a solid marriage." Evelyn sniffed._

_"You make it sound so clinical," Peeta muttered sadly. "I feel sorry for you."_

_"Are you so sure she loves you Peeta?" A tight-lipped smile crept across Evelyn's beautiful but cold features. "What about that handsome 'cousin' of hers, hmm? What's his name? Gale? He sure doesn't look at her the way cousins are supposed to look at each other. But then, who knows what kind of sordid carrying on happens in a place like this? Inbreds. That's probably what's wrong with them all and why they can't do any better."_

_"I said, that's enough, Mother!" Peeta shouted, reaching the end of his tether. "And besides, your opinions don't matter now. I love Katniss. She loves me. We're getting married and we're going to be happy and you'll just have to accept it."_

_Evelyn smirked at him. "Does she love you, or does she love the esteem that comes with marrying so high above her? Mark my words, she is going to break your heart. Girls like her always do once they've gotten what they want. Just don't come crying to me when it's all over and all the decent girls are married to other men. Mother is always right, Peeta." ..._

_..._

The sound of the bell over the outer door ringing, announcing the arrival of a new customer to the bakery pulled him from his unhappy thoughts.

Peeta was glad Rye was out front today. He was not in the right frame of mind for smiling and making polite small talk with customers, and given how fast Rye had volunteered for it, that must have showed on Peeta's face when he arrived at work this morning.

He'd already fallen behind on the day's orders, having over kneaded the last batch of dough while lost in his own thoughts, and now he had to re-do this birthday cake.

A few seconds later, Rye's head came around the kitchen door. "Eh, Peeta?" he said.

"Sorry Rye, the next batch of loaves will be out of the oven in a few minutes, I'm just a bit distracted today…"

"That's okay bro, but um, there's someone here who wants to see you. Out front."

Peeta looked up. Rye sounded nervous. He didn't meet Peeta's eyes as he shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

"Who is it, Rye?" Peeta straightened up and started wiping his hands on his apron. "I've got to get the rest of the orders into the ovens and start prepping for tomorrow…"

"How about I finish that while you go see what he wants. I think you should go talk to him, Peeta. It's Gale Hawthorne."

Peeta's head jerked up on hearing that name.

_Gale Hawthorne? What the hell was he doing here? Had Katniss gotten in touch with him after their fight?_

"I can tell him to leave if you want," Rye offered, half turning, as if to head back out front.

"No, it's okay, Rye," Peeta reassured his brother, noting the concerned look on Rye's face. He really didn't need this today, but now that he was here, there was no point in avoiding Gale. "I'll deal with him. This shouldn't take long." He squared his shoulders and made his face blank as he pushed his way through the swinging door out into the front of the bakery.

He immediately spotted Gale, leaning casually against the counter, looking down at an iPhone in his hand. He still looked the same as he did when they had first met, just a little older. Gale was taller than Peeta, though not as broad, with the same dark hair, gray eyes and olive-toned skin as Katniss. It would be easy to think they were related.

 _Jesus_ , Peeta thought. Why did so many things have to remind him of Katniss? Even her friend's skin tone reminded him of her.

As he noticed Peeta approaching, Gale slipped his phone back into his pocket and stood up straight to greet him.

"Mellark," he stepped forward, a small smile on his face as he offered his hand to shake Peeta's.

"Hawthorne," Peeta replied coolly, stopping behind the counter. He looked at Gale's outstretched hand. For a split second, he considered ignoring it, but immediately decided that would appear aggressive. So he swallowed his distaste and took Gale's hand and shook it. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" he queried, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

It wasn't missed by Gale, who dropped his hand back to his side, rubbing his palm against the material of his khaki pants. "I think there are some things you and I need to discuss," he replied, meeting Peeta's gaze steadily. "To clear the air, so to speak."

"I'm kind of busy right now," Peeta answered, indicating the bakery around him. "You know, business to run. It's the middle of the working day."

"I know you're working right now, but can you meet me in the bar up the street when you finish your shift?"

"What for?" Peeta growled. "Why would you think there is anything that you and I need to discuss?"

 _Who the hell does this guy think he is?_ he seethed inwardly. Wasn't it bad enough that with his encouragement, Katniss had stayed away from her family for two months?

"Because what I have to say relates to Katniss. And I think we both care about what's best for her, that's why. At least, I'm guessing you still care, seeing as she is still the mother of your children, after all." Gale was watching Peeta carefully, his gray eyes calm as he waited for him to reply.

Peeta simply glowered at the other man for a moment, considering his request. Could he really refuse? Whatever Gale had come to say, it was probably best he hear whatever it was directly from him. "I'll meet you there at five." Peeta eventually conceded. "I have to pick my kids up by six, so I hope you're not wasting my time."

"I wouldn't dream of it." Gale smiled. "I've no intention of wasting anyone's time." He turned and walked towards the door. "I'll see you there at five then," he confirmed with a nod, and with that, he turned and left the bakery.

As Peeta watched him leave, his thoughts started spiralling rapidly. What the hell was that all about? What did he mean when he said he had no intention of wasting anyone's time? Had he come to tell him the he and Katniss were finally together?

Peeta kicked the door as he slammed his way back through it into the kitchen. Rye looked up, his eyes worried as he watched his younger brother. Peeta's expression was angry, his face and neck flushed red.

"So, what was that all about, little bro?" he asked cautiously. "What did tall, dark and covetous want?"

"What he's always wanted," Peeta muttered darkly, pacing up and down in front of the prep table, his hands on his hips. "My wife."

At first Rye didn't reply; he just stood watching Peeta as he angrily began throwing ingredients into a bowl.

"Say what's on your mind, Rye," Peeta snapped, knowing without looking that his brother was holding back.

"She's your  _ex-_ wife Peeta," Rye replied gently, his tone apologetic.

"I'm aware," Peeta replied, his shoulders sagging. He also knew by Rye's tone that he meant it kindly. "I'm sorry, Rye, I shouldn't take it out on you."

"S'okay." Rye grinned, patting Peeta's shoulder.

Peeta nodded his head back towards the door. "You can head back out to the front now, if you want Rye. I'm okay. I'll be leaving at five. Hawthorne wants to meet me later. Apparently he has some things he thinks we need to discuss."

"Want me to come along?" Rye offered. "You know, in case you need any umm…. support?"

"Don't you mean backup, Rye?" Even though smiling was the last thing Peeta felt like doing, he felt one corner of his mouth turning up, and he couldn't help but be amused by his brother's offer.

"Well, yeah." Rye grinned. "But seriously, Peet... you do know I'm here if you need to talk about anything right?" he stuttered a little, trying to get the words out. "I mean, it has to be tough, what you're going through, and I'm no relationship expert, but I'm a good listener. Or I can drink beer with you... so... umm.. yeah." Rye's face flushed a little.

Peeta looked up at his older brother and gave him a small smile. Rye was not usually a man who offered to talk about stuff, so for him to offer meant a lot. Peeta felt better knowing his older brother was looking out for him.

"Thanks," he said simply. "But I can handle Hawthorne. I'm not going to go and start taking swings at him, cause he'd probably love it if I did. It would make me look like the bad guy to Katniss. I'm just going to hear what he has to say, and then I'm going to walk away."

"Okay," Rye agreed. "That's a good plan. But just so you know, my offer still stands… on the backup, or the talking, or the beer. Whatever you need."

"Good to know," Peeta forced another small smile, and Rye clapped his hand on his brother's shoulder briefly, before turning and walking back through the door to the front counter.

 

 

* * *

At a few minutes to five, Peeta finished up his prep for the next morning, washed his hands, and grabbed his jacket from where it hung on the back of the office door.

He headed out front, shouting goodbye to Rye over his shoulder, and heard him calling good luck in return, as he left through the front door, and turned right heading for Cartwright's Bar and Grill just up the street.

As he walked into the bar, he was greeted by a friendly wave from Delly, the owner and one of Peeta's oldest friends. Delly had taken over running the place from her parents a couple of years ago, and they had been friends since they had played together as kids.

Delly was a pretty, vivacious blonde and was happily engaged to her long-term boyfriend Thom. They were due to get married in a few months and Peeta was already planning her wedding cake.

From the time Peeta was old enough to show an interest in girls, Evelyn had tried to push him towards Delly. Her motivation was not Peeta's future happiness though. She'd harbored an ambition to combine both businesses, but neither Peeta nor Delly had ever wanted more than friendship from the other. Evelyn never forgave Peeta for disappointing her by not pursuing Delly and marrying Katniss instead. She complained loudly and bitterly about "lost opportunities" when the economy downturned and things got tougher at the bakery, blaming it all on Peeta. Delly, on the other hand, loved Katniss and had grown close to her too and was really upset for both of them when the marriage ended.

"Hey stranger!" Delly came out from behind the bar to wrap him in a tight hug. "Good to see you! You don't come by enough. How are you doing? What'll it be, the usual?"

He returned her warm hug gratefully, inhaling the flowery scent she always wore. It felt nice to be shown some friendly affection. "Thanks, Dell," he said nodding. "I'm doing okay. I'm here to meet Gale Hawthorne. Have you seen him come in yet?"

Delly leaned back and looked at him, an eyebrow arched inquisitively, clearly surprised at who he was there to meet. She knew there was no love lost between him and Gale. "Gale? I wondered what he was doing here. He came in a few minutes ago. I think he's in the restroom."

"I'll grab a table then. Thanks, Delly."

"No problem, Peeta. I'll bring your beer over."

Peeta took a seat at a table near the back where they would have some privacy. A minute later, Gale joined him, sliding into the seat opposite.

"Thanks for agreeing to meet me," he said. "Have you ordered?"

"I'm here," Peeta replied shortly. "But I have to admit I'm wondering what you think we could possibly need to talk about."

They were interrupted briefly, as Delly appeared with two ice-cold bottles of beer.

"What's this?" Gale said, picking up the bottle and looking at the dark green label. "Sierra Nevada Torpedo? I prefer plain old domestic."

"It's Peeta's favorite, and it's on the house," Delly scowled at him, looking about as fierce as an angry kitten. "Be grateful."

"Oh, ok, thanks," Gale aimed his winningest smile at her. Delly didn't look impressed.

"Enjoy, and play nice boys," Delly gave Peeta a sly wink and walked back towards the bar.

"So, what brings you here, Gale?" Peeta began again once Delly was out of earshot, sitting back and crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"I thought it was time for you and I to get a few things out in the open, now that a little time has passed," Gale replied, lifting his beer to his mouth and taking an experimental sip. He grimaced at the taste.

"Things like what, exactly?" Peeta asked, taking a perverse satisfaction that Gale didn't like the beer.

"Like what happened when Katniss was in Seam, for a start." Gale replied, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "I'll get straight to the point. Katniss hasn't told me the whole story, but I know you were upset that she stayed at my place when she needed some rest."

"I won't deny that was part of it," Peeta answered. "Is that what she called it? Resting?"

Gale shrugged. "She looked exhausted when she arrived. She said that's what she was came for, that rest and some time in the woods was what she needed. Why would I doubt her?"

Peeta shrugged in return, but said nothing. He wasn't about to put words in Gale's mouth or make this easier for him.

"That's not all." Gale paused. He eyed Peeta carefully, as if trying to read his mood. "I know Katniss has already tried to tell you this, Peeta, but I wanted you to hear it directly from me. Nothing happened between us while Katniss was in Seam, if that's what you were thinking. In fact, I wasn't even there that much. I was working most of the time. The most time we did spend together, was when we would hunt." Gale placed his bottle back on the table, shifting forward in his seat. "Nothing has  _ever_  happened between us, Peeta. I know you've had doubts, but I'm not the kind of guy who would try to take advantage of Katniss like that. And Katniss doesn't feel that way about me anyway."

Peeta remained silent, mulling over Gale's words in his head. They validated everything that Katniss had always claimed. But he didn't expect anything else from Gale. And while he believed that Katniss had never crossed the line and actually cheated on him, he'd never been able to shake the suspicion that Gale was a threat that couldn't be trusted.

Gale cleared his throat. "I gather something happened between you and Katniss at your house the other day," he continued, dropping his gaze to the table. He didn't look at Peeta. "I've never seen her so upset."

"Oh she told you about that, did she?" Peeta clenched his jaw, immediately going on the defensive. He began to feel the slow burn of jealousy creeping through his veins again, that same old feeling that surfaced when he found out that Katniss had talked to Gale about something that was bothering her.

Gale shook his head. "Not me directly, no. I overheard her talking with Prim. She's devastated, Peeta. Whatever has gone on between you, she does love you, you know?"

Peeta blinked. He was surprised by Gale's use of the word love, not loved. After what had transpired the other day, these last few months, could it be possible that Katniss still loved him?

"I also overheard her tell Prim that you made some..." he paused, rubbing his chin as if searching for the right word, "...comments about my sleeping arrangements when I'm in town." Gale brought his hand back down, and returned his gaze to meet Peeta's steadily. "For your information, when I stay in town, I stay at my brother's house." Gale's tone was calm, but his eyes were stormy, letting Peeta know Gale was not to happy about the questions Peeta had asked.

"What I don't understand is why you're here  _now_ , Gale," Peeta hissed. "Why didn't you come talk to me months ago? What are you trying to achieve by coming here today, talking to me like this? You and I were never close. You were always Katniss' friend, not mine. I always got the feeling it was you who just tolerated me being around, even though I was her husband." Peeta was aware he sounded bitter but he was beyond caring any more.

"I've never had anything against you, Peeta," Gale sighed and sat back in his chair again, crossing one leg over his knee. "And I didn't come to you before because Katniss asked me not to interfere. But I'm going to be very honest with you now, and I hope you're listening. Because I don't like having to repeat myself. I've been friends with Katniss since I was thirteen. I'm not going to try and bullshit you into believing I don't have feelings for her, because you and I both know that I do."

Peeta froze, every muscle in his body tensing. Finally. An open admission from Gale himself that he had feelings for Katniss. His right hand tightened around the neck of his beer bottle, as he could feel his left hand clenching into a fist under the table. Maybe he should have brought Rye, because at this moment, Peeta did not know if he would be able to control himself, if Gale's next words were that he and Katniss had been together.

"No Peeta, we haven't been together. I already told you that and so has Katniss." Gale continued, looking pointedly at the hand Peeta had on his beer bottle. "She has no idea how I feel. So relax and calm down."

"When did you realise you had feelings for my wife, Gale?" Peeta spat out. "Was it before or after she married me?"

"Honestly? I knew I had those kind of feelings for her as far back as my senior year in high school. Before she ever met you. But back then, we were firmly in the friend zone." Gale dropped his gaze to the table, for the first time looking away from Peeta. "I never told her how I felt. I didn't think it would be fair to Katniss to try and start something with her when I was heading off to college in a few months. So I let the opportunity slip by me."

Gale lifted his beer, taking a long draught from the bottle, before setting it back down on the table, grimacing again at the taste.

"I regretted that. By the time I finished college and came back home, Katniss was in college and already dating you. I admit I hoped it wouldn't last, and that I would get another opportunity, but it never happened. When you got engaged, I still held out hope that maybe it wouldn't work out, but when you got married, I accepted it. I buried my feelings for Katniss and decided that the only thing I could do if I ever wanted to be happy was to accept her choice and be happy that she was happy. I decided I'd try to move on and look for someone else."

"But you're here to tell me that things have changed now," Peeta stated. It wasn't a question.

"Yes, I am," Gale replied. "Look Peeta, I did respect you as Katniss' husband, and I accepted that she loves you. Hell, I even liked you. I knew you loved her and were good to her. It would've been better if you were easier to hate. But for her sake, I wanted you to hear, from me, that I never tried to do anything to break up your marriage..."

"Except you allowed her to stay in your home and didn't tell her to go home and talk to  _me_  any time she showed up at your house. The last time, for two months," Peeta interrupted. "If you were so supportive of me as Katniss' husband, why didn't you tell her to go back home where she belonged and face her problems with me, instead of letting her hide from me?"

"I guess that's fair," Gale said, sucking in his breath. "I deserve that. I can understand why that would piss you off. But if anyone should know what Katniss is like, it's you, Peeta. You were married to her for ten years. When she makes up her mind about something, there is no changing it. I could have told her to go home, but she wouldn't have listened to me. Whatever was going on with her, I knew she needed the space to work it out for herself. I knew she'd go home when she was ready."

"Did you even try to find out what was going on with her?" Peeta asked.

"Honestly? No, not really," Gale said frankly. "But my mother did. And my sister did too. I asked if she wanted to talk, and Katniss said no. I figured if there was something she wanted me to know, she'd tell me in her own way, and in her own time. If there is one thing I know about Katniss, she is very loyal to the people she loves. And she was always very private about her relationship with you. She didn't like to discuss it with anyone, so I didn't pry."

Peeta studied Gale's expression, searching for signs that he was bullshitting him.

"You must have wondered though, Gale," Peeta scoffed, "or at least questioned why she would up and leave her home and her kids behind. If you're such close friends, were you not concerned that I was hurting her in some way? Because that's the first thing I would have suspected if a married woman turned up on my doorstep without her kids."

Gale smiled knowingly. "I know you well enough to know you'd never hurt her, Peeta. And I know Katniss would never leave her kids with someone she didn't trust with her own life," he answered. "You may not believe me when I say this, Peeta, but you and those kids mean everything to her. Her leaving them behind with you when she knew she was messed up... that was a testament to how much faith and trust she has in  _you_." He tipped his beer back. "It's a pity you let your distrust of me blind you to that. It's what made her feel like she had to lie to you about where she was."

"Her own mother abandoned her as a child, Gale!" Peeta spat out, irritated by Gale's words. "She knows what that feels like. It doesn't make sense to me that she would do the same to her own kids, even if she had as much trust in me as you seem to think she had," his voice becoming hollow. But deep in his gut, he knew Gale was right. His words had a ring of truth to them. Katniss had tried to tell him the same thing, but it took the words coming from Gale's mouth to make him hear them. Peeta suddenly felt cold all over.

_Dear God, had he really gotten everything so wrong?_

Gale looked at him, his expression almost sympathetic. "You didn't know Katniss' mom like I did, Peeta. You didn't actually see how messed up she was after Katniss' dad died. Being out in the woods is what gets Katniss through when things are getting too much for her. They sustained her after her dad died, and if spending time there occasionally is what it takes to stop Katniss falling into the same pit of despair that her mother lived in, then I wouldn't discourage her. I care too much about her. I thought you would have understood that she needed that too. I mean, didn't you even see the signs that she was struggling?"

"I'm not going to discuss any part of my relationship with Katniss with you, Gale," Peeta snapped. He drained his own beer and pushed the empty bottle away, signalling that he'd heard enough.

"Okay, fair enough," Gale said, bent forward in his chair, looking Peeta straight in the eye again. "I'll just cut to the next purpose of my visit then, shall I? Katniss is single again. I'm fully aware she is suffering right now, she is not over you, or what happened between you yet. She probably won't be for a long time. And I've no intention of pressuring her." He set his own beer down on the table.

"But one day, Peeta, she will be over you. And I'm letting you know now that when an opportunity presents itself for me to convince Katniss to take another chance on being happy again, this time with  _me_ , then I am going to take it. I won't let it pass me by again. I don't know if she'll go for it, but I hope that if something does ever happen between us, that you'll show me the same courtesy that I've tried to show you for the last ten years or so."

There it was. Peeta felt like he'd been punched in the gut. Gale had put it right out there on the table. He didn't even say  _if_ , he said  _when._  How on earth did he expect Peeta to respond to that? It was all his worst fears coming together. Gale had just told him straight out he planned on pursuing Katniss.

His head began to spin. What he really wanted to do, was punch him, threaten him that if he even breathed near his wife, -  _ex-wife_ \- that he'd kill him. But Peeta knew he couldn't do that. Because every word Gale had said was true.

"What do you expect me to say to that, Gale?" he stood, pushing back his chair. "You asked me to meet you so you can tell me how you intend pursuing my wi.. ex-wife? "

"I don't really need you to respond, Peeta" Gale said, looking up at him. "I'm just letting you know as a courtesy, because you have kids with Katniss. That's all. And I wanted you to know that if things do work out the way I want them to that I'll always be good to them."

Peeta's head jerked up, his eyes blazing. "You will never replace me in my children's lives, Gale. That is one thing I will never allow to happen."

Gale shook his head and held up both his hands, palms facing outwards. "You misunderstood me, Peeta. I would never attempt to try and take your place in your children's lives. That is the last thing I would want. I just wanted to be honest about my intentions towards Katniss in the future."

"Fine. You've let me know. So if you're finished, I have to go pick up  _my_  children." Peeta could barely finish his sentence. He needed to get out of there so he could breathe again.

Gale stood and held out his hand, like he had earlier in the bakery. "I hope you'll find happiness again someday too, Peeta," he offered.

Peeta stared down at his hand. But this time, he turned and walked away, without saying another word. He nodded his goodbye to Delly on his way out, leaving Gale to stand and watch him leave.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks as always, to my amazing friends and support team, KnottedEnergy, Kismet4891, and an extra special thanks to the incredibly patient Court81981, who kindly beta'd this chapter for me a second time, after I messed it up and changed it around again! Without the help of all these ladies, I would never have gotten this chapter finished.
> 
> Also a special thank you to Therebelliondies. "Miller" was her choice as Darius' surname in her incredible story "Be Still And Know I Am". It stuck with me, and she very kindly agreed to let me use it here. If you haven't read it, please do so, but be warned. You will cry.
> 
> Now, for those who feel like you're drowning in angst right now and can't take any more – I'm sorry. But there is a reason why I chose to call this chapter "Rock Bottom". It's because, it really is. 
> 
> And once you hit rock bottom, the only way left to go, after that, right? ;)


	12. The Only Way Is Up (Part 1)

" 

 

Katniss fumed silently as she hacked at the branches of the fir tree, roughly throwing the cuttings into a pile beside her. She was grateful for the physical nature of the work; it distracted her and allowed her some relief from the torment of her tumultuous inner thoughts.

She craved distraction. Anything that would stop her from thinking about Peeta and what had happened the last time they had seen each other. Every time her mind tried to go back over that afternoon she found some way to shut it down. She couldn't let herself think about it, because if she did she would be forced to think about Peeta in another woman's arms. That thought was more than she could take. The ferocity in his eyes as he yelled at her and those little foil packets lying spilt across the comforter Hazelle had crafted for them as a wedding gift were images that would remain with her for a long time.

She had been such a hurry to get away from his house that it had been a miracle she hadn't had an accident on the way to the DMV. All she wanted to do was drive straight to her house and find a dark space to crawl into, but she knew she couldn't indulge those types of feelings right now. She needed her car for work and to drive her kids, so she had to suck it up and go sort out her license.

Once she'd put a few miles between her and Peeta's house she'd pulled over, resting her head against the steering wheel, and waited for the adrenaline in her own blood to ebb away and for her hands to stop shaking. She fought against the tears that were never far from her eyes these days, but she refused to let them fall. When she'd sworn she would shed no more tears for Peeta Mellark she'd meant it.

And now her shiny new driving licence rested in her wallet, once again identifying her as Katniss Everdeen. The photo was not very flattering, considering how strained she looked when it was taken. In it her face looked pale, her eyes tired and dull and her lips sore from biting on them.

"Easy there, killer, what did that tree do to you to deserve being mutilated like that? You're supposed to be shaping it, not chopping it up for firewood..." came an amused voice from behind her. "Besides if its firewood you want, my axe would be more efficient."

"I can think of something I'd like to chop off with your axe," Katniss muttered, a picture of a certain part of a certain blond baker's anatomy instantly flashing in her head. She lifted her shears and vigorously loped off another branch with a firm snap.

"Wanna talk about it?" Johanna offered Katniss a bottle of water with one hand and a cigarette with the other.

"There's nothing to talk about." Katniss paused her attack on the tree for a second to look back at Johanna. She accepted the water gratefully, taking a long drink.

"Something is eating at you." Johanna tilted her head down lit her cigarette, taking a deep draw. She sank down into a sitting position against the fence. "You've been in a real shitty mood the last couple of days. Don't think it has gone unnoticed."

"Nothing's eating me," Katniss answered shortly.  _Not lately anyway_ , she added silently as she raised the shears again and began working with renewed vigour. "I just haven't been having a very good week, that's all."

"Ex troubles?" Jo quirked an eyebrow knowingly.

"Something like that," Katniss muttered. Her arms were aching from her efforts with the shears, so she let them drop to her side as she raised a tired hand to massage her temple, trying to ward of the inevitable headache she knew was building there.

She hadn't told anyone about her fight with Peeta, and it was eating (nagging? Chipping?) away at her. She couldn't tell Prim—she would go nuts if she knew, and her feisty little sister would probably attack Peeta in his bakery again if Katniss told her what had happened when she last saw him. She'd considered calling Annie, but it felt weird calling her to talk about a fight with Peeta when they were all such close friends. Maybe Annie would let something slip to him and Katniss didn't want that. But she needed to talk to someone. She was going crazy thinking about it.

"Peeta is sleeping with other women," she blurted out.

She heard Jo sigh as she exhaled a long stream of smoke. "Shit. I'm sorry, Katniss. I can relate."

Katniss paused and straightened, wiping the sweat from her brow with the back of her gloved hand as she looked down at Johanna. "I didn't know you were divorced."

"I'm not," Jo smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "I managed to dodge that particular bullet. I found out the guy I was going to tie the knot with was cheating on me a few weeks before the wedding."

"Oh." Katniss looked at her new friend with concern. "That must have sucked."

"It did." Jo replied in a matter-of-fact tone. "It sucked even worse when he married her."

Katniss didn't know what to say. She opened her mouth then closed it again, searching for something comforting to say but her mind remained blank. Inwardly she cursed her lack of eloquence.

"Don't worry, Brainless," Jo chuckled, seeing her struggle. "You don't have to say anything. It was a long time ago. I'm over it," she shifted uncomfortably, looking down at the ground and fiddling with the cap on her water bottle. "But seriously, if there is something on your mind, you can talk to me. Your divorce was recent, right? "

"Right."

"So, what happened? Did he cheat on you?"

Katniss frowned and abandoned any attempt to get back to work. It was clear Jo wasn't going to let her off the hook so she laid the shears down and sank down on the ground beside her. Without asking, Katniss plucked one of Jo's cigarettes from the box lying on the ground between them. Johanna handed her the lighter and waited patiently. She was obviously expecting an answer.

"No. He thinks I cheated on him." Katniss admitted, inhaling deeply on the cigarette.

"Did you?" Jo asked, clearly surprised.

"No." Katniss shook her head. "I didn't cheat. But I did do something that destroyed his trust in me."

"What was that?"

"I put myself and my own needs before us and our family. I was selfish."

"So you fucked up." Jo shrugged nonchalantly and blew a thin stream of smoke into the air. "We all do it sometimes. You couldn't work it out?"

"I wanted to. He didn't."

"Oh. Well, that's a shame."

Katniss just nodded, her gaze falling to her lap.

"So what do you do now to let off steam when he pisses you off?"

"What do you mean, let off steam?" Katniss asked.

"You know…." Johanna prompted, rolling her eyes, "…to vent your frustrations. Get it out of your system. What do you do for kicks? I could tell you've had a rough couple of days, and if your mood this week is anything to go by, you could do with letting loose a little. When was the last time you had some  _fun_? And by fun I mean  _fun_  in the shape of a dick," she winked suggestively.

" _Johanna!"_  Katniss coughed, the question catching her off guard as she choked on the smoke she had just inhaled. It caught in her throat, burning her. She could feel her face reddening, and she stubbed out the cigarette in the dirt beside her.

"Okay, okay. Jeez." Johanna laughed. "You're so pure. If you don't want to share, fine. But the way I see it, if  _he_  is having  _fun_  then I don't see why you shouldn't be getting some… I mean, having some too. When was the last time you did anything exciting?"

Katniss tried to remember. She and Peeta used to make an effort to have date nights regularly before Aran was born, but they rarely dressed up or went out anywhere, unless it was an anniversary or a special occasion. Sometimes they just had dinner with Finnick and Annie or with family. Afterwards, Aran had been too fussy to leave with a sitter for longer than an hour or two at a time, and even date nights at home had started to slide with Peeta's longer hours at the bakery.

"Not since before my youngest was born, I suppose." Katniss sighed. "But that didn't really bother me. I never really enjoyed a big social life. I was happy being at home with my kids and Peeta. Besides, we weren't total stick-in-the-muds. We did have friends over. Peeta liked to cook for us, and his meals were better than most restaurants I've ever been in."

Johanna nodded. "Do you still see them?"

"See who?" Katniss asked.

"The friends. It's just, usually when a couple breaks up, the mutual friends go, too. They fade away when they don't know whose side to take. Makes it awkward."

"Did that happen to you?"

"Yeah. But we're not talking about me. What do you do for company in the evenings now, when you don't have your kids?"

"Netflix?" Katniss shrugged. She didn't want to admit how lonely and boring her evenings were. When she was on her own she usually just made something simple to eat, had a shower, and tried to sleep, though the combination of her nightmares and missing the comfort of Peeta's arms made sleeping hard. "I read, too. And I was thinking of taking up some of my old hobbies. I'm into archery. I thought I'd look for somewhere nearby that I could shoot, or maybe I could offer archery lessons to kids…"

Johanna leaned forward, narrowing her eyes as she scrutinized Katniss carefully. "You're still in love with him, aren't you?" she said slowly.

Katniss stilled. She knew there was no point trying to lie to Johanna. The woman was one of the most insightful people she had ever met, and Katniss knew she would see right through any attempt she made to bullshit her.

Katniss let her chin drop down to her chest as her shoulders sagged, "Is it that obvious?"

"Maybe not to everyone. I've never met your ex, but I can tell how much you miss him." Johanna spoke quietly, and something in her expression made Katniss believe the other woman really did understand.

"Love is weird," Jo sighed, almost as if she were speaking to herself.

A moment of quiet understanding passed between the two women.

"All right, enough moping!" Jo declared, scrambling up from the ground dusting the dirt from her pants. She pointed her finger at Katniss. "I know what you need, Brainless. You need to shake him off. I suggest a girls' night out. Dinner and drinks and then that new club that just opened, The Hob. I've heard it's a lot of  _fun_." Jo grinned wickedly. "We should go, make a night of it. You and me. Madge as well, if she wants to come. How about this weekend?"

"Jo, are you seriously suggesting I go out cruising bars for men with you?" Katniss snorted incredulously.

"No! I'm suggesting  _I_ go cruising bars for men while you accompany me. But if some _thing does_ catch your eye, well, that would just be an added bonus...?" Jo lifted her eyebrows again, suggestively this time, and winked, her wicked grin getting wider.

Katniss laughed, shaking her head. "I really don't think so, Jo, but thanks for the offer. I think I'd rather just stay in and catch up on my Netflix queue or something. It's been a long time since I went clubbing."

"Then it's time we fixed that!" Jo exclaimed. "Oh come on, Katniss, you're divorced, not dead! You're still young and, if I may point out the obvious, extremely fuckable. Don't hide yourself away and write off the possibility of being with another man."

"Jeez, Jo, give me a some time! " Katniss spluttered, a little taken aback. "I'm really not ready to think about being with other men! I don't need that kind of trouble right now..." A _s if she could ever forget Peeta anyway,_  but she left that part unsaid.

"Okay. I get that." Jo nodded, her voice becoming softer. "I'm sorry. You're not ready for that yet. But that doesn't mean you can't come out with me. I'll even chase away any guys that hit on you, if that's what you want."

She reached out and poked Katniss' on the shoulder. "But you will have to start living again sometime. Your marriage may be over, but your life isn't. And besides, I could use a wingman. C'mon, please— it'll be fun, what do you say?"

Katniss thought about it. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. She was getting really tired of tagging along with Prim and Rory's weekend plans, despite Prim's assurances that she wasn't imposing, and it was Peeta's turn to spend Saturday with the kids. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to get out of her empty house for a night and do something different.

"Oh, alright then," she conceded. "But only if you promise me that you won't try to push me into dancing with random guys," she eyed Jo fiercely as that wicked grin broke over the other brunette's face again. "I mean it, Jo!"

"Excellent!" Jo ground out her cigarette under her heel, carefully picking up the butts and pocketing them to dispose of later. "I promise it'll be fun. You won't regret it."

"I sincerely hope not."

* * *

It didn't take long before Katniss began to regret agreeing to Jo's plan. After making the classic mistake of telling her sister about it, Prim gleefully invited herself along, arriving at Katniss' at 9 am on Saturday morning with coffee and muffins (Starbucks, not Mellarks), declaring that she was taking Katniss shopping for an evening that Prim was rapidly turning into a big deal.

"I'm really excited to meet Jo!" Prim squealed excitedly as she drove them towards the nearest big town. "She sounds like fun. It's good that you are making new friends!"

"Yeah, she's a barrel of laughs," Katniss deadpanned, but Prim chose to ignore her.

"You need to update your look, Katniss. It's time for a new you! First, a new dress, and then some beauty treatments. Seriously—" the petite blonde eyed her sister up and down critically, "—when was the last time you had your eyebrows done?"

"What's wrong with my eyebrows?" Katniss looked offended.

"Nothing that a visit to Beauty Base Zero won't fix, Katniss. It's a one-stop shop!"

"That new salon in Panem? Isn't that a bit extravagant?"

"My treat!"

"No Prim, it's too much—"

"Shut up, Katniss and let me do this for you, please?" Prim glared at her. "You practically raised me. Now let me give something back."

* * *

"Good afternoon, ladies, and welcome to Beauty Base Zero. My name is Octavia. How can I help you today?" A slightly plump but very fashionable young lady greeted Katniss and Prim as they entered the clearly high-end beauty salon.

Eyeing the other woman's heavily made up face and obviously expensive clothing, Katniss immediately began to feel uncomfortable and just a little bit scruffy in her skinny jeans and scuffed leather boots.

"Good morning, Octavia," Prim greeted brightly. "I'm Primrose Hawthorne, and I booked in for a mani-pedi and hair appointment. This is my sister, Katniss Everdeen."

"Very good," Octavia smiled politely as she referred to a tablet in front of her. "Ah, Ms Everdeen, I see you are booked in for our full remake special today?" she looked over at Katniss, cocking one perfectly groomed eyebrow expectantly.

"I am?" Katniss said in surprise, glaring at Prim.

"Yes, that's correct," Prim confirmed on Katniss' behalf, completely undeterred by the dark look her sister was aiming her way. "Relax, Katniss, you're going to be pampered. Try to enjoy it," she laughed.

As it dawned on her that she'd been set up, Katniss let out a loud huff and rolled her eyes. Prim was clever enough to know she wouldn't create a public fuss in the salon.

"Excellent!" Octavia interjected, diplomatically ignoring the disgruntled look on Katniss' face. She turned and raised her hand, waving to someone over her shoulder. A few moments later, they were joined by another woman, thin and angular, with aqua spiked hair and equally expensive clothing. "Ms Hawthorne, this is Venia, one of our top beauticians. If you'd like to go with her, she will take care of your beauty needs today, and then another member of our team, Flavius, will look after your hair. "

"Thank you, Octavia. I'll see you soon, Katniss," Prim smiled sweetly at her sister and blew her a kiss as she walked away, still smirking, as Katniss glared after her. She'd make her pay later.

Octavia coughed lightly to draw Katniss' attention back to her. "Ms Everdeen, if you'd like to follow me, let's get you into a robe so we can begin. You're very lucky! Cinna will be your personal stylist today. He will see you once your beauty treatments are completed."

Octavia's high heels clicked loudly on the sterile floor as Katniss followed her down a brightly lit hallway into a very comfortably appointed private room.

"What treatments did Prim book me in for exactly?" she muttered, as Octavia handed her a robe and asked her to remove her clothes.

"Oh, Ms Everdeen, you're getting the works! You're going to love it," Octavia gushed. "We call it the full body polish. Just leave everything up to us. When we're done here, Cinna will meet with you to discuss your new look and restyling your hair. Trust me, you're going to feel like a new woman!"

"Restyle my hair?" Katniss squeaked, her hand instantly flying up to clutch at the end of her braid. "I was really only expecting to get a trim today." There was no way she was allowing anything drastic be done to her hair. She was going to kill Prim for putting her on the spot like this.

"Oh wait and see," Octavia said. "By the time Cinna is through with you, you're going to be absolutely gorgeous!"

Thinking it wisest not to resist, Katniss allowed her body to be pulled and pummelled for the next two hours. After an all-over exfoliating body scrub, followed by a full body waxing, a mani-pedi, facial and having her eyebrows tweezed, Octavia finally declared she looked "almost human!" By then, Katniss' skin was tingling and sensitive, but she had to admit it felt better than it had in a long time, smooth and soft to the touch, and her eyebrows did look amazing.

"Now it's time to take you to Cinna," Octavia smiled proudly as she helped Katniss back into her robe and led her into another private room. This one was more like a sitting room, with two red couches facing off over a low table. Natural light streamed in through a large glass window, filtered by a soft gauzy curtain. One wall was dominated by a ceiling-to-floor mirror, and a privacy screen was set up in the corner. The other walls were filled with racks holding a wide selection of clothing, everything arranged neatly by color.

A few moments after Octavia left her, the door opened and slight dark-skinned man entered the room. Katniss eyed him suspiciously. After the high fashion statements of Octavia and Venia, the last thing Katniss had expected was this normal looking man, dressed simply in a black shirt and pants.

"Hello, Katniss. I'm Cinna, your stylist," he introduced himself in soft, but masculine voice.

"Hello," Katniss ventured cautiously.

"Just give me a moment, all right?" he asked as he studied her, taking in every inch of her with his as Katniss began to feel uncomfortable under his gaze, he smiled.

"You have beautiful hair." Cinna moved to take a seat on the sofa opposite Katniss. "I talked to your sister when she booked your appointment with me, and she told me a little about you. I gather that you have reached somewhat of a crossroads in your life?"

"Um, yes, you could say that." Katniss replied, but didn't elaborate further. She looked down at her newly buffed and perfectly shaped nails. For an instant, she couldn't help but think this whole thing was a big waste of time; there was no way nails like that would last, working in a garden nursery. And there was no one in her life to appreciate all this effort anyway.

"Then you came to the right place. Sometimes reinventing ourselves can help us get through these challenges." Cinna gave her a small smile, just the tiniest upturning of his lips, but his eyes were warm and genuine. The kindness Katniss detected in them made her relax instantly back into the sofa, trusting this man without fully understanding why.

"So, Katniss. Tell me how I can help you today." Cinna folded his fingers together as he focused his full attention on her.

"I guess I need you to help me look good," Katniss stuttered. "I'm going out with my sister and my friend tonight."

Cinna laughed quietly. "You already look good, Katniss. I'm here to help you make an impression." He gestured towards the wall of clothes behind him. "These are all my own designs. Please, look through them and tell me if you see anything that you like."

After a few minutes looking, Katniss selected an unassuming soft yellow dress. "I think I like this one." It was sleeveless and gathered at the ribs instead of the waist, with a hem that fell just to the knee. "Peeta would like this..." she said unthinkingly.

"Peeta?" Cinna repeated, just a hint of a question in his tone.

"My ex-husband."

"Ah." Cinna nodded, his expression changing to one of understanding. He pressed his index fingers to his lips as he appraised the yellow dress in Katniss' hand. "Well, yes, this is a beautiful dress, but a little girlish, don't you think?" he asked. "I don't think girlish is quite the impression you want to make tonight. If I may suggest something... please, wait here one moment."

He disappeared into another room briefly and returned with a stunning midnight blue dress draped over one arm and a white shoebox under the other. "This is something special. I've only just finished working on it." He held up the dress for her approval, and Katniss felt her breath catch in her throat.

She stepped forward to touch the silky material. "It's beautiful," she whispered. "What kind of material is this?"

"It's silk chiffon," Cinna explained guiding her towards the privacy screen set up in the corner of the room. "Go on. Try it on."

When she emerged, a satisfied smile appeared on Cinna's face. "Twirl for me," he requested.

Slowly, Katniss turned in a full circle.

"Look at yourself," he urged, taking Katniss by the hand and leading her towards the mirror.

Katniss couldn't help but gasp out loud when she caught sight of her reflection. The dress fit like it had been custom made for her. The square neckline and cinched in waist was flattering to her slim figure, while the hem fell to mid-thigh, showing off her toned legs.

But it was the mirrored feather pattern and a shimmering appearance of the material that made the dress look like it captured the light.

Behind her she could see Cinna's satisfied smile as he watched her reaction.

"Oh Cinna, I love it." Katniss breathed, her eyes meeting his. "But, I don't know, isn't it a little... young for me?" she asked nervously as she twisted and turned in the mirror trying to get a better view.

"Not at all." Cinna came forward and took a pair of dangerously high looking pair of black heels from their box. Kneeling before her, he slid them onto her feet. "You can definitely pull this off."

Standing, he placed his hands on her shoulders and turned Katniss around to face her reflection in the mirror once again. "This dress is perfect for you. There comes a time in every woman's life when she must let go of girlish things and have the confidence to spread her wings and soar."

His winked and gave her his reassuring smile again as their eyes met in the mirror. Katniss noticed he wore just the tiniest hint of gold eyeliner.

"Thank you Cinna," she whispered.

Cinna merely inclined his head slightly in acknowledgement. "The pleasure is all mine, Katniss. Now, if you would like to get changed back into your robe, I think it's time for you to meet Flavius. He is a magician with his scissors."

Like Octavia had earlier, Cinna led her back down the sterile corridor and into another area. Immediately the more familiar sight of salon chairs positioned in front of shiny mirrors and the bank of stainless steel wash basins identified this as the hair styling area.

"Cinna," Katniss paused and nervously tugged on his sleeve to gain his attention. "Before we meet Flavius, I want you to know that I really don't want anything too drastic—"

"Trust me." Cinna whispered, patting her hand reassuringly as a tall man with tight spiral curls walked towards them.

"Ah, you must be Katniss," the man greeted them with a bright smile. After Cinna made introductions Flavius showed Katniss to a chair and began to undo her hair from its tight braid, running his fingers through it as he worked. Once loose, it fell in soft ripples almost to her waist.

"Really, my dear, how long is it since you've had this cut, so many split ends…" Flavius made a disapproving tutting sound as he lifted her hair, pulling and twisting it this way and that as he examined it thoroughly.

"Um, maybe a year or a little longer?" Katniss felt her face reddening, knowing it was probably closer to two or three years. "I usually just wash it and braid it, I didn't really take much notice."

"Well, don't worry dear, I can fix this. A decent cut will get rid of these dead ends, and then maybe we could introduce some lowlights or even better, some streaks of color? Blue or purple would look fabulous against such dark hair—"

"If I may," Cinna interrupted smoothly, "I feel that raven locks such as those Katniss is blessed to possess naturally do not need artificial color enhancements, Flavius. Let's just work with what nature has already gifted her with."

"I really don't want to color my hair," Katniss piped up nervously.

"It's a shame I could really do something special with this," Flavius pouted, looking more than a little disappointed. "But as you wish. Katniss, will you agree to shortening the length and adding some layers? I would suggest taking the length up to here—" he directed her eyes to the spot where her neck and shoulders met, "and letting me to shape it so it frames your face and shows off your beautiful shoulders."

"I suppose it wouldn't hurt if it was a little shorter." Katniss bit her lip nervously, twisting a piece of her hair between her fingers.

Underneath it, she wasn't really sure. Her braid was comfortable, as familiar as a security blanket. Her eyes darted towards Cinna, her expression pleading him for help.

"Remember what we talked about earlier, Katniss? About letting go of girlish things?" Cinna rested his hand on her shoulder reassuringly as his eyes held hers steadily in the mirror. They seemed to challenge her…  _Be brave, Katniss. Make a change._ "Maybe it's time to let go of this braid, too."

Katniss exhaled a shaky breath and made her decision. "Okay." She nodded once decisively and indicated to a spot below her collarbone, just sweeping the top of her breasts. "Flavius, you can take it up to here, but no shorter. I still need to be able to tie my hair up for work or when it's hot."

The tall man's smile perked up as he picked up his scissors. "I think I can work with that. Sit back and relax Katniss. I promise this won't hurt a bit."

An hour later, Katniss had to agree that Octavia was right, she did feel like a new woman. She loved what Flavius had done with her hair. It felt great as it swished softly against her neck while she walked towards the seating area where Prim was waiting for her.

She couldn't help but smile a little shyly at how Prim's eyes widened at the sight of her. All her earlier anger at her sister had disappeared. This had been good for her. She felt renewed, her confidence restored.

" _Wow_." Prim stood up and came towards her sister. Her jaw looked like it was about to become unhinged. "Katniss, you look…" Prim swallowed hard and began to shake her head, walking slowly around her sister. "That full remake was so worth it. Your hair... your skin. You're positively  _glowing_. You're going to set The Hob on fire tonight."

Katniss laughed and pulled Prim in for a quick hug. "Wait until you see the dress!" Prim hugged her back. "It's good to see a real smile on your face again," she whispered in her ear.

Katniss turned to say goodbye to Cinna, who handed her a bag containing her new dress and shoes, and a few items of makeup that he'd talked her into trying.

Impulsively, Katniss leaned forward and pecked his cheek. "Thank you again, Cinna," she said. "For everything."

"The pleasure was all mine, Katniss. You've quite inspired me. Please come see me again soon. Remember, head high. Smiles. They're going to love you!"

* * *

"I should have brought my axe," Johanna laughed as they pushed their way through the crowded club. "You're gonna be beating them off with a stick tonight! Damn girl, that stylist was good. I can see you getting stares already. Maybe I should pay him a visit. C'mon, let's see if we can find a table."

"Johanna! Wait for me!" Katniss yelled when the brunette dropped the hold she'd had on Katniss' wrist and disappeared into the crowd in front of them. The club was hot and packed full of bodies grinding up against each other to the thumping rhythm of the loud music that felt like it was pumping out of the walls. Prim had already disappeared somewhere.

"Keep up, Brainless!" she heard Johanna calling back to her.

She tried not fall on the slippery floor in her new five-inch heels as she maneuvered her way through the crush of bodies on the dance floor, doing her best to avoid rubbing up against anyone. _Stupid heels, stupid Cinna,_  Katniss cursed under her breath. Sure, the shoes looked great on and made her legs look like they went on forever, but walking in them was a nightmare.

Prim had insisted on trying a new sushi restaurant for dinner and the food hadn't really appealed to Katniss. As a result she'd drank more then she normally would and the alcohol she'd consumed on a practically empty stomach was buzzing through her bloodstream, making her feel a little dizzy and everything look just a little bit blurry around the edges. She stumbled a little as she tried to follow in the direction Jo went, hoping it was also the way to the ladies room. She badly needed to pee and she was sorely tempted to just take off the offending shoes and go barefoot.

She craned her neck, trying a find Jo in the crowd when, from the corner of her eye, she spotted a flash of wavy blond hair. Turning as carefully as she could to avoid the very real possibility of ending up on her ass in an undignified heap, she scanned the crowd until she spotted it again. She squinted her eyes and looked extra hard to be sure.  _There._  Standing about twenty feet away by the bar. His back was to her so she couldn't see the man's face but she'd recognize that blond hair here anywhere.  _Peeta._

She froze on the spot, conflicting emotions crashing over her. Indignation. Hurt. The desire to flee in the opposite direction so he wouldn't see her and she wouldn't have to deal with this. Then anger.  _What the hell was Peeta doing here? Who was watching the kids?_

Katniss shook her head and immediately tried to suppress the flickering anger she felt at finding him here, knowing it was unreasonable of her to feel that way. Peeta had every right to a social life, and he would never leave their kids with someone he didn't trust watching them. She had no right to question his decisions on that subject. In fact, she probably had less right than any other mother.

He could have called her, though. He must know she would have jumped on the opportunity to take the kids an extra night if he wanted to go out.

As she watched, a tall blonde with hot pink nails and large breasts nearly falling out of her too tight dress sidled up beside him. And suddenly Katniss understood why he wouldn't call her. The last time they saw each other, Peeta had made it very clear that his life was not her business anymore. After the way she had screamed at him he would hardly want her to know about his socialising.

She watched as the blonde threw her head back and laughed at something Peeta said then reached out to squeeze his forearm. Immediately Katniss felt a hot flare of jealousy boil up inside her—how dare that woman touch Peeta like that! Hastily, she turned away, roughly pushing her way through the crowd, using her elbows to force her way through, this time not caring who she banged into. She couldn't stand and watch another woman touching Peeta. All her instincts screamed at her to turn around and march over there and rip that skank's hands off him, but she could imagine what his reaction to that would be. He'd probably yell at her again, or tell her to mind her own damn business.

And she definitely didn't want her first meeting with Peeta after their fight to be in a crowded club. Not when she was like this. What would Peeta think if he saw her like this, well on her way to being intoxicated and dressed far too sexy for her age? Suddenly, all the newfound confidence Cinna had helped her rediscover earlier that day drained away and she wanted to hide.

"Found you!" Jo appeared in front of her grabbing her hand and pulling her in the opposite direction. "C'mon, we've got a table, and Prim is lining up more shots—"

"Peeta's here," Katniss cut across her, her voice shaking. "I want to leave."

"What, he's here? Where?" Jo asked, her eyes widening as she looked around.

"The blond, standing over by bar with the skank hanging off him," Katniss jerked her head in the right direction. Instinctively she reached up to grab the end of her braid. But instead of finding the familiar comfort, her hand just grazed her bare shoulder. "Please Jo, don't make it obvious you're looking. I don't want him to see me."

"What, are we back in high school now?" Jo gazed over her shoulder. "Who cares if he sees you?"

"I care," Katniss snapped.

But it was too late. Johanna was blatantly staring and she made it clear she didn't care who saw her looking.

"Wow, he's  _cute, even in side profile_ …" Johanna let out a low appreciative whistle as she appraised him. "And he's got a fine ass. Damn girl, you've got better taste than I expected. I can see why you are so attached," she mused, tapping her chin with her finger as she openly ogled the man standing by the bar.

"Jo!" Katniss exclaimed, surprised and a little hurt by her friend's insensitivity.

"Sorry, no offence." Johanna snapped her eyes away from Peeta and focused back on Katniss, waving a dismissive hand in the air. "For the record, you don't have to worry about me. I don't hit on my friend's exes. Personal standard. And forget about leaving. There is no way in hell I'm letting you bail out of here now."

Grabbing Katniss by the wrist, Jo pulled her away towards the other side of the club. Once they found a quieter spot where there was no chance of them being seen from the bar, she stopped and turned around looking determinedly in Katniss' eyes.

"Look, Katniss, I know this is hard," Jo began, taking both of Katniss' hands in hers, raising them between them and squeezing them reassuringly, "but you can't run away and hide every time your path crosses with Peeta's. Because I guarantee you as long as you live here, that is going to happen. So take a few deep breaths. Get out there and let him see you in all your hotness, and pretend as if your world isn't falling apart right now, okay?"

"Okay," Katniss mumbled, knowing Jo was right. The county they lived in was a small one; it was inevitable she and Peeta were going to occasionally run into each other when it wasn't planned.

Katniss felt her lips quivering as she lifted her eyes to meet Jo's concerned gaze. "But what if he came here with  _her,_  Jo? What if he leaves with her? I don't think I could take it."

Johanna glanced over Katniss shoulder again towards the other side of the club. "Doesn't look like it from where I'm standing," she said. "I don't think he's with anyone."

Katniss threw a furtive look over her shoulder. The blonde she had seen fawning over Peeta was now gyrating on the dance floor, grinding up against some other guy.

"Even if he's not with her that doesn't mean he'll be alone by the end of the night," Katniss whispered, dropping her eyes to the floor.

"Katniss," Johanna spoke firmly enough to draw Katniss' eyes back up to hers. "If that happens, there is nothing you can do about it. You'll just have to try and find some way to deal with it."

"What did you do, Jo? How did you accept it when your ex moved on?" Katniss pleaded.

"I didn't, at first. I decided it was easier to leave town," Jo admitted. "That's how I ended up here."

"I can't think like that. I have to think of my children," Katniss shoulders sagged in defeat.

"I know." Jo smiled sadly and squeezed her hands. "Which is why you need to be braver than I was. You'll survive this, for them."

"So what do I do now?"

"Well, we came here to blow off some steam, so that's what we're going to do. We're going to drink some more. Then we're going to dance. And we're going to try our best to enjoy ourselves. And if you're not enjoying yourself, then you fake it until you make it."

Leading Katniss back to their table like a child they found Prim waiting with more drinks. "Where have you two been?" she yelled over the music, as Katniss slid onto a high stool keeping her back to the dance floor. "I want to dance!"

Katniss quickly grabbed one of the shots Prim had lined up and downed it, grimacing as the alcohol burned the back of her throat. She was relieved that she couldn't see Peeta from her seat. Hopefully that meant he couldn't see her from his place by the bar either. Reaching for another shot, she listened vaguely while Jo filled Prim in on what had happened.

"Are you okay?" Prim immediately reached a hand across the table towards Katniss, her face showing her concern. "We can leave now if you want too," she added, immediately earning her a glare from Jo.

"That's the last thing she should do," Jo growled. "She should stay here and make him pay for dumping her ass—"

"Shut up, Jo," Prim snapped fiercely. "If my sister wants to leave then we're leaving—"

"Why should Katniss leave? Let Peeta leave if he's uncomfortable—" Jo argued.

"Stop, please!" Katniss banged yet another empty shot glass down on the table and looked between her sister and her friend. "Please don't fight. Prim, I'll be fine. Just go and dance. I don't want to ruin your night."

Prim shook her head. "You're not ruining my night."

"Then go and dance. Go on, both of you. I just need a few minutes to get my wits together. A few more of these and you never know. I might even join you!" Katniss tossed down another shot and giggled at the thought of dancing in her stupid heels.

"Are you sure?" Prim looked doubtful.

"Yes, I'm sure. Go dance with Jo." Katniss forced a smile for her sister's benefit. "I'll be fine."

It only took a few more minutes of persuasion and a promise that she'd join them if she felt better to convince Prim to stay. Katniss sat, nursing her drink, and watched the dance floor, being careful not to allow her eyes to wander too far away from Prim or Jo for fear of what—or who —she might see.

"Well, well, well, look who we have here. Katnissssss." Katniss startled when she felt someone's hot breath against her ear, followed by a finger trailing down her arm. She tried to jerk away as a tall man with dark blond hair and icy blue eyes insinuated himself into the small space beside her. He was so close Katniss could smell the alcohol on his breath, and it made her nauseous.

"Ugh, go away Cato," she groaned, turning away from him in disgust. Cato Burns made her skin crawl. Twice divorced, he was known locally as a womaniser and a serial cheater. He and Peeta used to be friends back in High School, though Katniss could never understand how Peeta could have hung out with a creep like him.

"Oh now, don't be like that," Cato grinned wolfishly at her. "I'm glad I ran into you tonight, Katniss. A fine woman like you should never drink alone, and when I saw you sitting over here all by yourself, looking like you needed some company, I thought I'd come join you."

"I don't need your kind of company. I'm here with friends." Katniss slurred, pushing her hand hard against Cato's chest to try and put some more space between them.

"Let's dance," Cato grabbed her hand in his sweaty grip and began to tug Katniss from her seat. Unashamed, he let his eyes wander to the neckline of her dress, lingering on the small bit of cleavage her dress showed. "Damn, you're looking hot, Katniss…"

Katniss felt her skin crawl as his eyes roamed over her.

"I don't want to dance!" she hissed from between clenched teeth and tried to tug her hand out of his but he was holding on too tight, squeezing her fingers as she tried to pull away.

"Oh, come on, just one dance, you know you want to…" Cato laughed. As she struggled to free herself, his tongue caught between his teeth as his eyes burned into her. He moved his other hand to grip her waist. Bending his head down close, he whispered into her ear. "I heard about your split from Mellark. You know, he and I always did share similar taste in women," he laughed again. "Clove left him for me. She always said I was the bigger man, if you know what I mean. I could make you forget  _all_  about him."

"Get your hands off me, you pig! " Katniss yelled and shoved him forward violently, slapping his hands away with her free one. A sudden wave of dizziness washed over her, and she felt the room begin to tilt and sway. She teetered as she struggled to keep her balance, and she would have landed on her ass only for a strong pair of arms that suddenly surrounded her from behind.

"I think the lady said she didn't want to dance," she heard a familiar deep voice rumble.

"What's it to you, Mellark?" Cato glared angrily over her shoulder, but he finally released her hand. "I hear she's single now!"

"That doesn't mean she wants to dance with the likes of you."

"Why not? She's available! She's been sitting here alone knocking back shots for the last twenty minutes!"

"And you thought you'd take advantage of that? Fuck off."

Katniss blinked slowly in surprise as she twisted and squinted at the blurry face above her. "Peeta?" she whispered hopefully, struggling to make her eyes bring his features into focus.

Reaching an unsteady hand upwards, she traced her fingers through the wavy blond hair of the man who was holding her steady. Up close, his hair was the same shade, but it was felt shorter and crisper to the touch than she expected. His eyes were wrong too, still blue but not the piercing blue of Peeta's and the look in them as they watched her was much warmer than anything she'd seen in Peeta's eyes a long, long time. It wasn't him.

"Rye," Katniss breathed and patted his cheek. "Is it you? I thought you were..."

“Hi, Katniss,” Rye smiled kindly, catching her again as Katniss slumped forward, passing out in his arms. 

* * *

"So, I take it you're the idiot who divorced my friend?" Jo bit out snarkily, eying the man who cradled Katniss gently in his arms.

"Nope, I'm the idiot's older brother," Rye answered her, eying Jo back in equal measure. "Who're you?"

But before Jo could answer, Prim burst through the glass doors behind them.

"What the hell happened?" she yelled, running towards them. "I only went to the bathroom for five minutes…"

"Calm down Prim," Rye said, shifting Katniss in his arms. "Cato Burns was coming onto her and I saw she was having trouble getting rid of him and I came over to help her out. Then she stumbled and I caught her, and she passed out."

"I knew those last two shots were not a good idea. She's going to feel it in the morning," Johanna muttered.

"Let's just take her home, shall we?" Prim snapped. "I'll call Rory to come pick us up…"

"I can drive you," Rye offered. "My car's outside. I've only had one beer."

They drove the few miles to the house on Victor's Lane in silence, Katniss fast asleep on the back seat with her head resting in Prim's lap, Prim stroking her hair the whole time.

"I'll go make some coffee," Jo offered when they reached the small house. Rye carried Katniss straight to her room, with Prim following behind.

"Stay with me, Peeta," Katniss muttered, reaching her hand out to clutch at Rye as he laid her down as gently as he could on her bed.

"It's Rye, Katniss," he answered sadly, prying Katniss' fingers away from his shoulders gently. "Peeta's not here. You need to get some sleep now."

"Peeta's not here," she repeated numbly, and she turned on her side and curled herself into a tight ball.

"You go back downstairs," Prim said to Rye. "I want to undress her and make sure she's okay. I'll follow you in a few minutes."

"Sure," he nodded, closing the door quietly behind him as he left.

When she was done, Prim left a glass of water within easy reach on the bedside table along with a plastic bin from the bathroom. "When are you going to stop hurting yourself, Katniss?" she whispered, as she smoothed a blanket over her sister but Katniss was already fast asleep.

"How'd she end up in that state, Prim?" Rye asked as he sat eagerly sipping the mug of hot coffee Jo had made.

Jo waggled a bottle of Jameson at him. "Care to make it irish?" she offered as she threw herself down on the sofa beside him.

"No, I gotta drive home," Rye declined, putting his hand over the lip of his cup.

Jo shrugged nonchalantly as she splashed a liberal helping of the golden liquid into her own coffee. "More for me, then."

"She just drank too much, Rye, with a little encouragement from our new friend, Jo, here," Prim threw Johanna the evil eye. "Haven't you had enough for one night?"

"Oh lighten up, little miss Prim and proper!" Jo growled. "Besides, it was you who was lining up shots all night. So what's the big deal, Katniss had a few too many. That girl is wound so tight she was about to implode. Especially this last week—"

"Jo—" Prim tried to interrupt.

"—due to that brother of yours," Jo snapped, ignoring her and pointing her finger at Rye.

"Why, did something happen?" Rye asked slowly, glancing quickly between Jo and Prim. "He's been acting like somebody killed his best friend all week too, worse than usual."

"She didn't say anything to me," Prim said grumpily. "But if something did happen, it's between Katniss and Peeta, and it doesn't feel right us discussing my sister's business," she glared at Jo.

Jo snorted and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that's part of the problem. It seems like no one in either of your fucking families discuss anything. Did either of you knuckleheads think to tell your siblings what a huge fuck up they were making?" she stared pointedly at Prim and Rye.

Both of them turned shocked expressions back at her.

"Excuse me?" Prim bit out, her voice an octave higher than previously.

"What, like this is coming as a shock to you?" Jo eyed Prim, as she poured more whiskey into her mug. "Prim, I might not have known your sister very long, but I do recognize when someone is trying to deal with some bitter regrets. Besides, have you seen Katniss's iPod playlist lately? Kelly fucking Clarkson. I mean, if I have to listen to her humming  _Stronger_  one more time I'm think I'm going to decapitate someone."

Rye bit back a laugh, scratching his head and nodding. "Yeah, I kinda know what you mean. Peeta has the radio at the bakery tuned to this sappy country music station. Break up songs, like, all the time. It's driving me fucking nuts."

"I  _know_ , right?" Jo nodded emphatically, waving her mug at Rye. He chuckled in agreement, his face amused.

"What were we supposed to do, Jo?" Prim argued. "They're adults. I told her the divorce was a mistake, but Peeta was so fucking determined it was what he wanted she wouldn't fight back. She was afraid if she did he would stop her from seeing the kids... sorry, Rye," Prim added her apology as an afterthought, glancing over at Rye. "I don't mean to bad-mouth your brother. I love Peeta, I do, but it's the truth."

"It's okay." Rye's earlier laughing expression transforming into a frown. He sat quietly for a moment, his eyebrows furrowed together as he rubbed his jaw with his palm, obviously thinking deeply.

"Did she really think that, Prim? That Peeta wouldn't let her see the kids?" he asked.

Prim nodded. "After she realized she had lost him, she was terrified she would lose them too if she let him see what kind of shape she was really in. She would have agreed to anything he wanted just to see the kids."

Rye looked stunned. "Peeta thinks she was unhappy because she didn't want to be with him anymore. He thought it was kinder for him to let her go, set her free to be with whomever she wanted."

"What? That's ridiculous! That fool..." Prim snorted out loud. "Wait a minute..." She sat up when she saw the look on Rye's face. " _You_  didn't believe she'd actually fallen out of love with him, did you?" she asked incredulously.

"Peeta believes it," Rye shrugged his shoulders. "He's convinced she has feelings for your brother-in-law. I admit I thought he was crazy too, at first. Then I thought that maybe there was something to it after all… the way she ran off to Seam like that. And then when she came back and Gale showed up at the bakery—"

"Oh my God!" Prim exclaimed. She jumped up and starting pacing up and down the living room. "Those two idiots! Rye, she's as much in love with Peeta as she ever was. You can take my word for that. She ran off because... because…" she stuttered to a stop.

"Because?" Rye urged her to continue.

Prim gave a loud frustrated sigh as she plopped back down on the sofa. "There are some confidences I can't break, Rye. But let's just say, everyday life just got too much for Katniss. There are some issues from our childhood too, issues that were never really dealt with properly that I now think she needs to confront. But trust me, it had nothing to do with Gale. She loves Peeta."

"If that's true, then they have both really fucked up," Rye muttered, pulling his fingers through his curls in a gesture that seemed common to all the Mellarks. "But that doesn't explain why didn't she call him Prim? Or return his calls? There is no fucking excuse for that."

"She closed down." Prim swallowed hard. "Rye, you need to understand, when Katniss closes down, she shuts people out, it's just like—" she paused again.

"Like?" Rye prompted.

"Like our mother did after Dad died. When she couldn't cope with us. Fuck, she didn't return any of my calls either! I've been trying to get her to see that she needs to talk to someone about this stuff."

"Someone like who? a doctor?"

But Prim's expression had changed, she now gazed at Rye with a confused look. "Yeah... but wait a second, did you just say  _Gale_  showed up at the bakery?"

"Yeah, he showed up one afternoon wanting to talk to Peeta—"

"The thing is how can you convince  _them_  they need to talk before they both become so embittered that they hate each other forever? Or is it already too late?" Johanna interrupted impatiently.

"I will try talking to Peeta again." Rye responded, glancing over at Jo then back to Prim.

"Do you think it'll do any good?" Prim asked. "I mean they're divorced. It's pretty hard to come back from that."

"I don't know. Probably not." Rye exhaled, rubbing his thighs with his palms. "Peeta can be a stubborn asshole when his pride is hurt and this hurt far more than his pride. It tore him apart. We, uh, he..." Rye swallowed thickly "...I think he kinda has some unresolved mother issues of his own that Katniss leaving like that brought to the surface."

Prim nodded knowingly. "Maybe. I'll try to talk to her again too. I think the best we can hope for is that they can be friends. Because whatever the hell happened this week—"

"Katniss found out he is fucking other women." Johanna butted in, lifting her mug to her lips and taking a loud sip.

" _What!?"_  both Prim and Rye shouted, simultaneously.

"Oh. Is that something else you didn't know? Jeez. Don't your siblings tell you anything?" Johanna rolled her eyes.

"I don't believe it," Rye burst out. "Katniss must have gotten the wrong idea. There's no way..."

"Well apparently she found out, and he didn't deny it, and they had a huge fight about it."

"That asshole..." Prim muttered darkly. "I am going to  _kill_  him."

"Hold on Prim. Let me talk to him before you go off on another rampage, okay?" Rye barked out. "Keep in mind, if it's true, they are divorced. It's not like he's cheating on her."

"I know that, but, it's so soon..." Prim said angrily.

"It's still not cheating, Prim. If it's a fact, you can't attack him for this." Rye said firmly.

He sighed and got up from the table, grabbing his keys. "I'm going to head home. I've some thinking to do. Let me know tomorrow that she is okay, yeah?"

"I will. Goodnight, Rye. And thanks for your help tonight," Prim stood up and kissed him on the cheek, walking him towards the door.

"It's no problem." Rye pulled Prim in to a one-armed hug. "Tell your sister to take care and she can call me or my dad anytime. We do still care, you know. It was nice meeting you, Jo," he waved.

"Nice meeting you too, handsome," Jo smirked, giving him a small wave. "Maybe next time we'll meet in happier circumstances!"

* * *

The early morning light filtering in through the open curtains woke Katniss slowly. Reluctantly, she forced her eyes to open, wincing as a sharp throbbing in her skull forced her to instantly close them again. She was vaguely aware of another head resting on the pillow beside her, snoring gently. A head with short, dark hair.

"Oh noooo," she groaned, turning over on her side and pulling a pillow over her head in an attempt to block out the light. Maybe if she could sleep for a few more hours she could avoid the worst of the hangover. And whoever was asleep beside her would leave.

She drifted somewhere between sleep and consciousness for a while until the need to pee made itself known and forced her to open her eyes again. The sun was higher in the sky and the space beside her was now empty and the sheets cool to the touch. Glancing over at the clock beside her bed she saw it was nearly 11am.

Sitting up slowly Katniss felt the room began to spin. Did she imagine that other body in her bed this morning? She tried to think back on the night before but it was mostly a blur.  _What the fuck did I do last night?_  she began to panic. It felt like she was still drunk. Her stomach churned and her mouth felt as dry as a desert. Her head turned sharply as she heard footsteps on the stairs then her bedroom door creaked open, making her clutch at her head as the vicious throbbing in her temples started again.

"Good morning Sunshine!" a cheerful voice greeted her. "I thought I heard sounds of life in here." Jo bounced across the room carrying a tray and showing no signs of the excesses of the night before. Katniss hated her for that.

"Ugh, fuck off Jo," she snarled.

"Oh now don't be like that." Jo chuckled. "I come bearing gifts. Coffee, toast, painkillers and more water. You really tied one on last night, drunkie." She plopped down on the bed beside Katniss and offered the water and tablets first.

Scowling, Katniss reluctantly accepted the glass of water and the painkillers, gulping both back quickly, but it only made the need to pee more urgent.

"How did we get back here last night, Jo?" she asked, her voice raspy. Her throat was sore.

"You don't remember?"

Katniss scrunched up her face as she tried to concentrate, "I remember Cato Burns coming on to me, ugh, and I remember yelling at him and slapping his hands away, and then it gets a little fuzzy... was Rye Mellark there?"

"Yep. He came to your rescue. Drove us all back here afterwards, and then carried you up here and helped put you to bed."

"So Peeta  _wasn't_  there?"

"Nope." Jo said, popping the 'p' and taking a bite of toast as she settled back against the headboard, crossing her legs at the ankle. "It was Rye all along."

Exhaling shakily, Katniss couldn't help but feel a huge sense of relief. So it wasn't her Peeta who was hanging out at The Hob and letting skanky looking blondes hang off him. And he didn't see her drunk off her face and making a fool of herself. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of her dress from the night before, draped neatly over a nearby chair.

"Oh my God, Rye didn't undress me, did he?" Katniss' head shot up, a horrified look on her sweaty face.

Jo burst out laughing. "No, that was your sister. She undressed you and fussed about making sure you were in the recovery position and I told her I'd crash here and keep an eye on you to make sure you didn't choke on your own vomit or something equally tragic. Her husband came and picked her up once she was sure you were going to be okay."

Suddenly a massive wave of relief passed over Katniss as she realized who had been sleeping beside her this morning. It was Jo, keeping an eye on her. She really was a good friend.

"Well thank God for that," she covered up her obvious show of relief by making it about Rye. She didn't want Jo to know how panicked she'd been earlier when she thought she might have done something  _really_ stupid. Like getting drunk and hooking up with some stranger she couldn't remember. "It's already going to be hard enough to look Rye in the face next time I see him."

"Um, well, you did try to pull him into bed, and you begged him to stay with you."

"Oh nooo, I didn't!" Katniss cried, pulling the comforter up to hide her face. Cringing even harder, she felt herself blushing all the way up to her roots.

"Yeah, you did— but it's okay. You thought he was Peeta." Jo hesitated. "You called out Peeta's name a few times in your sleep too. I think you were having some nightmares. I tried to wake you, but you were completely out of it."

"That's normal for me." Katniss replied. That explained why her throat was so sore today.

"Rye's going to tell Peeta about this, isn't he?" she said in an embarrassed voice.

"I dunno." Jo replied, her teasing tone completely disappeared now as she became more serious. "Prim and Rye talked about a few things. I didn't really understand all of it, but what I did get was that Rye is really worried about Peeta, and Prim is really worried about you. You should know you have people who love you and care about you, Katniss. Peeta's family included."

"Peeta doesn't care about me or what I do anymore," Katniss said sadly.

"That's not true, according to his brother. Who, by the way, is  _very_  hot. Is he single? Now that I know he's not your ex, I wouldn't mind climbing all over _that_  tree."

"Oh God," Katniss suddenly shot out of bed and into the adjoining bathroom, her stomach rolling as it rejected the few bites of toast she'd forced down. Bending over the toilet, she began to heave.

"Please don't, Jo." She held up her hand keep Jo away, as she followed her into the bathroom.

"Don't what? Don't fuck your ex's brother? Or don't help?" she smirked as she grabbed Katniss' hair, helping to hold it back.

"Fuck him if you want. I just don't need to hear the details. And I can manage here. I'm embarrassed enough already," Katniss lifted her head and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, resting her head against the cool porcelain side of the sink.

"Fair enough," Jo grinned, jumping up and stretching. "Mind if I use your shower?"

"Be my guest," Katniss shook her head, moaning softly as even that slight movement made it begin to pound once more, even harder then before.

Without any hesitation, Jo peeled off her clothes, leaving them piled on the floor as she walked naked into the shower stall and began fiddling with the settings.

"Are we here yet? Is this OK?" Jo asked at the shocked look on Katniss' face from where she sat on the floor.

"I guess we're there," Katniss mumbled. She really shouldn't be shocked. It was Jo, after all. The feisty brunette had proven she was a good friend, and was fast becoming someone Katniss felt she could trust.

"Thank you for staying and looking after me last night, Jo," she added.

"It's no problem!" Jo yelled from behind the glass door. "Maybe you can return the favor for me someday!"

Katniss pushed herself up from the floor and made her way slowly back into her bedroom, swearing there would never be a next time for her. She was never drinking again.

As she crawled back into bed, she spied her phone resting on the bedside table. Picking it up she noticed there were three new message notifications, one each from Prim and Rye asking how she was feeling and one from Peeta, confirming days and times for the kids pick-ups for the following week. This was the extent of their communication lately, and the first contact she'd had from him since their fight.

She quickly fired of a reply to Prim, letting her know she was okay and would call her later, and another to Rye thanking him for his kindness the night before and begging him not to say anything to Peeta. If it wasn't too late already.

Finally, she answered Peeta's text with a brief, impersonal acknowledgement of the details he'd provided.

Crawling back under her comforter hoping for another couple of hours sleep, she hugged a spare pillow close to her body resolving to get herself together and stop acting like an idiot and learn how to control her emotions before she had to be face to face Peeta again.

**End of Part 1**

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay, you can throw stuff now. I'm really sorry that Peeta himself didn't appear in this chapter, but I felt it came to a natural end here and to include his part would have made the chapter too long, so I decided to divide it into two parts.
> 
> I'm also really sorry for how long I made you wait for this update, my words and brain refused to cooperate for a long time, but I am already working on Part 2 and you'll be glad to know that Peeta and the toastbabies feature heavily.
> 
> As always, thank you to beta-extraordinare, Court81981 for her impressive skills and friendship, and to KnottedEnergy for pre-reading.
> 
> If I may throw in some fic recs, check out KnottedEnergy's "Unfailing Love" (which I pre-read) and if you like tear-jerkers then Naqia's "Wild Onions" and "Moonlight Sonata" series are not to be missed.
> 
> Finally, if you would like to see the inspiration for Katniss' midnight blue dress, here is a link: 
> 
> http://www.net-a-porter.com/product/424396#


	13. The Only Way Is Up (Part 2)

" 

 

Peeta laughed down at Aran splashing the bathwater around, gurgling and chuckling as he soaked Peeta, kicking his chubby legs and waving his arms around as he played. Peeta might not have been able to swim, but his son loved the water.

"Daddy!" he heard Skye behind him. "Will you read me a bedtime story tonight?"

"Sure, sweetie," he answered, "you go choose a story while I finish up with putting your brother to bed, and then I'll be right in, okay?"

"Okay!" she smiled back, padding back to her room in bare feet.

Just as he lifted Aran from the bath, he heard his cell phone ringing downstairs.

"Agh!" he growled in frustration. His phone had been quiet all day. He'd been hoping that Finnick or Rye would call and suggest coming over to watch a game with him. But they knew it was his weekend with the kids and they probably thought he wouldn't be interested in sharing it. Before, if he couldn't pick up his phone for some reason, Katniss would do it for him, but as he stood there in the bathroom with his wet son wriggling in his arms, it came home to him again that this was his life now. Long evenings spent on his own once his babies were in bed, and Saturday nights spent catching up on laundry.

He sighed, pushing aside the hollow feeling that seemed to permanently live in his chest these days. At least having the kids around made it easier to keep his mind of everything he missed. He wondered idly when not being with Katniss would begin to get easier—and if she was finding it easier not being around him. They hadn't spoken to each other in over a week, and the only contact they'd shared was a few brief texts about arrangements for the kids. But he couldn't stop to wallow right now. He still needed put the kids to bed and clean up the kitchen after dinner and there was always laundry to be folded.

He towelled Aran dry and dressed him for bed, watching the little boy's blond eyelashes flutter as his eyes grew heavy with sleep. Peeta cradled him against his chest, rocking him gently from side to side and humming until Aran slowly drifted off. He wished he could sing him to sleep, like Katniss used to, but Peeta knew he couldn't sing a note to save his life, let alone to soothe his son. So he settled for humming softly.

Resting the sleeping boy down safely in his crib, Peeta tucked the covers around him and lightly pressed a kiss to his son's forehead. "Sweet dreams, little guy," he said as he switched off the light, and moved quietly out of the room, leaving the door slightly ajar.

Next door in Skye's room, his daughter was sitting up on her bed waiting for him, her favorite orange blanket in one small hand, and a book in the other.

"Hey sweetie," he said sitting down beside her on the small bed. "Have you decided what story you want me to read for you tonight?

"Yep!" she nodded eagerly and showed him the book cover with an illustration of a pretty girl dressed in a floating blue ball gown with a blue ribbon in her yellow hair. "Can I have this one? Miss Rue read it to us at daycare."

Peeta smiled at her choice.  _Cinderella_. A classic. He settled down with his back against the headboard, stretching his legs out in front of him and lifting his arm for Skye, who immediately crawled under it and snuggled up against his side, her blanket pressed against her cheek as she made herself comfortable. Instinctively Peeta raised his hand to gently stroke her hair as he began to read from the book. Her hair was soft and dark and felt silky to his touch, just like her mother's.

He wasn't far into the story when he heard a soft "Daddy?" and he looked down at his daughter questioningly. "Can I ask you something?" She was looking up at him with slightly worried eyes.

"Sure you can," he answered immediately, putting the book to one side to concentrate on his daughter. "You know you can ask me anything, right? What's on your mind?"

"Now that mama doesn't live with us any more, will I get a stepmother someday, like Cinderella did?"

Peeta felt his heart rate accelerate in panic as he stared into his daughter's questioning blue eyes, so like his own. He opened his mouth but no words came out.  _Dumb, Peeta_ , he thought, mentally face-palming himself. He should have anticipated something like this was coming when she picked that story. His little girl was a smart cookie and she had never been particularly into Disney princesses before. She must have been thinking about the story since Rue read it to them.  _What does he say now?_

Clearing his throat a little to ease the tightness he felt there, he decided to go with honesty.  _It was always the best policy, right?_  Making his tone as soothing as he could, he tried to choose his words carefully.

"I don't know, sweetie. I suppose that maybe someday that might happen. But not for a very long time. Does that worry you?"

"A little bit." Skye's bottom lip started to tremble a little and she clutched her blanket tighter. "Would she come to live with us?"

"Maybe..." Peeta stuttered a little.

"But, you wouldn't let anyone be mean to me or Aran, or make us sleep in the attic, would you Daddy?"

"Oh sweetie, no of course not!" he said, pulling his daughter into a hug. "I can promise you right now that will never, ever happen!"

"And we wouldn't get ugly sisters?"

"No, I don't think so..." he chuckled a little, stroking Skye's hair back from her face affectionately.

"And Mama would still be our real Mama, wouldn't she?"

Peeta swallowed hard. It broke his heart that his little girl was even thinking about this and needed to ask him these questions. He felt his underlying anger with Katniss begin to flicker again, along with the overwhelming need to protect his child, but he didn't know how best to reassure Skye about this. So he hugged her tighter, inhaling her sweet smell.

"Sweetie, you know I don't break my promises, right?"

Skye nodded against his chest.

"Then I promise you, no matter what ever happens that your mama will always be your real mama, and you will always have me, and we will always love you."

"Aran too?" She looked up trustingly into his eyes. Peeta couldn't help but feel a little burst of pride at his amazing little girl.  _The protective big sister,_ he thought. Just like her mother.

"Aran too. I promise." He dropped a kiss onto the crown of her head, hoping he had done enough to reassure her.

"Okay then." Skye's face visibly relaxed and she gave him a little smile, and Peeta knew she was satisfied, at least temporarily. "Will you finish the story now?" He chuckled a little as she snuggled back into his side and closed her eyes, nuzzling into her blanket. Within minutes she was fast asleep. Peeta stayed there for a little while longer, taking comfort from just stroking his daughter's dark hair and humming softly, like he had done with Aran. But eventually he forced himself up, before he got too cozy and fell asleep too. He tucked the covers around the sleeping child. With both children safely settled in bed, Peeta headed back downstairs.

In the kitchen, he paused to gather his thoughts for a moment. His heart told him that he really needed to discuss what had just happened with Skye with Katniss, but his head told him that neither of them was ready to have that conversation yet. Katniss hadn't exactly reacted well to finding condoms in their former bedroom. He could only imagine what would happen if the first conversation he tried to have with her after that was on the topic of introducing new people to their children. Not that he would be the one introducing them to anyone anytime soon.

 _Oh no!_  The thought struck like a thunderbolt out of the blue. What if one day Katniss wanted to introduce another  _man_  into his children's lives? Because thinking about this meant he had to accept the possibility that someday his children could have a father figure other than him in their lives. A stepfather.  _Gale Hawthorne?_

His mind rejected the idea immediately, but he knew that someday he might have to deal with that. What were the odds of a woman like Katniss staying single for the rest of her life?

 _To hell with it._  The kitchen clean up and the laundry could wait for a few minutes. Peeta grabbed a beer from the fridge and headed for the back step to watch the sunset. He needed to clear his head and heart of these swirling emotions that were constantly pulling him in different directions. One minute he was so angry at Katniss and the next he was sad and lonely and missing her desperately. It was exhausting.

Sunset used to be the time of the day that he loved the most, but now he got little comfort from it. Evenings used to be his time with Katniss, the time when they would try to catch up. With the kids in bed, they'd curl up close to each other on the sofa and talk about their day, or watch something on TV until one of the other of them fell asleep. Saturday night was the night he would make his homemade pizza with Skye, and Katniss would eat more than anyone, swearing it was better than anything from a pizzeria. They'd make popcorn and watch Disney movies, with all four of them piled on the sofa together.

But this Saturday night instead of enjoying his family he found himself trying to explain to his four year old that she wouldn't have a stepmom or ugly stepsisters any time soon. How did it all go so wrong?

It had been months now, but as time went by it was the simple things he was still finding really hard to deal with. Like cooking for one. The kids ate simple food, but he used to enjoy experimenting with new ideas when he cooked for himself and Katniss. It was no fun cooking just for himself. Talking at the end of the day. Her kisses. Sharing a bed with her, and it wasn't even about sex (though he missed that badly), but rather about feeling close to someone. It was hard to wake up every day without her head resting against his heart and her sleepy morning smile. No matter what, that was the one smile he'd been guaranteed to get every day, no matter how many times she would scowl after that. And he had loved her scowl as much as her smile anyway. Would he ever feel that way about someone ever again?

 _Damn it, why did she have to run off and ruin everything?_  Peeta slammed the empty bottle down on the step beside him and dropped his head into his hands with a frustrated moan. He hated what had happened to them.

But this was doing him no good. Dwelling on the past was only making him bitter. He pulled himself up of the steps and plodded back into the house. He noticed his phone sitting on the kitchen table where he'd left it. The voicemail icon was flashing. He picked it up quickly, irrationally hoping that maybe Katniss had called him to break the ice. Maybe with the excuse of asking him something about the kids? It was too much to hope that she called because she missed him and wanted to hear his voice.

He wondered how she spent Saturday nights now. She probably spent them with her sister. Or maybe with Annie. Finnick had kept his promise about keeping in touch ever since they'd spent the day at the lake, but he didn't know if Katniss still kept in touch with Annie. Finnick never mentioned it. He hoped she did. They'd been good friends.

It turned out the message was from his father reminding him to bring the kids over early the following day. With the kids' weekends now split between two homes, Michael didn't get to see his grandkids as much, so he relished every minute he did get to spend with them. Peeta sighed and decided he better get on with finally folding the laundry.

* * *

After a restless night, Peeta woke early the next morning to find Skye bouncing on his bed, her face a big grin.

"Wake up Daddy, wake up!" She bounced harder, the motion of the mattress making Peeta feel slightly nauseous. He shouldn't have had that second beer last night.

He rolled over and grinned, hiding his face in the pillow and pretending to be asleep until Skye shouted, "I want breakfast!" right in his ear, causing Peeta to wince slightly. From the other room, he could hear the sounds of Aran waking up and calling him. "Dada! Dada, Dada!" came clearly through the monitor, followed by an insistent "Ky!" Aran was picking up more words every day.

"Daddy, you have to wake up, Aran wants you!" She poked him in the ribs.

"Okay, okay, I'm up!" Peeta laughed, and reached out and grabbed Skye, tickling her until she squealed. He pushed himself into a sitting position and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He shouldn't complain. Not every morning was bad and those he got to spend at home with his kids where he wasn't rushing to get them ready for daycare were precious, and he reminded himself to make the most of them.

A couple of hours later, Peeta watched with a grin as Aran sat on his grandfather's lap, bashing a ball of dough in front of him with his tiny fists, flinging flour everywhere, covering his chubby arms and face, as well as the floor with the white stuff. He gave Peeta a wide toothy smile and chortled with glee.

"You did exactly the same when you were his age," Michael chuckled, hanging on to Aran just a little bit tighter and ducking his head slightly to avoid getting a face-full of flour. "And except for her eyes, Skye looks more like Katniss every day. She even scowls just like her."

Peeta must have tensed at the mention of Katniss' name, because he could feel his father's knowing gaze fix on him from across the room.

"How is Katniss, son? She never comes by the bakery anymore. Have you spoken to her lately?"

"Not really, no." He shook his head.

Peeta knew his short answer wouldn't fool Michael. His father could tell something was wrong. He hadn't told him anything about the fight with Katniss because he really didn't want to talk about it.

"Well, when you do talk to her, tell her I said hello." Michael added, somehow sensing that now was not the time to push.

"I will."

Peeta knew his family still cared about Katniss despite everything. She'd been a part of their family for over twelve years. Even though Evelyn had been open and scathing in her dislike, Michael and Katniss had always had a good relationship, his father often referring to Katniss as the daughter he never had. Katniss used to call into the bakery regularly for coffee and chats with her father-in-law. Without her ever saying a word, Peeta had figured out years ago that being around his dad had helped to fill the void left behind by her own father's death, so many years ago. He was sure she was missing Michael too.

He sighed. Theirs wasn't the only relationship affected by the divorce. Friends, families, it impacted on them all.

"Grandpa? Can you teach me how to make cheese buns next?" Skye asked as she clambered up on the stool beside her grandfather. She looked adorable with an oversized apron wrapped around her tiny body.

"I sure can, pumpkin, but why don't you let your daddy show you how to make them?" Michael smiled fondly down at his grandaughter.

Skye wrinkled her nose and shook her head, making her glossy curls bounce. "Daddy doesn't like to make cheese buns anymore," she whispered out loud.

"Is that right?" Michael asked, glancing over at Peeta again.

"Daddy used to make them for Mama all the time, but now he makes us his special pancakes for breakfast. I love blueberry pancakes. Or chocolate chip," the little girl said conversationally, dipping her fingers into a scraped-out bowl of frosting, and licking them.

"I like blueberry pancakes too, pumpkin. They're the best," Michael murmured to his granddaughter, bending his head to plant a kiss on her cheek without taking his eyes away from his youngest son.

Peeta knew his face must have displayed shock at his daughter's words and he tried to conceal it as quickly as he felt it, but given the way his father was watching him, he knew he had failed. It was true he hadn't baked cheese buns at home since Katniss left. What else was his little girl picking up on that he was not aware of?

Quickly he began to gather the bowls and utensils they'd used to make cupcakes and piled them into the sink, hoping that if he looked busy enough Michael would turn his attention back to his grandkids.

"Peeta—" Michael had just begun to speak when the kitchen door swung open with a loud clatter.

Both men turned, as a dishevelled Rye, barefoot and dressed only in loose shorts and a ratty t-shirt, wandered into the kitchen.

"Morning," he yawned widely as he opened the fridge door and began rummaging through the contents looking for something cold to drink.

"Good afternoon, Rye," Michael answered pointedly eyeing the clock on the wall. It was a little past noon.

Peeta smirked. "Late night last night?" he asked, but before his brother could answer, he was interrupted by Skye dashing past to attach herself to her uncle's leg. "Uncle Rye!" she squealed in delight, beaming up at him.

"Hey, it's my favourite girl!" Rye cried as he bent down and lifted the little girl up onto his hip. He tugged at the end of her messy braid. "What are you doing here today? Causing a whole lot of trouble?"

"No, Daddy brought us to visit with Grandpa. We made cupcakes and now he's going to teach me how to bake cheese buns for Mama," Skye giggled, her adoration of her uncle shining from her eyes.

"Oh, really? Well, those I gotta taste. I bet they'll be the best cheese buns in the bakery. Even better than mine. Definitely better than your daddy's. Promise me you'll save one for me when they're ready?"

Peeta rolled his eyes and chuckled. His and Rye's rivalry over which Mellark could bake the best cheese bun was legendary.

"I promise!" Skye wrapped her arms around Rye's neck, giving him a big squeeze.

"Good girl." Rye planted a kiss on her cheek and lowered her safely back down to the floor. He watched as Skye skipped happily back to her place beside Michael, whose worried look had disappeared, if the contented smile on his face was anything to go by.

Rye casually crossed over to where Peeta was standing by the sink. "I need to talk to you," he spoke quietly, only for Peeta to hear.

"What's up?" Peeta frowned slightly, immediately picking up on the seriousness in Rye's tone.

"Not here." Rye inclined his head towards the door. "Not where little ears might overhear."

He walked out, tousling Aran's curls and tweaking Skye's nose on his way into the living room.

"Does your brother want you for something?" Michael enquired quietly.

"You don't miss a thing, do you," Peeta gave a short laugh.

"Nope," Michael tilted his head towards the door Rye had just passed through. "You should go talk to him."

Peeta hesitated, wiping his hands dry. "Are you sure you can manage?" he asked.

Michael laughed. "Go on, Peeta. I can watch these two while you talk," the older man was clearly amused. "I've been wrangling kids around kitchens for a lot longer than you have, you know."

"I guess you have," he gave his father a smile of appreciation.

* * *

"I was at The Hob last night," Rye began when Peeta followed him into the living room a few minutes later.

Peeta smirked. "Yeah, I can tell. It looks like you had a rough night."

"You could say that." Rye threw himself down on the sofa and popped the top on a second bottle of water and gulping half the contents down in one go. "But not in the way you're thinking."

Peeta watched as his brother drank, wondering what was so urgent that Rye had to pull him out of the kitchen to speak to him.

"Hungover?" he asked.

Rye shook his head as he lowered the bottle. "Normally I would be, yes. But not today. I didn't get to drink anywhere near as much as I wanted to last night. I got a little side-tracked."

"Is that what they're calling it these days? Was she pretty?" Peeta grinned, trying to keep the atmosphere light. Rye's womanizing ways were well known.

"I know you definitely think so." Rye threw him a sideways look.

The TV was on in the background, tuned into a local sports channel. Rye leaned over and grabbed the remote, hiring the volume slightly, and Peeta knew straight away whatever Rye wanted to talk about, he didn't want to be overheard in the kitchen.

Peeta furrowed his eyebrows. "What's going on, Rye?" he asked curiously.

"Katniss was there too."

Peeta swallowed slowly. What was Katniss doing in The Hob? A known pick-up joint? She hated that kind of place. At least the Katniss he knew hated those kinds of places.

"She was?" he answered coolly, trying not to look as bothered as he was. "Why do I need to know this Rye? Katniss is a grown woman. She can go where she likes."

"I know that," Rye replied. "That's not what the problem was."

"There was a problem?" Fear gripped Peeta's insides the minute the sentence was out of Rye's mouth.

"She was drunk. Very drunk, and knocking back shots like it might be her last night on earth."

Okay. Peeta breathed in deeply trying not to overreact, even though he was now more scared than before. Whether it was because of whatever was going to come out of Rye's mouth next, or fear that Katniss had been drunk and could have been hurt, he couldn't distinguish.

His gaze wandered around his father's cosy living room, only to settle on a framed photo of himself and Katniss with the kids taken just a day after Aran was born. In it, Katniss was sitting propped up by pillows in her hospital bed and he was leaning over her, holding Skye in his arms as they introduced her to her new baby brother, a tiny red faced thing wrapped in a blanket in Katniss's arms. They had all looked so close. And happy. He tore his eyes away.

"Is that it, or did something else happen?" He held his breath as Rye watched him closely. "Whatever it is, just spit it out Rye."

Rye was rubbing his palms together nervously. "Don't freak out, okay? Cato Burns was all over her. He was coming on to her pretty strong, and putting his hands on her..."

Peeta felt his blood turn to fire in his veins.  _No. Not him._   _Not that fucking asshole_. His fists clenched and he fought to curb the impulse to storm out right now and find Cato fucking Burns and beat the shit out of him for touching  _her_. She was far too good for the likes of that douchebag.

"And what did she do?" he hissed through clenched teeth, even though he was quaking inside. He closed his eyes. This is what he'd been afraid would happen. That Katniss would do something impulsive.

"She started slapping the hell out of him," Rye snorted. "That's when I intervened."

Peeta exhaled in a rush.  _That's my girl_ , he thought, sagging a little as a sense of relief swept over him.

"Well, I'm glad she wasn't sitting at home catching up on laundry on a Saturday night, and was out enjoying herself," he quipped, trying hard to hide the bitter edge to his tone.

"You can stop with the ' _I'm perfectly okay with this'_ attitude, Peeta, you're not fooling anyone. I know your blood is boiling right now. Don't pretend like you don't care another guy was crawling all over Katniss."

"Of course I care." Peeta growled, throwing his hands up and glaring at his brother. "I probably care more than I should. But it's not my place to do anything about it."

Rye huffed, leaning forward and pinning his brother with a stern look.

"Peeta, you need to go talk to her."

"Why?"

"Because she is in bad shape. Worse than I think you know. After I drove them home and carried her to bed, Prim and I talked."

"Prim was there too?"

"Yep, and some other girl, Jo. I think she works with Katniss or something. This girl… wow!" He shook his head from side to side, "…now she was something else! Got a mouth on her too. Went straight for my jugular when she thought I was you."

Peeta jumped up and began to pace up and down the room, his fists still clenched with tension.

"Rye, you don't know some of the things Katniss accused me of. Last time I saw her she basically said—"

"Yeah, what the fuck is this about you fucking some other woman? Have you been holding out on me? It's not the cute redhead from the daycare centre, is it?"

Peeta froze immediately, paralysed in shock that Rye knew anything about it. "Did Katniss tell you that?"

"Hell no, Peet, Katniss was too drunk to say much about anything really. It was this other girl, Jo. She said Katniss told her you'd argued because she found out you've been fucking other women already. Apparently Katniss has been pretty broken up about it."

Peeta groaned out loud and began pacing again. "Rye, I haven't been with anyone else. It was a misunderstanding. She found the condoms you gave me and jumped to conclusions, and we fought. I  _never_  want to be with anyone else—" With that Peeta's mouth snapped shut.

Rye stared at him intently.

"Peeta, if that's true, then it's even more reason why you need to go talk to her. Tell her that. Because I've never seen anyone cry like that before."

"She was crying?" Peeta stalled in his pacing, his heart clenching.  _Katniss never cried._

Rye nodded slowly.

"She'd probably kill me for telling you this, but it was pretty heart-breaking to witness. When I first went over to tell Burns to back off, she looked so genuinely relieved to see me, and then she called me by your name before she promptly passed out. Then while Prim and I were putting her to bed, she woke up and thought I was you again. This time she tried to pull me down into bed beside her and pleaded with me to stay with her."

Peeta kept his back turned to his brother as he talked so Rye wouldn't see the shock and tears beginning to fill his own eyes at this revelation. He couldn't bear thinking of Katniss in that much pain.

Rye sat quietly for a moment, letting it all sink in. "Peet, I know you think she doesn't give a shit about you, but when she realised that I wasn't you, she just turned away and curled up in a ball and cried herself to sleep. It broke my fucking heart to see her like that."

Peeta dropped down into a chair opposite his brother, raking his hands through his hair frantically. "I don't know what you want me to say here, Rye. It's not like I'm in a position to do anything about it. Katniss and I aren't even on speaking terms."

"You need to fix that."

"How? How do I do that?"

"I don't know. Not the relationship expert here. But you've got to do something, Peeta. But there's more."

"There's more?"

"According to Prim, she's been in bad shape for a long time. Since before she left. Something to do with her mother?" At that Peeta's head shot up, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "And the reason she didn't fight you on the divorce was because she was afraid if she did, you wouldn't let her see the kids."

Peeta's jaw dropped open and he felt the blood draining from his face. "Rye," he gasped. "Rye, you have to believe me, there is no way, I would never—"

Rye put up his hand. "I know that, Peeta.  _I know,_  okay? You would never have done that. And I told Prim as much. But somehow, Katniss got the idea into her head that you would."

"Why would she think that?" Peeta cried.

Rye looked at his brother appraisingly. "I don't know Peeta. Maybe because you never really talked things out when she came back? Prim was pretty clear that Katniss thought you were determined to divorce her no matter what she wanted, and she had no other choice."

Peeta shot Rye a killer glare, but Rye shrugged, unapologetic. "It is what it is, Peeta."

"I was determined." Peeta admitted. "Rye, you know how I feel about what she did, how it hurt the kids. But I would never have denied her seeing them."

"Peeta, just hear me out, okay?" Rye ran his fingers through his own hair. "Do you think that going straight for a divorce might have been a mistake?"

Peeta stared silently at the floor. He'd been avoiding asking himself the same question for so long, but now Rye had put it out there and he didn't know how to answer him. When everything had first happened, he'd been so overwhelmed by anger and jealousy that it had felt like the right thing to do. He knew first-hand the damage a neglectful, cheating mother could inflict on a child and he'd used that to justify shutting Katniss out. But now that anger had faded and a tiny but persistent inner voice was telling him that maybe he should have listened more.

 _Why had Prim mentioned Lily Everdeen to Rye?_  He puzzled. What had Lily got to do with any of this? Lily had abandoned her children too, at least emotionally if not physically. Katniss had never spoken much about her mother, paying her a token visit once a twice a year at most, until she passed away shortly after Skye was born.

But if what Rye was saying was true, it sounded like Katniss was hurting far worse than he had imagined. He thought she'd been doing well, getting on with things and putting some semblance of a life back together. He'd even been bitter about how well she appeared to be coping, taking it as a sign that she was glad to be rid of him.

"Let me ask you another way, little brother." Rye interrupted his thoughts. "If you got a chance to be with Katniss again, would you take it?"

Peeta groaned out loud, feeling like his head was about to explode. He couldn't tell what was real from not real anymore. And he was so tired of it.

"I honestly don't know, Rye. Would it even be a possibility? After all we've done to each other?"

"I don't know the answer to that, Peeta. But you need to talk to her. Figure some of this stuff out. You just admitted you don't want to be with anyone else, and from what I saw last night, she doesn't either. I don't see what is stopping you from at least talking about it."

"No, it's too late for us, Rye."

"You don't know that for sure—"

At that moment, the door to the living room swung open slowly, and Michael peered around it, with Aran in his arms.

"Everything okay in here, boys?" he asked quietly, his cautious blue eyes going back and forth between his sons as he tried to gauge the atmosphere in the room. "This little guy is looking for his dada."

"Sure, Dad, we're just talking." Rye sat back in his chair and Peeta agreed, accepting his son from his father's arms.

"Yeah Dad, everything's fine," he said a little shakily.

"Glad to hear it," Michael patted his younger son's shoulder with a look over at Rye, and headed back into the kitchen with the excuse that Skye's batch of cheese buns were nearly ready to come out of the oven.

"What do you think you're going to do now, Peeta?" Rye asked quietly.

"I don't know. I admit, some of the stuff you've told me makes me very confused, Rye. I'll have to think about it, try and figure it out."

"Good enough." Rye smiled. "I'm sorry for being an asshole and pushing you on it. But if you have made a mistake… well. Just promise me you won't leave it too long before you talk to her, yeah?"

"Yeah." Peeta conceded defeat. Though he had no idea how to bring up that conversation with a woman he wasn't even speaking to and who, until today, he was pretty convinced hated him.

"Oh, and if you see Prim in the meantime? You might want to duck and cover."

* * *

Another week passed by before Peeta decided he would have to be the one to try and break the ice with Katniss. A week in which he had spent many hours lying in the dark alone in his bed, examining every possible reason why she might have been so upset that night. Maybe Rye was exaggerating how upset she was. Maybe it was just the alcohol talking and she'd be embarrassed if he mentioned it.

As he pulled up outside her small house, he felt every nerve in his body tense up. He forced himself to switch off the engine and get out of the truck. She wasn't expecting him, and he knew he was risking her shutting the door in his face, but he was counting on the fact that she wouldn't do that in front of the kids. He knew the right thing to do would have been to call her first, but the way things were, he knew if he called she'd just let it go to voicemail.

And Rye was right about some things. They did need to talk.

"Peeta!" The expression on Katniss' face showed her immediate wariness at finding him standing on her doorstep mid-afternoon.

Scowling, she glanced down at the slim silver watch resting on her wrist. It had been a gift from him for their tenth wedding anniversary. "What are you doing here? The kids aren't supposed to go home for at least another couple of hours."

Peeta noticed the almost imperceptible way her arms tightened possessively around Aran, who was balanced on her hip with his thumb stuck firmly in his mouth. He had timed his visit hoping their son would still be napping, but if the sleepy look on the little boy's face was anything to go by he had just woken up.

"I didn't come by to take the kids home early, I think we need to talk." He purposely spoke calmly, trying to sound at least a little conciliatory as he reached out and touched Aran's cheek. He smiled gently at the sleepy toddler in what he hoped was a reassuring way.

"You do?" He could tell Katniss was trying to appear unperturbed for Aran's sake too, but he could detect the unease in her tone. This was the first time since the divorce that he'd been the one to approach her to ask to talk.

Peeta looked up, and he could see by her body language what Rye had been talking about. Her defensiveness towards him. The look in her eyes left him in no doubt that if she wasn't holding Aran in her arms the door would have already been closed.

"Can I come in?" Peeta shoved his hands in his pockets and waited.

Katniss hesitated for just a moment then nodded, stepping back and deftly shifting Aran to her other hip so she could open the door wider, allowing him to enter.

"Thank you," he said quietly, closing the door behind him.

She nodded briefly without looking at him and wordlessly turned and walked down the hallway towards the kitchen, side-stepping a few toys thrown around, and leaving Peeta to follow her. He had only been by Katniss' new home once or twice since the kids had started to spend time there, but he knew the lay out.

"Please excuse the mess, I wasn't expecting company this afternoon." Katniss's voice shook a little as she let Aran down on the floor. "We were in the middle of painting the spare room for Skye," she mumbled as she stood back up, wiping her hands down her sides in an attempt to straighten her dishevelled appearance.

Peeta hadn't even noticed the house; he'd been too busy studying Katniss and how natural and at ease she looked while she effortlessly settled Aran with some toys to keep him occupied.

He tried, but he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Katniss look so relaxed with their little boy, and he suddenly realised exactly how long it had been since he'd seen Katniss interact with their children in  _any_  capacity other than when it was time to pick them up or drop them off.

As he watched her, he took in the paint stains covering Katniss' hands, her flushed face, and the form fitting yoga pants and tank she was wearing. Her dark hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, a few pieces escaping from the sides to stick to her face, and he felt the urge to reach out and tuck those loose strands behind her ear, like he once would have done without a second thought. Peeta felt his stomach drop. She was gorgeous and even in her dishevelled state she could still steal his breath away.

But something was different.  _Her hair._  For a moment Peeta stood transfixed, his eyes widening as he focused on her shoulder-length ponytail, his mouth dropping open.

"What did you do?" he blurted out the question before he could stop himself.

"Huh?" Katniss froze, looking startled.

"Your hair. Your braid," he pointed.

" _Oh!_  Eh, I got it cut. Prim thought I needed a change." Katniss reached up and quickly loosened her hair from the band holding it back and began running her fingers nervously through the messy locks that now ended just below her collarbone.

"It's... different." Peeta couldn't tear his eyes away. All of a sudden he felt like he'd been punched in the gut. He had so many memories associated with the smooth raven locks that had flowed down Katniss' back, almost to her waist, for as long as he'd known her. One of his favorite things to do was to unbraid her hair and let his fingers card through it gently while she slept curled against his chest. Just the feel of her silky tresses slipping between his fingers was enough to instantly make him feel relaxed him after a long day.

Other times he would weave his fingers into it and grip it tightly so he could angle her mouth up towards his when they kissed, and the noises she made when he tugged on the roots had the power to make him instantly hard and desperate in his need for her.

Even the times he'd found himself holding it back for her when she was overcome by morning sickness held a special place in his heart.

But her dramatic new haircut hit Peeta hard. It was another part of their old life together that was changed and he felt himself drowning once more in a sense of loss. She was making so many changes, so fast, and he wasn't a part of any of them anymore. And it hurt because he knew he had no right to be– divorce had been his choice. He sat down heavily at the kitchen table.

"It's just hair," Katniss was saying as she shrugged nonchalantly, not noticing the sudden stricken look in his eyes. She raised her arms high above her head to re-secure her ponytail, unwittingly giving him an eyeful of the smooth olive-toned skin of her midriff as she did so. He looked away. "It'll grow back. Or maybe I'll keep it this way. I haven't made up my mind yet."

She stepped towards the kettle. "Would you like some tea?"

"Yes, please." Peeta answered, wishing for something a lot stronger.

"Hi Daddy!" Peeta felt welcome relief from the sound of Skye's cheerful voice as she skipped into the room and leapt into his lap, winding her arms around his neck and snuggling her cheek against his. God he needed that hug!

"Hi sweetie." He pushed down his feelings and forced some semblance of a smile to his face for his daughter as he kissed her cheek. He could not let her see him getting upset.

"Have you come to take us home already?" Skye began to pout before he could even start to reply. "Because Mama and I aren't finished painting! Not pictures like you make, Daddy, we're painting the walls! Orange, the same as my room at home." Her face beamed. "Mama said it could be my room when we sleep here." She jumped off his lap and grabbed his hand, tugging it. "Do you wanna come see?"

"Maybe later, sweetie." Peeta glanced up carefully at Katniss. Her back was towards him as she busied herself with preparing their tea, but there was visible tension in her shoulders and spine. "Mama will be bringing you home later on as usual, is that okay?"

Skye nodded and turned at the sound of her mother's voice.

"Skye, can you go and play with your little brother while your daddy and I talk?" Katniss asked softly as she placed two steaming cups on the table, along with a plate of cookies.  _Store bought_ , Peeta noted.

"Okay!" Skye grabbed a cookie from the plate without asking and danced towards where Aran was happily playing with some toy trucks.

"Skye Mellark, where are your manners?" Katniss called after her, but there was a soft smile on her lips. "Thank you, Mama!" the little girl threw a cheeky grin back at her, and they both chuckled a little as Skye threw herself down on the floor and quickly became engrossed in a game with Aran.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Katniss asked, her smile fading as she finally turned her attention towards Peeta. Her body language left him in no doubt of how tense she was.

Peeta exhaled through his nose, tapping his fingers nervously against the table top.

"Katniss, can you look at me?" he asked. When her eyes connected with his, he started to talk.

"First, I think I need to say I'm sorry for how angry I got the last time we… when we... " he shook his head. "Some of the things I said to you, they were uncalled for," Peeta offered.

"I'm sorry too, Peeta." Katniss immediately responded, her eyes filling with a relieved kind of remorse that Peeta recognized to be genuine. God, he'd missed the sound of her voice saying his name without any anger attached. "I should have called you that day, before letting myself into your house. I don't know what I was thinking, barging in like that—" She breathed in deeply and let it out slowly. "I'm sorry for the other things I said too. I was… upset."

He nodded, silently acknowledging her apology. At least this was a start. "Is there anything else left behind that you need? I could bring it by…" he began hesitantly.

"Is that why you're here, Peeta?" Katniss interjected, her eyes narrowing. "To make sure I don't invade your home again? I promise you, I won't." Katniss's eyes darkened as she looked away. It always reminded him of storm clouds gathering when she got that look.

"No, no, that's not what I meant at all! I didn't mean it like that…damn it," Peeta cursed under his breath as he saw her immediately withdrawing. Instinctively he reached out and touched the back of Katniss' hand, hoping it would bring her back to him.

It worked. At his touch, her hand froze and they both felt the sharp frisson of electricity that passed between them. Her gray eyes locked instantly on his blue ones.

"Can we try this again?" Peeta drew his hand back slowly, not wanting to let go, but he couldn't bear the tingling when his fingers touched hers. "Please, Katniss, I don't want this to turn into another fight. That's not why I'm here."

Katniss eyed him cautiously, trying to gauge his sincerity. "Why are you here?"

Peeta took another deep breath, wondering as he had ever since Rye told him, if bringing up the incident at The Hob was a good idea. He glanced over at the kids, checking that Skye and Aran were out of earshot.

"A couple of reasons. First, I'm worried about you," he began, his voice sounding a little more gruff then he intended. He watched her face for her reaction. "Rye told me about what happened last weekend at that club. He said you were totally wasted and then you passed out."

Katniss eyes darted away again and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat, the blush in her cheeks deepening.

"I suppose it was too much to expect Rye not to say anything to you," she mumbled.

"He only told me because he was concerned, too. What happened, Katniss? You were never much of a drinker. How did you end up drinking so much that you passed out?" Peeta had decided to just concentrate on that, and not to mention that he knew about Cato, in case she thought he was motivated by jealousy.

She shrugged, feigning nonchalance Peeta knew she didn't feel. "I didn't drink  _that_  much. It's been a while since I've been to a club, and we were doing shots. I forgot my limit. It's not such a big deal."

"You could have hurt yourself."  _Or worse, someone could have hurt you._ Peeta didn't want to sound like he was reprimanding her, but he shivered involuntarily again as terrifying thoughts of what could have happened ran through his mind. The Hob was not in a good part of town.

"Who are you now, Haymitch?" Katniss smirked a little. "I was with a friend and Prim was there too. They wouldn't have let anything happen to me," she paused, adding, "You don't need to worry about me."

"A new friend?" Peeta raised an eyebrow quizzically, letting her last comment about not worrying slide past, because he knew he would always worry about her but there was nothing to be gained by telling her that. She'd always been independent. It would just annoy her.

"Yes, Johanna, from work," Katniss lifted her tea to her lips and sipped. "You don't know her. Madge was supposed to come too, but she didn't make it."

She put down her cup, looking at him suspiciously. "I'm surprised Rye didn't tell you this."

Peeta nodded. "Rye mentioned someone called Jo. He described her as something else and says that she has a mouth on her."

"That she most definitely has," Katniss replied with a laugh, rolling her eyes.

An awkward silence began to fall between them.

"Look at us," Katniss attempted to smile a little but her eyes still revealed some anxiety. "Talking civilly and drinking tea together."

Peeta felt his own lips upturning, his heart speeding up at the sight of Katniss smiling at  _him_ , however small, her eyes showing a hint of warmth towards him for the first time in months.

"I want us to find a way to be amicable, Katniss," he said quietly, grabbing the opportunity presented by her words. "And I know I have to start doing my part in making that happen. I don't want our lives to turn into some kind of arena we're constantly battling in. I want better for our kids. "

"I want that too," Katniss agreed. She was looking at him almost hopefully now, biting her bottom lip in thought. "Actually, I'm glad you brought that up."

"You are?" Peeta prompted. He could tell by the way she was worrying her lip that she had something on her mind.

"Can I ask you something without you getting mad?"

"Sure," he agreed, dragging his eyes away from her mouth so he could focus on her words. He braced himself, for whatever she was about to say. He hoped she was going to ask if he was seeing someone. If she did it would give him a chance to tell her that he wasn't. He couldn't explain why he felt so desperate for her to know that, all he knew was that he wanted her to know.

"Can we make some rules?"

"Rules?" Peeta frowned a little. "What do you mean, rules?"

"Maybe boundaries would be a better name for them. I think we need some, Peeta." She sucked in a shaky breath. "I don't want to fight with you like we did last time, ever again." She searched his face looking for his reaction, and when he looked into her eyes, he was surprised to see his own pain reflected in them.

"I don't ever want to fight with you like that again either." Peeta looked away, a little shame-faced. "It's one of the reasons why I came over today while the kids were here. I knew we wouldn't allow ourselves to get into another fight in front of them," he admitted.

"Okay, I get why you did that, but we shouldn't need to have our kids around to act as a buffer between us. That's wrong too. It's not fair to them."

"You're right, I agree." Peeta cleared his throat. "It won't happen again. So what kind of rules do you want to discuss?"

"Well, there's two things we can start with. We must promise never fight in front of the kids… and to always call or text each other before coming over to each other's places."

"Don't we usually do that anyway? Today was just an exception."

Katniss nodded. "Another is we respect each other's privacy. What we do in our own time is our own business."

Peeta bristled, beginning to feel slightly defensive. "Katniss, I didn't go prying into your business last weekend. Rye came to me and told me about it. I was just concerned by what he told me. "

"I know that," she reached out and touched his arm, her look softening. "I appreciate that you were worried. But I'm a grown woman, Peeta. You don't have to protect me."

"I was worried," he admitted, swallowing the lump in this throat at the feel of her fingertips touching his arm. "I know I might not have always acted like I care, but I do, Katniss."

"I will always care about you too, Peeta. But our lives are going separate ways now. And as hard as that is—" her eyes drifted away from his again, "—we're still going to be around each other. There are parts of your life which are none of my business—"

"Katniss—" Peeta tried to interrupt her.

"No, please Peeta, let me say this. You know the words don't come easy."

"Sorry. Go on."

"We need to respect each other's right to have a private life." She gulped. "When I barged into your bedroom I intruded into a part of your life where I no longer have any right to be. So again, I'm sorry for that. I've been thinking about this since it happened, and I know you love our kids more than anyone else, and I can always trust you completely with them."

He sat wordlessly, wishing he could say the same. That he could place his trust as completely in her as she placed hers in him. Before, he would have believed that he did, but not since she left. So why did that leave him feeling guilty?

She smiled a little wryly, as if reading his mind. "So I have decided to trust you with this too. I have to trust that when you do meet someone new that you will only bring her into our kids' lives when you're sure the time is right, and that she—" he could see Katniss visibly struggling to make these words pass her lips, "that she'll be good to them. And to you." The last words came out as a rushed whisper.

Peeta sat frozen in place, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to think of something to say back to her. Only a few days ago he thought they weren't ready for a conversation like this, and now here it was happening. As usual, he was totally unprepared and Katniss was way ahead of him. He'd examine his feelings about that later, but right now, all he felt was confusion. Was this her way of telling him it was time for them to move on?

"Katniss," he reached across the table and grasped her hand. "You do know no one could ever replace you?"

"I know." She smiled weakly and turned her hand under his, returning his grip as if grasping at a lifeline. "We're their parents, you and me. Nothing can ever change that, and I promise you, Peeta, I'd never allow anyone to overshadow you with them. I hope you'll do the same for me." He could see tears starting to fill her eyes now and felt them starting to prick at his own.

"Of course," his reply came out hoarsely. "You're their mama."

On one hand, here she was assuaging his fears and telling him exactly what he'd needed to hear. But she'd misunderstood when he said he'd never replace her. No one could replace her in his heart.

_He didn't want to replace her._

He looked down at their joined hands, and knew with one-hundred-percent certainty that he didn't want to be the one to let go.

_Did this mean he really did want her back?_

She smiled through brimming eyes at him. A really bright, honest smile that dazzled him. "Look at them." She sniffed a little and wiped at her eyes, directing his gaze over to the other side of the room where Skye and Aran were still playing, their heads close together, totally oblivious to what was happening between their parents.

"They're the best things we ever did." He spoke quietly and thought about what Skye had asked him. At least now he knew he and Katniss were on the same page when it came to some things. He'd try to figure out the rest later, when he had time to lie in his bed in the dark and about what it all meant.

"I'm glad you came over today, Peeta," she whispered, finally withdrawing her hand from his. He felt the loss immediately. "This was good. I know it won't always be easy between us, but if we can sit down and talk like this, I think we'll be okay. We were always better when we faced things together."

"Together," he repeated, the word tasting like ash in his mouth.

He didn't understand why this was happening now. Suddenly the weight of every conflicting emotion he was feeling was crowding in on him. He desperately needed to get some fresh air to try and clear his head.

"I— I have to go," he said, standing up and pushing away from the table.

Katniss looked up at him, surprised.

"Is everything okay, Peeta?" she asked, anxiety creeping into her eyes again.

"Yes, everything is fine, I just have some errands I need to run before the kids come home, and I've imposed on your afternoon with them enough as it is." He pulled his keys from his pocket and headed towards the door, waving goodbye to the children, telling them he'd see them later.

Katniss followed him outside to his truck, watching as he unlocked the door, nearly dropping the keys his hands were so shaky.

"Thank you again, Peeta." She said quietly.

"For what?" he asked.

"For taking the initiative and coming over to talk to me," she looked down at her feet. "I hated not being able to talk to you."

He turned back to look at her, his heart beating so hard he thought it was going to burst out of his chest. "I hated not talking to you too." He confessed.

Slowly, moving like the huntress she was, she came closer. Before he could tell what was happening she placed a hand on his chest and leaned up to press her lips against his cheek in the briefest of chaste kisses. He felt their softness and caught the achingly familiar scent of her shampoo.

Surely she must be able to feel his heart racing under her palm.

"We never do that to each other again, okay?" She whispered, searching his eyes.

Peeta just nodded, scared if he opened his mouth, he'd say too much.

She moved away, folding her arms around herself, watching as he climbed into his truck and rolled down the window.

"I'll see you soon," he offered as she lifted one hand in a small wave goodbye.

As he drove away he couldn't help but watch her getting smaller in the rear-view mirror. She stayed in the same place, watching him drive away until he turned the corner, and she disappeared completely from his view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sincerely sorry that the second half of this chapter took so long to complete. Thank you all for your patience.
> 
> And thank you to my friend  **Naqia**  for helping me to focus, my friend **KnottedEnergy** for inspiring me, and the always wonderful  **Court81918,**  for her friendship, her dedication and her incredible beta skills. She deserves a medal for dealing with my appalling abuse of commas.
> 
> I've also begun writing another story, called  **"Waiting for Midnight"**  as part of the last round of F4LLS, which I will begin publishing here in December.
> 
> Thanks as always for reading.


	14. Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Dear Readers: If you are still subscribed to this story, 21 months after the last update, then I am in awe of you. I know its been a lot longer than I anticipated, and I thank everyone for their patience. There were a lot of factors that contributed to the delay, which I won't bore you with - suffice to say, "life got in the way". A lot.
> 
> If you haven't read my one-shot "Carols on Campus" I suggest you read it before this latest update. You don't have to, but there are some links between it and this chapter, that might have more meaning if you've read the one-shot first.
> 
> There are so many people I need to thank for encouraging me to continue this story. Amongst them, my friends Notanislander, Naqia, Titania and KnottedEnergy (who has been with me since before the beginning). Peetabreadgirl for being persistant! :) I also have to thank the wonderful Court81981 for her friendship and amazing beta work. I appreciate you all. I'd also like to give a little shout out to the lovely RaissaPL, who every couple of months would drop me an ask on tumblr to see how things were going, never pressuring, usually just about when I was convinced nobody cared any more about this story. Thank you.
> 
> NGL, I nearly abandoned it. I wanted too. I have been subjected to some pretty vicious backlash for this story and in particular after I published the last chapter. My accounts on tumblr and AO3 followed, my reviews of other writer's works taken out of context and thrown back in my face as anonymous "guest reviews" on FFnet. But my friends reminded me that if I gave up, I would be letting a lot of people down and letting the haters win. So you can thank them for this continuation.
> 
> I hope it meets your expectations.

" 

 

**Two Steps Forward, One Step Back**

Breathless, Katniss hurried up to the glass doors of the daycare centre and jabbed at the bell with a half-frozen finger, hopping from foot to foot as she waited for the low buzzing sound of the lock releasing, allowing her entry. She was only a few minutes late.

As she stepped inside, she was greeted by a very welcome blast of warm air and an equally warm smile from the girl at the reception area. She waved as she passed by, anxious to collect the kids and get them home as quickly as possible. The temperature outside was dropping fast and the roads were already icy.

 _"Katniss!"_ She skidded to a halt, cursing under her breath at the sound of her name being called _._ She looked back over her shoulder. Lavinia had just stepped out of her office and was hurrying towards her.

"If you're not in too much of a hurry, I was hoping I could have a quick word?" the manager asked, smiling as always.

"Oh," Katniss huffed out, still trying to catch her breath. "I hope there's nothing wrong? I know I'm a little late tonight, but the roads are quite icy…"

"No, no, everything's fine," Lavinia rushed to reassure her. "Better you arrive safely than not at all. I won't delay you. I just needed to ask you something about the little holiday recital we're having next week? I'm sure Skye has told you about it."

"She did." Katniss relaxed a little, now that she knew there was nothing wrong. "Skye hasn't stopped talking about it. She's very excited about singing, and spent all weekend practicing her piece. "

"Oh that's so sweet! I'm glad she's excited. She has such a lovely voice." Lavinia beamed. "A voice like that is such a wonderful gift. Peeta says she gets it from you—"

Katniss raised an eyebrow at this, surprised to discover that Peeta would talk about her so casually with other people, but her discomfort passed unnoticed by Lavinia, who was still talking.

"—so you will be in attendance?"

"I'll definitely be there. I wouldn't miss it," Katniss confirmed. She'd already cleared the time off with Madge and had promised Skye she'd be there.

"Wonderful! And…um… if you would like to bring a guest along, that's fine. We have plenty of room."

Katniss didn't know if she was imagining it, but there was a faint pink blush to Lavinia's usually creamy complexion and something odd in her tone that made Katniss wonder what she was really being asked.

"No, I won't be bringing anyone. My sister wanted to come, but she can't get the time off work, so it will be just me."

"Oh that's a shame!" Lavinia sounded genuine, yet somehow she looked almost… relieved. Katniss looked at her a little more closely. The bubbly redhead was definitely acting a little peculiar today.

"I'm just checking so I can estimate the numbers attending. Peeta has kindly offered to cater some refreshments afterwards, and I have to let him know how many people to expect—"

"Right, of course," Katniss murmured in response, _because of course that was something Peeta would do,_ she thought. He always was the nice one.

"—and honestly, I don't know how you ever kept your figure so well being married to that man. His buns are to die for! There are squabbles in the staff room over them." The redhead laughed a little too brightly, clearly babbling now.

Katniss nodded with a tight-lipped smile and began to inch her way towards the door leading to the kids' rooms, hoping for a fast escape. How was she supposed to answer that? _Yes, my ex has buns to die for. I hope you all enjoy them?_

* * *

It was only much later that night, when Katniss lay curled in one small corner of her too large bed trying to fall asleep, that a possible explanation for Lavinia's odd questions came to her. Surely Lavinia didn't think Katniss would bring a _date_ to her daughter's recital? She and Peeta had only been divorced for a few months!

A sudden fear like cold fingers crept slowly up her spine and Katniss pushed herself upright in bed, clutching the sheet to her chest as she suddenly found it difficult to breathe. Lavinia had seemed oddly uncomfortable. What did she know? Did that mean _Peeta_ was planning on bringing someone? Was he really dating already?

Katniss shook her head and tried to suppress her growing anxiety, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around herself protectively. She knew one day she would have to deal with Peeta being with someone else—but not at her daughter's recital. He wouldn't do that. Katniss leaned her forehead against her knees and closed her eyes, rocking gently and concentrating on her breathing as the anxiety welled in her. In through the nose, hold, then out through the mouth as Prim had showed her.

_Would he?_

Still the doubts crowded in her head and she sank back against the headboard, remembering how angry he'd become when she challenged him over the condoms she'd found in his room.

 _No_ , she reminded herself forcefully. No matter what, this was _Peeta._ He was a good man. Things had been a little less tense between them since they had talked. They were far from perfect, but it was better. She may have been the one who'd said their personal lives should be private, but she should trust him enough to know he would never spring something like that on her, or introduce someone into their childrens' lives without talking to her about it first.

But still that tiny voice of doubt in her head whispered over and over again: _was he seeing someone?_

After an hour tossing and turning, Katniss got up to make some tea. There was no point staying in bed; there would be little rest for her that night.

* * *

Katniss glanced at the time on her dashboard clock again and sighed. There were 15 minutes to go before the recital was due to begin. Knowing she could delay no further, she took a deep breath and got out of the car and joined the other parents entering the day-care. Once inside _,_ she tried to ignore the pointed looks she received from some of the other parents as she attempted to slip unnoticed into the already crowded room. Immediately she looked around for Peeta. She had spent much of the past few days worrying about the afternoon ahead and struggling to keep her rising anxiety under control.

After a couple more restless nights, her mind finally eased a little when Peeta called and suggested they meet up at the day-care centre beforehand so they could sit together for the recital. She agreed immediately, bending almost double in relief as soon as the call ended. Even if Peeta did have someone new in his life, his call confirmed Katniss wouldn't have to deal with a face-to-face meeting with _her_ just yet.

This outing was going to be difficult enough as it was. It was the first time since their break up that she and Peeta would be interacting with each other in public, and Katniss knew all eyes would be on them. News of their sudden divorce had shocked the whole town, and Katniss was well aware she was the subject of a lot of rumor and gossip, most of it vicious. It was hard, but she pretended not to notice the looks of disgust thrown her way in the grocery store, or not to hear the overly loud whispers in the playground.

"— _poor Peeta. Such a lovely man, and devoted to his family. How could she do that to him?"_

_"— she abandoned her children, you know. What kind of mother does that? Disappears for months and leaves them behind."_

_"—then she comes crawling back, thinking Peeta would be waiting with open arms. She could live a hundred lifetimes and not deserve him."_

People she used to think of as friends and neighbors avoided looking her in the face in the street or pretended she was invisible when she brought her children to play in the park.

It hurt that not one of them asked her what had happened or asked if she was doing okay now; they just judged her. But she could live with it. She could accept the scornful looks and the scathing remarks. She even believed she deserved them, but she needed everything to be okay today for Skye's sake. Her little girl was feeling a little shy about singing in front of so many grown-ups and had practiced her chosen piece over and over again, even though Katniss had gently suggested she might like to try some easier songs.

_"It's my daddy's favourite, Mama," the little girl had argued stubbornly, a scowl rivalling Katniss' own on her face. "I want to sing this one."_

After that, Katniss didn't try to sway her daughter.

She spotted Peeta over by a refreshment table talking with Lavinia and a dark-haired woman Katniss vaguely recognised as the mother of a little boy Skye liked to play with.

Katniss took a moment to study Peeta before he caught sight of her. Dressed in dark jeans and a blue button-down shirt for the occasion, he looked so handsome that it made her heart flutter in her chest. He looked _good,_ better than she had seen him look in a long time. She could tell he was still a little thin, but the dark shadows were finally gone from beneath his eyes. His handsome face was clean-shaven and his blond waves freshly trimmed — _but still long enough to run my fingers through,_ Katniss thought instantly.

Unbidden, an old memory came to the forefront of her mind and she had to close her eyes against the sudden assault of feelings: Peeta, back in the apartment she and Annie had shared in college, laughing at her as she scowled and tried to comb her fingers through his short waves after a visit to the barber's.

_"Why did you cut it so short?" she pouted as she straddled him on her bed. "Now I can't wind my fingers through it."_

_"Kat, it's been so hot this summer, and I didn't think you'd care," Peeta replied, pulling her down for a slow kiss. "It'll grow back."_

_"I guess." Katniss stroked her hands slowly over his shorn curls. He dipped his head and rubbed soft circles against her face and neck, causing Katniss to laugh and squirm in his arms. "It tickles a little, but it still feels nice." she grinned, and quickly Peeta flipped her over so she was trapped beneath him._

_"I promise next time I'll tell them to leave it long enough for you to pull," he whispered sultrily into her ear, tickling her sides and making her laugh again before slowly sliding his way down her body, teasing her bare skin all the way. "Let's see if this tickles, shall we?" He winked up at her as he parted her thighs, letting his head came to a rest between them as he thoroughly made it up to her._

From then on Peeta kept his promise, never cutting his hair so short again, and it had become a private joke between them, one of those little intimacies that exist privately between couples.

"Excuse me." Another parent brushed past her and Katniss was rudely jerked back to reality. _Jeez, keep it together, Katniss,_ she scolded herself, looking around as she felt the heat in her cheeks. This was not the time or the place to be thinking inappropriate thoughts of her ex. Hastily she looked over to where Peeta was still busy chatting. He didn't appear to have noticed her presence yet. He was smiling and relaxed as he chuckled at something the dark-haired woman said to him. She squeezed her thighs together and hoped nobody else had noticed her odd behavior.

As if he could feel her eyes resting on him, Peeta looked up and their eyes met. He gave her a crooked half-smile and lifted his hand in greeting. Katniss hoped she looked calm and casual as she returned his wave, inclining her head and pointing towards a row of seats to let him know where she would be sitting. He nodded his understanding, and then turned away again, this time bending his head to listen attentively to the perpetually smiling Lavinia as she talked.

It was a full ten minutes later when Peeta finally managed to detach himself and moved to sit beside Katniss.

"Hi," he whispered. "Sorry about that. These parents can be a little difficult to get away from—"

"That's okay," Katniss interrupted him smoothly. During those few minutes she'd watched how easily he conversed with the other parents, and it made her feel the distance between them more acutely. "Look, here come the kids!" She pointed towards the opening door, grateful for the timely distraction.

Skye and Aran were in one of the last groups, and as soon as Skye spotted her parents she began to wave excitedly. Katniss waved back then gasped out loud.

"Peeta, look!" she squealed and pointed, "they're in costumes!"

Skye was wearing a cute little green and red dress, complete with striped tights and a pointy hat perched on top of her dark curls, red circles painted on the apples of her cheeks. She looked like the perfect little elf. Holding tightly on to his big sister's hand, Aran toddled along in a Rudolph onesie, complete with antlers and a red painted nose.

"I know," Peeta smirked, looking pleased. "Don't they look cute?"

" _Sooo_ cute! Did you do this?" She turned her gleaming eyes up to him.

"With a lot of help from old Sae," he nodded, grinning back at her. "Skye wanted to surprise you."

"Well, she succeeded and they look adorable!" Katniss laughed out loud, turning to wave at the kids again. "I wish I could take a photo for Prim!"

"After the show." Peeta smiled. "Lavinia asks that no photos be taken until then."

Once all the kids were settled down on cushions in a big semi-circle in front of the makeshift stage, the music began, as each age group performed their own little pieces for the crowd. The afternoon raced by. The room grew warm and Katniss found herself relaxing, forgetting about the other parents around her and enjoying the atmosphere. Peeta seemed to be enjoying it to, humming along to the Christmas carols, a smile on his face. Too soon Lavinia was stepping up to the front to thank everyone for coming.

"You're all welcome to stay and join us for some refreshments, courtesy of Mellark's Bakery." She smiled at the crowd. "Thank you all for coming and sharing a wonderful afternoon. From myself and all my staff, I'd like to wish you all Happy Holidays. We'll finish with one final performance from our little songbird, Miss Skye Mellark!"

The parents all clapped politely as Skye stepped forward on her own, her blue eyes immediately seeking out Katniss in the crowd.

Peeta's jaw dropped. "Katniss, did _you_ know about this?" he asked, turning to her.

"I did," she confirmed. "I guess I'm not the only one of us Skye planned a surprise for. Now shush… this is for you." Katniss sat up straighter and leaned forward in her seat. Skye locked her eyes on her mother's and as the room settled down she quietly began to sing, just the slightest hint of her natural shyness showing in her sweet, childlike voice. Katniss smiled encouragingly, knowing Skye needed her right now. Inside, her stomach was in butterflies but she didn't let it show. She was anxious about Skye's carol too, but for a totally different reason.

_Silent Night,_

_Holy Night,_

_All is calm,_

_All is bright,_

As Skye's confidence grew her voice grew stronger, pure and sweet and true, and the whole room fell silent to listen. Katniss barely heard Peeta's sharp intake of breath and sensed rather than saw him go rigid in his seat beside her. She bit her lip and twisted her fingers together, forcing her eyes to stay with their daughter for now, but within moments Skye smiled at her mother and visibly relaxed, looking away and allowing Katniss an opportunity to risk a brief glance at Peeta. She immediately wished she hadn't.

His face was drained of it's color and his blue eyes were wide and glassy as he stared at Skye, his expression a combination of pain mixed with joy and overwhelming pride. Instinctively, Katniss reached down and laid her left hand lightly over his where it rested on his thigh, and squeezed gently. Beneath her hand she could feel him trembling. He jumped a little at her touch and looked down at their hands. At first, Katniss thought he was going to pull away, then she felt a deep shudder run through him, and he twisted his palm upwards, winding his fingers together loosely with hers. He turned his head to look at her and for the brief moment that their eyes connected, Katniss was knocked back by raw heartbreak she saw in his.

"Peeta?" she choked out, his name dying in her throat as words failed her. Not knowing what to say, she squeezed his hand again instead.

_Round yon virgin, mother and child_

_Holy infant, tender and mild_

_Sleep in heavenly peace,_

_Sleep in heavenly peace._

Wordlessly he shook his head slightly, pulling his eyes away from hers and looking back at Skye, but he didn't let go of Katniss's hand. She watched as he fixed a smile to his face that, to anyone else in the room would look bright and happy, but she knew it was all for their daughter's benefit.

Anxiously, Katniss turned her own attention back to Skye, who didn't seem to notice anything wrong with her parents.

"Peeta?" she tried again as Skye finished and dipped into a curtsy, while the whole room burst into applause. "Are you okay? Please, don't be upset..."

"It's alright, Katniss… I'm okay." Peeta's lips lifted into a genuine smile this time, even if it was shaky and his eyes still glinted. "I'm not upset. She sang wonderfully, didn't she?" He squeezed Katniss's hand, pride evident in his voice as he gazed adoringly at their daughter.

"Yes, she did." Katniss smiled softly, the look on his face making her feel warm. "She practiced so hard. She really wanted to sing this for you. She knows it's your favorite carol."

"Your mother's favorite too," Peeta reminded her as he gently let go of her hand so he could blow kisses at Skye and join in with the applause of the other parents. Katniss felt the loss of his warmth the second his fingers slipped from hers. She wanted nothing more than to grab his hand back again, but she let go, her heart aching at the loss of his touch.

"I remember when you told me that your father would sing 'Silent Night' for your mother every Christmas Eve and that it was one of your happiest memories."

Katniss nodded, blinking to hide the sudden tears that had sprung to her eyes at the memory of her parents.

"I don't have many happy memories of this past year." Peeta's voice was low, meant only for her ears as he kept his gaze still locked on Skye. "I guess you don't either. But this…" he smiled widely at Skye, who beamed back and waved cheerily, "…this is going to be a happy memory." He finally turned his eyes back to meet Katniss. "One of those special memories I will treasure forever. Like another I have of a dark-haired girl singing "Silent Night" at Christmas."

Katniss stared into his blue eyes, feeling her heart shatter all over again. There was a softness to his expression that she hadn't seen in so long it made her heart lurch with how much she wanted him to keep looking at her that way.

"Peeta, do you think we can still make happy memories?" she asked, aware of how much she was exposing of herself at that moment, her emotions making her voice hoarse, but she didn't care. "For them?"

"I think I'd like to try." Peeta stared back at her, reading her face. "I think I'd like that very much." He broke his gaze away from her and looked around at the other parents now milling around the refreshments tables. "Let's start by collecting our kids and then we getting out of here. We can go somewhere quieter and get some hot chocolate. We need to talk about our holiday plans anyway."

"You get the kids. I'll go get their things." Katniss smiled.

"Okay. I'll make our excuses." Peeta stood, and began making his way towards the front of the room.

Katniss wove quickly through the crowd towards the double doors and out into the corridor leading back to the various rooms. She quickly located the kids' stuff and made her way back.

"Thank you again for everything you did today, Peeta. The food is wonderful."

Katniss slowed her silent footsteps as she heard Lavinia's now familiar feminine tone followed by Peeta's deeper one.

"You're welcome. Thank you for going to so much trouble for the kids. The afternoon was a great success."

"Do you really have to leave so soon? Are you sure you can't stay a little longer?"

Katniss turned the corner to see Peeta standing with Aran in his arms, Skye holding onto his hand.

"Mama!" Skye cried, revealing Katniss's presence, and both Peeta and Lavinia's heads turned towards her. Skye came running, her arms up, bouncing and twirling on the balls of her feet in excitement. "Did you see me? Was I good?"

Katniss caught her easily and swept her up in a tight hug, spinning her around. "You were _sooo_ good, little girl, and you look amazing! I am _so so_ proud of you!"

"Do you think the birds would stop to listen to me?" Skye giggled, flinging her arms around her mother's neck. "Like you say they used to do for Grandpa Everdeen?"

Katniss laughed too. "I'm sure they would." She kissed her daughter's cheek before squeezing her again. As she did she glanced up at Peeta, who was watching them with a strange look on his face.

"Are you nearly ready to go?" she asked, handing him Aran's jacket.

"Sure," he replied, seemingly shaking himself out of his daze. "Goodnight, Lavinia." He turned to the other woman, who nodded graciously.

"Goodnight, Peeta, Katniss. Thank you both for coming, and for the lovely treats."

"Thank you, Lavinia" Katniss tagged on. "Everything was great."

"You're very welcome, Katniss, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Have a good evening." With a smile the red-head pushed her way back through the door into the main room where the festivities continued.

"She's really lovely," Katniss murmured to no one in particular.

"She loves kids," Peeta answered, non-commitally. "C'mon, lets go."

* * *

Half an hour later, Katniss sat on a stool in the warm kitchen of Mellark's Bakery while Peeta stirred hot chocolate on the stove.

After sweeping Katniss up in a warm hug and making a fuss over his grandchildren, Michael had led the children away into the store front with the promise of sugar cookies and had left the two of them to talk. But not before he extracted a promise from Katniss that she'd call by the bakery more often.

"You know you don't have to avoid my family, Katniss. My father misses you," Peeta said quietly as he stirred the milk.

"I miss him too," Katniss replied. "I guess it just feels…" Katniss paused, and Peeta watched the emotions flit across her face as she struggled for the right words to express herself. "I guess it feels too soon? I-I'm still not sure where all the boundaries are."

Peeta nodded. "I think I know what you mean. I suppose we're all still adjusting."

It was Katniss' turn to watch him as he poured the steaming mixture into mugs and topped them off with whipped cream.

"So," Peeta began, placing one in front of Katniss, "Christmas. How are we going to do this?"

Cautiously, Katniss took a sip of the hot drink. She couldn't escape the groan that escaped her as the rich chocolate flavour filled her mouth. "Damn, that's so good…" she mumbled.

"Starbucks not quite measure up, huh?" Peeta grinned. "I've seen you leaving their store with to-go cups and I know for a fact you don't like pumpkin spice lattes."

"Don't judge me." Katniss scowled, gulping down another mouthful as Peeta smirked, taking a sip from his own cup.

"Have you made any plans for the holidays yet?" Katniss put down her mug and licked her lips, something she only did when she was nervous. "I know that technically Christmas falls on your time, but I'd really like to spend some time with the kids that day, if you agree."

Peeta nodded immediately. He'd been actively avoiding all thoughts of Christmas ever since he'd spent a miserable Thanksgiving with his Dad and Rye, pretending to be okay with their company and the football, when all he could really think about was how much he missed being apart from his own little family, even if it was only for a few hours.

"I haven't gotten around to making any solid plans yet. It's such a busy time of year at the bakery. I guess I should be better prepared, but yes, of course we can share the day. We just need to work out the details."

"I'm so glad you agree." He heard Katniss's audible exhale of breath and looked up just in time to see the genuine relief on her face before it disappeared from her expression. He frowned. Had she really thought there was a chance he'd refuse? He studied her face, hoping she would look up at him again and see by his eyes that he would never deny her or the kids something as special as spending time together at Christmas.

"What about you? Any plans yet?" he queried, wondering briefly if he should invite Katniss to have Christmas dinner at the bakery. Maybe they could all sit around a table and eat a meal together. He knew his father would be delighted to have her.

"Not really. I didn't want to decide anything until I talked to you first." Katniss shrugged. "Prim and Rory are staying in town for Christmas this year. They've invited me to have dinner with them. Hazelle and Posy are invited too. They've even invited Haymitch."

"Oh," was all Peeta could say. He should have anticipated that. Prim and Rory usually spent Christmas in Seam with the Hawthornes, and he and Katniss would see them for New Year's. Of course with everything that had happened Prim would stay in town this year for her sister. He sipped his drink thoughtfully. If Prim had invited all her in-laws to town for Christmas, did that mean Gale would be coming too?

"What do you think we should do about the kids, then?" he asked tentatively, trying to put thoughts of Gale spending Christmas with Katniss aside.

"I don't know," Katniss answered. "I thought maybe you could bring them over to my place for a couple of hours after they'd opened their gifts? Or I could come over really early before they wake up?"

"Why don't you come over late on Christmas Eve? Stay the night." Peeta offered. The words were out of his mouth before he'd really thought them through, and by look of shock on Katniss' face he knew instantly that he'd said the wrong thing. "In the guest room, of course!" he tacked on quickly, " I didn't mean—"

"Oh, I don't know if that would be such a good idea, Peeta," Katniss looked doubtful, shaking her head.

Peeta didn't know where to look, embarrassed by his impulsive offer. He wanted the ground to open up and swallow him.

"Please, don't take this the wrong way," Katniss said quickly, seeing the mortification on his face. She reached out and touched the back of his hand, drawing his attention back to her. "I appreciate the offer, I really do. But don't you think that me staying over would be confusing for the kids, especially Skye? It might give her the wrong idea..." She dropped her pleading eyes from Peeta's face. They fell into an awkward silence.

Peeta cleared his throat. "Yes, you're absolutely right," he agreed softly. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. You're right; it wouldn't be fair."

"But I could come over early on Christmas morning." Katniss looked back up at him, her face brightening into a hopeful smile. "If I come early enough, I could see them opening their gifts."

Peeta nodded. "Yeah, I think that will work. If they wake too early, I could keep them occupied for a while until you get there."

"Are you sure? That part might not be so easy," Katniss said, a soft laugh escaping her throat, her eyes amused, teasing him like they used to.

Peeta watched her, warmed by the fact that he had drawn a laugh from her. He knew he shouldn't, but he enjoyed hearing that gentle sound more than he wanted to admit. "I think I can manage it. Then we could spend a few hours with them, together, until you need to go to Prim's."

Katniss nodded. "I really like that idea. Thank you, Peeta. That'd be great."

"You're welcome. It's a plan, then." Peeta looked over at Katniss again, taking in the familiar sight of her in his father's kitchen. He could do this. He could let her a little way into his life again.

It's for the kids, he told himself. All for the sake of the kids.

* * *

"Good morning, um… Merry Christmas, Peeta," Katniss offered as she stood awkwardly by the back door leading directly into Peeta's warm kitchen.

"Shsssshh… they're still asleep," Peeta kept his voice low as he waved her in with a small smile and closed the door quietly behind her. "You're early." He was dressed like he had just rolled out of bed, in navy sleep pants hanging low on his hips and an old t-shirt, with thick socks on his feet. His hair was an unruly mess of waves around his head, and a light dusting of stubble was visible on his jaw. Katniss heart ached at the warring feelings of loneliness and familiarity that seeing him dressed like this, so early in the morning, reawakened in her. She missed him so badly.

"I couldn't sleep. I was worried I'd be too late and they'd be awake before I got here," she whispered back. Without conscious thought she shrugged out of her jacket and unwound the scarf from around her neck, shaking the melting snow from her hair as she hung them both on a hook behind the door. Bending down, she slipped her boots off and lined them up neatly beside some others on a mat by the back door. _Old habits really do die hard,_ she thought suddenly, when she realised what she'd done. Looking up she caught a brief glimpse of Peeta watching her before he looked away again.

"You must have been up early too," she said brightly, hoping to cover up the sudden awkwardness, as she noted the freshly baked cinnamon rolls cooling on a rack and smelled the aromas of coffee and vanilla. "The sun is barely up."

"Baker's hours. You know how it is," Peeta shrugged nonchalantly from the counter where he was now stirring batter for pancakes. "Aran fell asleep like usual, but Skye was so excited last night that she didn't drift off until late. She kept thinking she could hear sleigh bells and hooves on the roof." Peeta grinned. "They should be awake soon. Do you want some tea or coffee or something? The cinnamon rolls are ready."

"No, that's okay. I can wait. I'm just excited to see their faces when they see what Santa has brought them."

"Then let's go wake them up, what do you say?" Peeta flashed another smile that made her heart do the fluttering thing again as he moved to the sink to wash his hands quickly.

"Sure." Katniss hovered, waiting for him to finish, unsure whether to lead the way or follow him, until Peeta pushed open the door to the living room and held it open for her. "After you," he said, and stood aside to let Katniss brush past him, their bodies almost touching in the confined space.

Katniss gasped as she caught sight of the glittering decorations and the mound of beautifully wrapped gifts stacked under the colorful tree full of twinkling lights. Like an awestruck child herself, she stopped and turned in a slow circle, taking it all in. "Oh, Peeta! It looks like Santa's grotto in here!"

"Thanks," he responded modestly, and Katniss watched as pink began to rise in his cheeks, like it always used to do whenever she complimented him. "I wanted to try and keep everything… um, make everything as—" his voice trailed off, leaving Katniss to finish the sentence for him.

"—as normal as possible." Katniss said the words softly. At the same moment she noticed the stockings hanging over the fireplace. Instead of the usual four there were only two, one each for Skye and Aran, their names embroidered in silver thread on the red felt. The absence of the matching pair with her and Peeta's names hit her like a physical blow, but Katniss understood immediately why Peeta hadn't hung them up this year. This was all an illusion, a pretence put on for the sake of their kids that their family wasn't completely shattered.

"I was going to say traditional." Peeta answered, sadness in his tone. "How we always did things. But yeah, I guess normal is right too."

"Well, you did a beautiful job, Peeta. Everything looks amazing. The kids are going to love it." She took a moment to compose her expression before turning back around, hoping Peeta wouldn't notice if her smile was a little shaky.

"You helped too," Peeta offered generously, his blue eyes sincere as they met hers. "Thank you for sending the tree over from the nursery. It was perfect. And I would never have figured out what gifts to get the kids, let alone found time to shop for them if you hadn't—"

_"Daddy! Daddy, where are you? Are you down there?"_

The sound of running footsteps on a hardwood floor and an excited child-like voice drifted down the stairs.

"Katniss, quick, grab the camera!" Peeta pointed towards the mantle, where his old Canon sat ready, a wide grin splitting his face as he immediately bounded towards the stairs.

Katniss moved quickly, knowing exactly what to do. This was something else they always did since they first had Skye. On Christmas morning one of them would bring her downstairs while the other waited at the bottom with the camera poised, ready to capture the wonder of their child's expression when she got her first glimpse of whatever Santa had delivered. This felt good. It felt right.

The next few hours had passed in a blur of twinkling lights, children's laughter, torn gift wrapping and cardboard boxes. The year before, Aran had been too young to know what was going on, and while he still wasn't old enough to understand everything this year, he joined in enthusiastically, ripping the bright wrapping from the gifts gathered beneath the tree. In typical boy fashion, he was more interested in playing with the empty boxes than the toys inside.

After the initial excitement of opening gifts had passed, Peeta served a breakfast fit for a king – a veritable feast of cinnamon rolls and blueberry pancakes, fluffy eggs and crispy bacon, with warm toast made from bread baked fresh that morning, slathered in butter.

By mid-morning they dressed the children and took them for a long walk in the park, enjoying the weak winter sunshine and crisp December air. Peeta pushed Aran along on his new tricycle and Skye proudly pushed her new baby doll, complete with her own little orange blanket, in her stroller.

After coming home and enjoying a light lunch, Peeta cleaned up while Katniss sat cross-legged on the floor with Aran sleeping on her lap, one hand absently stroking his curls as she rocked him gently, the other turning the pages of a storybook she was reading aloud. At her feet Skye sat listening to the story while mimicking her mother's actions with her doll.

Peeta watched them unnoticed, lulled into a sense of peace at the sight of his children and their mother together. It was something he hadn't really seen in a long time. All too soon, it seemed, Katniss' phone beeped with an incoming message. She pulled the phone from her back pocket and swiped the screen.

Peeta noticed her face falling slightly as she read the message.

"It's Prim," she said quietly. "The Hawthornes have arrived and dinner will be ready in an hour."

"I guess you have to go, then."

"I guess so."

"Do you really have to go, Mama?" Skye piped up, her bottom lip looking a little wobbly.

"I do, sweetie." Katniss reached out and ran her hand through Skye's glossy black curls. "But I'll come get you and your brother tomorrow and we can spend the whole day together with your Aunt Prim and Grandma Hazelle. Will that be okay?"

Peeta climbed to his feet and shuffled over to the Christmas tree, rooting behind it to the very back for a gift that had gone unnoticed earlier. He looked slightly uneasy as he approached, and clearing his throat, he offered the gift to Katniss.

"Before you go, I—well, we got you something. From the kids. I hope that's okay."

"Peeta, you didn't have to do that." Katniss replied, shocked. "I didn't expect a gift."

"I know. But it's Christmas." He shrugged and rubbed his neck self-consciously. "It's not much."

Katniss stared down at the gift in his hands. It was wrapped in deep green paper patterned with Christmas trees and a red bow was attached with a simple tag in Peeta's handwriting: " _For Mama_."

Looking from the gift to his face, Katniss reached out and took it with trembling hands, completely touched that he would do this for her, after everything.

"Thank you."

"Merry Christmas, Katniss," Peeta replied simply.

Katniss felt the wrapping paper crinkle beneath her fingers, and knew the contents of the artfully wrapped gift were something soft. Lifting it up to her ear, she shook it gently.

"What is it?" she bent and whispered loudly to Skye and Aran, who had woken up from his nap. "Do you know?"

"Open it and see!" Skye gave an excited laugh and Aran reached forward to tug at the bow.

"You want to help me open it, baby boy?" Katniss laughed as she let Aran enthusiastically rip into the paper, revealing a pair of pale yellow pyjamas in cotton so fine it felt like silk to the touch. There was also a matching robe.

"These are gorgeous, thank you!" she exclaimed, feeling tears welling in her eyes for the hundredth time that day as she pulled both her children into her in a tight hug. "And thank you," she mouthed over their heads to their father.

"You're welcome," Peeta mouthed the words back with a pleased smile.

"We went to the store and I helped Daddy pick them out," Skye giggled, her face pressed against Katniss's side as she hugged her back. "You always say that you're cold in bed, Mama. Now you won't be cold anymore."

Katniss stiffened at Skye's innocent words, hoping Peeta didn't pick up on them, but it was too late – a quick glance at him revealed that he'd already realised their significance and his widened eyes immediately locked on hers in shock.

Katniss tried to shake it off, and looked away hastily, wanting nothing more than to avoid his searching gaze. "I got you something from the kids too. One second…" Quickly she ran into the kitchen for her bag and pulled out a wrapped package. It wasn't nearly as nicely wrapped as the one Peeta gave her, but she'd done her best. The purchase had been an impulse buy, and she hadn't been sure before now whether she'd even give it to him or not.

She stopped at the sink and quickly threw some cold water on her heated face and smoothed down her braid before re-entering the living room.

"Katniss, I really wasn't expecting anything..." Peeta looked up at her, his own cheeks flushed a little red as he took the offered gift.

"Open it, Daddy!" Skye crowed, Aran joining in gleefully. "Open, open!"

With a grin at the kids, Peeta began to slowly and methodically unwrap his gift, folding back the paper neatly and revealing a soft knitted sweater in a beautiful shade of dark red.

"This is great, Katniss, thank you," he murmured softly, lifting the sweater up to admire it.

Katniss squirmed a little in her seat. The intense way he was looking at her made her feel like all the air was being sucked out of the room.

"I-I wasn't sure about the color, but if you don't like it you can exchange it..."she began nervously, fingering the tip of her braid.

Peeta shook his head. "No, I like it. Really. It's a very thoughtful gift." He swallowed tightly. "It will keep me warm too."

Their eyes met and a moment of mutual understanding passed between them, an unspoken acknowledgment that each missed the other.

"Thank you for agreeing to spend the day together, Peeta. It was lovely." Katniss stood and brushed some random glitter from her clothes and slowly began to gather her things. "But I guess I really should get going. Prim will be expecting me."

"Okay." Peeta nodded, standing too and awkwardly following her to the kitchen where she dressed slowly in her coat and boots, winding her scarf around her neck. Finally she moved to kiss the children, pulling them both into her in a tight hug and whispering how much she loved them in their ears.

"I don't want you to go, Mama." Skye wrapped her arms around her mother's legs and held on tight. "I want you to stay here with us."

Katniss immediately got down on her knees and took her daughter into her arms as Peeta scooped Aran up into his.

"Skye, listen to me." She spoke calmly, cupping her daughter's cheek in her hand and looking deep into her blue eyes. "I know you don't want me to go, but your daddy is going to take you over to see your Grandpa and your Uncle Rye soon for dinner and you'll have a lovely time." She smiled reassuringly. "Don't forget, tomorrow we'll have the whole day together, just like I promised. Okay?"

"Okay," Skye agreed reluctantly, clutching onto her baby doll. "But I don't like it."

"I know, little girl, I know." Katniss pressed a kiss to the top of her head, her eyes burning. She looked upwards at Peeta and could see the same anguish on his face that she felt in her heart, as reality crashed back in on them and the bubble of the lovely day they'd spent began to deflate.

"Bye bye, Mama, bye bye!" Aran waved cheerfully at her from his father's arms, and it hurt almost worse than Skye's distress. He was still so young, and it killed Katniss that he was already used to partings like these — that he would never remember their family any differently. Katniss stepped close and kissed his cheek, stroking it gently with her index finger. "Bye bye, sweet boy."

"Katniss, wait—" Peeta spoke just as she had her hand on the door ready to open it, and she looked back.

"—one more thing." He picked up a Tupperware box from the counter and offered it to her.

"What's this?" she asked.

"It's a batch of my frosted Christmas cookies," Peeta answered, "I made them for Prim. I thought you could bring them over for after dinner. She always liked them."

"She does," Katniss smiled. "She'll love them. I'm surprised you remembered."

Peeta shrugged. "It's second nature. I bake a batch just for her every year. This year was no different."

"You're a kind man, Peeta Mellark." Without thinking Katniss stepped forward and brushed her lips against his cheek in a light peck. She felt rather than heard Peeta's faint gasp, and for a second Katniss imagined she'd felt him lean into her touch.

She stepped back and with another deep breath she opened the door and stepped outside, turning to look back at her family one more time. "I'll see you tomorrow?" she asked.

Peeta nodded. "Tomorrow," he confirmed, and Katniss knew by the look on his face he was finding this as difficult as she was. He moved forward, but Katniss raised her hand to stop him. "Don't bring them outside, Peeta, it's too cold," she said, her voice breaking a little and she knew by his eyes Peeta understood. It was hard to leave and she didn't want the kids to watch her going on Christmas. Katniss gave him one last grateful smile, closing the door softly behind her and dashing to her car before the tears came.

Back inside the kitchen, Skye stood clinging to Peeta's side.

"Please Daddy, tell her to come back!" she pleaded. "I don't want Mama to go, why can't she come to Grandpa's for dinner with us?" Peeta heard the tears choking her voice. He looked down at his daughter's sad face and knew he didn't have a simple answer for her. He tried for reasoning.

"Hey, it's not so bad. You'll see your Mama again tomorrow and can spend all day with her and your Aunt Prim and Uncle Rory. Grandma Hazelle is visiting too!," he tried to keep his tone upbeat, hoping it offered some comfort. "Won't that be fun?"

"This sucks!" Skye cried, and ran into the living room, flinging herself face down on the sofa.

"Skye?" Peeta rushed after her, settling Aran down on the floor as he reached for his little girl.

"I asked Santa to bring Mama home for Christmas and I thought that's what he did!" the little girl sobbed, tears running down her face. "I didn't know she'd have to go away again. I want Mama to stay home with us Daddy!"

"Oh sweetheart," Peeta rocked her in his arms and let her cry it out against his shoulder. For once he was at a loss for words. He was out of his depth and didn't know how to console her and he knew deep in his heart that he wanted the exact same thing.

* * *

Peeta flopped down on the sofa and clicked on the TV, quickly scanning through his Netflix queue, hoping for a good movie or something to occupy his mind. He was so bored. He'd packed away all the Christmas decorations and cleaned the house and now he was at a loose end. The kids were with Katniss and weren't due back home until the following evening. His dad and Rye were away visiting Graham. Finnick said Annie had made dinner plans for them with a friend.

Saturday night used to be his favorite night of the week. He'd make homemade pizza and Katniss would pop fresh popcorn and they'd all pile on the sofa to watch Disney movies until the kids fell asleep. Once they were tucked up in bed, he and Katniss would share the rest of the food with some wine or his favourite beers and then they'd sleep in late on Sunday morning, waking in each other's arms, followed by a leisurely breakfast.

"Stop it, Peeta," he berated himself. He was tired; it had been a difficult couple of days, and dwelling on the past constantly going over happier times in his head was dragging him down. He and Katniss had made some real progress over Christmas and he needed to try and focus on that.

He was worried about Skye too. Until now he thought she'd been handling the adjustment really well, but she'd been quiet and moody ever since her meltdown on Christmas Day and he was keeping a close eye on her.

But he was going crazy sitting at home, thinking. He needed to find a healthy way to channel his energy, some way to occupy himself when the kids were with Katniss. He could take up going to the gym with Rye, but lifting didn't appeal to him. Besides, he lifted enough 100-lb bags of flour in the bakery every day to keep him in shape. _Or_ , he glanced around the room at the various pieces of artwork decorating the walls. He could return to his first love: Art.

His eyes drifted to where a small watercolour of a sunset over a white sandy beach hung on the wall. It was the last piece he remembered completing — the view from the balcony of the hotel room he and Katniss had stayed in for their honeymoon. They'd gone back to the same small beachfront hotel owned by Finnick's Aunt Mags for their tenth anniversary and had laughed when Mags had teased them about making an advanced booking for their twenty-fifth.

Peeta shook his head to push the memory away. When did life get so busy that they stopped doing anything for themselves? Sure, he finger-painted and did crafts with the kids all the time, but he couldn't remember the last time he'd picked up his paintbrushes for his own pleasure.

He thought about Katniss, remembering how she used to run every day. She loved archery, hunting, and hiking, but at some point she had stopped making time for those things too. Frowning, he tried to recall when that was, but found that he couldn't.

Now, in hindsight, he could see they'd stopped making time for each other too. They didn't plan regular date nights or go out alone much. Every waking moment not working they spent with their family.

 _But isn't that what's supposed to happen when you have young children?_ he thought, as he rubbed his temples, feeling a headache coming on. Maybe he should have taken up his Dad's offer to go visit Graham this weekend. The house felt too empty and his thoughts were too noisy tonight. Spending time with Katniss and the kids had felt good, but it had pulled the scab off his barely healing wounds, making him miss her more than ever.

He'd thought a lot about the time they'd spent together over the last few days. He'd noticed how much calmer and more relaxed Katniss was with Aran and how contentedly their son had slept with his mother's arms wrapped protectively around him. He'd also seen how serene Katniss had looked holding her son close, her own eyes half-closed as she rocked him gently, humming the familiar lullaby she always sang to their babies. He knew that woman. She was _his_ Katniss, the woman who loved her children unconditionally. Not the one who ran away and left them behind. More and more he could see his Katniss, but who had that other Katniss been? The one who had left and hurt him - them - so badly?

It didn't help that his loneliness was compounded by the news from his eldest brother. Graham and Becky had married just over a year ago and moved to Becky's hometown to open their own bakery. They'd skyped after dinner on Christmas Day, saying that everything was going great, their business was doing well, and they'd just put a down payment on a house they liked. But their big news was that they were expecting their first child to arrive in the summer.

Peeta had joined in and congratulated his brother and sister-in-law warmly, but couldn't deny the jealousy that welled up in him at hearing his brother's news. The excitement in Graham's voice only served to remind him of the joy he'd felt both times he and Katniss found out they had a little one on the way. Would he ever know joy like that again? He didn't know if he even _wanted_ to feel that way again if it wasn't with Katniss. He was truly happy for his brother, but he couldn't face going to see Graham now in his newlywedded bliss while the wounds left by the collapse of his own marriage were still so fresh.

Throwing the remote aside, he gave up on TV and glanced at his phone. It was only a little after 8pm and he was going crazy. He got up and started prowling restlessly around the room. He considered driving into town and calling into Delly's, but he really didn't want to turn into the kind of guy who propped up a bar on lonely Saturday nights.

He'd just decided to go and search through the bedroom closet for his paints when his phone buzzed loudly, causing him to startle. A quick glance showed the screen lighting up with Katniss' name.

He felt his heart rate accelerate as he snatched it up. Katniss usually texted, and never this late, so this must be something to do with the kids.

"Katniss? What's wrong? Is everything okay?" he cut in abruptly before giving her a chance to speak.

"Peeta, calm down, there's no cause for alarm," she answered, clearly a little surprised at his outburst. "Everything is fine."

"Then why are you calling me?" he barked, his nerves getting the better of him. "It's almost 9 o'clock. You never call me this late."

He was met by a stunned silence on the other end of the line and Peeta silently cursed himself. He'd spoken too sharply and now he had probably irritated her.

"I'm sorry if I disturbed you. If you let me get a word in, I'll tell you why I called."

Peeta groaned inwardly at the distance that had crept into Katniss tone. It was the same tone she used when they'd fight, and it meant her guard was up, humming between them like an electric fence that could kill him if he touched it. He hated that tone; it made him feel small. Sometimes it reminded him of the frosty way his mother would speak to him when he fucked up an order or burnt a batch of bread.

Running his hand through his hair, he took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. "I'm sorry, Katniss, I didn't mean to snap at you. You're not disturbing me. It's just you don't usually call this late and I panicked a little."

"There's nothing wrong," Katniss assured him, her tone immediately softening into something more like _her_. "I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to scare you. I probably should have texted you instead."

"Why did you call?"

"Skye forgot her blanket. It's not in her backpack with the rest of her things and you know how she can't settle down to sleep without it. So I was wondering if now is…is—" she stuttered to a stop mid-sentence, and Peeta sensed her sudden hesitancy.

"If now is what?" he prompted her. He could hear her taking a deep breath before she answered.

"If now would be a good time for me to come pick it up?" Her voice shook slightly.

Peeta closed his eyes, wincing as he remembered exactly how viciously he had once thrown those exact words at her. In that moment he knew she was thinking of it too.

"Sure. It's a good time," he answered quietly, rubbing circles round his temple with the fingers of his free hand. He glanced out the window at the light snow that was beginning to fall. "Though I think it might be better if I bring it to you instead. It's freezing outside and it's snowing again."

"Oh, no! Uh, I mean, no that's not necessary, Peeta. I don't want to put you out..."

Peeta furrowed his brows at the weird, panicked edge that had entered her tone. Why didn't she want him to come over? It made much more sense for him to go to her, rather than her taking two kids out after dark in this weather.

"It's not putting me out. I was on my way out anyway." He hoped the little white lie would put an end to Katniss' protests. He may not be married to her any longer, but he still wasn't comfortable with the idea of her out driving this late, with the kids, in these conditions. The thought of any of them getting into an accident sent shivers down his spine.

"No, really, Peeta, it's fine, I can be there in—"

"Katniss, honestly it's not a problem," Peeta interrupted her, rolling his eyes a little. She was as stubborn as ever. "It's dark out and my car is safer to drive in this weather. I'll be there as quickly as I can."

"But, Prim can—"

Before she could object further, he pressed the 'end call' button and took the stairs two at a time, glad to finally have something to do. He checked Skye's room and sure enough, there, hidden under her pillow, was the forgotten blanket. He rubbed the soft material between his hands, puzzled by how Skye had forgotten it. She always kept it close and he distinctly remembered reminding her to put it in her backpack before he dropped the kids off with Katniss that morning.

Hurrying to his own room, he threw on a clean pair of jeans, his boots, and the soft red sweater Katniss had given him from the kids for Christmas. Grabbing his phone and wallet, he locked up the house, and fifteen minutes later he was parked outside her small house on Victor's Lane. The lights in the windows made it look warm and inviting, and suddenly he hoped she'd in ask him to warm up and maybe stay to help her settle the kids down for the night.

As soon as he reached the porch, he could heard the sound of laughter coming from inside. A laugh that was too deep to belong to Katniss. _A masculine laugh_. He froze immediately, his hand poised ready to knock on the door.

Oh God, he was a fool. What if _she_ was the one who had company tonight? Maybe that was why she tried so hard put him off coming over? Then he remembered. The Hawthornes were in town.

He swallowed thickly. If Gale and his whole family were inside, there was nothing he could do about it now. Peeta was standing at her door and he was sure they would have heard his car pulling up. He'd put himself in this position and he'd have to face whoever was behind the door.

He raised his hand again and knocked sharply. It felt like he was waiting forever, but it was really less than 10 seconds later when the door swung open to reveal a familiar petite blonde.

"Prim!" he greeted her with a loud exhale and a cautious smile, as a feeling of immense relief flooded through him. If Prim was here, then the male voice he'd heard must belong to Rory.

"Hi, Peeta." Prim smiled back and rose up on her toes to give him a quick peck on the cheek. "It's been a while." Peeta's smile widened at the warmth of her greeting. He hoped this meant Prim wasn't as angry with him anymore. She'd been like a baby sister to him and he'd hated that she had been so upset by the divorce. She'd been quite vocal with Rye about what an ass she'd thought Peeta was, but she did text him to thank him for the cookies he'd sent her for Christmas.

"Do you want to come in for a minute? It's cold out here. Everyone is in the living room." Prim stood back and opened the door wider, inviting him inside.

 _Everyone?_ Peeta wondered. _Who was 'everyone'?_

"I don't want to interrupt if you're having dinner or something, I was just dropping off Skye's blanket. Katniss called to say she'd left it behind."

"Don't worry, you're not interrupting anything," Prim smiled. Peeta decided it would be rude not to at least go in for five minutes, so he stepped over the threshold and followed the petite blonde down the hallway and into the cosy space at the rear of the house.

He paused in the open doorway, his eyes widening a little when he saw who was inside. All eyes turned to him and there was a moment of awkward silence as the conversation lulled at his entrance.

Sitting on the comfy sofas were Rory, Finnick, Annie, and Katniss. Playing on the floor, rolling a ball back and forth, were Aran and Nick, Finnick and Annie's son. But the sight that knocked him sideways was in front of the TV screen. Sitting in the big recliner, Skye on his lap watching what was obviously a Disney movie, was Gale Hawthorne, with just the slightest hint of self-satisfaction in his eyes. The sight of his daughter cuddling up on Gale's lap like that felt like a punch straight to Peeta's stomach.

Peeta knew Gale was watching for his reaction carefully, so he turned away before he said or did something he knew he'd regret later. It was only then he noticed the contents of the small table in front of the sofa: a couple of open pizza boxes, craft beers, and a large bowl of freshly popped popcorn. It felt like he'd been hit again. _Just a typical Saturday night._

"Hey Peet!" Finnick greeted him, his green eyes a little anxious. Annie smiled warmly, jumping up to give him a hug. Rory got up and shook his hand. "Peeta," he smiled, showing none of the barely concealed smugness of his older brother.

Gale simply nodded an acknowledgement of Peeta's presence that, to the rest of the room probably looked friendly enough, though Finnick's eyes flitted backwards and forwards between them, no doubt sensing something was off.

"Daddy!" Skye squealed happily, scrambling off Gale's lap and running over to wrap herself around her father's legs. "You brought my blanket! I knew you would come!"

"Of course I did," he said, finding his voice and bending down to plant a quick kiss on the top of his daughter's head with a forced smile on his lips. Katniss stood up from her seat, coming over to take the blanket from his hands.

"Thank you for bringing this over, Peeta. You didn't have to drive all the way over here, I would have come and picked it up." Her eyes were soft and her tone was genuinely grateful. Peeta felt himself thawing at the gentle way she was looking at him. "I tried to tell you that Prim was here and I could have come by without taking the kids out, but you hung up so fast—"

"It's fine, it was no trouble. I knew my special girl would need her blanket for bedtime," Peeta waved it off, hoping he sounded more nonchalant then he felt. Being in the same room as Gale Hawthorne made him feel like all the air had been squeezed from his lungs and he couldn't breathe.

"Well, thank you anyway." Katniss smiled.

"Daddy!" Skye tugged on his hand impatiently. "Will you stay and watch the rest of the movie with us? It's 'Brave.' Uncle Gale says Mama is even better than Merida with her bow! Will you stay? Pleeeaaassseee?" Skye pleaded, gazing up at him with her big blue eyes, so like his own.

Startled, Peeta's eyes flitted to Katniss but before he could think of a word to say, Katniss spoke. "Skye, you know your Daddy can't stay. He has plans tonight and we didn't mean to interrupt them."

Peeta stiffened, and he felt all the eyes in the room resting on him and Katniss. Given the company present, he'd no intention of staying a second longer than he had to, but it kind of hurt that Katniss was making it obvious that she thought he should leave as soon as possible too.

"Your Mama is right, sweetie, I do have to go." He spoke directly to Skye, not noticing Katniss' slight frown as he gently loosened Skye's arms from around his neck and put her down, brushing a final kiss to her cheek.

"But where are you going, Daddy? You never go out at night," Skye wailed, and it broke Peeta's heart.

He kneeled down to her level and looked into her eyes, hating the confusion on his daughter's face. "I'm going into town to see a friend. We'll watch 'Brave' together another night, okay? I promise." Skye nodded her head slowly, an angry scowl on her face so like her mother's it made Peeta smile half-heartedly. "Good girl. Be good for your mama. Now, I'm going to go and leave you all to enjoy the rest of your evening too. Goodnight everyone."

In his peripheral vision he saw Finnick trying to catch his eye. Peeta knew Finnick knew Peeta was lying about having plans. He glanced over but looked away immediately when he saw the compassion and concern in his friend's eyes. Peeta's jaw clenched. He didn't want pity from anyone, not even Finnick. _His best friend who neglected to mention that his dinner plans for the evening were with Katniss._

Without further delay, Peeta turned on his heel, striding swiftly towards the front door without waiting for Katniss to walk him out like she usually would. He let himself out and closed the door softly behind him without looking back. He had to get out of there before he lost it completely.

Keeping his back straight, he made his way down the slippery path to his car, struggling to hold back the combination of humiliation and anger-fuelled tears that were stinging the back of his eyes. In his whole life he had never felt so out of place as he had in the last five minutes, and he couldn't even blame Katniss for it. He'd ambushed himself. He'd lowered his guard and let her creep back in. And this was what he got for it. Fumbling with his keys, he unlocked his car and climbed in.

 _"Peeta!"_ He heard the front door open and his name being called. Finnick. _"Peeta, wait up!"_

Peeta ignored him, pretending not to hear, throwing the car in gear and pulling away from the curb a little faster than he probably should have given the worsening conditions.

 _Keep it together until you get home, Peeta,_ he repeated to himself. _Keep it together_.

It was so unfair. He clenched the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles turning white as all the hurt he'd thought was beginning to fade came rushing back. Katniss was making progress, patching her life back together, having her family and their mutual friends over for pizza and beer while he was stuck, not knowing how to move forward. On some level, he knew his resentment was unfair, that Katniss spent as many nights alone and missing the kids as he did. But right now that didn't make him feel any better.

_Nobody really needs me._

If he'd needed any reminders before, he'd gotten it tonight. Disney movies with the kids had been _their_ thing, but this evening he'd seen how easily she could recreate their life—without him.

He laughed bitterly. She had once accused him of acting like she was easily replaceable when it was so clear to him now that he'd been the replaceable one all along.

 _Nobody needs me_.

And of course, Gale was right there, positioning himself front and centre, ready and waiting to slide into Peeta's vacant place whenever Katniss was ready, looking far too comfortable with Peeta's daughter sitting on his knee.

 _That's it._ Peeta slammed his fist against the steering wheel, angrily shaking his head. He jerked the truck to a stop at the side of the road.

_This has to stop. No more wallowing in self-pity. No more. You can't keep torturing yourself this way. You have to find a way to let her go. You have to move on._

He didn't want to go home. He couldn't face going back to that empty house with all the memories it held. Flipping his turn signal he U-turned and head back towards town. A visit to Delly's Bar was beginning to sound like just what he needed after all.

* * *

"Katniss? Are you okay?"

Katniss startled at the sound of her friend's voice. She been so lost in thought she hadn't heard Annie's soft tread enter the kitchen where she'd escaped to gather her wits after Peeta's abrupt departure. Straightening her back quickly, she grabbed a knife and began cutting into the large apple pie she'd bought for dessert. "I'm fine," she replied, flashing a tight smile in her friend's direction, hoping she sounded more convincing than she felt. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Oh, I don't know…maybe because that whole thing with Peeta earlier was super uncomfortable?" Annie stopped and rested a hip against the countertop, her arms folded across her chest and her face set in the kind of knowing look that Katniss knew it was pointless to even try and lie to her friend. Annie knew her too well.

"I'm sorry," Katniss sighed and put the knife back down, letting her shoulders sag. "I didn't mean to make anyone feel uncomfortable."

"It's okay. I'm just worried about how you're holding up. You look upset."

Katniss shrugged one shoulder. "A little, maybe. I mean, I don't really know what happened. It's not like Skye to behave like that either. She never usually makes a big deal of stuff. I never anticipated that."

"Maybe she is a little confused?" Annie offered. "You've spent some time together with Peeta recently, yeah?"

"Yeah, we have." Katniss confirmed. "But I thought that would be a positive thing. Do you really think that could be the reason?"

"It could be." Annie said. "Maybe she is acting out a little? Just keep an eye on her. Be ready if she has any questions. She has been through a lot too."

Katniss nodded. "You're right, she has. I'll talk to her some more, tomorrow."

"So how have things been between you and Peeta?"

Katniss sighed out loud but it was a defeated sound. "I thought we were doing better, you know? We had a really nice day at Christmas. But tonight was like we've taken two steps back. Peeta couldn't get away fast enough. He didn't even stop to say goodnight to Aran." Katniss bit her bottom lip to stop it trembling and looked down at her hands, avoiding Annie's eyes in the hope that her friend wouldn't see how much that hurt. "I suppose it's a process. We still have a lot to figure out about how to be around each other. It's confusing." She picked up the knife again, digging it into the pie with force. Peeta must have been really anxious to leave if he left without saying goodnight to his son. _Or whoever he has plans to meet in town must be pretty special_ , she thought bitterly, a sudden wave of nausea twisting in her gut.

"Katniss," Annie reached out and stilled her hand, gently taking the knife from her and setting it down. "Leave that for a minute. Come, sit and talk to me." She wrapped her fingers around Katniss' wrist, pulling her towards the kitchen table.

"But everyone's waiting for dessert—"

"—and they can wait a couple more minutes." Annie argued gently. "I've barely seen you for months and you've been through this huge ordeal, and when I do get to see you, you don't talk about it." A shadow of doubt suddenly clouded Annie's delicate features. "Katniss, I need you to know something. Peeta and Finn are friends and I adore Peeta, but _you_ are my friend too. You do know you can trust me with anything, right?"

Katniss looked up quickly, surprised by the quiver of insecurity in Annie's voice. Looking into her friend's troubled eyes, she felt ashamed that she'd avoided spending time with Annie for so long. "Of course I trust you, Annie, and I'm sorry if I've been distant. It's just…hard, you know? I know I close myself off and I'm still trying to figure out a lot of stuff myself. I don't want to burden anyone with my problems."

"Oh, Katniss." Annie shook her head sadly. "When are you going to realize that you're not a burden to anyone? I know you have your sister, but I want to be here for you too, if you let me. You don't have go through any of this on your own. Maybe I could help you figure out some of the stuff you're going through."

"Do you think so?"

"I do," Annie smiled, a little more confident. "After all, I've known you longer than Peeta, haven't I?"

Katniss nodded slowly.

"Does Peeta ever talk to Finn about… _us_?" Katniss asked hesitantly.

Annie nodded. "Yeah, I think he does sometimes, but Finn doesn't share and I don't ask. It wouldn't be fair."

For a moment Katniss felt relief knowing that Peeta had Finn to talk to. She knew he was hurting too. She'd seen it in his eyes at Christmas and again tonight. At least he wasn't going through this alone. But any relief she felt soon faded and was replaced by guilt when she remembered again how many of the people she loved had been hurt as a result of her actions. Her family. Peeta's family. Even Finnick and Annie had been caught in the crossfire of her and Peeta's divorce, stuck in the middle between their friends and trying not to take sides. She blamed herself.

"I guess things have been kind of weird for you and Finn too, since Peeta and I broke up, huh?" she mumbled.

Annie smiled but didn't try to deny it. "It's been a little weird. We've all been friends for so long. I miss us all hanging out and doing things together. Finn makes an effort to keep in touch with Peeta as much as he can, but sometimes when he invites him over, he knows Peeta makes excuses to say no just so he won't feel like a third wheel between Finn and me."

Katniss nodded. "I can understand that. I feel the same way around Prim and Rory sometimes. Prim is great. She tries to include me in their plans, but there are times I can tell Rory just wants her to himself. He never complains, but it still makes me feel like I'm imposing on them in a way I never did when Peeta and I were still together. It's odd going from being part of a couple to being single again."

"Do you know what I miss the most?" Annie's lips turned up in a rare smirk, and she leaned back in her chair, rubbing her stomach. "I miss that tart Peeta used to make especially for me when you'd come for dinner. The one with the apples and the goats' cheese. Damn him for divorcing you."

Katniss let out an involuntary laugh, unable to stop herself. She shook her head in mock annoyance at her friend, knowing that making her laugh had been Annie's intention. Annie was always trying to make people feel better.

"What?" Annie grinned, a wicked glint in her eye. "You can't deny it. Peeta has a gift with food. Those tarts are my guilty pleasure, the same way cheese buns are yours."

Katniss smiled wryly. "I think e _veryone_ loves Peeta for his baking. He helped Lavinia out with refreshments for Skye's recital and you'd swear by the way some of the parents were falling all over him that they'd never seen baked goods before." She laughed lightly. "Then he baked Christmas cookies for Prim, and all is forgiven."

Her mind wandered to how relaxed and friendly Lavinia and Peeta were around each other that day, how relaxed and familiar they'd seemed in each other's company. _Was Lavinia the friend that Peeta had plans with tonight?_

"That doesn't surprise me." Annie was still laughing, unaware of the sudden change in direction of Katniss' thoughts. "You ain't seen nothin' yet. Wait until you see elementary-school moms in action. They can smell an unattached male in the school yard faster than a shark can smell blood in the water."

"Annie, do you think Peeta and Lavinia could be seeing each other?" Katniss blurted out abruptly, her voice shaking as she admitted her fear out loud for the first time.

"What did you just say?" Annie's eyes widened and she sat up straighter in her chair. "Are you serious? Peeta and Lavinia, _dating_? No, there's no way."

"Why not?" Katniss frowned. "Lavinia is nice. She's attractive and friendly, and as far as I know, she's single. What's to stop them?"

"Because Lavinia manages the day-care center your kids go to?" Annie was looking at her like it was obvious.

"And that's a problem because…?" Katniss trailed off, puzzled.

"Because it would be unprofessional if Lavinia dated one of the clients of her service. Even as the owner, it would be frowned upon. In most places, dating a parent would get you fired." Annie explained.

Katniss chewed anxiously on her thumbnail, unconvinced. "Do you really think so?" She hated the tiny spark of hope that Annie's words lit inside her. Maybe she was reading it wrong and there was nothing more than a good client / customer relationship going on between Peeta and the friendly redhead.

"I'd be really surprised if it were true. Okay, technically Lavinia doesn't work directly with your kids, but even so she would be walking a fine line professionally. She and Peeta may have become friends, but I doubt it goes beyond that. Lavinia is a very nice woman — I wouldn't have recommended her to Peeta if she wasn't — and she takes her business seriously."

"Maybe they're just sleeping together, then." _If it wasn't Lavinia, then who did Peeta use the condoms with? Some random hook-up?_ Katniss grimaced. She didn't know which was worse.

"Katniss, you don't know that he's slept with anyone!" Annie leaned forward. "From what little Finn has said, Peeta works and looks after the kids, the same as you do. If he has slept with someone, he hasn't said anything to Finn about it."

"But how can you be so sure? You said Finn doesn't tell you."

"He doesn't tell me everything, but I think he'd tell me that. Katniss, how long has this all been going through your mind?" Annie asked.

"Since I found an open box of condoms in his bedroom."

Annie contemplated that for a moment, compassion filling her green eyes. "You're still completely in love with him," she stated softly.

Katniss snorted. "Of course I'm still completely in love with him. Was that ever in doubt?"

"Katniss, you did run away for two months. It wasn't an unreasonable leap to make that there must have been problems in your marriage. Even for Peeta."

Katniss winced. Annie's words cut deep, even if they had been delivered kindly.

"I realize that now and I swear to you, Annie, my feelings for Peeta were never an issue. God help me, I love him as much now as I ever did. If I could stop loving him, maybe I could get over him. What I need to figure out now is how _do_ I stop? How can I make these feelings go away?" She dropped her head into her hands, biting back a sob. "I just want it all to stop."

"Oh, Katniss." Annie leaned in, releasing a deep sigh as she pulled Katniss towards her, placing her arms around her shoulders. "What are we going to do with you?"

"Last week I had to go and spend Christmas with him in the home we used to share and pretend everything was okay in front of the kids, when all I wanted to do was take back every stupid thing I've ever done and make him want me again," Katniss snuffled, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand.

"Maybe you should try telling Peeta that."

"What?" Katniss looked up.

"Tell him that you want him back." Annie fixed her with a solemn gaze. "I'm serious, Katniss. What have you got to lose?"

Katniss scoffed and shook her head. "Just like that? It's not that simple, Annie."

"It could be," Annie shrugged. "If you still love each other."

"No, there's no point, Annie. He'll never forgive me for leaving the way I did, and I don't blame him. After his mother, I of all people, should have known what it would do to him. I need to let him go so he can find someone else. I've been trying, but I just don't know how I'm supposed to do it."

"Maybe you're not supposed to."

"Annie—"

"No, Katniss, listen to me. I don't know if you telling him how you feel will make any difference, but you've got a long life ahead of you left to live, and if you're still in love with him, then you have to at least try."

"Suppose I did tell him and he rejects me again? Like he did when I came back? What then Annie? I'm just barely keeping myself together as it is. I couldn't take that again. I'd end up like my mother for sure."

"You're not going to end up like your mother." Now it was Annie's turn to scoff. "You're just scared. If that did happen, then all you could do is take each day as it comes, but at least you will know you tried. I know _'time heals all wounds'_ is an old cliché, but it's true. One day you will wake up and it won't hurt as much."

Katniss laughed but it was a sad little sound. "Is that a promise?" she asked, wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

"Yes, it is. I promise, one day you will wake up and it won't hurt as much, and until then you might get some closure from knowing you did all you could. If you had that, then someday you might meet someone else."

"Oh _hell_ , no!" Katniss barked. "There is no way I am _ever_ going to walk down this path again. I was 12 years old when I figured out how destructive loving someone so much can be. I watched it destroy my mother and right now, I'm trying as hard as I can not to let it destroy me too. I'm never going to fall in love again."

"Katniss, don't say that. You have to look at the good things about love, too. You had twelve great years and have two wonderful children with Peeta. The worst tragedy that could come from all you've been through would be for you to shut yourself off like that. Don't become bitter. Please don't do that to yourself. You're still a young woman."

"No, Annie. I mean it." Katniss shook her head vehemently. "From now on, it's going to be me and my kids. Men can just stay the hell away from me!"

"Um, I'm sorry to interrupt, ladies..." a male voice came from behind them as the door swung open.

Both women jumped and their heads swivelled towards the voice. Gale stood in the doorway. He looked more than a little red-faced, one hand raised to scratch the crown of his head.

 _Oh no._ Katniss felt her face begin to flush with heat. _Had he overheard what they were just talking about?_

"Can I just grab some more drinks from the fridge? I'll be out of your hair in two shakes..."

"It's okay, you're not interrupting anything," Katniss said quickly, forcing a smile. "In fact, we were just coming to join you all anyway. The dishes are finished and the pie is ready. Can you can grab some drinks for us as well?"

"Sure," Gale pulled open the fridge and grabbed a six-pack. "Is beer okay?" he asked.

"Fine." Katniss smiled weakly, getting up to go grab plates and forks and preparing to follow Gale into the living room.

"Katniss..." Annie called out, stopping her in her tracks. "I know you've said you have no interest in trying to move on, but what about Gale?" she asked quietly, her steadfast gaze locked on Katniss.

"Gale?" Katniss' eyebrows shot up. "What about him? Gale is family."

"Katniss, stop being naive. You've got to see that he's interested in something more _."_

Katniss let out a frustrated groan. "Oh no, Annie, not you too!"

"What does that mean, _not me too_?" Annie cocked her head curiously.

"Peeta always thought there was _something more_ between me and Gale. He has never trusted him. It was a real cause of tension between us sometimes, because he insisted there was more between us then there is. Every time I came back from visiting Seam, he'd be moody and quiet for a few days. But I shouldn't have to give my friend up, Annie. I've known Gale since I was a kid and he is like a brother to me, and that's all he's ever been, or ever will be."

"Did you tell Peeta that?"

"Every single time it came up. But no matter how many times I reassured him, he could never let his distrust go completely."

"Did you ever tell _Gale_?"

"Why would I say anything to Gale?" Katniss spluttered. "He's never given me any indication that he liked me that way. He dates lots of women. He just hasn't found _'the one'_ yet."

"Has he ever introduced you to any of the women he dates?"

"No, but—"

"Katniss, honey, I love you. But you can be a little blind to other peoples' feelings sometimes. You're fooling yourself if you think that guy in there looks at you the same way he looks at Prim. He looks at you possessively."

"That's because we've been best friends forever. Gale is mine, I am his, that's how it's always been between us. Nothing more!" Katniss was getting defensive. "Why do I have to keep defending my friendship with Gale?"

"Okay." Annie raised her hands, in submission. "I get that you're close to him, I can understand that. I'm just telling you what I see, and whether you welcome his feelings or not, Gale _likes_ you, and not as his best friend, or his sister. You're going to have to deal with that sooner or later."

"I can't," Katniss refused, shaking her head.

"Why can't you?"

"Because what happens if you're right, Annie?" Katniss' terrified eyes pleaded with Annie. "I can't deal with it if Gale does feel that way about me."

_Because it will mean Peeta was right all along, while I stupidly defended Gale. I argued with Peeta and told him he was wrong for doubting me and questioning our friendship._

"You'll just have to be honest with him and tell him you don't reciprocate. If Gale is an adult, he'll still be your friend."

"I wish I could be so sure about that. I don't want to lose Gale too." Katniss stood up, swallowing tightly as she gathered plates and forks and moved towards the door. "I can't lose them both."

"Katniss." Annie blocked her path, gently placing her hands on her friend's shoulders as she fixed her with a stare. "I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to look me straight in the eyes and give me an honest answer. No avoidance."

"Okay." Katniss sucked in a deep breath.

"If you had to choose right now between having Peeta back in your life and losing Gale forever, what would it be?"

"There is only one answer to that, Annie. While it would hurt to lose Gale from my life, there is no competition." Katniss answered. "I would choose Peeta. I will _always_ choose Peeta."

* * *

**So there we have it. Not quite a HEA yet, but I hope you see some hope. But remember, with all things, its usually two steps forward, one step back.**

**I am taking part in Camp Nanowrimo for July to progress my other long neglected WIP, Waiting for Midnight.**

**And finally, Happy Birthday Dad.**

**Author's Note:**

> Okay! So this is my very first attempt at writing anything of my own, so please be nice! All comments and (constructive) criticisms are welcome. (The first six chapters of this story have been uploaded on FFnet and I will be posting the rest here shortly). 
> 
> Thanks to my wonderful friend KnottedEnergy, for all her patience and encouragement in convincing me to even attempt to write something in the first place. It never would have happened without her. Also thanks to my wonderful friend and beta Kismet4891, for all her encouragement and guidance.
> 
> Oh, and if anyone is curious, I chose Peeta and Katniss son's name based on the Irish language word for bread - Arán :)


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